1. Go to daily mass together and after a week of polite conversation about that pre-med life and how awesome the Jesuits are on campus, invite her to lunch and have a three hour discussion about the role of women in the Church.

I'm finally back on campus for Sunday Mass after way too many weekends home in the 414. I go to mass with my boyfriend's family back home, but the Jesuits' homilies here always seem to hit the mark exactly. I guess I'm a bit spoiled here with the constant variety of mass presiders here, all incredibly well educated, all Jesuit, all quite forward thinking. Or, it may just be that back home, I'm too worried about my boyfriend's mother standing next to me to focus on the liturgy.

A liturgical year ago, my best friend took me to mass for the first time after I broke down, telling him I couldn't live without God anymore, but I didn't know where to go. I had no sense of purpose, love, or peace. All I had was inner turmoil as I struggled to answer the question "Where is God?" So he took me to mass. I had no clue what was going on, but all I felt was peace. "My peace I leave you, My peace I give you." I knew I was home. This Easter, I will be welcomed into the Catholic Church. I still have a lot of questions, Protestant upbringing misunderstandings, and the anger at the human foibles that come from a human church. I have read and argued my way through all sorts of theological questions, lost many of said arguments with many Jesuits, friends etc, but reasoned my way into acceptance. But most importantly, I have learned where and who Jesus Christ is through prayer. I've started to understand His Love, his plans for us, and how I can live with faithfully with love. I may never answer all my secondary Catholicism questions, but I know that in the Catholic Church, I can continue to learn and understand God's great love for us, and show his love to everyone in my life.

Not a proud moment today. I’m home for spring break, and I went to mass today and came back with the ashes on my forehead. My mother and I had a normal everyday conversation about “Oh you went to Mass. Lovely.” But the second I heard my dad come home, I rubbed the cross off my face. He still isn’t fully aware, and I’m partly to blame for this situation. It’s harder to talk to him, as a Protestant pastor’s son, or even show him than my militant atheist brother. With my brother, it’s an argument of the extremes, whether there is a god or not. With my Dad, it’s all in the theological details, real presence proofs, reasons for papal authority, mary, and disappointment. With my mother, it’s all about the (secondary) role of women in the church. And I can’t always articulate a compelling answer. I can try and flounder, sometimes with success. But I still avoid the subject whenever possible. Like today. With one of the most outwardly expressive signs of a Catholic, I took the easy way out, wiping off the biggest sign I have ever had to show where I am in my relationship with God. How a year has changed me from a lost agnostic with a strong evangelical christian childhood, to coming home to what I believe is the true Church. If I can easily give up this new identity and hide in plain sight, what am I doing this Easter anyway? Am I just making a public affirmation of faith that I will lose whenever I am just a little afraid?

My entire extended family is some form of conservative Protestant. There's a family reunion coming up. In most of their eyes, Catholics are just confused or going to hell. Expecting fireworks. Also taking baptist cousin to mass.

I sometimes don’t feel welcome at after mass fellowship, the Catholic student association, or pro life club. As a confused and occasional heretic, I am constantly afraid of people judging me for not understanding or believing everything in the catechism, especially after hearing the way they tear apart fellow Catholics and campus priests. People speak love, but also throw doctrine in my face, something that as a new believer is a bit hard to swallow. What kills me though, is when I hear people discussing how they only want to spend time with people who only help them grow in holiness while pushing away others who are deemed unworthy. This goes from the first week of school when a girl told me she wanted her closest friends catholic, to the extreme future seminarian shutting out anyone he hadn’t deemed perfect doctrine believing Catholics. There are apparently three. Where is Christ in that? My university is catholic in name only with a small group of active Catholics. It seems like it will continue to be so if the people who possess the zeal for the faith believe that they should only stay within the confines of their group to find examples of holiness, but pick apart the more broken members of the group.