Broken teeth, broken minds & broken ways

Ali: [not this girl adding this boy (on the socials he is barely on, I’m sure) because she’s hunted him down, despite the fact he has done nothing but give her evils/ignore her whenever she’s been around the site, ah to be a teenage girl with a crush]

Ali: Hey, have I done something to upset you?

Ali: Because I didn’t mean to, and I think I know how to make it up to you anyway

Johnny: If we got off on the wrong foot, you’d have the knowing why

Ali: Cool, I’m glad we didn’t then

Ali: Ro said it was cool, but I get that he probably didn’t ask everyone how they felt beforehand

Johnny: Who said wes didn’t?

Johnny: Ronan would tell you so, he’s grand

Ali: Oh, well, I wouldn’t ask if I knew the why

Ali: Not playing dumb, just clueless, like

Johnny: What you get off on is treading on toes, there’s your clue

Ali: I really don’t

Ali: I’m not trying to bother no one; I’ve just seen you fixing your [bike], and I thought we might have stuff in common

Johnny: Nothing you do is no accident, for all your acting the innocent when it’s just us here

Ali: How do you know I’m acting? 

Ali: Maybe I just am

Johnny: I see into you, girl

Ali: And that’s all you see?

Johnny: What else would I care to look for other than what you’ve notions of giving out and to who?

Ali: I like having the full picture, personally

Ali: but sure, it’s easier to see things that way

Johnny: My picture of you’s full enough

Ali: An inventive way to say you’re sick of the sight of me already, give you that

Johnny: Not me inventing ways to cross your path

Ali: True

Ali: Sorry, I wanted to get to know you better

Johnny: You’ve seen plenty while I’m busying myself fixing my bike, I hear

Ali: Okay, I didn’t have binoculars out, and I wasn’t up a tree looking in your window

Ali: as well as you do to ignore me, I’m less skilled, and a little more curious, obviously

Johnny: I’ve only your word on both, and it’s worth less than most to me, you being a gorja as well as a girl

Ali: I get the gorja one, but you don’t trust girls?

Johnny: Those coming through as tourists, I don’t

Ali: But I’m here as a friend, just not yours, sadly

Johnny: My cousin ain’t yours neither, whatever he’s fed you at school

Ali: Let me guess, girls and boys can’t be

Johnny: Ronan won’t be, friendly as I’m betting you are

Ali: He’s been my friend since [idk, but the point is a minute at school, obvs]

Ali: But I can’t seem that friendly, only in the insulting way you mean it, or you wouldn’t think I was here taking notes

Johnny: The boy’s become a man now, and you’re his toy before he’s to put down childish things

Ali: He’s still a baby, far as I’m concerned 

Ali: but I get what you’re saying and I’m not going to get him in trouble at his big boy job before he’s even started it, don’t worry

Johnny: Troublesome though you are, s’no worry to me

Ali: You’re not old enough to be his boss

Johnny: He’s my responsibility, on jobs and at home

Ali: I suppose there are a lot of them, you need to share out the workload of [however many kids are in that fam thus far]

Ali: I thought my family having 6 kids was crazy

Johnny: I’ve a duty to the lot, my elder sisters have their own work, husbands, and babies

Ali: Now you’re the oldest babysitter

Ali: I figured there was a reason you stuck around when it looked like you wanted to be anywhere else

Johnny: Family’s important, is the reason

Ali: Agreed

Ali: even if my brothers want less to do with me than you, at this point, still true

Johnny: My sisters are less needy than you, even the youngest

Ali: Oh!

Ali: How do you know I’m needy? This is the longest conversation we’ve had so far

Johnny: You’re still speaking

Ali: Sneaky, if I shut up, you win, and if I argue, then I’m proving your point

Johnny: This conversation shouldn’t have been longer than a text each way

Ali: True, we could psychoanalyse your replying 

Johnny: You could take a hint, except I don’t know that you’re able, never mind willing

Ali: I like direct

Johnny: You wouldn’t like Ronan, that was true

Ali: He has other qualities 

Johnny: Sure he does

Ali: Yous are allowed to slag each other; I won’t get involved

Ali: and he was mostly complimentary of you, even if he told me not to talk to you

Johnny: Yet we’re talking- a slagging by you in itself, no?

Ali: Nah, he knows I won’t be told what to do by anyone

Johnny: Be why he’s involved himself with you

Ali: Maybe

Ali: but all our hijinks are very childish, I can assure you 

Johnny: You can’t

Ali: We’re setting off fireworks, not robbing banks

Ali: even though the outfit is killer

Johnny: How you dress is far from childish, how you set him off, is it?

Ali: 👩‍🦳 more like

Ali: And I don’t set him off

Johnny: Long as you’ve a safer grasp of the fireworks behaviour than your own

Ali: You can give him the safety lecture; he needs a refresher, for sure

Ali: I know what I’m doing

Johnny: I’d be some eejit to trust your teachers with it, number of girls sitting exams with a baby inside ‘em

Ali: You and my mammy would get on great; that’s her pet project

Ali: All 4 of us get out in the world unencumbered, and she’s succeeded, like, fuck all the rest…

Johnny: I doubt that, respectful as mine has reared me to be, including to yous gorjas

Ali: She’s nothing like me

Ali: I think it would be a comfortable silence you could sit in

Johnny: I’ve no experience of sitting in houses

Ali: It’s not my favourite place to be either

Ali: I’d live outside, if I could

Johnny: It’s uncomfortable these ‘vans don’t move, to my mind, but I’m overruled

Ali: Will you get yourself a moving one?

Johnny: Maybe

Ali: One you could do up yourself, that would be cool

Johnny: When I’m not grafting every hour God sends

Ali: Are you saving for something special?

Johnny: Once I’ve sourced what parts I’m after, I keep hold of the rest

Johnny: anything tomorrow might bring isn’t for me to say, just be ready for

Ali: I wasn’t just looking at you, your bike is awesome

Ali: You could take that and go anywhere, before you get your ‘van and something as good to pull it

Johnny: I head where I’m of use

Ali: You’ve skills that can take you anywhere

Ali: much better than what school is giving me

Johnny: Nothing else matters ‘til I ain’t needed here

Ali: There will always be work for those wanting

Ali: Do you like it here?

Johnny: My wants don’t come into it

Ali: I won’t tell anyone your wants, I mean, listen

Ali: sounds filthy

Ali: I want to go to Uni in Singapore, I haven’t told my family that

Johnny: What’s Singapore offering you the teaching of Dublin isn’t?

Ali: I’ve not even looked if you can do it here, I mean, surely can 

Ali: but half the point of going is getting to fling yourself as far away as you want

Ali: I want to do engineering, aerospace probably but I’m not totally sold yet

Johnny: Half the point’s going to school 1st, you’re never in, what they say

Ali: Ah, look

Ali: I’ve years to get those grades back up, I’ll never be this young again

Johnny: Ah, how old are you again?

Ali: Older than Ro, I’ll be 13 in February 

Johnny: You look younger than my baby sister, she’s 10 in [whatever month]

Ali: That’s mean!

Johnny: If I added she’s small for her age

Ali: She’s adorable; it’s not working so much for me

Johnny: She was born early, s’why she’s the last, toll it took on both her and my mammy wasn’t easily forgotten

Ali: It’s scary

Ali: but incredible, I think any woman that does it is superhuman, like

Johnny: My 2nd sister is pregnant the now, you’ve probably seen her

Ali: Waddling would be rude to say

Ali: but yeah, I helped her bring in her shop the other day

Johnny: Did you?

Ali: I made [name some of Ronan’s lil sibs here] help; we was playing football at the time

Johnny: Right

Ali: Ronan was working out with his brother, I think

Ali: which is why he did not offer himself, not throwing him under the bus, like

Johnny: Sooner lift a [the weight in lbs or kg or whatever, being kinda shady cos it’s not that heavy haha] weight than a shopping bag

Ali: 😏 You said it, not me

Johnny: My sister never said her eggs was cracked, your little helpers must’ve taken their energy out on the football

Ali: It was fun being the boss for a change

Ali: not that being the youngest stops a girl from trying, sure you know

Johnny: Birth order don’t stop a girl from being bossy, true enough

Johnny: they’ve, all 4, it in them

Ali: You’re so outnumbered, bless you

Johnny: My cousins even the numbers some, whether wes can call them blessings or no

Ali: No chance to be lonely here

Ali: I think it’s a good way to live

Johnny: I didn’t ask for your outsider opinion on how I live my life

Ali: I wasn’t being specific, but alright

Johnny: Save your flattery for who invited it, like

Ali: Probably envy, if it’s anything

Ali: and he doesn’t get it

Johnny: You don’t need telling one of his qualities isn’t sharpest tool

Ali: He’s a good friend

Ali: he listens, even if he doesn’t understand what the fuck I’m going on about

Johnny: Haven’t you any pets?

Ali: I can’t help it that animals have lots of admirable qualities too, shh

Ali: [tell him about your cat, hey Bluebeard]

Johnny: [tell her how your dad doesn’t like cats because they can’t be controlled, walking red flag of a man, because I can’t find where I wrote that OG to steal my OG words]

Ali: Which is why I like ‘em so much, of course

Ali: but I’ll not hold that hot take against him

Johnny: He’s no errands for you to run, best you keep your distance

Ali: Unless he wants a morning paper?

Johnny: ‘Course you’d deliver papers alone in the dark

Ali: It’s summer; it’s not dark right now

Ali: which is a lot nicer than when it’s bucketing it down and pitch black

Johnny: It’s pitch black every autumn and winter morning, little girl

Ali: I wear all my reflective gear, promise

Ali: you never wear your helmet

Johnny: So’s the car hitting you has its good view speeding off

Ali: Jesus, boy

Ali: I’m not that unpopular people are aiming for us, I don’t think

Johnny: You’re not immortal, spite of your drinking and carry on with fireworks as if you’ll live forever

Ali: I know I’m not

Ali: you’re thinking more out here, my route is right in the suburbs, safe and boring

Johnny: You’re thinking gorja housewives drive safe, state of their dented garage doors tells a different story

Ali: My neighbour and nemesis, her mammy has no license at this point, not that that stops her

Ali: but any day now… maybe you did their driveway when they had it done?

Johnny: I don’t tarmac, that’s your prejudice speaking

Ali: My bad

Ali: How and why you’re getting a look at housewives' garage doors is none of my business 

Johnny: It’s an extended family business, different uncles and cousins

Ali: Gotcha, still, fair play to have my life for assuming

Johnny: I’d have a scrapyard, I had say, stereotypes be damned

Ali: You should, it’s such a good idea

Ali: not to mention endless projects, you’d never get bored

Johnny: Maybe the idea can be talked up to my daddy

Ali: I bet he’d be proud of you, having your own business, then you can bring family in like he did for you and Ro’s daddy did for him

Ali: maybe you’ll be able to source parts for me and my projects

Johnny: I’ve no eye for the parts spaceships’d have need of

Ali: Me either yet

Ali: I’ll let you know

Johnny: Write us a shopping list

Ali: With pictures

Johnny: Fair warning, at least, your handwriting’s that bad

Ali: No, I wanna show you my designs 

Johnny: Don’t trouble yourself

Ali: Why not?

Johnny: Like my cousin, I might not understand what you’re getting at, I’d left school by [whatever age, giving young af compared to everyone else, as we’ve said]

Ali: I think properly clever people can explain anything to anyone, and if I’m going all that way, they better make me that smart

Ali: and you must’ve been to leave at that age

Johnny: Wasn’t my smarts leading the decision-making

Ali: You was needed more at home?

Johnny: My mammy already taught me to read and write, I’d grown to  a size that could be put to work

Ali: Were you excited?

Johnny: This was years ago, I don’t know

Ali: When’s your birthday?

Johnny: 23rd

Ali: How old will you be?

Johnny: 17

Ali: I’ll let you off, that is ages and ages ago then

Johnny: Will I let you off your piss poor joke?

Ali: I won’t learn if I’m not given half a chance 

Johnny: I’ve nothing to teach you

Ali: I think you’re funny, yeah, know you didn’t ask

Johnny: Are you finished?

Ali: Finished asking questions?

Ali: There’s a clue

Johnny: Whatever you’re aiming for or at us with your questions

Ali: I’m just talking

Ali: aimlessly, you can say

Johnny: I ain’t only stood ‘round for your entertainment, playground you’ve turned my backyard into all the same

Ali: The aim is that it’s mutual

Ali: if it ain’t, no hard feelings, I guess

Johnny: Mind how you go then

Ali: Thanks, you too

Johnny: Later, smart girl

Johnny: maybe I’ll build a rocket with my baby niece in your honour

Ali: You should, take pictures

Ali: I’ll work on my bike in yours

Johnny: [do take pics and do send them to her later, obvs, it’s giving an adorable rocket this bub can sit in, cos she’s just a toddler, helmet on too cos she said he never wears his, but a space one he has also made, I’d do socials for it but idk if I’d find what I wanted so let’s just use our imaginations]

Ali: 😍😍😍😍

Ali: You’re such a good uncle, I would play on that

Johnny: She does, I’m wrapped ‘round her 10 fingers

Ali: How could you not be

Ali: She’s your first?

Johnny: Carrying the eldest girl tradition on into the next generation

Ali: Absolutely, you need as many bossy women in your life as possible

Ali: How’d you make it then

Johnny: Some engineer, you need telling

Johnny: Look at it

Ali: I still am

Ali: Don’t you want to talk me through your process?

Johnny: No

Ali: Let it speak for itself, fair play

Johnny: I’m letting you speak

Johnny: How would you have me do it?

Ali: I would think you [make your guesses at what you think he did just from looking at it in these pictures] and maybe [a more out-there take you aren’t sure about]?

Johnny: Is that so?

Ali: At least tell me if I got close!

Johnny: I’ll have [his niece’s stunning name * a slip up because he’s caught up in this moment, telling when he deliberately hasn’t yet used any of his sister’s names to her *winnie has decided btw her name is Fiadh aka ‘fee-ah’ cos it means ‘deer’, ‘wild’ or ‘untamed’, for what’s to come later with their binocular talk, popping off atm in ireland but it wouldn’t be in this era, Johnny chose it or helped to and you can’t tell me otherwise] tell you

Ali: Your co-creator, look forward to it

Ali: [and telling him that if he puts paint on her feets and hands then they can make alien creatures from the prints, because want to be involved but it’s also a cute idea to decorate this, wherever that may be available, even if it’s just a flag to be added or whatever]

Johnny: [do it and send her a pic of this bub’s feet and handprints in paint absolutely everywhere because she’s running amok through the site haha, almost like it’s a treasure hunt, like see where you can spot some, as well as some smaller crawling ones which are her younger sibling who is just a baby boy but who wanted to be involved]

Ali: Oops

Ali: You might have a point about trouble

Ali: but they’re cute enough to get away with any and all

Johnny: You’ve a point about them never being this young again

Johnny: it’s to be treasured, and treasure made of it

Ali: Another thing we can easily agree on

Johnny: We’re ever to find common ground, there’s sense in doing so where she treads

Johnny: I’d agree to anything for her sake

Ali: Would be really sneaky of me to use that for my benefit

Ali: so I won’t, but she’s as lucky to have you as you are to have her

Johnny: I’m lucky my sister lets me help out, she hasn’t a shortage of women to lend her a hand

Ali: Your hand has its uses, too

Ali: There’s plenty you can do and teach her 

Johnny: As another guiding one

Ali: Precisely, all hands on deck has to be the best way to go

Ali: as someone with a lack of family beyond the siblings

Johnny: ‘Cause of your daddy’s further-afield accent

Ali: No disguising that one

Ali: leaving was necessary, but that means those connections aren’t strong, even if they’re repaired

Johnny: Fighter such as he was, in his day, means he’s free to walk with his head high, no disguise necessary

Ali: I’d have fun putting one together for him but no

Ali: his own daddy long since gone, he’s no need of hiding these days

Johnny: What fun’s been had working on your bike?

Johnny: put me out of my misery for the asking

Ali: I knew you’d be dying to know

Ali: [tell him what you’ve been doing, I’m gonna say this is on your push bike like you’re making sure it’s up to standard for your paper round as he was so concerned about it, just giving it a lil MOT]

Johnny: [have a lil nerd about it in the way me and my boo absolutely cannot but y’all can, helping her take this MOT above and beyond verbally because he can’t physically swag up her bike himself yet and make something for her to carry her papers etc like he did in the OG but that time will come, and soon I’m sure]

Ali: [pics/lil vids when necessary to show you following these instructions rn]

Johnny: [clocking SUCH minor things she wouldn’t even think are an issue from these vids/pics and telling her to fix them because he’s a worrier and overthinker with daddy energy that’s off the charts]

Ali: You’re very observant

Johnny: [like he did in the OG, telling her she should ride a different bike that’s more suited to the terrain and distances she covers, being so specific because he’s plotted her paper round route in his head just from her giving him the suburbs to go on, he’s that sort of bear, obsessive]

Ali: I know it’s not ideal, but I found this one, and I love it

Ali: [tell him how bad it was when you found it, send pics if you have, idk how long ago this was]

Johnny: [send her some pics of your motorbike cos she’s only seen it in its current state of looking very cool, but we know it was a wreck when you got/found it, likewise, an honestly gaggy transformation cos you’ve spent years on this I’m sure, even if you really went hardcore when the Miri stuff hit the fan, for obvs reasons, was a slowburn before that too]

Ali: No way

Ali: you’d never know it wasn’t brand new now

Johnny: The brand new ones [something yours doesn’t, very subtle so he isn’t shading her for not clocking it]

Ali: I like yours better

Ali: Will you show me how you [and some fix she can see he did and she doesn’t know how to do]?

Johnny: [telling that whatever fix this is she doesn’t need it for her push bike MOT as a sassy way to say no]

Ali: I might my other bike; does that change your answer?

Johnny: Unless your other bike’s [a specific powerful bike or engine or vibes like that, which it isn’t and he already knows that without knowing anything about it cos she’s a tiny girl who isn’t old enough], you don’t

Ali: 😒

Ali: You’re sort of thwarting my dreams of going to Singapore, if you think about it

Johnny: Let’s hear it, go on

Ali: You could really teach me how [this powerful engine] works, beyond the basics

Johnny: Spoke like the girl I nearly forgot you were for a sec

Ali: Maybe I’ll buy some binoculars then

Ali: observe from a distance 

Johnny: I’ve some you can borrow

Ali: What do you use them for?

Johnny: [tell her, in my head it’s giving Morgan’s 3 legged deer bestie, those vibes, but whatever wildlife is irish caravan site appropriate, idk, because it isn’t just his lame donkey he loves bye, a family of something is being cared for here, we’re not talking about all the spying we do on everyone too such as carly’s mother and our wayward fam lol, soon to be Alison also]

Ali: Oh, okay

Ali: perfect answer

Johnny: My honest answer

Ali: Which is why it's perfect

Ali: I’ll leave them somewhere you can find them

Johnny: I’ll leave ‘em hanging off your handlebars to be found

Ali: Thanks, Johnny

Ali: and for teaching me, even from a distance

Johnny: Alright

Ali: IOU

Johnny: A minute’s peace, but it’s as well my breath’s not held waiting for you to pay off that debt

Ali: Mine can be

Johnny: Proven by the action

Ali: Wait and see

Ali: and not hear me, for once

Johnny: I hear you in my broken sleep, girl

Ali: Why can’t you sleep?

Ali: And it can’t just be how loud I am

Johnny: You underestimate the volume on you

Ali: I know how loud I am; I’m just not here EVERY night

Johnny: I could’ve sworn you’re always here

Ali: Still ringing in your ears, maybe

Johnny: We built on the flat, sound travels

Johnny: too late to start whispering in my cousin’s ear instead of your usual nonsense

Ali: I could leave some headphones when I bring the binoculars back

Johnny: [telling her you’ve got some ear defenders, whatever they’re called, like ear plugs but more hardcore, like babies have at concerts now, that they use on the building sites]

Ali: If you’re trying to give me a complex so I never open my mouth again…

Ali: solid effort

Johnny: I’ve also a solid length of chain and padlocks, say the word

Ali: Do I get three guesses at it?

Johnny: Operating on a 3-strikes system, you’d be long gone

Ali: You wish

Johnny: I’ll pray

Ali: People bother poor old God with less

Ali: Still, we can handle this between us

Johnny: Your sister is known to bother the man to distraction herself

Ali: She’s a lot of questions need answering

Johnny: She’s a lot of rosaries about her person, rest of us get by in the singular or with none

Ali: What camp do you fall in?

