so last night at 5 am in voice chat one of my friends made the mistake of posting this one picture of bald l eating a banana and i laughed hysterically at it for like 30 minutes. i almost vomited twice. i was drooling all over myself. i was legitimately in tears. i don’t think i’ve ever laughed this hard and this long at something in my life before.

so then after like 20 minutes of almost pissing myself in front of this i immediately went to mspaint and tried to redraw it to exorcise my demons, but my hand was shaking too fucking much and i was laughing too hard

and @many-bees was just like “post this on tumblr” and i was too fucking tired of laughing to object so i immediately obeyed kind of like a dog discovering its true purpose of following mankind’s steps, ever supporting and ever-redrawing bald ls

Yeah. I want my tax dollars to pay for the healthcare of the person who started smoking and kept smoking because they think it looks cool and doesn’t give a shit about all the warnings. I want my tax dollars to pay for the healthcare of the person who destroyed their liver because they just love drinking and didn’t stop even if they weren’t addicted. I want my tax dollars to pay for the healthcare of the person who never drinks water, only regular cola. I want my tax dollars to pay for the healthcare of the person who missed the trampoline when they jumped off the roof to impress their friends. I want my tax dollars to pay for the healthcare of every single person who had to have a surgeon remove something without a flared base from their assholes. I want my tax dollars to pay for all the kinds healthcare needed by all the kinds of people who decided to have sex without any kind of barrier. I want my tax dollars to help fix the teeth of meth users. I want my tax dollars to help everyone who’s been noncompliant with the doctor’s recommendations, everyone who’s been a hypochondriac in the ER, everyone who let things get bad before getting help.

he needs to be GAYER and he needs to be SMARTER

like, no more of this “he looks too girly so we need to give him a comically deep and aggressive voice” shit. let him have a normal voice, let him flirt with mob guys to make them uncomfortable, let him dramatically lounge over every piece of furniture. up the drama everywhere. bring back the crucifixes and skulls. you know! gay stuff!

also! include his full arc, gdi! including the first unsuccessful attack on the mob’s hideout, the manipulation of the president of the gd United States, and his direct rivalry with the SPK! all the adaptations I’ve seen have been super vague about what Mello’s goal is, and have made him sort of just an agent of chaos, and tbf, in the manga, Near and Light don’t foresee his endgame–but the reader is given several scenes of Mello trying to dig up information that make it clear that taking possession of the Death Note wasn’t his sole purpose. he continues to ask Soichiro about the task force and the notebook, and keeps track of SPK’s movements, and is very much still interested in the whole Kira investigation.

ffs, in How to Read Ohba even said that at one point they were like “oh shit! Mello is going to figure this out way too soon!” and had to throw in a plot twist to slow him down. and in fact, at one point Mello WAS going to be the “winner,” to contrast with Near being better in school and Mello in the world… except again, he started winning TOO FAST and that needed to be changed.

I think he’s often portrayed as 1) emotional to the detriment of his logical ability, 2) impulsive, and 3) less connected to L, which is not super fair because 1) he’s RIGHT BEHIND Near in most intellectual/deductive tests shown or described in the manga, 2) he gets there specifically because he’s shown to be a hard worker, and does in fact come up with some super elaborate plans (even Near admits that there is no way anyone could have stopped Mello from getting the notebook given the level of detail in the kidnapping plot), and 3) is shown to have a more emotional reaction to L’s death in the first place. it’s true he doesn’t seem to refer to himself as a successor to L once he leaves Wammy’s, but that makes sense given his new role–just because he’s not the same type of detective as L doesn’t make him any less invested in the Kira case.

and I realize most of this is probably not new to tumblr. and ftr I do love him and Near as two sides of the same coin, so this isn’t a Near-sucks-Mello-is-great thing.