tea

maybe it has, but when you build a house you don't stop at the foundation and say but it doesn't fall apart so it's good. you ask how to build a roof to keep it from growing rot.

⚠️ black brothers again. angst. abuse. ⚠️

Sirius had a small fear. Well actually, he had lots of fears over time. When he was 7 he was afraid of spiders. They had way too many legs and his nanny had told him about this huge spider that might have killed a girl at school. He kept this fear for a year until Regulus found one under the sink and begged Sirius to just take it outside. When he was 10 his mother and father sat down and repeated every page of the fantastic beasts over and over. At 10 years old Sirius was afraid of werewolves, unicorns, centaurs, even pixies. When Remus Lupin cried in Sirius' arms about being a monster, Sirius decided werewolves weren't that scary.

"Pads?" Remus was looking at Sirius with a small smile. Sirius looked away from the bookshelf he was building to see Remus crouch down with a cup of hot cocoa. "There's this girl at the high school. Her name is Nymphadora and she's got herself into some trouble that I think we can help."

Sirius chuckled, "What sort of name is Nymphadora?"

"The same sort as Sirius Lupin?"

"Ouch point taken." Sirius pointed towards a screw driver sitting by Remus's foot. "So this girl?"

"She's pregnant." Remus paused looking towards Sirius. "She doesn't want the boy to end up in foster care, but she's too young to take care of him."

"That's awful, her parents won't help her?"

"She doesn't have any Padfoot. They were murdered when she was a kid." Remus inhaled and bit the inside of his cheek. "How do you feel about being a dad?" He breathed out.

Sirius dropped the screwdriver, the screw still sticking out of the wood of the shelf. "What?"

"We could.... adopt the boy? Dora can come round see her kiddo, he'd be loved Pads."

"I just- I don't think- I can't Moony. I can't. I can't. I can't. I have to- I'll be back." Sirius was trying to catch his breath, to explain to Remus that he wasn't leaving for good.

"Sirius? Love, are you okay. It's okay we can wait. We can talk it out?" Remus reached towards Sirius who was standing up and heading towards the door.

"Yes- Talk. Just not now. I'll be back-I'll be back. " Sirius ran out the door leaving Remus sat near an unfinished bookshelf tugging at his curls.

++++++++

Sirius was still afraid of many things. He was afraid of cows, afraid of tight closed spaces, afraid of dragonflies. Fears come and go for Sirius all the time but being a father? Sirius has done that before. His kid ended up hating him, fell in line into a cult despite his many attempts to stop and was now missing.

Sirius approached a small brass cross. It was embellished with snakes and planted into the tree him and Regulus used to hide at.

"Hello Reg. I know i've not been here, well neither are you." Sirius laughed to himself. "Remus he asked me a question today. Asked if I wanted to be a dad. I ran. It's what I'm good at, you'd tell me that." Sirius wiped a tear from his cheek.

"Being a dad though? Not so good at that. I know logically that i was a kid too but i couldn't protect you, how am i supposed to protect him?" Sirius continued to chat to Regulus through all his fears. It had begun to get dark and Sirius had fallen asleep against the trunk of the tree.

+++++++

"Sirius?" Remus had shaken Sirius and he had begun to blink awake. Remus spent 3 hours trying to figure out where Sirius could have gone; he checked the park Padfoot liked to run in, the coffee shop Sirius ran too after he ran away and lastly, the small grave Sirius had planted for his little brother.

"Moony?" Remus sat down next to Sirius and leaned into his side.

"Good morning Pads. I think it's time we had that talk huh?"

"I'm sorry for running Remus." Sirius tilted his head on top of Remus'. "Having a kid outside of Reggie. I mean I know he's not my kid-"

"Sirius listen to me. Regulus will always be your kid. You raised him, you gave him food, you showed him laughter. You protected him from really evil people. This- His death? It isn't on you. You tried Sirius, you went back 3 times. Walburga cursed you every single time." Sirius shook his head.

"We haven't even found him! He's missing and he's dead. I can't do that to another kid." Sirius cried into Remus. "I'm scared I will miss that boy up too."

"You didn't mess up Regulus. Did you hit him?" Sirius shook his head. "Did you tell him you would only love him if he joined the Death Eaters?"

"I would never."

"Did you starve him when he cried?" Sirius shook his head again. "Okay good, so what did you do to him exactly Sirius?"

"I left him there. I knew what they would do."

"What would they have done if you stayed?" Remus let the answer wash over him. The potential death of Sirius Black sitting in the area around them.

"Can we name him?" Sirius asks eventually. "Regulus liked the name Edward, he always named the teddy bears I got him Edward." Remus laughed dipping his head down.

"He names his teddys... Teddy?"

"No Edward I just said!"

"Pads love, Edward is the long form of Teddy."

⚠️THIS IS BLACK BROTHER ANGST! WHILE NOT EXPLAINED, THERES MENTION OF BOTH ABUSE AND HOMOPHOBIA! ⚠️

Unlike James, Regulus made himself small. His arms always at his side or interlinked behind his back. He rarely spoke out and when he did it was short and most often cruel. Regulus did not believe he had a bubble but he always felt outside of someone else's.