Johnny: [tell her that you got gifted one at your communion or whenever is standard, but it’s since broken, so she knows you’re without for when she wants to make you one as she did in the OG]

Ali: I do have one you can borrow, if I keep driving you to prayer

Johnny: No stranger to being driven to my knees, does the trick

Ali: I have a hassock too, for your poor knees

Johnny: [tell her about the padding you have, cos I feel some work trousers have that in, so you can graft without needing a kneeling foam thing like in the garden, I swear I’m not hallucinating the existence of such clothes, am I?]

Ali: Flirty

Johnny: The other trades aren’t paid to, turning up to do the electrics don’t equal sparks flying

Ali: But you are?

Johnny: But am I what, winking at lads?

Ali: I was thinking, clients, if you ever need meet them

Ali: but yours is a better mental image; we’ll go with that

Johnny: Sooner avoid the mental image of certain elders and the clients, blind eye over black

Ali: Does put you in an awkward position…

Ali: Ignore me, being a pervert, I was proper upset when the lads finished their driveway, that’s all

Johnny: Could rip it up, like

Johnny: in your desperate position

Ali: Not winning the family there back over any time soon

Ali: and what do you mean by desperate, cheek

Johnny: What I said, you’d an air of

Ali: Is it a crime to appreciate a job well done?

Johnny: The sin’s in your tongue near touching the fresh driveway, for another mental image nobody asked for or had want of

Ali: I’m very subtle, can’t you tell

Johnny: By God, you’re very something, I wouldn’t choose subtle

Ali: Near touching isn’t touching, that’s restraint

Johnny: That’s the length of a muscle denying you, not yourself being worth your salt in showing any

Ali: I do, all the time

Johnny: Come off it

Ali: I’ve done it loads in this conversation alone

Johnny: I’d hate to read it, this is you practising what you believe to be restraint

Ali: That’s why I rewrote it all, for you

Ali: maybe not all, but you get the point

Johnny: Yeah, you’re blatant in the making of yours

Ali: Sorry

Ali: I don’t know why I chose to say that

Johnny: Are you?

Ali: Obviously, if my plan was to make things not weird, tripping at the last hurdle 

Johnny: It’s not obvious to me

Johnny: what you’re doing is tripping over yourself to shift my eejit cousin

Ali: He was leaving, it was literally a peck

Johnny: You wore the face off him

Ali: Never did!

Johnny: 1 of yous is a liar

Ali: Oh, that means he’s talked about it, to you

Johnny: Did you reckon he wouldn’t?

Ali: I didn’t think it was a big enough deal, nah

Ali: that’s awkward, now I know why you were giving me weird looks

Johnny: Awkward you’re after him for his new work clothes

Ali: 😫

Ali: Your turn to be quiet

Johnny: You don’t get a turn in telling me what to do

Ali: I don’t have any chain going spare, maybe I could work something out with the padlocks still

Johnny: None that’d hold me, same as your tongue

Ali: You said it’s not long, but I reckon it’s strong enough

Johnny: The non-stop exercise to be sure

Ali: Careful, you don’t want me to use it against you

Johnny: Everything you might be, I’ve no fear it’s forked

Johnny: barely sharp s’closer to the truth

Ali: Can’t ask your cousin, weren’t actual shifting 

Johnny: He’s already run his mouth about every shape yours makes

Ali: Oh my God, why

Ali: My first impression was doomed before I even got here

Johnny: Don’t flatter yourself you’d of made a decent one on us anyway

Ali: We’ll never know

Johnny: Never mattered

Ali: To you

Johnny: I’d go to my grave before I’d go to your bed

Ali: You weren’t being invited 

Johnny: Good, we can both relax

Ali: Phew

Ali: I can breathe

Johnny: Deep as the hole you dug earlier, and slow as you are to heed anyone but yourself

Ali: Because I take care of myself

Johnny: You throw yourself at people and into harm’s way

Ali: Where’s the harm here? 

Johnny: You’re the danger, if you really can’t see none

Ali: You think I’m desperate, but they were just jokes

Johnny: You are who you are, you gorja girls don’t change much from one to the next

Ali: Right, great, cheers

Johnny: You ought to open your eyes in place of your mouth

Ali: Forget it, like actually forget this conversation happened

Johnny: Use it does when you forget yourself

Ali: I got comfortable

Ali: it’s not going to happen again now

Johnny: My faith’s strong except for in where you’re expecting me to put it

Ali: All I can do is prove you wrong

Johnny: He’ll offer you loads of chances to prove yourself one way or the other

Ali: That’s another story

Johnny: I don’t care what story you tell yourself to fit how your mate Ronan treats you

Ali: It isn’t anything to do with you

Johnny: Exactly, yous both involved me by not having sense or knowing you should’ve been born with to quiet down, s’all

Ali: I didn’t tell you anything, that was all him

Johnny: We must use the word different from each other

Ali: Isn’t it enough that I feel like an idiot?

Ali: I apologised for shite craic, what else can I do?

Johnny: Don’t make me look thick, I called you smart

Ali: You’re too observant

Ali: to be made to look any way you don’t want to

Johnny: Don’t make me feel it either

Ali: I won’t

Ali: I was never trying to

Johnny: There’s your warning never to try to

Ali: I’m not like that

Ali: whatever you think of me

Johnny: I’m giving not thinking of you a lash

Ali: I’ll make that easier, leave you alone now

Johnny: To be alone with him

Ali: What? No

Ali: I don’t think I can face anyone right now, never mind him

Johnny: Put it all aside but [giving her a push bike repair to do that takes a long time even if it isn’t particularly difficult, so she has that]

Ali: Keeping me busy

Johnny: I don’t want it, your face on his

Ali: I’m that bad?

Johnny: You don’t belong with him, whatever your shared shite craic

Ali: Yeah

Ali: I know that

Ali: I know how it is

Johnny: You claim to

Ali: You don’t have to spend long around Moses to understand what you’re saying

Johnny: I’d have you spend none of your time near Moses

Ali: Goes with you having me nowhere near your home

Johnny: For your benefit, not mine

Ali: Yours by proxy, then 

Johnny: Say you’re a toy to Ronan, you’d be a trophy to his brother, understand?

Ali: I understand he has no interest being my friend, I promise; in fairness, he’d say as much if I asked him, no doubt 

Ali: I know I’m just a kid to you, but I’m not completely naive; you don’t have to worry about me 

Johnny: What I shoulder I will without a word from you

Ali: I can shoulder my own shit, that’s all

Ali: Be the best cousin you can be; that’s up to you

Johnny: You can’t help yourself but to get the last in, can you?

Ali: If I was after doing that, you’d know

Ali: I’m trying to stop you from wasting energy 

Johnny: How is it you’re wasting mine here then?

Ali: I’ve said I’ll stop

Johnny: I’m waiting

Ali: You’re replying

Johnny: I’ve manners

Ali: Don’t feel like you have to use them on my account

Johnny: Barn weren’t where I was born, your prejudice’s speaking up again

Ali: I didn’t put my foot in it that hard, come on

Ali: Perhaps one of your cousins looks a lot like you, it’s an easy mistake to make

Johnny: In the dark, the where and when I’d to fall over you, since you’re falling over yourself to party with my cousins

Ali: Not those cousins, with their blue, blue eyes

Ali: 🦉🐈‍⬛🌑🦇 I’ll see you coming and get out of your way, binoculars not necessary 

Johnny: Spit of you, if anybody

Johnny: something to be said for you fancying yourself

Ali: You that has me reckoning them

Johnny: You lobbing the gob with the dope who rates you

Ali: I don’t know

Ali: I’m confused

Johnny: You intended the tarmac but your tongue slipped and fell against his, is it?

Ali: You don’t want to be my therapist

Ali: And if I start thinking out loud, you’ll see how restrained and quiet I am compared to what goes on in my head

Johnny: Plain to see you’re neither without need of the sight nor any more of a nudge from you

Ali: Not when compared to you, that’s an unfair fight

Johnny: I ain’t in the habit of fighting little girls

Ali: Wouldn’t start with me

Ali: I might surprise you

Johnny: Your daddy’d be surprised how far his teachings wouldn’t get you when the gloves are off

Ali: Leave your fighting words with your refusal to prove it

Johnny: I refuse to fight dirty just ‘cause you’ve your fun in the gutter and many a part of you’s been left behind last you did

Ali: I sound like a Mr Potato Head

Ali: don’t think I look that bad right now, but I’ll need to check I have all my features, now you’ve said it

Johnny: I can’t say I know your man there personally

Johnny: and I’d sound backward as you’d have me, to your mind, if I said I’d take the babies playing with a real potato over that fella

Ali: I never said you were backwards, you want me to hold those beliefs so you can tell me to fuck off without feeling any type of bad for it

Ali: and you’re talking to the girl who [and just tell him all the weird and wonderful ‘toys’ you had over the years that were not toys at all because she is that diva, thank you]

Johnny: [tell her how old you were when you made your first toy for yourself and what you made it out of, cos it’s giving young as hell and yet slay]

Ali: Do you still have it?

Johnny: [tell her what happened to it because it’s giving one of Moses’ dad’s badly behaved dogs ate it or something, cos much like your rosary getting destroyed by one of your cousins, this feral fam just won’t let you have nice things in their chaos, he isn’t telling her that Miri gave him her fave toy to try and cheer him though, that’s a secret just for us]

Ali: I’m devastated

Johnny: [not you making her one as we speak, which he will be leaving for her with the binoculars when he leaves them, just wait diva, in the here and now, he’ll be telling her what he made next and showing her that he does still have it, whatever it is, via a pic, to cheer her, cos lesson learned to be more careful from then on and certainly a lesson he’s taken to heart lol]

Ali: 🥺 You were the sweetest kid in the whole wide world

Johnny: Only a kid, same as anywhere else in the world

Ali: Where did you live when you were a kid?

Johnny: [tell her, cos we’ve never delved into your childhood sir and how long y’all have lived here or what so I won’t commit us, we’ve said Carly has lived on site her whole life and Ronan and her kissed when they were children, if we stand by that, but otherwise, cos I can see your cousins living here first, lowkey also always so longer than y’all, cos the nan’s faves, and your dad coming back at some point to try and win some favour back as we’ve said, but that doesn’t need to have been your whole life ago]

Ali: You’ve done some moving then, good

Ali: my whole life thus far has been between [dropping postcodes because you’ve always been in Dublin]

Johnny: A stone’s throw, I could you further

Johnny: but I’ve the rest of my life, suppose

Ali: Will you do the whole of this country, or do as many countries as you can

Ali: or go as far as you can, possibilities are endless 

Johnny: Why are we talking about what is and isn’t possible again?

Ali: It’s exciting to think about

Ali: Maybe you’ll send me postcards 

Johnny: For you maybe, you’re free to roam where you want, nobody cares

Ali: Yes they do

Johnny: They wouldn’t see you out making a nuisance of yourself and mixing with us if they did

Ali: What’s wrong with yous?

Johnny: Give over

Ali: I’ve hung around worse

Ali: be flattered or offended

Johnny: Proves my point

Ali: It’s known my parents can’t keep a firm grip on any of us

Ali: I’m the least trouble

Johnny: You’re the youngest, you should be under somebody’s eye, knowing the troubles that have gone before

Ali: Wouldn’t I be a dick to cause any more grief?

Johnny: Grief you’ve felt

Johnny: grown men have acted up for less

Ali: If my house was the struggle olympics, I’m coming dead last

Ali: I’m lucky, even if it means less attention

Johnny: It’s meant to be a home, where no one comes last

Ali: Yeah, no, I’ve made it sound really bad

Ali: I can’t explain

Johnny: I don’t need the pressure explained to me

Johnny: nor the luck of the draw

Ali: You get it

Ali: everyone has their role to fill

Johnny: We’ve of us of crosses to bear in our roles

Ali: I could be the eldest son, like you

Ali: that’s got to be harder

Johnny: I wouldn’t trade it, the tradition I carry in my blood to be passed down, that’s what I’ve got to call mine

Johnny: history, a name, living or dying in the time I do

Ali: I wish I had something

Ali: but I’ll have to find mine

Johnny: You’ve no rush, my sister at a bit older than you has only recently started the learning of hers

Ali: What’s hers?

Johnny: Healing, more or less

Johnny: she wouldn’t put it so blunt

Ali: That’s a purpose to have, if ever there’s any

Ali: I’d love that, I mean I do, the stuff I’ve learned myself

Johnny: Number of births and brawls to be handled alone

Ali: Well, yeah, no going out of business 

Ali: Could you ask her what to do for [some minor injury she’s got herself by being clumsy lol]?

Johnny: No need, what you do is [and tell her because you just already know, a genuine answer for once, not go home lol]

Ali: You’ve been having some lessons of your own

Johnny: I’ve basic knowledge of my own, no bragging rights, Fiadh could pick the [whatever herb or flower or whatever] herself by [smell/colour/whatever] at the age she is

Ali: You’re not needy for compliments, I get it

Johnny: It’s not a difficult remedy, I wouldn’t want you getting too ready with your thanks

Ali: Just using my manners, promise

Johnny: You’ll swear too much to keep track of, you aren’t careful

Ali: Even if I do, you’ll remind me

Ali: don’t miss anything, you

Johnny: I don’t miss you, I haven’t had chance to

Ali: You’d leave me counting ‘til you do and I’d be there ‘til infinity

Johnny: Good practice for space travel, counting that high

Ali: Mhmm, and the loneliness 👩‍🚀

Ali: Well supportive, tah

Johnny: [tell her a cute story about the stars, as if you’re showing how supportive you can be and you don’t just want to, it’s giving something to do with the constellations because so many are animals and it’s the same energy as the wildlife through the binoculars those kinda vibes, very folk story, very fable, very also as a child I thought xyz]

Ali: You can come over and use my telescope

Ali: not a come-on, I mean it genuinely

Ali: [tell him what your favourite constellation is like a big nerd]

Johnny: [dropping a postcode or coordinates or whatever like she did with her dublin addresses which is somewhere he’s been where he could see the most stars and see them the best with his naked eyes, we can pretend he’s just saying fuck you and your telescope and isn’t lowkey telling her to go there if she’s a big nerd who loves stars]

Ali: I’m checking when the clearest night is this week

Ali: The view up the mountains is pretty spectacular, too, long as you bring a torch to get back down

Johnny: I’ve never not got a torch

Ali: He’s prepared

Johnny: [say something nerdy about how powerful it is, cos that’s nerd flirting but also yes you are always prepared haha]

Ali: 🥵 Please

Ali: Shamed how many times I’ve used my phone as one now, amateur hour much?

Johnny: Will I leave you a spare?

Johnny: growing debt, like

Ali: Feeling like you want me in it at this point

Johnny: Your second message said you knew how you’d make it up to me

Ali: Shall I put you out of your misery again?

Johnny: There’s the sky to look to for answers, but I’d still hear yours

Ali: I did only say I think, but no need to couch it in that

Ali: [sending him a pic to show you found a part that he needs because you’ve been paying THAT close attention to what he’s doing, nbd]

Johnny: [this boy GAGGED, so there’s a pause while he’s STARING at this picture in disbelief and also daring it not to be the right part lowkey if he looks at it enough cos then he can dismiss it, but it is, so he eventually says, like a thank you]

Johnny: I think I could turn a torch into something you could wear, spare you the weight of it

Ali: I’d like that, a lot

Ali: I’ll leave this out for you, leave you the honours of fixing it

Johnny: [draw out all your different possible designs like lil blueprints, cos there’s so many ways she could wear this from a necklace or watch to a belt or something on her shoe, head to toe possibilities lol, so she can see you’re thinking and taking this seriously, idk but I’m sure my boo could find something cool if she wants to ref his creation at any point]

Ali: You make the call, I want it to be a surprise 

Ali: I bet you have a headlight at work

Johnny: That a hint?

Johnny: I’ll attach it to a headband if you want

Ali: It would be multifunctional for you, keep your hair out of your eyes at the same time

Ali: no hints, I’m not ruining the surprise already

Johnny: Talk of bikes had us wondering, but you are a girl, there it is in you

Ali: Didn’t know I was in disguise like that

Johnny: You wouldn’t, you’ve lost the meaning of being one

Ali: It just means something else to me than it does you

Johnny: Yeah, the freedoms of a boy 

Ali: I’ve unchecked freedom regardless, as you’ve pointed out

Ali: being a girl doesn’t come into it

Johnny: Your family wouldn’t turn their backs, as you said, they never had yours

Ali: We don’t

Johnny: Hold any of the values we do

Ali: You make assumptions all you want, hardly the first

Johnny: You telling on yourself does me enough

Ali: This explains why you’re so convinced I’m here to judge 

Johnny: You’ve shown us what you’re here for

Ali: Because it doesn’t need to be a secret

Johnny: You’ve more need of the attention

Ali: I’m not apologising for wanting to have friends; there’s nothing nefarious about it

Johnny: Kissing all your pals, are you?

Ali: If they want to, sure

Johnny: Jesus

Ali: Don’t, you make me feel bad

Ali: I’m not aiming to be shocking like some try-hard

Johnny: You should, state of yous and your friendships

Ali: Everyone knows I tried to kill my last friend, and this is what horrifies you

Ali: I’m redeemed

Johnny: Room for both to horrify me, don’t worry yourself

Ali: Just everything about you, he says

Johnny: Quit your acting shocked, this isn’t a surprise

Ali: It is, I thought you really liked me

Ali: something about the way you avoid me like the plague 

Johnny: Be the epidemic you’re looking to start

Ali: If I get infected, I won’t hide it; those people are the worst in zombie movies

Ali: You can take me out, as a treat

Johnny: It’s no game or laugh to me

Ali: I’m not going to do anything to upset you

Ali: I’m just chilling; that’s the truth

Johnny: You have

Johnny: Why would you let them do that?

Ali: Do what?

Johnny: You don’t have to be what they say you are, what your sister is

Ali: I shouldn’t have to be perfect just to stop people talking

Ali: and that’s what people love to do, no matter what I am or aren’t

Johnny: So you just let them treat you like you’re worthless

Ali: I don’t think they do

Ali: if anything, surely Ro treats me like I’m a little too special right now

Johnny: ‘Til he’s got what he’s after

Ali: That would only happen if I wanted it to

Johnny: His rite of passage, your disgrace

Johnny: you’ll never be his equal, s’why you can’t be his friend

Ali: There’s no reason it can’t be my rite of passage too

Johnny: Ask your sister the reasons

Ali: It’s a bit fucking different

Johnny: Nowhere close to as different as you’re pretending

Johnny: you’ve your uses to him, ‘til you don’t

Ali: Jesus

Ali: I don’t even know what to say to you, if you seriously believe that I would put up with that

Johnny: Friends don’t kiss or lie with each other, I shouldn’t have to be the one saying that to you

Ali: Friends with benefits exists; I’ve not created the concept

Ali: but I was only talking about kissing, like a kiss, not really getting hot and heavy about it

Johnny: You don’t exist in a film, and he wasn’t about to die for the lack of your mouth on his

Ali: What if I never saw him again?

Ali: He’s already going to forget about me once school rolls back around and I’m there and he’s busy living his life

Johnny: If you’re that forgettable to him, best you don’t

Ali: I know how it works, life moves on

Johnny: It can stand still, feel like it is

Ali: Do you have a girlfriend?

Johnny: What happened to knowing how it works?

Johnny: I’ll settle and have a wife

Ali: When?

Johnny: When my daddy sets me up with a decent girl

Ali: Are you going to get any say?

