His musings were supposed to be for his ears only as he aimlessly wandered the lush plains, or if he chose to respond, his fickle mana who was of little help in situations such as these, so perhaps it best the beast left him to his own thoughts rather than find new ways to make him miserable. His mindย was doing a good enough job of its own with that, spirits having long since been brokenย by the weightย of a thousand shattered dreams that were unceremoniously dumped onto his back as if the burden of not being good enough was hisย alone to bare. Like they were to each heir of the Rozenkrantz name for the past century, his father before him became an alcoholic to cope with the crippling load, his brother [Roxisโ uncle] committed suicide after not gaining entry into the prestigious Al-Revis Academy having failed three times prior to his last attempt before he decided deathย was a better fate than to live with debilitating shame. Now it was his turn to play Russian Roulette with fate,pulling the trigger by each day he still breathedย air on this planet, waiting for when the bullet would finallyย be put through his head and lay him in a state in which he no longer had to hear about the disappointment he was.
Heโd only gained entry into the academy becauseย of all the hard work he was forced to do, all the effortย he was forcedย to put into his studiesย to be the perfect alchemist and restore honor to his family. The only reason he wasnโt deadย by his own hand yet was simply because of his determination to succeedย and prove himselfย in hopes it would satiate the gaping hole that nothing else could fill, however now the void was numb to the hunger, the bragging heโd done in letters home only resulted in questions of why he didnโt do better than that. It snuffed out any hopes he had of impressing his family, for if they always expected betterย than his bestย what was even the point of trying? His mother was a cold woman when she returned his letters, having only married in for the status and wealth, she cared very little about her offspring and chose instead to wasteย the money she had access to. Perhaps another reason his father was a drunk. Sheโd always tell him of what they expected rather than praiseย him for what he did rightย or how wellย heโd done on a test, it was a miracle she replied to him at allย but he figured she just got her jollies from passing along such harsh criticisms.ย
Needless to say he loathesย his entireย family.
The only solace he got was being pressured into Flayโs workshop, and all though he started out unhappy there [only there because he was a man of his word if nothing else] the group he was surrounded by began to grow on him, even Vayneย whom he was only nice to to keep his pact with the Mana of Light had become someone who heโd grow more fond of. If not for their accepting arms, perhaps he would never have lasted behind the closed doors of Al-RevisโฆSure they got off on a bad foot, but after all they went through togetherย to say that they were not more of a family to him than his blood would be a lieย heโd dare not speak, for within that ragtag group Roxis was the closest heโd gotten to being cared aboutย than he ever had been in his life. They did not judge him for his faults, nor hold him high on a pedestal then laugh when heโd fall off and not meet their expectations, for all they wanted of him was friendship ,and begrudgingly despite his own worries of being shoved away he gave in.
The stranger beside him had no idea the crosses Roxis bore on his back, nor did he have any idea of theirs, yet the words uttered so freely made him realize what he had and how little he spent cherishing it, at the same time they breathed of a truthย heโd never put time into realizing, that only he aloneย could continue to let the people who kicked him down have such power over him, once Roxis could let goย of their sharply worded criticismsย he could finally be free. However despite this revelationย he knows it will take time, perhaps the first step being he should speak his mindย to them should he decide to visit them at some distant point in time.
With the index finger of his left hand he pushes his glasses back atop the bridge of his nose from where they had slid, and with the faintest smileย tugging at his lips he turns to the man before him.
โI wasย going to tell you to kindly mind your own business, but instead I believe I owe you gratitude, for you have unintentionally spoken words Iโve long needed to hear.โ