Stay with me

It has been 12 years today since you’ve been gone Grandma, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about having a chat with you one more time. I was just 16 when you passed. Not a kid anymore, but I still hope to see you. There’s so much I wanna tell you, so much I’d want you to see. See how my life turned out, see everything I achieved. I’d love for you to see all the places I’ve been visiting, I’d love for you to meet my partner. You’d love him. In a way I do like to think you brought him to my life just a couple of months before you left to help. He helped with the grief that came after losing you.

These days are easier, it doesn’t hurt as much as it did at first. Don’t get me wrong, grief never goes away, and missing you never stops. But it definitely gets easier. I’ve hit rock bottom so many times, but I’ve also picked myself up everytime. And I wish you could see just what I’ve been capable of.

You were the only one that treated me as the child I was, someone who needed the love, nurturing and parenting. The gentleness and the tough love sometimes. Since you been gone I don’t think I ever felt the same way. Don’t get me wrong, I felt love from my partner, from my friends and close ones, but from you it was mothering love. Something I needed all my life, and something that’s been gone since the day you passed.