Johnny: I can say no, even if he puts his foot down

Johnny: but I trust his judgment 

Ali: Fair enough

Johnny: My sisters married well, they’re happy

Ali: I’m glad

Ali: and that’s one less thing for you to worry about

Johnny: Keeping the community going, how it’s been and is meant to be, is a worry

Ali: You can only do your part

Johnny: And that I am

Ali: I’ll convince Ro to, if I’m still around

Johnny: Big if for a little girl

Johnny: lucky for you, I’ve no need of your help

Ali: I will be, actually, I wanna go to the wedding, so

Ali: and he’s shy around girls, I’ll have you know, for all your talk that he’s some absolute player 

Johnny: His you might get an invite to, as you’re such close mates

Ali: Wasn’t holding out hope for an invite to yours, rude as you are

Ali: Be his best man, just to fuck all his brothers off

Jake: [it felt right under the circumstances and was very his fam vibe in the OG so why not bring it back, thank god it wasn’t his gf texting him, nobody needs that rn, likewise do something to fix her ootd, I’m gonna say he pulls her sock up where it’s rolled down slightly during the feral antics, purely because I love the socks my boo chose and that’s such an intimate thing to do, once you’ve done that, whilst absolutely getting very distracted, tell her whose this fleece is whether it’s your sister’s or mother’s and how you grabbed it on the way out, unspoken that you were worried about this gal and DESPERATE to see her, you weren’t subtle about that and she very much already knows, unable to not unknowingly and purely as a reflex run his hand through his whurls at the reminder of where they started this irl reunion even though they’re here now and thank god]

Sylvie: [it absolutely is an intimate thing to do and she’s going to have to look away and smile into her hair about it for a hot sec, when we’ve recovered we’re assessing the damage we did via lovebites and all the insanity y’all ended up reaching, nodding approvingly ‘you look good’ because no repentance here today, nope ‘better’ said genuinely as you pull a curl from his hands and tuck it behind his ear, because you really think so and aren’t just being massively big-headed about it]

Jake: [the lovebites and the fucks he doesn’t give about them are a thing of beauty, hence he will be using his phone as a mirror to properly look at them for his own hot sec, likewise nothing but more thrilled when he sees the state he’s in, even if they just look like bruises and not the shapes they’ve meant to be, he’s buzzing to have them for this reason again and not seizure related ones, even if he is frowning at the fact he only really did her forehead one (besides her lips and tongue also being bitten to shit same as his) and THINKING he should’ve done more, it turns into a proud smirk when he lifts up her fringe and looks at his handiwork before LOOKING at her in a way that spells out that she looks even better, what he finally says though is, ‘that’s how you made me feel’]

Sylvie: [tbf, if you were going to do it anywhere, boy, what a place to do it, hence telling him ‘you are insane’ when you’re LOOKING into each other’s eyes, laughing like oh you, so affectionately, because she’s going to have to make up some story to explain that away and we couldn’t care less, leaning in to hug him, a little tentatively, which seems ridiculous given what just happened but it’s after and things always feel slightly more dicey, not to mention intimacy without sexuality, just because you want to hug him, because you missed him and you want him to keep feeling better and better ‘it’s mutual’ muffled by his chest but no less valid for that]

Jake: [iconic and unhinged as a placement but so is his adam’s apple, not very easy to hide, we love to see it, hence joining in with her laugh because you too diva, his eyes are screaming ‘I’m crazy about you’ because so true but like my boo said the after feels fragile and we’re being careful with what we’re saying or doing, still hugging her back harder than she initiated it because feels are too high to not, breathing her in SO deeply because you never want this to end but you know it eventually must and therefore all you can do is try and memorise the details, in this case what she smells like underneath the smoke and the sex ‘I should go home’ phrased like that not I’m going home or anything like that because he doesn’t want to and he isn’t making any move to any time soon but the awareness is nevertheless there]

Sylvie: [making a ‘fair enough’ amused sort of noise because you absolutely both are unhinged and that’s how you want it ‘better than being it on your own’ leaning into this hug harder now he’s given her permission with his own intensity, listening to his heartbeat, to hear it slowing down now y’all have recovered/but also because he isn’t having a panic attack right now and you feel as if you can feel your own heart synching with his, making a noise to acknowledge that he said that like ‘hmm, yes probably’ but not following up with any action of her own ‘I suppose I can’t come with you right now’ because also aware that now is not the time to spring your company on his fam, even though you would just like to run to his room and hole up, that’s not going to be an easy feat]

Jake: [tapping this heartbeat onto her skin wherever he’s holding her rn in this hug, could be his or hers because I’m sure they have synched pretty much or he likewise thinks they have anyway, again it’s giving beat on a song when he hasn’t been writing them ‘it’s a school night’ as if that’s the only thing standing in their way here, also it very much might not be if he’s lost track of the days and it’s friday night in fact, which I’d believe with everything going on, but I wanna say it is so y’all have to see each other at school tomorrow cos my shoulder hurts and I’m evil]

Sylvie: [rubbing her head on him as she nods to say ‘I know’ huffing dramatically because it has been ridiculous bothering with school this whole time, it feels even more so now but you really should be focusing harder considering you’re nearly done but we just can’t, I’m afraid ‘the timing sure is some sick joke’ because you’re not even the one who’s ill, he really has a reason not to be able to concentrate]

Jake: [my boo says I fear these divas aren’t passing their exams without resits and she’s so real for that, nodding back and resting his head on her shoulder into the hug that’s still ongoing because he’s never really cared about school but his fam do, as I’ve had him say before, so he knows damn well the lecture he’s gonna get if he leaves school without qualifications, especially now he also thinks he’ll never perform or make music again, going to say something about how y’all can just run away to Paris and then remembering he can’t, have never closed his mouth faster and she will feel some tension return because he’s got his jaw locked tight like NO NO] 

Sylvie: [you really aren’t, consequences, we are trying to be realistic here, and she likewise doesn’t care really, but school does hammer it home that this is the most important thing in your life so that will be seeping it a bit at this point, even if you genuinely feel like there’s nothing you can do about it, like sorry, my brain won’t cooperate, and yes, we feel this tension like he just shouted in our ear instead of keeping his mouth closed, trying not to flinch but unavoidably doing so slightly ‘fuck school’ with a one shoulder shrug, trying to be casual because we don’t want this chat about this of all things to tank the vibe, no thanks]

Jake: [exactly, as much as we stretch the realism sometimes we want y’all to get away with being feral with no consequences lol, on the whole we do want there to be some, and it isn’t something that would ruin y’all’s lives cos you aren’t planning to go to uni anyway so, here repeating her words but in French like you two are making a lil pact to flunk out together, cos truly, grades are the least of his worries atm, he’s still actively scared of the SUDEP sudden death risk or the having to have a piece of his brain cut out treatment, despite both of those being such a worst case scenario and not what’s going to happen]

Sylvie: [we try our best lol, but precisely, it’s not the path you’re ultimately interested in to begin with, but little do you know that this pact is going to become really REAL before too long, for now, reaching to shake on it and grinning at him ‘we don’t need plans, we have right now’]

Jake: [the urge to SPIT is so real because he’s hit by a flashback of their spit related party antics right after he has the THOUGHT, but deciding to come up with some kind of secret handshake move instead, that he then teaches her, because that feels so American to me and sometimes you are, plus of course you’re into having something secret between just y’all, grinning even wider when he perfects whatever this is and looks like, I’m sure there are multiple refs to things y’alls fingers and thumbs have done to each other before, and he’s defs getting her bitten finger super involved somehow, basically the vibes are so up again ‘I have you right now’ not even thinking about a time when he maybe won’t, just happily blurting that out]

Sylvie: [watching these flashbacks play out on his face in real time with intense fascination because you want to know every thought he has lowkey, never mind when they’re so clearly about y’all and what you’ve got up to, LIVING for this secret handshake, it is absolutely the vibe, even if you must tease him for wanting to mansplain something to you, we know you’re so about it and every secret ref hidden therein, pulling him closer to you when you finish it ‘you have me all the time’ sealing that with a kiss]

Jake: [kiss her like you truly want to believe that because you wholeheartedly do wish you could and did have her with you 24/7, obviously including spitting into her mouth the way you didn’t into her hand so that she can follow your previous train of thought and you’re doing your own promising/sealing with it, with less violence (for once) than when he did it at the party, more romance and finesse because you want her to swallow it so it’s inside her not absolutely cover her face and clothes in it atm]

Sylvie: [oh you two, the way this is peak romance to you, whilst also, obviously, turning you on hardcore, shifting closer to him instinctively, trying to sit in his lap or have her body on some part of his whilst doing such a big SWALLOW, a moan being exchanged and volleyed into his mouth as she clutches onto his shoulders]

Jake: [do pull her into your lap despite saying you had a home to go to because he’s reading her mind as she’s having these thoughts and ideas and he couldn’t agree more, she does need to be closer, as close as she can be in fact, burying his hands in her hair and undoing all his good work untangling it earlier on, accidentally putting a finger in her ear in his !! to be grabby but then deciding fuck it, let’s plug both of them so once again no outside sound or people or interference exists and she’s just immersed in how all this feels]

Sylvie: [‘I don’t want to go home, I want to stay with you’ genuinely whining this and meaning every syllable of it, rolling her head into his hands and parting her lips at how good it feels to have his hands all up in her hair, this is before he’s even started playing with her ears and fully blocking them like that, which is actually going to make her moan his name too loudly, like no one else has fingers in their ears, girl, but we’re only getting more feral, once again, doing the most with her body and how it’s automatically rolling against his ‘I can’t do anything else’ said like you’re bewildered because you are slightly, about how all-consuming it is to want him and how it leaves you good for little else, kissing him so messily so he’s aware you wouldn’t have it any other way, her hands finding their way to the bruising she caused to poke and prod and exacerbate] 

Jake: [here we are again because she’s saying and doing all the right things and he couldn’t be happier, only pausing this makeout to bite off a piece of her fringe because she was meant to leave him some and that never happened because angst got in the way, accidentally swallowing that though because he was trying not to scalp her so it was the tiniest bit ever, like a laughably small single strand of hair as if he’s granny weatherwax catching a unicorn, the fringe edition, but remembering his sister’s penknife (which I didn’t even include for this reason I swear she’s just an outdoorsy girl and it’s an epic concidence) and gesturing for her to reach in his pocket and grab that and cut some off, mouthing his ‘please’ just because, it’s a mood and a throwback to earlier, not because his fingers are in her ears especially, because in the next second he’s telling her how a piece of her can stay with him if she does this, and just talking normally lol]

Sylvie: [none of us have forgotten you didn’t get to do that, devastation all round, hence when he’s biting this tiny amount with his teeth we’re acting scalped with our enthusiastic reaction because want him to have it, also want to be inside him always too, so we’re not mad that he accidentally swallowed that attempt, less so when we understand what he’s asking us to do when we register the pocket knife on these keys we’ve just hurriedly uncovered from his pocket, wordlessly communicating with him via our eyes to check she’s not cutting too much or in a really, really obvious spot (though the unspoken wanting it to be kind of obvious, in some way) as she brings the knife up to her hair and tries to work it out from her angle, hands shaking with excitement]

Jake: [mhmm it was a tragedy and must be rectified on this day, taking his fingers out of her ears so she can hear his enthusiastic reaction to accidentally swallowing that tiny piece of hair, as if she’s now bald and he’s swallowed every strand on her head with how !! he is, I know part of you is tempted to get your phone out of your pocket so that you can let her use it as a mirror so she doesn’t end up looking like fleabag’s sister but a bigger part of you wants her to do it with only your guidance and ofc that’s what wins out immediately, directing her to do it in a spot where the bruise that’ll end up peeping through is also the most obvious, putting his hands over hers, both to steady their shaking and show her where to cut]

Sylvie: [imagine if we did that to her, you’d probably pull it off ‘cos you are just that sort of bitch but still, let’s not get that crazy, please, a lock will be sufficient lmao, y’all are on the exact same wavelength because that’s what she would want him to do too, given the choice, LOOKING at their hands on this knife together until she goes cross-eyed and has to look away, moving to LOOKING in his eyes and doing a singular nod to tell him that it’s okay and to start this knife cutting through your hair with the movement]

Jake: [like, if anyone could pull it off, she absolutely would, but no, he’s obsessed with her hair at the length it is thank you, we can’t even talk about the NOISE that comes out of him when this lil brownie penknife starts to cut (watch out Talia cos he’s gonna wanna give it to this gal as a keepsake because they’re sentimental bitches and he’ll have the hair to keep and she’ll have the gap left behind but her hair will grow back) once again lads, the whole world doesn’t have fingers in their ears, calm down haha, but they never will, it’s quiet cos hushed in that OMG gagged and awed way but it’s blatant in that it can ONLY be a horny af noise and literally nothing else, rolling his hips into hers exactly like she did not very long ago and using that movement when she stops nodding to keep this knife moving]

Sylvie: [my boo says that isn’t yours to keep and then give away, Jacob, I fear they don’t care, and that will rudely disappear lol, oh lads, you’re in your element now, not caring how you sound but also how mental you look if anyone stumbles upon this, like hello??? It is gonna feel like it’s taking a torturously long time too because unlike scissors you sort of have to hack away for a bit to get through and y’all are feeling every damn second of this Moment ™ only keeping still so you don’t accidentally stab him/get stabbed, but it is a whole challenge in itself, to content the extraness you’re holding back for safety’s sake, going in her bag/pockets/wherever and getting her keys to bite the lace off her ballet shoe keychain so she can tie this lock up with a pink ribbon for him how they do for babies and I didn’t plan that either, just perfect, I guess] 

Jake: [at least you can buy her a new pen knife for her bday or christmas whichever is first and pretend you lost it, saner than the truth, oh gosh I know this blade is kinda blunt cos your sister has used it for outdoorsy things and it’s due a sharpen so yes, you’ll both be living for how long this takes despite being a short piece of hair, which will give baby’s first energy too and they love that, telling her how he’s gonna display this in an artsy manner with her baby photo because always gotta do the most never the standard just sticking it on his wall, turning it into art somehow, in full view of his gf when she comes over no less] 

Sylvie: [a thought I had too, tell me you don’t care without telling me you don’t care, faker than Taylor and Travis at this point, lordy, meanwhile, y’all are actually losing your minds, the second we have this hair free we are tying it in the roughest bow you’ve seen in your life and PRESSING it into his palm so seriously]

Jake: [how embarrassing but nobody is thinking about the notp rn, least of all this boy, all he’s thinking about is if the hair she’s given him could be braided into one of his whurls to keep it safe and close to him or if it’s too short, trying to do it but his hands are shaking too much, but least this time it’s for a good reason not an angsty one, and she can help him, even if they don’t manage to achieve the end result they’ll have a lot of fun trying, saying ‘help me’ in French just to say it in your !! tone more than anything]

Sylvie: [thinking so many crazy things about how badly you want to blend your hair with his hair right now, and how that’s literally just the start of it and you want to blend all of you with all of him, thankfully you have to keep your mouth closed because need to concentrate so fiercely to pull this off in your current state, telling him to shh in French whilst she’s studying him, picking the curl that makes the most sense, it’s giving hidden but somewhere he can most easily access and feel all the time ‘are you going to go blonde next?’ like red is just the start and he’s going to work his way through the colours]

Jake: [psst win they wanna have a baby so bad, this is reminding me of those braids everyone used to get on holiday, slay Jacob, we all know her blonde is popping against his dark roots and that red, gorgeous tbh, he’s already obsessed and already touching it the second she’s done/before she even is finished, we really said flaunting everything in Mona’s face today, shaking his head purely so this lil braid moves like tehe ‘I couldn’t pull it off like you’ pretending it’s casual and he isn’t just complimenting her fiercely]

Sylvie: [he’s eating it up, and we do need to find our phone now and take pictures of him, because yes they do wanna have a baby so bad and they aren’t allowed so you better stop it, focus on how cute this boy is and keep your mind solely on him and how clearly into you he is by the way he’s interacting with this braid moment ‘can’t call it a type this time’ from behind this camera like lol, not all your exes/situationships were blonde, at least]

Jake: [I fear we’re going to have to give the abortion storyline to somebody else because if y’all got pregnant you’d just keep it lol, but that’s okay, you’ve got plenty else going on, oh he’s so smitten, hence he’s taking this knife off his sister’s keys and attaching it to her, whether that’s via her clothes or a piece of jewellery she’s wearing, whatever’s realistic but keeps this close to her, ideally touching her somehow so not on her keys, because duh, however many attempts it takes him to do this, his head bowed for the camera so he’s giving her braid angles, a sassy shrug at her sassy comment like he isn’t doing a feelsy gesture at the same time]

Sylvie: [like unless we did it very soon and he was like no, the inherited epilepsy, but that would be quite sad lol, so yes, we definitely don’t have to, more than enough to be getting on with, her top has a zip you could probably hook this knife on so let’s go with that then she can have it on her chest, holding it there as protectively as she held his head before ‘the correct answer is you didn’t know me to know your type’ saying this in French, like that means she’s playing the character of French her, and she doesn’t just mean that shit with her chest, which she absolutely does]

Jake: [it would be very sad and we’re putting you two through enough because she’s got the joys of Bobby’s photos and everything to do with that boy being a menace still to come, (even though she could technically be pregnant from what they’ve gotten up to today and I can’t stop thinking about that which is how you know the weather’s too hot and I’m insane because they don’t need to have a baby and yet I’m tempted haha) there’s other couples in gen 3 we could give that abortion storyline to if we wanna do it, ANYWAY, here and now sassing her by saying ‘I thought the correct answer was, you aren’t my type’ also in French, because she was so adamant she wasn’t]

Sylvie: [win says he knows where to put the abortion storyline to serve us best and he will discuss that with you in his office, but truly, sat here like you’ve not got cum all up in those blue pantaloons, not a care in the world lol, shaking her head to uncover the missing hair spot as much as she physically can, getting up in his grill and feeling her braid in his hair, tugging it so lightly that it won’t go anywhere but we must ‘Your type has changed’ in her silliest French accent, smiling so big]

Jake: [ideas bear strikes again, he’s never too hot and bothered, Jake is though, in the best way, immediately playing with her fringe, styling it with his fingers and sweeping it about so the gap shows the most it possibly can, and his fingers are bruising over her forehead lovebite bruise every so often too ‘my type is you, however you change’ in French, so seriously in contrast to her silliness, thinking of her as a baby right up to an old lady, eras they haven’t lived through yet, hypocrite alert to say this when you pushed her away because you’ve changed, but he is]

Sylvie: [my boo said how about you focus a little of that energy on yourself, sir, but ain’t that some shit, so hard to give yourself the love you give to others ‘except if I change my hair’ teasing because if we dwell on how serious he is being, we will get emotional here, kissing the top of his newly red head ‘you were pretty clear about that rule’]

Jake: [‘I was’ pulling her into him like if he doesn’t then she’ll run off and change her hair ASAP because never gonna get sick of holding her or having her close to us, SUCH daddy energy here with this because how turned on they were by the hair cutting hasn’t gone anywhere, if anything it’s amplified since the braid entered the chat, playing with the knife that’s now attached to her, which is pulling the zip of her top down slightly, exposing some blue bra which he is also running his fingers along]

Sylvie: [‘No one’s ever given me rules before’ shout out real dad for not being that type of father lol, they’re absolutely still extremely turned on, and that’s undeniable once more with the tone in which she just said that and how she’s getting further in his lap and looking up at him full 🥺]

Jake: [‘and you’re that good at following them’ because even more impressive and he’s gotta let her know how impressed he is and what a good girl she is with all the emphasis he’s putting on that word, it’s very important lol, kissing the skin he’s just exposed when pulling that zip down, drawing lil hearts with his tongue, over and over, until he does one as a lovebite like she did on his adam’s apple, small but with !! compared to the softness of the kisses and licking]

Sylvie: [‘I like making you happy’ sounds like a line but is sincerely meant, nuzzling her face into his neck when she says this because already can’t deal with how he’s lightly undressing and kissing her, running her hands down his arms into the sleeves of this fleece so they’re both wearing it and are attached, SQUEEZING his hands when he gives her the lovebite ‘make more rules for me’]

Jake: [when you can hear how sincerely she means it, and that does make you so happy in this moment, wouldn’t think he could get any happier but then she does the sleeve thing and they’re joined together, locking their fingers together so tightly after she’s squeezed his hands while he’s big thinking about what rules he wants to make, because the possibilities are overwhelming, deciding on her not being allowed to shower when she gets home or before school in the AM, because as my boo said only a shower is gonna clean her up and he wants her to stay a mess for when he next sees her in lessons and they’re both sat there knowing the tea, running his hand back over the bra and adding ‘wear these again’ leaving her in no doubt he means the underwear too because he’s likewise lightly pulling on it while LOOKING at her]

Sylvie: [feeling SO normal and SO fine about this, his wrists being clamped on hard enough to genuinely hurt but she cannot help it, if it’s any consolation she has bitten her lip hard enough to draw blood at the same time, nodding furiously ‘you can make a mess there too, if you want’ like it’s casual and you aren’t suggesting he covers you in even more cum and you turn up to school like it tomorrow]

Jake: [kissing her lip better but with extra focus on cleaning up the blood and getting it in his own mouth obvs, when he eventually breaks that kiss, LOOKING her up and down and picturing her in her school lewk and everywhere on her body he could make a mess of her ‘if you make me’ not at all casually, it’s giving instruction like when he told her to fuck him, same tone and everything]

Sylvie: [‘don’t look at me like that’ said like never look at me any other way, thank you, ramping up this kiss and pulling her big coat around them like this will give them the privacy required to make the kind of mess you’re talking about making right now, which, obviously not but y’all can dream whilst you’re here having a lovely time ‘I like making you cum’ said just like she said I like making you happy because equally as true]

