i wanna be skinny

"fuck my eating disorder" i say, as i binge on everything in the kitchen as if that isn’t. a part of. my disorder

a never ending binge restriction circle i’m to dumb to purge

the thing that’s keeps me alive is that i have to be skinny before

right

i binged so much this week and feel so guilty and disgusting

I think it's about time I disappear. I'm tired of living in the shadow of everyone else and not having someone to care for me. I just don't deserve to be here anymore.

i wanna commit suicide but i wanna be skinny first.

let’s see if high restriction can kick me out of this fucking binge cycle. if i fail then it’s just me and my pathetic excuses. i need to be more determined and lose this fucking weight once and for all. in 3 months it will be the anniversary of when i unfortunately decided to recover and ruined my metabolism, so i have to fix this now. i don’t want to get to that month weighing the same.

i hope

One side of my brain wanna binge, the other side tells me not to. Love this life

All i want