Modern day studio

           Stood in firelight, sweltering. Bloodstain on chest like map of VIOLENT new continent. Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes them SCREAM like babies in night. Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever and we are alone. Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later. Born from oblivion; bear children, hell-bound as ourselves, go into oblivion. There is nothing else.

          Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that BUTCHERS them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It’s us. Only us. Streets stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my HEART, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world.

“Iz,“ Alec said tiredly. "It’s not like it’s one big bad thing. It’s a lot of little invisible things. When Magnus and I were traveling, and I’d call from the road, Dad never asked how he was. When I get up to talk in Clave meetings, no one listens, and I don’t know if that’s because I’m young or if it’s because of something else. I saw Mom talking to a friend about her grandchildren and the second I walked into the room they shut up. Irina Cartwright told me it was a pity no one would ever inherit my eyes now.” He shrugged and looked toward Magnus, who took a hand off the wheel for a moment to place it on Alec’s. “It’s not like a stab wound you can protect me from. It’s a million little paper cuts every day.” 

Still I pictured having you for fifty, sixty more years. I thought I might be ready then to let you go. But it’s you, and I realize now that I won’t be anymore ready to lose you then than I am right now. Which is not at all.