Jake: [he shamelessly will be looking at her like that the entire time forever now, even when it’s eye contact it’ll have the exact same energy, loving hiding in this big coat as if it does in fact give them total privacy and freedom to do whatever they want because there’s no world in which he isn’t THINKING about every possible way he could cum on her tits especially, because of wearing the bra tomorrow, but also everywhere else under her uniform and how they could get away with it here and now ‘new rule, do what you love’ ramping it up from like because he knows she do and he loves being free and easy with that word lol, telling her to make it happen however she can, again hypocritical because he isn’t doing what he loves in the larger sense of music and everything but it’s a rule for her and we don’t need to talk about that haha] 

Sylvie: [we’re all thinking about it girls, wishing this coat was big enough to be a tent we could pitch up right here and now so we could carry on doing whatever we want, I say y’all have literally had two orgasms and someone needs to put a stop to this lmao, at least that is easily achieved without needing to totally tank the vibe or anything, going to say ‘I love-’ and me cutting you off with some rowdy, annoying people entering the scene so it really seems like you were about to say an ILY but we’ll never know heheh, being lowkey shook to be so confronted with the fact other people do exist and can see and interact with y’all, looking at him like OH, before rolling her eyes and brushing herself off to stand, offering him her hand]

Jake: [omg not my boo hitting me with a possible almost ILY, she’s evil but so real for that because yes y’all have gotten away with too much here on these streets frankly and other peeps do exist soz, I love the parallel to the party when we interrupted y’all with those rowdy gypsy boys and freaked the fuck out of this one, he’s already gonna be likewise spooked by the sudden unexpected intrusion because he’s been living like a hermit for a month, but the added memory of that night too is gonna rattle him further, taking her hand when it’s offered but it’s clear we’re back to his startled horse mode, gonna say his sister chooses that moment to ring him as well to be like you really need to think about coming home it’s late etc etc, and that further ramps up the interruption, him answering it unthinkingly (like he did Mona’s, another unwelcome parallel for everyone) to lowkey be getting told off, cos depending what meds he’s on, he could have to take them too cos some are twice a day morning and night, so an added reminder of being sick on top of everything else]

Sylvie: [my boo says thanks a lot, randoms, like you simply are going to attract that sort of attention hoeing in the streets, I’m afraid, feeling it go to shit this hard makes her want to clap back at these people but please don’t, we don’t need the smoke, this boy is already going through it the second he answers the phone, which you can kind of hear but are politely pretending to not as you start walking in the direction you’ll need to to go home, turning back to mouth ‘sorry’ because technically your fault he is out, even though you don’t actually think it’s a bad thing he is and you didn’t technically ask him to come get you]

Jake: [mhmm exactly and as it gets later if the pubs are emptying (if it’s that late, we haven’t specified) or people have gotta head home cos it’s a school and therefore work night, there is gonna be more foot traffic at a time when you’d be hoping there’s less, perils of living in the thick of the city lads, anyway, this boy shaking his head trying to convey all those things my boo said because it isn’t her fault and he chose to do this and doesn’t actually regret it, mouthing back that edith piaf banger line, in French, for a nicer throwback, but I’m gonna be mean here and say that even though he’s clearly trying to, he can’t get his sister off the phone for the whole walk back because she’s on a roll working herself up as if the stressy vibe of this era]

Sylvie: [humming the tune of the song to him with a smile as she goes to turn around and keep walking, oh Talia, know this is a lot for you too girl, with your collective family trauma, but zip it lol, turning around sporadically to give the sort of oop, she’s still going looks to him, because you had suspicions his fam would be a lot but you’re inadvertently getting a taste of that now and you feel for him; when you reach the place in the road where he has to go one way and you another, stopping to be like, well, this is us then]

Jake: [I’m glad she’s getting a taste of the added pressure his fam is accidentally piling on even though I’m not glad his sister won’t hush to give them a sec to enjoy this walk together, I simply gotta be a bit evil though since we’ve been too nice, when they reach the literal fork in the road, hurriedly telling his sister he’ll be right there and putting the phone down on her before she gets a chance to keep talking because he can’t just let this girl walk off, catching up to her because he was understandably hanging back so she didn’t hear all the tea word for word in her ears too, and pulling her into what can only be described as a desperate and frantic hug, because this is his last chance, tonight at least]

Sylvie: [it’s important, not that she ever disbelieved him but now you have a better understanding, oh lads, have your hug like the world is ending, you must, even though she’s saying ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’ and ‘we can talk tonight, when your sister comes up for air’ you also feel the !! need to make this moment last as long as you can]

Jake: [mhmm it was a necessary glimpse for her to have cos he was being all depressed and hopeless so it’d be easy for her to think he’s kinda exaggerating how much his life sucks rn and being a bit dramatic, this hug meanwhile is what’s dramatic, he’s practically lifting her off her feet with the force of, trying to breathe her in completely for a final time because a side effect of his meds is that he can’t think the same as he used to and he’s worried he hasn’t committed everything to memory enough, even though he’s echoing her sentiments that yes he will see her tomorrow by saying whatever their first lesson together is and the o clock, like it’s a date or I’ll be there energy, not commenting on if they can talk later because he doesn’t know when his sister will chill the fuck out and if by then he’ll have to be going straight to bed cos sleep deprivation is one of the worst triggers, so not wanting to make a promise he has to break this soon, even casually]

Sylvie: [we get it boy, we’re wrapping ourselves around him like he’s being taken from us because that’s how it feels, it’s giving drama but we’re not putting words to it, fumbling to find the braid to make sure it’s still there, that that really happened, breathing a sigh of relief at the confirmation, like okay, I guess I can leave then]

Jake: [thank god for the physical reminders or y’all would feel and go insane, therefore he’s seeking out her bruised forehead in a similar vein, kissing it in a not at all chaste or goodnight manner, very sloppy hungry makeout coded actually to put some of his anger and !! at having to leave somewhere, saying into it ‘I’ve got to go’ but instead putting his mouth on the gap in her fringe and staying like that]

Sylvie: [mhmm, hence the way this insane forehead makeout hurts is nothing but a good thing in our book, shifting closer to him when he says he has to go, saying ‘I know’ right into his face as you do nothing to let him lol ‘I wish you lived next door’ because how close he does is still not close enough and you want him right next to you at all times, basically] 

Jake: [absolutely his feeling on it too so he’s also gonna grab the lovebite he did on her chest hard enough to cause her pain when she shifts closer to him, gotta be PRESSING into it as hard as he can as if he’s scared it’ll have faded by tomorrow or indeed there won’t be a tomorrow, only letting go of her fringe so his mouth is free to say ‘I wish you could come with me’ and staying in that close proximity, LOOKING into her eyes so fiercely]

Sylvie: [‘I can, tell them I can’t read a social cue to save my life’ like lol, I don’t care, knowing he isn’t going to agree but also wanting to let it be known that you really don’t care, if he wanted you to, you would]

Jake: [smiling and kissing her on the mouth cos he can’t agree to this but he loves her and the fucks she doesn’t give ‘you’re inspiring’ kissing her again, harder and longer than the quick smooch the first one was, eventually breaking the kiss and taking a step away towards the direction he needs to go, but doing the thing where he holds her hand as he does and lets it stretch between them as their arms have to more and more to still be connected until they can’t because he’s gradually walking off step by step]

Sylvie: [crossing her fingers on both hands because we hope we are, we want to be how we were before, putting everything we have into this kiss, all the unspoken longing perfectly illustrated by y’all being connected until that’s a physical impossibility, walking far enough that she has technically walked away but stopping to watch him leave until he is fully out of sight before she walks all the way home]

Jake: [oh lads, cinematic to the literal very end, I love it for you, this boy won’t love that he has to go home and be told off by his sister some more and give her her keys back and lie that her pen knife fell off and take his meds and go to sleep, but needs must, I’m not gonna let y’all talk any more tonight because you’ve done enough and it’ll make seeing each other at school tomorrow more !! but I am gonna do some posts on his socials because he brought it back and made it private just for her and that’s real for what you’d do when you’re trying to fall asleep]

Jake: [if you can’t wild out together on this day, when can you, it’s gotta be done, hence I’m gonna say they do fall onto the cold hard ground as has been threatened to almost happen many a time and honestly would now with how he’s losing himself to these antics, landing on top of her hard enough to properly hardcore wind them both (and god knows what other bruises or scrapes y’all will also end up with as mementos that you’re unaware of here and now) so her name is being mouthed because there’s no air or sound able to escape but that isn’t stopping him or meaning her name hasn’t been forced out of him too, especially when all he can think about when their bodies slam together that hard is how if clothes weren’t in the way rn every inch of him would be deep inside of her, which is why even though arguably hitting the deck should be a wakeup call, instead he’s moving against her with even more purpose and !! than before, lining himself up again exactly after they fell in a slightly chaotic heap, GRABBING onto her hips with as feral energy as when she dug her nails into his]

Sylvie: [my boo said you gotta fall down and honestly, it tracks, so turned on by being winded by him so fiercely that she can’t even hide it if she wanted to, clutching onto him how you do when you’re the one being landed on, and you’re absorbing that impact, dusting his shoulders off and LOOKING at him with her dilated to hell eyes because checking he’s okay doesn’t even need to happen because of the way he’s carrying on like nothing did just there, WATCHING how he’s lining up their bodies, anticipation as real as if they’re going to do it for real because once again, oh how you wish you were, trying and failing to stay still because you want it too bad]

Jake: [it’s giving before she got to his house and he had to dramatically sit down by the door when he was waiting for her or at the venue when he practically slid down the wall, same language of not being able to stay upright because you’re too !! not to mention sick and weak, just a logical conclusion and parallel, anyway, her dilated pupils turning him on even more because yet another confirmation she does really want him, doing another MOAN about it even louder than before and unmuffled by anything this time, sounding like an animal as he continues to move, but it’s a good comparison now, STARING into her eyes, practically willing them to roll back with the force of it, and really doing the most to encourage her body to react as much as his is]

Sylvie: [you had form before you were sick, it’s even more of a thing in your current state, god bless, we’re not complaining right now, quite literally doing the opposite, whimpering directly into his ear about his MOAN and how this all feels, because we cannot deal with how we’ve gone from radio silence nothingness to you being SO here and SO present, kissing, licking and sucking on his ear now we’re there because that isn’t kissing kissing so you can, hands in his now red curls because you have to be all over him so he knows how much you’ve missed him, goes without saying you’re matching his rhythm with zero hesitation, there’s no stopping now]

Jake: [what a rollercoaster y’all are on, but at least he is in the moment and hasn’t scared himself out of it thinking about seizure triggers or anything, hence there is no stopping, neither of you dare to have a coherent thought right now, all we’re doing is focusing on how good this feels, that said he is gonna hit by an epic flashback of when he wouldn’t leave his ear alone to the point of marking it when he was obsessing over the piercing he wants when she’s giving his all that attention and there is the possibility she could leave one, and ofc he’s that into it and the fact she’s making out with him by another name as well as how her body’s reacting to his that without a single thought of fuck given for where they are, he’s moving her clothes aside enough that he can take the same fingers, equivalent to whichever ones of hers they both bit, and push them inside her, as far as he did her fingers into his mouth (which was giving as far as possible) thrusting them in and out so she’s LOUD and INDECENT in this at least semi public setting and it makes him gasp, like he genuinely didn’t expect her to be as turned on as this by him ‘you’re so wet’ being the first thing he says, with real shock and awe like omg you do still want me]

Sylvie: [no thoughts just vibes, which is how it’s always been, getting in your head will fuck you over every time, and we say not today lol, totally reading his thoughts vis-à-vis the ear and giving him a cheeky little lovebite on the lobe, we will not apologise to your girlfriend because we hate her and on the ear it could just look like a bruise of any other kind anyway but WE KNOW, I would say we are GAGGED by what happens next but the amount of NOISE that we’re able to produce (that does nothing to cover all the NOISE he’s making with your body at the same time) would suggest otherwise, doing that sort of laugh like are you joking/taking the piss out of me because well yes ‘of course I am’ like have you seen what you’re doing to me, boy, in the middle of the street, no less]

Jake: [my boo says sucks to suck Mona and she’s so real for that, not that Jacob is even remembering he has a gf rn, far from it, the earlobe lovebite has him completely gagged because the perfect way to not only really anchor him in this moment but remind him it really happened later, making such a good NOISE of his own about it like it hurt so much, LOOKING at her again and shaking his head (and his whurls at her) because he’s so serious and so seriously surprised that he can still make her body do that, going even harder for a minute ™  as though he’s got something to prove, really fingering her like his life depends on it (and also again like he’s composing a song with a very fast, loud and indecent beat) his ragged breathing as fast and synced up to these antics, only stopping when his fingers start to cramp because he hasn’t done any writing or guitar playing or anything for this whole month, he’s truly been sitting at school staring into space pretty much, pulling them out of her and going to town himself sucking on them and tasting her, because as compensation for being forced to stop goes, it’s the best one]

Sylvie: [as that old lady in Game of Thrones said… lmao, it’s absolutely not being thought about by her either in this moment but as far as not causing him grief later, I’ll do you that solid, you’re welcome, oh divas, here being just the most indecent wilding in these streets, there’s going to be no sense of unfinished business about it because so insanely needy that he’s got her here DYING immediately, like it looks like he’s attacked her the way she’s struggling to breathe here on the cold hard ground and we are MEZMERISED as we watch him sucking on his fingers now, putting her hands over her heart to feel how insanely fast it’s beating because it doesn’t feel possible/this may all be a fever dream ‘you’re so hot’ breathlessly said with the same energy as he said you’re so wet, like she can’t even believe he exists]

Jake: [how healing that y’all are back being feral in public, just like old times, while she’s watching him he’s watching her struggle to breathe and genuinely so close to cumming all over himself at that visual combined with the taste of her flooding his mouth, resting his head on her chest to feel her heart hammering against his lovebitten ear, fitting his body perfectly back into hers like he never moved a muscle, letting her feel the insane effect she’s having on him as he’s reaching to push the fingers that have just been all up in his mouth in hers, so she can taste both herself and even more of his spit + maybe some blood considering his lip was bleeding earlier and they’re only been more feral since, I’d believe he might’ve rebitten it when they first hit the deck if nothing else, or when she did those ear antics if not, there’s many possible moments, including actually when she’s calling him hot with the same level of awe truly, because that would gag him, hearing she still thinks so, let’s go with that option gals, why not]

Sylvie: [wrapping her shaky legs around him to pull him even further into her, playing with the earlobe that is not pressed into her chest whilst they’re like this, teasing and pulling it, suggesting you’re going to bite that one too, what you’re actually going to do is bite your own tongue because the same FUCK reaction to tasting herself and him combined, so overwhelmed in the best way possible, bringing her head up to even more urgently pull his fingers into her mouth, making EYE CONTACT despite the desire to let said eyes roll to the back of your head at this point]

Jake: [taking his turn to fuck her mouth with his fingers like she was doing to him before they hit the deck, really enjoying and continuing to look for and trace the indent of her teeth in her tongue over and over again, pressing into it with his fingers and making it worse, trying to dig nails he doesn’t have into it so some of his already chipped nail polish is defs coming off in her mouth too, because he’s likewise overwhelmed, barely moving because he’s gonna cum if he do but unable to stay still, just writhing against and burrowing into her in a way that again feels very animal, his eyes once again screaming at her and pleading with her in such a !! manner as they’re locked in this eye contact]

Sylvie: [me like I certainly hope anyone who has stumbled across you has just as quickly exited because this is becoming a spectacle for real, like, we get it, but you gotta remind him how hard you practised for the oral of it all and how much you loved doing it (but the once, sad times), this paired with doing as much as you can with just your body to encourage him to cum how he so clearly needs to, nodding like it’s okay/you gotta, mouthing a ‘please’ at him around his fingers, ofc]

Jake: [truly, nobody needs to see this and they deffo don’t need to be interrupting it at this point ‘I haven’t since’ like that’s a full sentence but it’s obvious he means he hasn’t cum since he did in her mouth when she’s doing all that to remind him of when, very hard for him to currently even get those 3 words out (I love that it’s unintentionally 3 as was ‘you’re so wet’ the only other thing he’s said, I didn’t plan that and neither did he but an accidental slay) but he’s gotta let her know just how big of a deal this is, burying his head into her chest like he’s so embarrassed but actually he’s just mouthing at her nip through her clothes]

Sylvie: [a slay is a slay however we reach it, and we’re reaching it today, honey, she’s here floored that he hasn’t cum since then, like she didn’t think it’s been a 24/7 fuckfest fun time, obviously, but not even once or by himself, we are shook and even more determined to help him now ‘is it all for me?’ as if that’s the only reason he hasn’t, pushing her chest into him and using the movement to do the most with the feral dryhumping y’all are engaged in]

Jake: [it sounds peak romance said out loud when for once you weren’t planning a gesture you were just going through it lol, this loverboy here for it and romanticising it in his heart regardless, using his frantic nod at her question to nuzzle into her chest even more, biting her nip when she pushes it into him, through her clothes so not hard enough to almost take it off me or mali style but still hard enough she’s gonna feel it that’s for sure because her dryhumping is making him lose his mind and it isn’t enough that she can already tell, he needs to let her KNOW he’s so agonisingly close]

Sylvie: [you’re welcome, boy, cling to it because the truth just sucks and who cares about that when you can, if just for this moment, be poetic about it again ‘I want to take it’ just in case that wasn’t clear, having to swear when he bites her nip, through gritted teeth, which you would think was from pain but it’s actually from holding back on pulling your clothes entirely to the side and going for it here and now so you can really take it, because it becomes more and more tempting every moment that passes here]

Jake: [reacting like she’s the one who bit him not the other way around with how his whole body is fully arching into hers and trembling because hearing her swear has got him like that, he always loves it but especially now that he’s in his angry bear era, saying her name so breathlessly and with such feeling it could just as easily be his own swear word or please or ILY, his eyes forever locked on hers and screaming how badly he needs to let go and the reassurance that he isn’t gonna fr drop down dead or something if he does]

Sylvie: [holding either side of his face, meeting his pleading EYE CONTACT and nodding so definitively, before not ungently pushing his head back down into her chest like lock in, you got this ‘you can bite me again, anything’ adding the anything there like it’s so throwaway but you really mean that shit, whatever it takes ‘I’ve got you’]

Jake: [really taking that anything and running with it because what he’s gonna do after LOOKING at her for a second with his head on her chest is lift it back up and drag her face to his via a very ungentle hair PULL, crashing their mouths together so roughly, biting her tongue but this time unlike with her finger fitting his teeth into her indents as best he can, his chapped lips so rough they’re sticking to hers, giving her bottom lip all the attention she gave his earlobe, going for it until it makes him cum and he makes the most unholy SOUNDS into her mouth, feeling like he’ll never stop because the amount of jizz feels like it’ll truly never stop]

Sylvie: [win says kissing kissing kissing! We are so back, this girl getting so immediately excited, she is out here headbutting him in her haste to be kissing because it’s finally happening, thank you jesus lol, kind of loving how rough his lips feel in this moment, how vaguely violent this all is feels correct after the month you’ve had, never mind the one he has, holding onto him like both your lives depend on it, because we’re going to keep you tethered to us even if we both fly off into space because this is so needed, has never kissed anyone with such ferocity and unexpressed emotion, it’s taking her breath away with every kiss but we cannot stop, even as we’re helping him ride out his orgasm]

Jake: [we are so back and I’m so glad, however shortlived it is or isn’t cos we never know with y’all in this era, here in this moment you’re living your absolute best lives, continuing to kiss her even though he’s so dead that he barely can and his frantic gulping breaths have given him hiccups because now that we’ve started we aren’t going to stop cos honestly the hiccups being violent and kind of painful when he refuses to deal with them just adds to it the way his chapped lips like sandpaper did for her, it’s part of the immaculate vibes]

Sylvie: [who can say, none of us lmao, no one can blame y’all for continuing to kiss like you’re in the comfort of your own homes or something, not just on the cold hard ground, giggling at his hiccups because they are so cute, into the kiss, obviously, not stopping for nothing, doing the electroshock move into his sides to try and scare them out of him but you’re actually just being silly and no help at all, wrapping her arms around his neck and making such a happy yet overstimulated so kind of pained noise right into his mouth]

Jake: [my boo says get a room but they will not, never mind the fact this boy is gonna look and feel like he’s pissed himself and so will she, I hope you’ve got dark coloured trousers on at least hun because I’ve been rude to this boy and he has not, outfit incoming, pushing her hair behind her ears roughly and messily because he isn’t stopping the kisses either to look what he’s doing and do a neat job, he’s just letting her know she’s adorable too and so babygirl and taking his excuse to be all up in it, making such a relieved noise into her mouth because he couldn’t have cum more dramatically and the sky hasn’t fallen in, not that she knows about the seizures yet but he knows he hasn’t triggered one, smiling, which makes it seem like he’s thrilled she’s so overstimulated rn and where’s the lie, both things can be true]

Sylvie: [I have no clue, maybe I will be inspired by my boo’s work to do one of my own, we shall see, smiling back at him, closing her eyes for the first time in what would feel like forever, basking in this moment because even though you do not know the full tea, he gave clues and made allusions, so you also recognise this as a milestone, and as far as you’re concerned, a step in the right direction, hence the ‘hey’ as she’s planting a lil kiss right in the corner of his mouth, like he’s only just turned up]

Jake: [gently kissing her closed eyelids in contrast to how rough he’s mostly been for this entire interaction, with a tip of her nose kiss like boop in between as he goes from one to the other, trying to memorise her face and really take her in, because it feels like he’s forgotten or was starting to forget so many details about her, moving off her so he isn’t squashing her into the cold hard ground as fiercely and can study her from a little more distance too, letting his attention travel down every body part in turn as he goes from lying to sitting on the floor, smiling bigger because she’s her and not a stranger and everything is more than okay here in this moment]

Sylvie: [mirroring this studying of every feature and body part because you both need this moment, because aside from some weight loss and exhaustion, he is still the same person and he is hot and you’d recognise him anywhere, pulling him back in for a SQUEEZING hug and using it to pull you both up into a seated position]

Jake: [just hold her for a second and breathe her in until that calms you down and your body fully relaxes for the first time in a month, it’s very necessary and more beneficial than a breathing exercise or anything your family is trying to make you do atm wellness wise, hearing some people and being aware for the first time that y’all aren’t alone on a dead planet but not being spooked by it the way he would’ve been earlier because she’s reset his nervous system with this hug (and by letting him cum for the first time in forever too, we know) resting his chin on the top of her head and doing a hot lol into her messy hair as the randomers go by because y’all look a state but you don’t care]

Sylvie: [you likewise had no idea how badly you needed that hug until you had it, saying ‘I’ll come over and do that every night’ into his chest, meaning the hug but not minding if he thinks you mean that whole performance because we’d do that too lol, y’all truly do look a mess, but could not be happier to hear his laugh again, leaning up to kiss his cheek about it, hiding under your hair as you give him heart eyes]

Jake: [taking forever and a day to smooth out her what looks like shameless sex hair with his fingers, not just running his fingers through it as standard but detangling it so carefully with them too while he returns the heart eyes and smiles at her so lovingly, hilarious juxtaposition of them being sat in the street doing this instead of comfy cosy at home, doing her button and/or fly up then too, if she has one to do up, or just adjusting her clothes for her if not, because they were far too distracted to check if she was flashing anyone before now lol]

Sylvie: [such domestic scenes in such an inappropriate setting, you love to see it, making such a mischievous oops kind of face as he’s helping her be fully dressed and presentable because would’ve let him get her naked then and not batted an eyelid about it, LOOKING down at his crotch because yes, it is very obvious what just happened ‘I didn’t do a very good job at keeping you tidy’]

Jake: [the temptation to hook up there and then was the realest, it could’ve so easily gone that way and I wouldn’t have even been surprised, pulling her to him via her top or jacket, a fistful of either or both so that she’s sitting on his lap and hiding it because after he’s followed her gaze and seen how ridiculously obvious it is and that he’ll have to walk home like that (however short the distance) he’s mostly secretly thrilled with himself that he managed to cum like that lbr but pretending he’s embarrassed and shy so he can have her that close to him, remembering the gig night and how light her jeans were then so vividly, LOOKING down at her crotch to compare to whatever she’s wearing now and how visible it is or isn’t, getting SUCH a strong urge to start fingering her again that he buries his face into her neck, huffs like an angry Ang and kicks at her shoe with his battered gardening birkenstocks like UGH so true and I’m so mad at you about it]

Sylvie: [biting her lip as she gets comfortable in his lap, simultaneously remembering every time she has been here before and imagining taking his clothes off now enough to ‘help’ him not get any more cum anywhere but inside her, having to shake her head to try and stop thinking about that so hard that she can’t concentrate on the here and now ‘it’s cheating to make me wetter’ like oh how dare lol, as if he was comparing the state of you to him and is trying to win by making you worse now, tilting his face towards her via a casual chin hold]

Jake: [when she tilts his face towards hers, locking eyes yet again (I’ve lost count of how many times they have at this point lol) with such intensity, trying to read her mind and be transmitted every thought she was just lost in because he knows she was THINKING something but not exactly what, then his dramatic af gaze travelling down to her lips, searching to see if there’s teeth marks there too from that lip bite at the same instant as his thumb is reaching out to brush over her bottom lip, slow and deliberate, leaving the tip of his thumb poking into her mouth just slightly, like their tongues were poking out before, when he’s done, to keep her mouth slightly open how he was obsessed with it being earlier ‘it’s too soon to bring up cheating’ playfully, mischief in his eyes and tone because that’s exactly what they’ve just done, technically, again, but is he sorry, no, very much not]

Sylvie: [maintaining the eye contact as she thinks every unhinged thought she can, only obvious in the blush these thoughts elicit because refuse to look away about it, only allowing herself to swirl her tongue around the end of his thumb, not taking it any deeper into her mouth, kissing it with a sigh ‘tell me to be good, Jake’ because certainly does not want to be now and the only way we will be is on his say so, hence we’re smirking up at him at this cheating comment because no one here is sorry ‘it’s never too soon to start cheating’ like lol, you should’ve called me immediately]

Jake: [smirking so cocky and so smug at her blush but being immediately humbled when her tongue moves around the tip of his thumb and it reminds him of all the attention she paid to the tip of his dick and how that felt and he’s gotta shift his body so unsubtly underneath her about it, feeling like however dead he was his dick just came dramatically back to life with a twitch that was like something out of Frankenstein or a zombie film, pushing his thumb into her mouth and writing ‘Nn’ against her bottom lip because no he doesn’t want her to be good rn, pressing it against her bottom teeth hard enough to leave an indent, like she’s a fish and his finger is a hook, holding her there in place for a second but letting her go so she can do her smirk and speak, pressing the same thumb against his closed chapped lips, like a shh but not at all because doesn’t want her to]

Sylvie: [likewise very pleased with herself to get that reaction from him so soon after, beaming about it so he knows, like the satisfaction isn’t just radiating from her lol, at least you are being shhed by him hooking you like a fish and then closing your lips with his thumb, which you are INTO, using your eyes to communicate everything you can’t, such a knowing LOOK because you know he never wants you to be good, not like that, anyway, leaning her weight into him so he has to support her on let her crash into him to kiss again]

Jake: [enjoying the fact y’all get to have a slower and spittier messy but romantic af makeout sesh here and now that he isn’t feral with the violent urge to cum, just exploring her mouth in almost disgusting way, getting reacquainted with it thoroughly it’s giving Timmy and Lily Rose depp on that boat in the sense that they didn’t need to do that much and nobody asked, feeling like a first kiss and yet so familiar because very reminiscent of their actual first kisses too, love it for you lads]

Sylvie: [you deserve a proper little makeout moment, divas, enjoy it, try not to get emotional and fail, because we already are, it can never be overstated, in literal words and actions, how much we have missed him and how happy we are to be here with him now, just further hammering home how in love you are with every exploratory move here, nbd]

Jake: [they do deserve a proper long makeout, I’m only calling time on it because his hand moves from her waist to her waistband/belt loops/fly and button, depending what we’re working with here, because it cannot be overstated how much he cannot leave her alone and wants to touch her again, but I’m not letting him cos I’m gonna say he hears people nearby (instead of walking past this time) or these fools sitting on the cold hard ground are being illuminated cinematically by a car going by, something like that, to remind him they aren’t alone and he isn’t gonna get away with it rn, soz diva, so instead asking her ‘got a light?’ because it’s the sassiest way to ask for a cigarette in English (and it’s gotta be because he asked in French earlier in the convo) and for y’all personality in works with the ref of her being his spark and her being Paris which is the city of light, anyway he’s hoping that either he’ll have a smoke and maybe calm down (unlikely lol) or they’ll get to have the hot moment they both wanted before while they impatiently wait for everyone else in the world to leave]

Sylvie: [valid, it’s about time we interrupt you, you got away with quite enough there, shielding her eyes and scowling into this car light so the people inside know she’s fuming about it, as if they’re the ones who shouldn’t be here and they have every right to be sprawled out in the middle of everything lol, turning back to him and our features instantly softening, rummage around in your pockets to find your cigarettes and lighter, holding it in your mouth to light because he said it had to touch her lips first so it’s important, handing it to him before actually taking a drag though]

Jake: [you can’t be feral forever or y’all end up hooking up on this streets and that can’t be happening on day 1, he did say that well remembered, he’ll be giving her heart eyes about it because it do be such an important detail, meanwhile me googling how long of a break before cigarettes make you feel lightheaded and sick again and google ai is saying 2-4 weeks unless you’re a heavy ass smoker which he is not so I ate that, looking STUNNING af when he takes his first drag but immediately getting the fear a seizure is in fact looming when those symptoms strike because I haven’t been evil enough and I want to, such an instant OH NO coming over him because of course that’s his go to and not his month off, going pale and clammy and his hand shaking holding that offending cigarette, passing it to her like well if I’m gonna be hitting the deck again in a sec I better not be holding this]

Sylvie: [when it’s hitting so immediately that you are almost snatching that cigarette off him before he’s even fully extended his hand to give it to you, it’s this girl assuming he’s having a panic attack, despite not even knowing herself that that’s what they are, because she’s been having them about him, (I peppered in that she keeps being woke up and freaking out), so telling him ‘it’ll pass, give it a sec’ wishing she had a water to offer but we were not that prepared, instead putting the coldest thing we have to hand, which is probably your phone case, on the back on his neck and sort of pushing him (casually, not forcing obvs lol) into the head between the legs sort of position at the same time, backing off after that because don’t need to crowd him]

Jake: [oh Jacob I’ve been there the 2 times I’ve tried cigarettes, I know the struggle diva even without the added health anxiety you’ve got going on, it makes perfect sense to me that this would trigger a panic attack like when we did the OG party and he thought he was about to have a seizure and he was actually having a panic at the prospect, alas there’s no hummus to hand this time but she’s doing the right thing nevertheless, the coldest thing could also be her lighter if it’s metal but anyway, she’ll find something and it’ll help, as will dramatically reaching for her hand across the distance she’s created, unthinkingly but of course he wants her comfort at a time like this, again so me, I say ground me my boo when I’m floating off and away]

Sylvie: [someone outside just had one, and I say thank you for the ambience provided lol, SQUEEZING his hand back as tight as she can, running her nails up his forearm too whilst she’s there, varying the sensation so he has something else to attempt to focus on, tell him about the first time you tried a cigarette, however long ago this was, because no one is a professional from the jump, you have to get used to it lol, even if you’re just here providing background noise, it’s also a story you haven’t told him before about younger you, not asking AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, but the question is there in the … if he feels up to a reply or nah]

Jake: [we love a supportive queen coming in with actually helpful solutions especially when he’s been severely lacking any lately, this panic attack is something manageable and if he wasn’t already in love with her he would be at how she’s handling it, his other hand that isn’t squeezing hers for dear life going to her wrist, tracing over where he wrote his signature what feels like forever ago and pressing into the ghost of the lovebite that once was too, finally feeling her pulse because even if it’s !! because of her worry for him in this moment it’ll still be steadier than his and that’s what he wants to feel (very much giving when he was messing with the muscles and bones of her hand earlier), all those things helping him as well as everything she’s doing exactly right, keeping his eyes closed and letting her words wash over him while he listens and breathes but by the time she’s done he’s smiling at how adorable her younger self is and feeling less shaky, attempting to swap stories and give her a reply because even if he feels still a bit far away at first, it’ll get easier and he’ll be able to be more animated, can’t keep a former theatre kid down lol]

Sylvie: [watching his tracing and asking him if he has his Sharpie, like he’s that level of famous that he can’t leave the house without one, calming herself because he’s getting his colour back and all the other subtle shifts that show the person is coming out the other side of it and this doesn’t need escalating, so moving back closer to him to rest her hands in his lap so he can continue to mess with them if he wants, rolling her eyes at him affectionately because I know this story has such pretentious vibes and she can’t pretend to hate it at this point ‘you’ve not got any cooler’ like nerd then nerd now tehe x]

Jake: [oh absolutely, I know he lit it with a match instead of a lighter like such a performative male and that isn’t even the half of it lol, but anyway, checking his pockets because he left the house in such a hurry that god only knows what’s in there, he certainly doesn’t, but as we know finding just his phone (which I didn’t bother to include because it’s the same as his grey era school lewk) and his sister’s keys, looking to see if she has a pen or some lipgloss on them that he could write on this girl with but Talia does not, putting them both away like oh what am I like, but the frown he was gonna do at being sharpie thwarted turning into a little smirk when he sees the absolute state of his crotch again in its full glory, playing with her fingers like he did at the gig, just messing in such a boyfriend coded manner, but within that, using his fingers to encourage hers to be all up in that crotch mess too like LOL yes I have, I couldn’t have been cooler during those feral moments]

Sylvie: [he says Talia you have let me down, like she’s not looking for you/her keys as we speak haha, keep looking diva, we’re healing and thriving here, taking this encouragement to mean he wants you to attempt to draw on yourself with the remaining wetness of both y’alls crotches, grinning back like challenge accepted, the way you can almost perfectly replicate his signature because you studied it so hard every time he’s done it, nbd, getting distracted by feeling him up unashamedly for a moment because not used to it, will never be over getting to touch him like this, looking up and asking him how he feels now for the double entendre of it all but actually we do wanna know]

Jake: [soz you’re not jali and you won’t be carving into each other with her pen knife on this day, unaware that he’s playing with the bracelet his sister gave him for emotional calm, anxiety-induced overthinking  and to encourage him to stop suppressing his feelings (all properties sodalite has because she’s got his number haha) to the point that he’s risking snapping it like his pearls because if perfectly replicating his signature wasn’t enough she’s also touching him up, please don’t though boy cos your sister would be devastated hence you’ve been wearing it nonstop and still are in the absence of all other jewellery atm, stopping messing with this bracelet in the nick of time because he’s taking her wrist and licking it, as if he’s just cleaning her up instead of blatantly going over this signature with his tongue, as they have both done before, likewise getting distracted by putting so much flourish on that, practically giving himself a new signature he’s being so extra, ‘you know’ said against her pulse because she can feel how she’s making him feel with her touch rn and he can feel her pulse responding to his too] 

Sylvie: [soz, y’all aren’t at that level of unhinged yet, and you aren’t exactly up to bloodletting right now, Jacob, so let’s calm down and keep at this already too feral for the time and place level, thank you, hot loling here like this is the most ticklish thing she has ever experienced, and I’m sure it does a bit but mostly you’re just using it as an excuse to make some noise to get out some !! about this, also using being tickled as an excuse to touch him more egregiously because it’s his fault for making you wriggle around like this ‘I know’]

Jake: [god bless y’all for never being appropriate for the setting and he isn’t about to start now because he’s taking his opportunity to really tickle her, her stomach ofc because it’s such a them feelsy body part and has been many a time, at first just doing it standard and over her clothes, but when she says her ‘I know’ for obvious reasons getting distracted and !! so pulling her top up to write JC repeatedly all over the bare skin of her stomach, taking on even more added significance since y’all discussed baby names as well by the way] 

Sylvie: [more significance indeed, resisting the urge to blurt out that you’re still his (thanks to the Bobby of it all that we’re all ignoring), but it’s obvious you were about to say something, so being distracting yourself and blowing a raspberry on his neck because we can all be childish with it lol]

Jake: [ohoho he knows damn well she was gonna say something so no hesitation at all in blowing his retaliation raspberry on her bare stomach, very jali coded of y’all again because he has done that haha, to one up her how they love to do but also like it’s a torture tactic that’ll force the words out, ofc when he’s there he can’t resist repeating writing the JC all over her with his tongue, getting so low on her stomach with this it’s giving oral flashbacks and the reminder of when she scratched his name there with the earring]

Sylvie: [bringing the vibes today appaz lol, and vibes they are, such a struggle even being faux furious at his shameless attack because so about it in every way ‘I love your name’ which is not what you were about to say but it is as true and is being blurted out now through panted laughter, because nothing turns her on more than him wanting to cover her with his initials in any way he can ‘they made the right choice’ like shoutout parents, it’s a good one]

Jake: [such fun being had and we’re all overjoyed it finally is ‘I love yours’ which is dangerously close to an ILY and so easily could’ve accidentally been one as a slip of the tongue when feels are this high, it’s gotta be said though because we gave her such a slay first and last name combo, it’s really good, licking a giant heart across her whole stomach and then putting both of their initials and  + (which is already feelsier to them than most) inside, which she should be able to get because he’s doing it so slowly and deliberately]

Sylvie: [truly, gotta cling to this with all your strength, lads, we all felt how close that was to an ILY, and we’re all trying to be casual about it, but the way her body is out here lowkey writhing towards his touch is not casual in any which way, feeling him doing this heart and blinking back tears for a totally different reason than when we first got here, you love to see a full circle moment, also imagining him doing that inside of her and doing a lil gasp ‘what sounds better Mulholland-Cohen or Cohen-Mulholland?’ like it’s just a hypothetical and there’s nothing implied there whatsoever]

Jake: [living for how her body is reacting to this, catch him clinging to her waistband/belt loops with such force it’s a miracle they don’t come off in his hand or her elastic doesn’t go depending which it is, has never been more desperate to do oral on her, you’d think he hasn’t done it yet with the way he’s obsessing over it again but y’all can’t get away with that here and now, you barely did the fingering and it’s only because he was so quick about it thanks to cramping up, compromising by doing circles around her belly button with his tongue, giving when she was swirling hers around his thumb and tip of his dick, experimenting with the different ways he can poke his tongue inside, telling her (breathlessly because of being into these antics, as well as the fact she’s saying what she is and what IS implied) that the first one sounds better, by repeating it, because I think it does and I love that he’s putting her name first, very on brand for how obsessed with her he is, which is how it’s coming across, rather than him doing the feminist performative thing, it’s all in his tone baby]

Sylvie: [we all agree it sounds best that way round, good to know lol, nodding and smacking her head a bit in her enthusiasm because likewise obsessed with what he is doing to her and what it is a clear substitute for, joining him in being all up on her waistband like the only thing stopping y’all from going for it is being unable to get her clothes off, a game of pushing these bottoms down before pulling them up because you really can’t but we all know you both want to ‘Sylvie MC’ and doing an adorable snort because thank you for the DJ name, she’s too giddy for this]

Jake: [oh that’s VERY cute with her being a DJ how fated and he’s wordlessly saying as much because his whole face is lighting up, he looks like a kid on christmas about that, thrilled lol, but if you think that means he’s distracted from being a feral heathen he absolutely is not, because he’s likewise hysterical and in the next second I’m stealing from cinema date and saying that yes, he does suck on her crotch fabric like it’s his job, the time has come lol, as if he’s one upping her in this game and keeping her clothes in place like no no with his mouth because it’s very much giving the mouth equivalent of holding onto the fabric tightly in a balled fist, we all know why he’s really doing this though and an added reason is because around it he’s asking her about baby names to go with that last name double barrel and that needs to be muffled and fully incoherent, we can’t go there lads, but I love that it means he’s forgotten himself and his diagnosis for a minute]

Sylvie: [you gotta steal all the good moves from old convos, and in this context it hits even harder because really not expecting him to do THAT, fighting for her life trying to reach him to kiss his mouth HARD or she fears she’s going to say some absolutely wild shit, even though she can’t make out the wild shit he is to know that that’s a mutual problem, this feeling like nothing you have ever felt before has you losing it, grabbing for him]

Jake: [it fits so nicely here, as does him experimenting to see how hard he can bite her through this fabric given all the finger biting of earlier so I’ll let you do that too before you give in to this gal’s demands and crash your mouths together again, still all teeth, them for sure hitting each other in your haste to be making out before this boy completely outs himself as wanting to marry and have babies with her more than he already has, but ofc he can’t leave her crotch alone so he’s GRABBING at it, so violently you’d be forgiven for thinking he’s gonna rip a hole in the fabric, using his curled practically into a fist shaped fingers and tilted palm to push into her, getting the angles and friction and pressure just right]

Sylvie: [these are feral hours, and we’re getting violent with it, so thrilled because you know this means he’s forgotten all about his illness and having to be careful for any reason and that’s all we want, hence when we get to this makeout we are really attacking his lips like it’s personal, and it is, we wanna make them so swollen and bitten and bruised because it means EVERYTHING that he hasn’t kissed his ex and he has kissed us, I’m gonna have to put jeans or some other hardwearing bottoms on you otherwise the way these scenes would be even further out of control than they are, licking his name up the side of his face when he’s killing her with these moves]

Jake: [mhmm they’ve got a lot of pent up shit they need to address and so all he cares about is aggressively trying to make her cum as hard as he did earlier even though it might be impossible because she doesn’t have as much pent up shit as him in that sense haha, this boy couldn’t be more INTO her attack on his lips because it’s obvious why and yes it does mean EVERYTHING that has only kissed Sylvie and not Mona and he wants to be marked and claimed in this encounter as much as possible because he feels so marked by her absence, telling her that into this furious makeout because it’s a banger of a line, literally repeating it until it’s coherent, as many times as that takes, cos not gonna stop kissing for a second but still need her to KNOW, winnie is chanting jeans jeans jeans because she’s always wearing them so far and it’s iconic she has a signature lewk, despite them always being different pairs, when she’s licked his face, repeating his treating her earlobe like a clit move from before but being even more extra about it this time, including biting as is the theme of today, sticking his tongue in her ear exactly like when he was fingering her earlier, while his hand continues its violent antics harder and faster, saying a very demanding and urgent but not at all pleading ‘please’ in her ear, being only daddy coded and insistent about this]

Sylvie: [this is the best thing she has ever heard, it’s almost enough to stop her kissing him to hear it more clearly but we can’t when we’ve got a mission now to make as much of an impact as we can, trying to write her initials in bruises on his collarbone, whether it ends up looking anything like that is up for debate but the intent is there, pulling on his hair to give herself a brief reprieve from how hard he’s trying to kill her/to hurt him about it because two can and must play at this game, shaking her head sassily like no, shan’t but it’s so obvious that she’s too close to be cocky about it all]

Jake: [swearing (for a good reason for the first time this convo, yay) when she’s all up on his collarbone like THAT, because even if they don’t turn out he knows what she’s trying to do because of all his initials antics not long ago, it’s giving ‘shit!’ because he definitely said this shit to refer to being ill and angsting earlier, not him telling her to add a letter so it’s her double barrelled initials, call the police I fear they’re being jali coded and uncasually married again, just blurting it out, we can pretend it’s because it feels so good he doesn’t want her to stop and wants her initials to be longer but we all know the truth, pulling her head back down ROUGHLY and holding it in position at his collarbone (lowkey oral ref cos he didn’t push or hold her head then but he could’ve and it’s a cliche for a reason of how many people do) like I fear you simply must, nodding even though she won’t be able to see from how her head is now posed, but she might be able to feel cos of how dramatically he’s doing it and his neck being near to his collarbone]

Sylvie: [my boo said stop coming for their gig but they can’t, dire straits bring out the drama in everyone, and you’ve been through it, who can blame you for having to be as crazy about it as you’ve felt, doesn’t need him to force the position but SO happy he has, rewarding him by not only adding the C but doing his version of these married initials on the other side/other collarbone and punctuating with a heart in the middle/on his adam’s apple]

Jake: [squeezing her crotch 3 times like she did his booty during oral to signify a … and as encouragement when he realises what she’s doing on the other side because they love matching and now both sides do, saying his famous ‘cool tattoo’ line but so indecently and uncasually, couldn’t be more thrilled when she also does the heart because things in 3s is their jam, rewarding her by slamming his hips into hers with almost as much force as when they hit the deck so she knows exactly how much that turned him on, frantically trying to write tb1 aka good girl as a bruise on her forehead under her fringe, as an escalation of when he thought he might’ve caught the skin accidentally earlier, and a reminder of all their humiliation kink talk post pharmacy because really doing that right there like people write things in sharpies to shame or embarrass their usually drunk friends, in case it doesn’t come out as more than a mark that she can’t decode, he’s telling her she is one straight after, even more indecently]

Sylvie: [YELPING like an actual animal at this groping, I say you are in public, you wanna be quiet or tone it down, they say no lmao, likewise doing way too loud of a hot lol at the cool tattoo remark, saying her own indecent ‘I know’ again into his ear before they are hitting the deck and the wind is being knocked out of her again and she is left SPEECHLESS from how he’s trying to bruise her and where because we remember everything so of course we are making the same connection he has, asking ‘am I?’ almost as desperately as she’s meeting his hips with her own]

Jake: [love that y’all are back on the floor again, sitting didn’t last long and how real, saying ‘my’ in answer like it’s a complete sentence because we all remember when he wrote it on her lip and there was a minute of everything being my + term of endearment and what a time it was, undoing his own trousers with !! energy this time because he doesn’t dare to fully expose himself when there are clearly still some people around but he wants her to feel more of him as he moves and feel like his jizz is closer to being inside of her (whenever he ends up doing that again inevitably) and they can get away with being this bold because with their bodies this close together as long as he’s not pulling said trousers down to his ankles or anything silly nobody will really be able to tell he’s undone a button and zip, they’re lowkey hanging off him a bit anyway with the weightloss, but the difference it makes for y’all is HUGE, so have to risk it, swearing again at the sensation, this time ‘fuck’ but then turning it into ‘fuck me’ in French, as an instruction to encourage her to do exactly that]

Sylvie: [no one will see with how y’all are slammed up together with no room to breathe, that is one of the benefits, the other being, just how that feels and the THRILL that you can ‘get away’ with so much (like, people know what you’re up to I’m sure, but they just think you’re teens messing around and aren’t getting involved) and this girl is doing exactly what he tells her to, no hesitation, only by the grace of her clothing that he isn’t inside her, we’re doing everything to make it feel as if he is, using our hands and parts of our body that have been exposed by all these shenanigans, affirming ‘I’m all yours’ back to him in French, over and over]

Jake: [mhmm and in my head it’s very much PM by now and dark so that’ll help with not only visibility but also the fact that the people around have places to be that they are going to and from so they aren’t hanging around to spy on what you teens are up to, obvs if you’d run into some fellow teens they’d be more likely to hang around but thankfully you haven’t, can’t be caught out in the open cheating by someone you know on day 1, anyway, because he’s feeling emboldened by how much they’ve gotten away with and too feral to care because of how good this feels, undoing her fly too so that they’re underwear to underwear dryhumping and it’s as good as it gets without being naked in these streets, opening her legs wider and being so deliberate with every single movement now that they can both feel even more, slowing down from their frantic pace and really doing the MOST, pressing his forehead to her bruise so she knows how good girl she’s being, playing with her fringe with his mouth, sucking on it when he needs to muffle how loud he’d love to be about this]

Sylvie: [yep, agreed, that’s completely the vibe, like you aren’t really anywhere for other people to need to loiter, this is just a halfway point for y’all and not anything specific for anyone else, the switch-up to BEGGING this boy to fuck you is so immediate when this (essentially) skin to skin happens, so fast and furious out of your mouth in direct opposition to these slow and deliberate movements, pushing her forehead into his with such ferocity, any mark he managed to make is definitely being made worse with this force]

Jake: [you’re welcome guys that this location is doing a lot of heavy lifting for you not being interrupted rn because we all know that begging is gonna have him immediately wanting to do something drastic, but first, saying ‘kiss me’ again iconic that he’s now telling her to when he won’t his smooch his gf, spoken softly and quietly but there’s the LOUD unspoken implication of or we’re both gonna scream, waiting until they’re having such a peak romance soft but intense af makeout before he exposes himself and her, not entering her obviously, we’re not taking her virginity here and now, but rubbing himself all over her everywhere he can on the outside without slipping on in and absolutely covering her with precum until they both die and he covers her with actual cum as well, not at all casually another pregnancy scare in that, but at least it’s him and not Bobby this time, the escalation, we love to see it] 

Sylvie: [oh the peak, peak romance, thank the lord you’ve got to kiss him so you can’t tell him you love him, shut up, I say, it’s very obvious without you putting it in words, keep it to heart eyes and your absolutely UNHINGED reactions to all this, VIOLENTLY cumming to match with the violence of this whole sesh, RIP to his lips and tongue because the only thing that stands between her screaming this street down is his mouth and needs must, still doing her best to WATCH everything he is doing because it’s a huge part of it and we cannot miss anything, only letting our head drop when we’re physically unable of holding it up because our whole body is out of our control]

Jake: [y’all are gonna be devastated you didn’t film this when you look back but there was too much going on in the moment to even think about getting your phones out and tbf it’s fine, you’re not gonna forget such an epic first happened because it truly is, in no world has he ever done that before, this boy so torn between watching the act itself and this girl’s reactions, mostly watching her when they aren’t kissing and he can have his eyes open cos they’d just naturally wanna shut when y’all are making out, love that we’re reclaiming his mouth being bitten to shit to this extent because the last time that happened would’ve been by him during his seizure so it’s nice he gets to have these memories to override those, catch him sucking on her tongue even more hardcore than he did her fringe before, careful you don’t choke yourself sir, so much biting from him too though, it’s the recurring theme of this interaction, god bless the control required to basically just use the tip when everything’s that slippery and everyone’s losing it, give the boy a medal tbh, it’s how you know he’s so into this first in itself, for what it is and how it feels that he isn’t accidentally going further]

Sylvie: [the way you’re not even going to realise that ‘til later, and yes be slightly pissed but not really because you had to lock in and the moment was perfect, and yes, he absolutely deserves all the awards for this one, it could so easily happen, even by mistake, never mind just wanting to, but he is in control which is also an important feeling for him to have right now, especially around intimacy, 10/10 no notes, get it lads]

Jake: [proud of us and proud of y’all, take minute to try and vaguely recover from that because god knows how you will, your dry humping has never gone that far before despite all the feral usually public antics you have done, if anyone needs this boy he’ll be clinging to this girl and trying and failing to do the easiest breathing exercise ever to get himself together, but unlike with the panic attack energy earlier he won’t mind at all because he’s only !! in the best way and it’s amusing and slay not scary, giving her a forehead kiss right on that bruise, ofc he is]

Sylvie: [truly can’t believe that happened, y’all only covered up by the fact you’re covering each other here where you’ve collapsed, reaching out and shakily feeling every indent she has made on his lips, pouting at him a lil like oh no, because really did a number on him, but the glint in her eyes let’s you know she isn’t truly sorry, nudging her head into his shoulder to hide and catch her breath for a moment because boy do we need one]

Jake: [oh lads it might not feel real rn but wait until she has to move and you both realise the mess that has been made, jizz absolutely everywhere and we all know you’ll be thrilled not horrified, grinning at her with the same not soz mischievous energy even if his lips are a bloody mess as red as his hair, any pain is a nice one like it will be when y’all come back to your bodies and feel any injuries you’ve recieved from hitting the deck, protect him borrowed fleece he’s more twink like than ever atm, telling her ‘I think I’m ready for that cigarette now’ in French because une clope is just nicer than any slang we have, mostly joking because it’s an after sex cliche and that was as close to having sex as they’ve ever been, knowing she loves the cocky energy from him that he earned it] 

Sylvie: [my boo said there will be scenes, SCENES, I tell you, and there really will, you’re just going to have to do your clothes back up and take that with you, I fear, only a shower is sorting this, BEAMING at him because has never been more charmed by everything about him, find that cigarette for him stat missy girl, chuckling to yourself as you light it because never has a cigarette been more deserved and you both know it, taking a drag this time before you hand it to him though, and a long one at that, LOOKING up at him as you exhale directly into his face]

Jake: [scenes you’ll both be overjoyed about and we both know it, the short walk home when she eventually does is gonna hit so different, here and now though, this boy breathing in the smoke she blew at him before kissing her again so that he can acclimate to the cigarette in those ways first, baby steps, like they said and a shameless excuse to kiss her again/exhale himself into her mouth like we’re recycling the smoke over and over, holding the cigarette the whole time with a non shaky hand, but holding hers for reassurance while he takes a smaller drag of his own, blowing on and therefore said smoke into her fringe like she asked for a memento of this and it’s her hair smelling like an ashtray cos I know from when I used to go out and other people were it really lingers in your hair even more than your clothes]

Sylvie: [mhmm, I am sure y’all will get into it lmao, god bless, stay feral, this moment, however, is strangely wholesome, like yeah it’s smoking and that technically isn’t but the way you’re doing it rn is so unbelievably French film romantic, getting to stare at him to your heart's content as you do, sharing this whole cigarette this time because that is long enough for y’all to catch your breath, just about]

Jake: [enjoy your wholesome, calming and romantic cigarette share moment with no panic attacks or drama this time cos lord knows like we said you’re gonna get a lecture about smoking when you get home Jacob, speaking of, because your fam is so overprotective atm and you went out again unexpectedly after being wherever you were with Mona already, and didn’t tell anyone where you were going this time, it stands to reason that (your sister probably because they’re her keys) has been blowing your phone up but you were obvs too distracted to care until now, but once this cigarette is done and another text comes through, notice, and reply, even though I know in my heart you’re in fact lying and saying you’re at the bench so she won’t tell you to rush home, cos when you’re there it’s very take your time vibes, and he hasn’t been there since he cleaned the plaque to apologise so his sister will be happy he’s gone there and not worrying, sneaky but valid considering you don’t want to dip on this girl straight after what just happened and make it look like you got what you wanted so now you’re off, answering your ex’s phone call how and when he did was already savage and not a mistake that needs to be repeated, apologising to this gal for texting his sister to let her know he’d much rather still be in the bubble]

Sylvie: 🚶🏼‍♀️‍➡️🚶🏼‍♀️‍➡️🚶🏼‍♀️‍➡️

Jake: 👶🏼

Jake: Baby Sylvie-sized steps, please

Sylvie: Beats crawling

Jake: [writing the French for crawling because they have a specific baby related one that’s moving on all fours and very the vibe, like but what about… you don’t like that? I’m shocked]?

Sylvie: You’re not funny, you know 😏

Jake: I haven’t had much to laugh about, no wonder I’ve lost my touch

Sylvie: You should watch [a comedy but one from your classic film era, not just a basic bitch one, ofc not]

Sylvie: it’s not a joke, but if we’re going to be friends, we’ll pretend it is

Jake: I’ll watch yours; you watch mine

Jake: [a peak romance but sad French film that clearly hardcore reminds him of y’all]

Sylvie: It’s a deal

Sylvie: when I get home, I better not loiter that hard at [wherever you are going right now]

Jake: Or on my doorstep

Jake: The bench is free if you want it, though

Sylvie: Hey, I never loitered on your doorstep

Sylvie: and I’ve only been to the bench a handful of times in the last [month but as days]

Jake: After every kiss, or is that a coincidence?

Sylvie: I wasn’t exactly playing hard to get

Jake: Wearing your heartbreak on your sleeve

Sylvie: Needs must

Sylvie: Maybe lying to make you feel better would be kinder

Jake: You weren’t playing very fair, but I didn’t either

Sylvie: And wouldn’t you be kind of devastated, if I could’ve moved on like it meant nothing, really

Jake: Devastated enough to throw myself in the Seine

Sylvie: I know the feeling

Sylvie: that’s why I came in so hot, in my head, this near-death experience had made you realise it was her all along and bonded you for life

Jake: Lobotomies are too unethical to be what I was in for

Jake: [French] But you did come in super hot, no argument there

Sylvie: No one is allowed near your eyes or your brain with an ice pick, I won’t let that happen, even if your mammy thinks it’s a really good idea

Sylvie: [French] We’re on the same page, no fighting

Jake: She might reading the first draft of my letter

Jake: Lucky I’m toning it down

Sylvie: Writing it is still going to be cathartic, even if you burn it up at the end

Sylvie: I’d like it; you’re at your best when you’re passionate, about anything

Jake: [send her a sneak preview of it which is mainly to show her how hard you’ve pressed down with your pen into this paper and how many crossings out there are because you’re angry and not really allowed to be cos your fam is positive vibes only in their approach]

Sylvie: Have your ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Sylvie: you’ve earnt them

Jake: 🧻🧻🧻 [lol that’s how highly he rates it, but at least y’all have got bants]

Sylvie: That is where all artists say they put their awards

Jake: [send her a pic of all your trophies and awards she didn’t get to see in the downstairs bathroom she didn’t get to go in, because your fam would put them there to be funny]

Sylvie: Oh, and I don’t know you at all

Jake: [French] What do you want to know?

Sylvie: [French] That you still want me

Jake: I’ll always want you

Sylvie: You can ask me anything too

Jake: [French] I already know your answers

Sylvie: That doesn’t surprise me, you’re on my mind constantly, you’ve had plenty of time to read it

Jake: [making a paper aeroplane as if he’s gonna send it to where she is rn, unclear if it’s a blank piece of paper because she can likewise read his mind or a full love note for obvious reasons]

Sylvie: You can give me that next [whatever lesson they have together first]

Jake: Deal

Sylvie: I’ll make you something

Sylvie: no spoilers

Jake: [a voice note again to ask for one spoiler because a spoiler is un spoiler (silly) so he just wants to say it in a French accent and amuse her]

Sylvie: Well, now I’ve gotta pivot to make you some study aides; we need to work on that accent ASAP

Jake: [a voice note LOL because that did make him laugh and he hasn’t laughed in a million years so she needs to hear him, it’s giving cocky like I know my accent was incredible there, because she loves when he is, and we’re so back baby]

Sylvie: 👼🏻

Sylvie: How you sound to me when you laugh

Jake: Sounds like you’re right and I do need to smoke more

Sylvie: It’s required to really get the rasp down

Jake: You better give me one [whenever their next lesson is]

Sylvie: Tied with a 🎀

Sylvie: Can we go for a break together?

Jake: With a 💋

Jake: [French] Unless it’s touched your lips before mine, I don’t want it

Sylvie: I haven’t been able to wear that lipstick since

Sylvie: this is a good reason to bring it out of retirement 

Jake: I haven’t been able to find the grey lipstick you’re wearing anywhere

Sylvie: What do you want it for?

Sylvie: before I let you borrow mine, of course

Jake: [French] The possibilities are endless… 

Sylvie: Oue [because YEAH they are]

Jake: 🩶🩶🩶 [because y’all both need a moment to really THINK about it so that’s acting like a … ]

Sylvie: You’re more fun to miss than any other boy is to be with

Jake: It’s torture not dreaming of you

Sylvie: I’m going to work out how to get you to sleep

Sylvie: without throwing more drugs at it

Sylvie: we deserve to be with each other in our dreams, it’s the minimum

Jake: You owe me a lullaby  

Sylvie: I can do that

Sylvie: [French] In English or in French?

Jake: You decide

Sylvie: I don’t study hard enough to be able to give you Irish too

Sylvie: [send him a French one now as you’re walking, because that’s the most amusing mental image to me/shows how much you don’t care if anyone hears you just singing a lil French lullaby] 

Jake: [an absolutely adorable mental image and she’ll be able to feel his heart eyes from there, forever gagged by her singing because your gf would never do it for you except that one time on stage, send her a cute as hell yawn back so she knows her lullaby is working]

Sylvie: Good to know sucking as a mother doesn’t run in my blood that hard

Jake: You’d be a great mother

Sylvie: Thanks, you were a good father figure

Jake: I tried, in the absence of a proper living example

Sylvie: You really were

Sylvie: for what that’s worth

Jake: Mr6 [thanks]

Sylvie: La risette? [which means little smile from the baby talk of it all]

Jake: [send a pic of just your little smile in close-up so you aren’t giving yourself away with your heart eyes or how bloodshot they are from being tired and emosh]

Sylvie: There he is

Jake: Here I am

Sylvie: Stay

Jake: I’ll try

Sylvie: You are, I know

Sylvie: I’m going to do better

Jake: I felt sick letting you think she was the one, sicker than ever did at my lowest, pre-pills or diagnosis in the hospital

Sylvie: I’m still getting my head around the fact that that’s not what you’re saying 

Sylvie: [French] Even if you marry her, she’s not the one, promise 

Jake: [French] Get married? I can’t even kiss her

Sylvie: It’s kind of their thing; it could be on the cards

Jake: It isn’t her thing or on the cards for us

Sylvie: That would be insane

Sylvie: leaning very hard into the dying bucket list of it all

Jake: And cultural stereotypes, which only she’s allowed to

Sylvie: Are you telling me off?

Jake: I’m telling you not to worry; it’s a promise

Sylvie: Good

Sylvie: that’s one off the list

Jake: I’d hate for you to visualise me lying here planning our wedding when that couldn’t be further from what I’m doing

Sylvie: No, I know, like I intellectually get that

Sylvie: your mind is somewhere completely different

Jake: Where’s yours?

Sylvie: [a location update like that’s all that means]

Jake: Cool, but I mean, what’s going through your head?

Sylvie: I don’t know

Sylvie: it’s trying to keep up with my heart, but it’s lagging, honestly

Sylvie: everything you said is pretty positive, if we’re being glass-half-full about it

Jake: I’ve thrown a lot out there for you to process

Sylvie: And you’ve got so much more to process

Sylvie: I feel like I really fucked up, being so pushy, even with good intentions; you didn’t need it

Jake: You were pushing me to open up instead of shutting down

Sylvie: Tried

Jake: You shouldn’t beat yourself up for that

Sylvie: Sometimes I feel really… unsocialised 

Sylvie: like I don’t know what’s the socially acceptable move 

Jake: I get called homeschooled at least once a school year, normally by teachers who wish I had been

Sylvie: [naming a teacher who’s his #1 hater because you are very amused]

Jake: None of your moves feel weird to me

Sylvie: I don’t care then

Sylvie: if you’re not scared off

Jake: Authentic scares people who aren’t

Sylvie: Being sick will too

Sylvie: Are you gonna keep it to yourself?

Jake: The plan has mostly worked up to now

Sylvie: When did you tell Mona?

Jake: She recently cornered me and bluntly asked

Sylvie: Naturally

Jake: I blurted it out

Sylvie: You’re allowed to tell whoever you want; I wasn’t advising against it 

Jake: She was uncharacteristically nice, supportive

Sylvie: Yeah?

Jake: Must’ve been the shock

Sylvie: Making fun of someone for being ill is pretty low, hasn’t stopped her before but she has incentive to be nice to you

Jake: [French because about to be a lil shady to Bobby by accident here] It’s crossed my mind that sick, like disabled, is her type

Sylvie: Ditto

Sylvie: is that how it’s felt or…?

Jake: She hasn’t openly fetishized me, but I don’t know for sure what she’s doing internally

Sylvie: You’re never going to know that for sure

Sylvie: she definitely wants to kiss you, that’s fair to assume

Jake: Yeah

Sylvie: It’s crazy you even have to think about this at all

Jake: I felt like such a freak

Jake: Like nobody would want me

Sylvie: No way

Sylvie: people will always want you, you have pretty privilege for starters

Sylvie: and she’s not the first or last girl to like their artist a little tortured, it’s a thing

Jake: How blatantly she still did was a relief

Sylvie: Okay, I don’t want to think about it

Jake: Sorry

Sylvie: Don’t worry about it

Jake: It’s just, if I do owe you an explanation, that’s what I’ve got 

Sylvie: I get it

Sylvie: It’s just… disappointing, I guess 

Jake: You’d rather I were in love with her?

Sylvie: No, obviously not

Sylvie: I’d rather you could’ve talk to me, let me in

Sylvie: but we’re here, and the month we just had can’t be erased or taken back

Jake: Your existing feelings for and perception of me mattered

Jake: I couldn’t erase everything we were, still should be

Sylvie: My feelings as a whole didn’t matter

Sylvie: just the ones I had for you

Jake: You’re already treating me differently

Sylvie: Who started that, Jake

Sylvie: You threw me out, but I’m treating you different, because I’m waiting for the switch-up, once again

Jake: No, you’re switching off your justified anger because you feel sorry for me

Jake: We should be arguing; you’re singing me lullabies instead

Sylvie: That’s not new; that’s how it’s always been, and that’s what you were trying to preserve 

Sylvie: me wanting you and to be around you so bad I overlook the shitty way you’re treating me

Sylvie: you couldn’t handle the idea of me not worshipping the ground you walk on, and because of that, my life has been fundamentally changed in ways I didn’t want

Jake: See, wow, that was waiting under the surface, scripted and ready to go

Jake: You’ve been barely holding it in since you met me

Sylvie: I don’t go from the book

Sylvie: The fact I was meant to be flattered, or think it was noble of you, somehow

Jake: It’s meant to be romantic

Jake: Right people, wrong time

Jake: Torn apart by circumstances outside of our control

Sylvie: You can’t force a narrative 

Jake: Clearly, this isn’t a movie, book or song

Sylvie: But you sacrificed this to try and make it one

Jake: To give us a happier ending than you nursing me until you resent me

Sylvie: And this is that, is it?

Jake: My life has been fundamentally changed in ways I didn’t want, Sylvie

Sylvie: I know, and I’m sorry my problems aren’t as big as yours

Jake: I’m literally in a new body

Sylvie: You’re still the same asshole

Jake: That’s something

Sylvie: Félicitations, encore une fois

Jake: I’ve made mistakes

Sylvie: Yeah

Jake: This is the space where you say, so have you

Sylvie: What did I do?

Jake: How far back do you want me to go?

Sylvie: Oh, please, as far back as you would like

Jake: L’s tomB [forget it]

Sylvie: Pft, powerful stuff, thanks 

Jake: There’s no point rehashing the same stuff

Sylvie: You’re only capable of romance from a distance 

Jake: Good looking out [as if she has his back and just gave him a real helpful tip there lol, the sass, the Americanisms]

Sylvie: Which is exactly why you’ve ended up back there; you don’t have to try to keep her at arm’s length; that’s where she wants to be

Sylvie: apologies for wanting to know you

Jake: My apologies for not being worth knowing

Sylvie: You were

Jake: Glaring past tense

Sylvie: You said it, I don’t anymore 

Jake: Because what I had going for me, I don’t anymore

Sylvie: You’re making it about that, because right now, everything is for you

Sylvie: and that’s understandable, but you’re going to see that that’s not the fucking truth one day 

Jake: It is

Sylvie: I liked you when I thought all your friends were posers and your music probably sucked

Jake: And why did you like me?

Sylvie: Are you slut-shaming me via the implication there again?

Jake: I’m saying, like you did, it was never about music

Sylvie: And I’ve said before, I’m sure

Sylvie: that I can’t explain why I’m so drawn to you, I just am

Jake: You were

Sylvie: I am

Jake: Surface-level physical attraction isn’t going to survive the unattractive reality of what’s wrong with me

Sylvie: It’s insulting

Sylvie: you think I’m such a shallow bitch

Jake: I know what you wanted to happen next

Jake: What we both wanted

Sylvie: They were ideas, we had lots of them, nothing was set in stone

Jake: Intimacy is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship

Sylvie: I don’t think you’re sick with something where the doctor said you can never travel or fuck 

Sylvie: these are self-imposed rules, aren’t they?

Jake: They wouldn’t be; you wouldn’t be interested in touching me if I told you everything

Sylvie: This is self-loathing talking, not me

Jake: I’m talking with the benefit of all the information, online, from doctors, and other people’s shared experiences

Sylvie: And they all said you’re repulsive and unlovable, did they

Jake: My feelings aren’t invalid because you disagree

Jake: This is where I’m at

Sylvie: I don’t have to agree, you can feel how you feel

Jake: You too

Sylvie: Just not together

Jake: Your feelings won’t fix my hang-ups 

Sylvie: I didn’t expect them to

Jake: Goodnight

Sylvie: I really hope you get out the other side of this

Jake: I’m a realist

Sylvie: And with that, you’re saying…

Jake: Relying on wishful thinking isn’t helpful

Sylvie: There is nothing else I can do from where I’ve been left

Sylvie: I have to hope that your family are going to get you through this, that time will bring acceptance

Jake: You need to focus on accepting your own situation

Sylvie: I don’t need a lecture

Jake: I wasn’t giving one, that’s what you can do, and it’s not nothing

Sylvie: And you need to realise that you don’t need to live vicariously through me, or anyone else

Jake: I’m not, I care about the life you live, that’s all

Sylvie: Likewise, doesn’t seem to count for fuck all

Jake: I’m sorry I can’t seem to adopt your fuck it, do it anyway, attitude fast enough

Sylvie: What am I asking you to do?

Jake: Drop all my ‘self-imposed’ rules, get over it and myself

Sylvie: I’m sorry I can hear that you’re suicidal and that upsets me

Sylvie: I don’t know why you think me agreeing with that ideology would be in any way something I can do

Jake: Nobody mentioned suicide except you

Sylvie: You’re so defeated

Sylvie: it’s just horrible

Jake: Having a chronic illness is horrible

Sylvie: Yeah, I know

Jake: You don’t, or you wouldn’t keep on at me to snap out of it

Jake: My meds have only just started working, and you expect me to be fine, act fine, because it’s upsetting you that I’m not

Sylvie: I never said snap out of it

Sylvie: but I clearly can’t say anything right, so I’ll leave you alone

Jake: You are; it’s heavily implied in every message you type

Sylvie: I want you to see your life is worth living for you

Sylvie: it’s not about me

Jake: My life isn’t; my life sucks

Jake: All I can do is leave you alone so yours doesn’t

Sylvie: Right

Jake: Okay

Sylvie: Goodbye then

Jake: Bsr [because can never say goodbye only good evening]

Sylvie: Why did you do this again

Jake: You push, and you push, and you never take accountability for any of it

Sylvie: If you want to leave me alone, then do it

Jake: I don’t fucking want to

Sylvie: That’s what accountability means here

Sylvie: be the one who enforces this separation 

Jake: I will because I have to

Jake: Stop pretending I’m enjoying myself

Sylvie: Don’t worry about it

Sylvie: I’ll do it

Jake: What does that mean?

Sylvie: It means I’m not going to try again

Jake: What are you going to do?

Sylvie: Doesn’t matter, I won’t be bothering you 

Jake: [French] It matters to me

Sylvie: Not to me

Jake: [the full circle moment of him saying ‘don’t do this’ which is basically how the convo started but with an entirely different set of feelings attached]

Sylvie: Art [because STOP IT]

Jake: Svp [please but HER version of, importantly]

Sylvie: Is this it now

Sylvie: are we going to do this forever

Jake: I’ll walk to [wherever she was going] if that’s what you’re going to make me do

Sylvie: You’re the one who made me walk here, I don’t ask you to do anything

Jake: Att [because both wait and see you very soon]

Sylvie: I can’t see you

Jake: [‘Close your eyes’ for the throwback and to be sassy like well I’m gonna see you today diva cos he’s worried about her now and he means business lol]

Sylvie: I look strange enough thanks to you, I’ll just run if I see you coming

Jake: Thanks to my red hair, you’ll get a head start 

Sylvie: You piss me off, how you look

Jake: I look sick, because I am

Jake: (But I’m still going to chase you this time)

Sylvie: Great, then it’s my fault when you injure yourself

Jake: Yeah, it is

Jake: Wait there

Sylvie: Trying to guilt-trip me when I clearly don’t care

Jake: You care

Sylvie: Fat lot of use it does

Jake: I care

Jake: That’s why I’m walking [the exact distance in steps]

Sylvie: You shouldn’t

Jake: Too late

Sylvie: We’re not going to know what to do or say

Jake: I just need to look at you without you looking away

Jake: For a minute

Sylvie: 😫😫😫

Jake: After that, you can run if you need to

Sylvie: I don’t know what I need

Jake: [a breathing exercise he’s talking her through because they both need that rn]

Sylvie: You think I’m even going to be here by the time you are?

Jake: GspR b1 [I hope so, because world’s biggest hypocrite 5ever, here wishful thinking when he said it doesn’t help lol]

Sylvie: I don’t owe you anything

Jake: I know

Sylvie: You’ve made me feel like a terrible person

Jake: Projection

Sylvie: Well, I won’t dare say otherwise

Jake: If you aren’t there, I’ll walk home again

Jake: Exercise and fresh air are famous cure-alls; you get to feel amazing about yourself

Sylvie: I’d hate to do anything to help prolong your shitty life

Jake: [French] Hate me, I don’t care

Jake: [and an updated step count like I’m still coming regardless]

Sylvie: Exactly, you don’t

Jake: Why would I? 

Jake: I hate myself for what I’ve done to you

Sylvie: Because it should kill you like it kills me

Sylvie: the way you see me, I didn’t think you would ever think of me the way you do now

Jake: It did kill me Sylvie: Do you love that I’m here

Sylvie: because you told me to be

Jake: Now I’m dead, I can’t ask you to love me

Sylvie: That isn’t how love works, Jake

Jake: It’s how martyrdom does

Jake: Initials aside, I’m nothing like Jesus

Sylvie: You have no say in how I do or don’t feel about you

Sylvie: nothing you do can change what will be

Jake: I have one in how I treat you

Jake: What feelings I do or don’t act on

Sylvie: Yeah, this is all you

Sylvie: however much you want to say your hand is forced

Jake: I said I’m trying

Jake: I am

Sylvie: I don’t care anymore

Jake: Don’t say that

Sylvie: This is what you were aiming for

Jake: Nn tg [no, shut up, he says]

Sylvie: Go find Mona, be with her

Jake: I’ll find you, however long it takes

Sylvie: [French] We are lost to each other

Jake: We belong to each other

Jake: Look at me and tell me we don’t

Sylvie: I’m not going to be there

Jake: [French] Wherever you are, or I am

Sylvie: You know I can’t do that

Jake: Being scared to touch you doesn’t change that you’re mine; I’ve never said it did

Sylvie: Nothing changes it, if you never touch me again, it’ll remain true

Jake: [in French, ‘I’ll always want you’ because he said it earlier in English, gotta have it said and true in both]

Sylvie: I miss you, all the time

Jake: +++++++++++ [because he misses her more]

Sylvie: [using the French babytalk word to be like it hurts, which seems unserious but we don’t know how else to express it at this point truly]

Sylvie: Tell me what to do

Jake: [telling her to meet him literally halfway between where she is and how far he’s got, cos he also means figuratively, we gotta compromise and find an agreement here]

Sylvie: Alright

Sylvie: this is the last time

Jake: X [because he do promise that it is]

Sylvie: Okay

Jake: [be walking diva because if where she OG was is already close ish to y’all’s houses and he’s meeting her halfway it won’t take long if you actually concentrate and despite being terrified af he intends to get there, even if there will be an invisible line he’s standing on as per when he does cos he’s even more terrified to touch her, he will be LOOKING at her though like he said he would, first checking her over, agonising as that is with what he’s gonna see, and then holding the most intense and insane eye contact of all time]

Sylvie: [feeling that invisible line so keenly it physically pushes her back, stumbling to find sure footing when nothing feels stable or solid, not wanting to look at him, despite that being why we’re here, knowing he needs to look at her and needing to look at him just as badly, but we still do not want to because terrified doesn’t come close to explaining just how much we cannot stand this, feeling like our heart is actually breaking in our chest making us screw our face up with anguish as we clutch it before forcing ourselves to LOOK up and maintain this eye contact, doing massive, painful GULPS because even though we’ve been crying, we’re doing everything to hold back the tears now, eyes stinging from the effort and said denied tears; the words you know don’t exist, the words that would make him see that you’re here for him no matter what (and yes, that means no matter how hard he pushes you away) the words that explain that loving him will never be optional, that he can’t opt her out of this, lodged in her throat with her suppressed sobs, making saying anything impossible, hands twitching at her side, flexing into fists as she once again holds back from the pure need to touch him, to attempt to provide comfort, needing to be comforted by his comfort, to know he feels it, that he does see a future and some hope really]

Jake: [oh girls we’re all feeling that invisibly drawn line the hardest it’s ever been felt, the heartbreak is so real and mutual, holding onto himself not only so he doesn’t reach across and reflexively steady her but also as if he can hold all his sickness which is making him feel ugly and broken in, and himself together, seeming like he’s gonna pull himself off balance with the force of it because he has never looked more delicate and fragile than he does rn, has likewise been crying multiple times during this convo, and is looking a mess, but blinking them back (and doing the saddest hairflip of all time because his hands are busy) so that there’s no tears or red whurls in his eyes as he LOOKS at her full the full minute, meaning to actually count it in his head but ofc he gets lost in said eye contact immediately so it could actually be seconds or years]

Sylvie: [it’s ridiculous, the sheer volume of emotion between you two and the absolute force of it, feeling like the world is actually ending, which is such a bizarre and overwhelming feeling to feel at your age and, ostensibly, just over a boy, no less, feeling the urge to laugh rising in your throat but it, thank god, getting stuck too because the last thing you need is laughing at him allegations to contend with when everything is on this knife’s edge, doing her best to be in the moment, to memorise him, to not blink once]

Jake: [truly, it feels that dramatic, and he can’t help but be reminded of his dream when they were the last 2 people standing at the end of the world, idek where they are at this halfway point but it genuinely feels apocalyptic and dark and like they’re completely alone and there isn’t a sound except for if one of y’all make it, which y’all barely are because it feels like he hasn’t taken a breath since he got here, so the agony of not being able to is adding to the peak !! and making him feel more like a dead man walking than he already does, only breaking the eye contact eventually, technically, when he’s crying so hard (again) that he can’t see her, which is forcing him to breathe so messily and adding to the self-loathing disgust of it all because this cry isn’t cinematic and something they can romanticise like before when he did at the party]

Sylvie: [coming forward unthinkingly, risking him literally and physically pushing her away now, but we have to because this is too much, it’s been too much to bear, but now that’s really made so clear with how crushing this moment is to have to be in and witness respectively, trying to put her arms around his whole body and hold him so tight he almost can’t escape (lol) but also just needing to hold him that bad]

Jake: [intending to stop her in her tracks with a LOOK that says do NOT cross this line, but we all know he doesn’t want that actually, so what he’s actually doing is just throwing her a heartbreaking and PLEADING look as if she can stop any of this and he’s just shamelessly begging for her to in the moment ™ before she’s holding him because that is the solution he’s already asked for earlier honestly, and all this girl can do rn, freezing at first, dramatically, like he’s a little prey animal and he’s been caught, but we all know can only be a fleeting reaction before he’s holding her too, albeit so tentatively, as if he dare not and wouldn’t have the strength to even if he wasn’t terrified, like he’s an alien and he’s never hugged anyone before lol]

Sylvie: [the first word out of her mouth being ‘please’ almost mouthed but y’all have been so pointedly silent that it does feel like you’re screaming as far as !! energy goes, likewise you’ve approached this hug as if you have never done one before and were just trying to capture him and stop him from bolting but we can forgive you and muscle memory will kick in so you can get to a point where this hold more closely resembles how you would’ve held each other before, if with a lot more of every feeling behind it because it has been so long and so much has changed and there are no words to put to that, looking at him from this close to be like it’s okay, you’re touching me and nothing is happening or is going to happen, I promise, pressing her face into his neck to breathe him in, just for a moment]

Jake: [exactly, muscle memory will kick in and make you feel less like neurodivergent awkward af physical touch haters cos you’re not, and thank god, y’all need the slight normality of being able to cling to each other as you have many a time previously, to let this boy know it isn’t just Mona he can slip back into old patterns with, burying his head into her shoulder, RIP to that with all his tears and snot, because he feels like he’s gonna scream fr, a fuck you at the sky and god or something, when her mouthed word hits, because the unfairness of having to push her away for all this time when he wanted to do the opposite is so viscerally upsetting, lifting his head when he feels her look at him though because they’re forever going to be in sync and choreographed, soz not soz, sniffing and swallowing so thickly, because if he wasn’t gonna choke literally on said tears and snot then he would be on the feelings and everything unsaid, reaching out with the shakiest hand in the history of the world, so carefully like she’s as fragile as his bubble emoji before, because this moment is, and stroking her hair, as gently as she’s the nervous animal now, because easier to do when she isn’t looking at him]

Sylvie: [I say thank god you were slobbing at Bobert’s house, not that you would or could ever care about such a thing, but we’re both looking like messes, and that is not even registering now, rubbing circles on his back like she’s going to help him cough up all that’s stuck inside him, so casual, like we’re pretending him stroking our hair is when actually we could float away at just this slight hint of affection returning, which when we look back on will make us sad for ourselves but in the moment we refuse to do anything to jeapordise it, not soz, letting her hands circle all the way down his back until she can let them rest on the small there, like he has definitely done to her many times before, doing such a big sigh of relief that it’s like she’s been holding her breath the entire month]

Jake: [Lord knows Bobby has not made a single second of effort for this whole month, but yeah I’m secretly glad he isn’t ruining one of her slay expensive outfits rn even if y’all do not care, he’s likewise gonna be devastated when he looks back on his actions, as always, but rn the girls are relying on vibes alone and literally nothing else, brushing the hair off the back of her neck where he’s written French text speak with a fingertip many a time, but this time, running said finger over it like he’s looking for a switch so he can switch off her feelings for him and she won’t have to keep getting hurt, lightly pressing down when she sighs because this relief is heartbreaking in that you know it can’t last and scraps are exactly what you didn’t want to reduce her to]

Sylvie: [ugh, we don’t even wanna talk about you, sir, you’re not welcome in this moment, get out, as imperfect as this is, they both need it, and that’s the end and start of everything, bated breath as she waits for him to write something, that’s how familiar this is, so when he presses down and that feels like a fullstop, shuddering with the cry that’s wracking through her whole body, because she knows what he’s doing and what he’s saying but we don’t want to believe it, digging her nails into his hips, through clothes so it isn’t as painful as it could be but we’re trying to keep him in this moment, no thinking about before or after]

Jake: [savage how much it would feel like a full stop, stop it Jacob I swear to god, unthinkingly and totally reflexively pulling her entire body into his when that cry escapes as if he can protect her from something that he’s doing, the urge is overwhelmingly real nevertheless, holding onto her even tighter than he was holding onto himself earlier, risking sending them both toppling to the cold hard ground, which has also happened before, cradling her head on his chest where he said he could feel it in this very convo, knowing that he’s made up of sharper angles than ever but still trying to be soft and comforting despite that]

Sylvie: [the realest urge, and this girl isn’t about to say hold on, no, right here right now, we simply can’t, when she feels him slipping further and further away and all she wants is to be close to him? We gotta stay, and we gotta try, looking up at him frantically from his chest, forcing eye contact ‘we’re here, we’re here, and nothing is made worse for it’ because forever trying to be like we can do this, btw]

Jake: [nobody has ever flip-flopped harder than this boy lol but that’s real because he was already kinda like that and being sick has just made it worse, and now here we are in this mess, reaching out like he did to touch her hair but with way more purpose and !! holding her face as he practically stares her down, making the eye contact more intense while looking for even the slightest hesitation or tiniest crack in her resolve, his fingers digging in, not quite as hard as hers did into his hips, but hard enough still, strength he didn’t know he had atm, cos he’s lowkey a little bit mad when he doesn’t find any because a huge part of him wanted to so he just run away, but no, blowing on her fringe dramatically with his sigh, and pressing his forehead to hers]

Sylvie: [you’re doing it very well and realistically, soz for you both that it’s such a headfuck but there is no way around that lol, here staring him down even though you’ve stopped breathing in the anticipation of what he is or isn’t going to do next, leaning into the way he’s gripping her face in an almost imperceptible way but we simply cannot stay completely still, doing a half laugh at him already paying attention to her fringe because you’re still the same you, diva, still obsessed ‘go on’ like you can get all up in there, I know you want to]

Jake: [grey era is nothing if not an epic headfuck, soz guys, especially soz to Jake rn because she knows nothing of what’s going on for him internally but he’s genuinely slightly shocked that she didn’t immediately recoil from the forehead press because there’s been so much focus on his broken brain, literally with all the tests and the meds, and with his fam trying to give him daily talk therapy about it, but also emotionally with all his angst, that he feels like it should be a different shape or something to reflect that, as if he’s gonna suddenly grow neck bolts cos he feels like frankenstein’s monster, but you know what I mean, almost recoiling himself from the fact she did not, because such a disconnect between how he feels inside and what she’s feeling on his outside, which is nothing physically different except his stress weight loss, using that tiny bit of distance caused when he nearly flinched to launch himself at said fringe and bite it, the angriest assault upon it he’s ever done, as if we can blame her hair for anything]

Sylvie: [half the issue is she refuses to engage in this hateration, which makes you think she doesn’t get it, but she’s just not about to sit here like yes you are disgusting and broken, oh lads, what an impossible situation, trying to get the balance right of acknowledging his emotions and also trying to pull him out of them to be here with her now, which is no mean feat, it’s hard not to feel like a failure even though you know that truly it’s giving impossible task, thank you fringe for your service lmao, out here doing a GASP like it really hurts but honestly you’re just gagged to see some strong emotion beyond total despair coming from him so absolutely attack us]

Jake: [mhmm and nor should she, cos like she said, he wouldn’t talk about anyone else like this, not even mobby for being insane and deaf respectively while being someone we’ve got beef with, and the same goes for anyone else he knows because if any friend group would have a token wheelchair kid like the girl from waterloo road who never got a storyline, it would be his, hypocrite alert as always, but you always have been and you’ve also always been golden boy so we get it, anyway, here and now, pausing to check that he didn’t catch her skin with his teeth because that gasp sounds like he might’ve and angry as he is in this era he’s still been born and raised to be a soft boy as a default, hair still in his mouth, handily out of the way, he’s running his fingers over her skin to check for blood or broken skin, again (not at all secretly or casually) shocked and/or slightly angry/gutted though when they come away clean]

Sylvie: [it makes perfect sense you of all people are struggling with this, you’ve been taken off a pedestal you didn’t totally comprehend/totally took for granted you were on, as we all do until life humbles us, and this girl knows that but he really has to come to acceptance himself, which sucks but we move, right now, we here almost daring him to break skin with our unrepentant eye contact about it, reaching out to pretend to pull her hair from between his teeth but actually softly brushing her fingers against his bottom lip, licking her own at the same time]

Jake: [that’s exactly the vibe, and despite the dead dad this is the first major thing to go wrong in your life because you were too young when that happened so ofc you’re crashing out and need a minute (or month lol) at least y’all are finally here now, SPITTING out her hair with such !! so that her fingers will absolutely be getting spit on them, simply must because she has draw attention to her lips which he never needs an excuse to obsessed by, STARING at them so hungrily like he’s gonna angrily bite them next and any second, wanting her so bad in this moment ™ that he looks furious at her yet again, cos he is that she’s tempting him this much with the smallest gesture]

Sylvie: [no one can blame you, and this gal doesn’t, she’s just having her own crashout about how hardcore she is in love with you and now can’t deny it because the heartbreak of all this has proven it without a doubt, which is a lot in its own right, before we even get to the sickness of it all, ANYWAY, he’s drawn all the attention to her fingers with this SPIT moment, bringing them back towards her own lips as she STUDIES the wetness, opening her mouth slightly because thinking about sucking them and tasting him in this small way, but we have to tease it, like we’re doing everything we can to make him furious because lord we do prefer it to despondent, not soz]

Jake: [yep and obviously she’s having her own crashout, independent woman is the understatement of the century in her case and the last thing she expected when she moved here was to fall in love, how could she not, the amount of messing about this boy has done aside, oh lads we’ve really put you in situations, including atm, staring so unblinkingly at her slightly open mouth with his red eyes making the green pop once again, before shaking his head like no you can’t soz, in the least convincing don’t do it way ever, because ofc he wants her to really and is in fact just egging her on, it’s beyond blatant I fear, especially because he’s leaning in close to breathe in her breaths and the lingering evidence of those cigarettes she smoked for him, to watch her antics from an even closer proximity when she inevitably stops teasing and does them]

Sylvie: [shaking her head back at him like, no? You don’t want me to? Using the same tone as he did about the crawling in those messages, because we know you want us to, so tempted to get out another cigarette when it becomes clear he’s breathing in her second-hand smoke but we can’t risk this moment for even a second and this way he has to stay close to really breathe it in so no cigarette for you, sir, stay where you are, poking her tongue out and hovering a mm from licking this up, looking at him like last chance to object lol]

Jake: [using his slay eyebrows (where in my heart there’s a tiny lil scar from when he hurt himself during that first seizure but nobody is aware of because it’s giving you’d have to touch it to know it’s there) to express the you heard me energy, because he hasn’t said a word yet and that’s kind of iconic cos it feels like his body language and eye contact have said a million things, sassing her with daddy vibes via facial expressions alone, having the identical cigarette thought as she has it, which also shows on his face, because the peak intimacy of that when he refuses to kiss his gf, biting his own lip about it, harder when that flash of tongue pokes out so he doesn’t bite it instead, tearing a piece of skin off because they’re chapped af how lips always get when you’re run down and sick or depressed, been there and done that diva, unflinching or unmoving though, absolute lazer focus on her and everything she’s doing and about to do]

Sylvie: [my boo says this gal won’t know, but you gotta know, and she’s so right for that, we will let you find out one day, diva, but for now, smile at him and his sassy brows because heart eyes, hello you, so good to have you here with me, wanting to kiss his lips better immediately but also wanting to kiss him until they’re in an even worse state, honestly, getting distracted by staring at them and his teeth and being #lost in your thoughts ‘I never stop thinking about you’ being blurted out, so unfiltered it could only ever be total truth with no agenda, biting the tip of her finger and repeating ‘never’ before going to town on her fingers about it, like, see]

Jake: [the urge to makeout is mutual and constant, they’re both equally distracted and conflicted about it, for him because that really would be crossing a line and testing the waters of his deepest fears in a way that nothing else they’ve done yet is, reaching out, yet again, I think we’re on the 3rd time now lol (with stunning chipped grey nail polish every time, lest we ever forget) as if he’s gonna pull her fingers out of her mouth or give her hand a lil smack like she’s a naughty child, but of course he does neither and just HOLDS it while she’s going to town, feeling each individual bone in her hand or muscle as they move and work, including her knuckles of course which he’s played music on before, as he WATCHES her do this to her heart’s content without otherwise interferring, I just know there’s some blood on his lip looking cinematic the entire time, as if he’s doing a challenge to not lick it away]

Sylvie: [mhmm, and she knows that so she certainly isn’t going to be the one to initiate a makeout, however much she would love to just grab his face and remind him exactly what he has here, we must control ourselves (the fact this is us under control lmao) and stick to taking it out on our fingers, here trying to savour the spray of spit that was as if she can taste so much, OBSESSED with him holding her hand, experimenting with how much she can move it and the different ways she can get his to feel this, holding his eye the entire time because we need to know exactly how you feel and if you’re as feral and desperate as we are, which that blood confirms, biting down on her fingers again because wants to lick that up so badly that we’ll have to make ourself bleed to stop us from doing so]

Jake: [agreed he’ll have to be the one to bite the bullet but who knows if he will because the urge may be strong but so is the fear (like he said) that they’ll kiss and he’ll feel like a stranger and everything will feel different and horrible and it’ll confirm without a doubt everything he’s lost, so instead, here and now, likewise experimenting with all the different ways he can touch her hand without restricting her movements, like he’s a ghost who misses having hands or a robot who’s never had them and is fascinated truly by how they work because he do feel feral, opening his mouth to either mouth or say something but we’ll never know what because instead his tongue is licking up the blood, poking out just enough to do it, like hers before, like it’s a frantic move against his will (he’s always fighting against himself, I fear) happening cinematically at the exact moment she bites down on her fingers, because they will forever be in sync]

Sylvie: [y’all may not, but hey, this is something, undeniably so, and we’ll take it, this girl dying that he still hasn’t said anything but he has said so much with his actions and expressions, making a NOISE around her fingers that is far more to do with the spectacle of his tongue and his blood than any pain she inadvertently caused herself there, nuzzling her head against his hand pleadingly]

Jake: [there’s no telling with him, he might never for this full interaction or he might in the next sentence, all bets are off at such a chaotic time, doing the most genuine and !! shiver when that noise of hers hits because he felt it in his whole body and happily it stops the urge he would’ve otherwise had to spit the blood out or make some other outward show of disgust because he’s in his self-loathing era, thanks for distracting him diva in the best way you could’ve, one of his fingers tracing the teeth indents she just caused on her own fingers there, so gently but thoroughly, while another moves to run over the corresponding teeth, matching them up, a (very quiet) lil hum escaping him that he isn’t even aware of, but we are and you can’t take the song out of him, baby, cos yes he do be composing about it] 

Sylvie: [matching his shiver with one of her own when he starts tracing the indents, barely resisting the urge to gnaw her fingers to shit just so he has more excuse to keep touching her, ever so slightly panting, which he’s going to feel against his skin as he does this, insistently, yet shyly, pushing her fingers towards him, pointing at his mouth because you bite me, suddenly aware she has no marks from him and how else are we meant to remember this when we have to leave, cannot ask for it though, not going to interrupt his humming]

Jake: [matching her panting with his own when he clocks what she wants him to do because of course he’s picking up what she’s putting down and of course the prospect has him breathing like that, no hesitation in doing it though, harder than he should if anything instead of holding back, soz girl it’s gonna hurt but he’s holding back so much in other ways (and we know he’s so angry so furious) that he simply must be feral about this, spacing his bite out, the equivalent of when she was drawing those lipstick marks on his dick, as a deliberate throwback, so that he has to have her fingers basically all the way in his mouth to do this, and he isn’t going over hers however tempting that may be because they’re a work of art in their own right and they have to stay]

Sylvie: [her mouth making the shape of his name before any noise is escaping her lips, grasping at her throat with her other hand, because the blockage feels so physical right now and we can’t handle holding back, shifting her body into his ever so slightly more, like we need holding up, like we can’t do this without him]

Jake: [meanwhile this boy making his first NOISE around her fingers, made even better by the fact his voice is hoarser than ever from all the previous crying and breaking under the strain of being used to be this !! when he hasn’t spoken since the voice notes, taking on the task of holding her up as if he’s never for a second doubted his body could or there’s never been a time when he hasn’t done it, feeling and appearing so effortless, even more so for how unspoken it is, when he finally frees her fingers from his feral teeth, instead of moving away as would be natural, shifting his body even closer, really pressing it against hers like that in itself could and should leave a mark too]

Sylvie: [being bold in the strangest of ways, here feeling every inch of this boy’s mouth with our fingers, as if it is vital information what his tongue and teeth and the roof of his mouth feel like, nbd, just gone slightly insane and it feels like a must, moving her other hand to his throat at the NOISE, because yes, must feel and collect that too, mouthing his name at him like he needs reminding because yes, exactly, this is who you are and this is who we are together, stroking his adam’s apple so tenderly for how feral he is biting her and then pulling her in, this move being what finally gets her to SAY his name instead of just mouthing it, feeling so loud and !!]

Jake: [love to see the insanity we drive you to when we don’t let you interact for a month, anybody could walk by and not only do they not care it wouldn’t even register unless said person or people got so far in their grill, very much still feeling alone in the world and safe and protected in that atm, this boy was already feeling turned on af by all their finger biting antics, so when she says his name and like that, it only ramps up him feeling horny on main, which he’s been too stressed and depressed to be, so it makes perfect sense (given that the last time he was was when she was at his house for the oral) that muscle memory kicks in yet again and he’s responding instinctively by grabbing at her desperately like you do when you’re kissing someone and need them impossibly closer, his body finding a dryhumping rhythm before he can overthink and stop himself from reacting like that, MOANING about it because it feels so good and familiar and normal and it’s been so long since he’s felt any of those things]

Sylvie: [okay, so it has been about a month, Sylvie has been hanging out with Bobby that whole time (it’d be unclear to what extent but now it’s for sure giving couple) and now it has just been made SUPER apparent that Jake and Mona are back together]

Sylvie: Félicitations

Jake: [Not immediately replying because he’s clearly busy being one half of the worst couple in Dublin, ew]

Jake: Don’t do that

Sylvie: Me?

Jake: Yeah, you

Sylvie: You’re unbelievable 

Jake: You’ve been hanging out with Bobby the whole time

Jake: And guess what, I didn’t comment on it because that’s none of my business 

Sylvie: Because you don’t care

Sylvie: and why would you? Of course this was going to bring you two back together

Jake: He maybe assaulted you

Jake: Why don’t you care?

Sylvie: We’re not talking about the maybe of him being a bad person

Sylvie: I thought you got it, when it wasn’t directed at you, the things she said about your sister

Jake: Exactly, things she said, they’re just words

Jake: She didn’t do anything

Sylvie: Just words? Is that how Talia feels, or did you never tell her because you couldn’t bear to repeat those fucking words

Sylvie: not to mention how she treats you, that’s not words

Jake: My sister’s feelings aren’t what prompted this outburst

Sylvie: Because what the fuck

Jake: Using Talia to guilt-trip me is really low

Sylvie: I’m not guilt-tripping you; I’m asking if you’ve lost your mind

Jake: You’re picking a fight, whatever dig gets a reaction

Sylvie: I don’t need a reaction

Sylvie: not me posting hundreds of stories with the same stale plot

Jake: Neither am I

Jake: I retired my socials with the band

Sylvie: As if that means you’re not centre stage

Sylvie: she didn’t have anything to say about you, just that you’re good looking, doesn’t that bother you at all?

Jake: Am I center stage, or were none of her posts about me?

Jake: You can’t have both

Sylvie: You’re there as a prop

Jake: [whatever app this is whether it’s insta or the cool kids are using something else by this era] isn’t real life

Sylvie: I don’t need telling

Sylvie: Why can you talk to her and not me

Jake: If I’m a prop, she’s doing all the talking

Sylvie: Just answer a question

Jake: I don’t owe you my answers

Sylvie: Yes, you do

Sylvie: you fucking do

Sylvie: because you pulled me into the middle of your bullshit

Jake: You’re out now, so stay out of it

Jake: Protect your peace

Sylvie: What peace

Sylvie: How can I have any

Jake: In your boyfriend’s strong arms, I figured

Sylvie: Be serious

Jake: Seriously

Sylvie: You messed with my head and fucked up my whole life

Sylvie: and you can’t do me one favour and show some respect, explain any of it

Sylvie: because none of it makes sense

Jake: Perks of dating the strong silent type, zero explanation needed

Sylvie: Perks of dating for the title alone

Jake: As long as you consented to the title, instead of waking up with no memory of being given it

Sylvie: Anything I’ve done doesn’t take away from what you’re doing, what you did, by the way

Sylvie: it isn’t the same issue

Jake: I’m the only one on trial here, for sure

Sylvie: I did what you told me to, which is why you didn’t give a fuck until it’s time to deflect

Jake: I have no right; you think you still do

Sylvie: You lied

Jake: Situations change, people change

Sylvie: Not you

Sylvie: you just pretend to

Jake: Face facts, you don’t know who I am anymore 

Jake: And you don’t get automatic access whenever you feel like lecturing me

Sylvie: Lecturing you?

Sylvie: Grow the fuck up

Jake: We’re nothing to each other

Sylvie: Speak for yourself

Jake: Your opinion, formed from the outside edges of my life, has no bearing on what’s really happening here

Sylvie: Who do you think you’re fooling?

Sylvie: Do you think a pathetic attempt at sounding like her will make anyone believe in it this time around

Jake: I don’t care what anybody else believes, including you

Sylvie: That’s all you care about; it’s all you have

Jake: I have actual problems I’m dealing with; you might be able to forget they ever existed, but I can’t

Sylvie: Are you?

Jake: Every single day

Sylvie: I don’t know why you ever pretended to feel different about me

Sylvie: but I don’t know why I thought you’d explain

Jake: Show me an explanation that’d be good enough for you

Sylvie: Try telling the truth

Jake: You already know the truth

Sylvie: Was it your idea, or did you just go along with it?

Jake: My idea to what?

Sylvie: All of it

Sylvie: to make me fall for you and humiliate me time and again, and see how long I could take it

Sylvie: would it still be going on now, if you hadn’t got sick and realised life is too short to play games with people like that?

Jake: I wasn’t playing games

Sylvie: You’ve made it clear you feel nothing but disdain for me

Jake: I clearly fell for you, hard

Sylvie: Then why are you back with Mona?

Jake: Because karma, life, label it how you want, fucked me over harder

Jake: My head was messed up first; everything got ruined for me first

Jake: I couldn’t take it, and I told you that

Sylvie: I know that

Sylvie: you didn’t let me in, you didn’t even leave the door unlocked, let alone open

Jake: No way was I going to let you see me like that, locking in a gross new perception of me

Jake: You didn’t want pity when I thought you were sick for half a second, [the date of the ghosting incident lol]; you should understand where I’m coming from

Jake: Remember how hardcore you resisted my help at the pharmacy?

Sylvie: Because I was scared, am scared

Sylvie: of relying on anyone, needing anyone

Jake: Well, I’m scared too

Sylvie: Of course you are, this is terrifying

Jake: Keep him away from [drugs lol], and he’s probably pretty reliable

Jake: More than I’m capable of, at least

Sylvie: I don’t care about reliable 

Sylvie: I care about you

Sylvie: and yeah, I care that you can get more comfort from her than me, and I know that’s a selfish thing to care about at a time like this

Jake: You need someone who’s going to be there for you

Jake: Everything about me is unstable

Sylvie: I’ve never had that, I’m the last person who expects it

Jake: Never having had it is why you deserve to

Sylvie: You deserve to not be sick

Sylvie: luck doesn’t operate like that

Jake: She doesn’t treat me like a sick person

Sylvie: How did I?

Jake: You keep bringing it up

Jake: With Mona, I get my old role back, slotting into our familiar rhythm; that’s the comfort you’re talking about

Sylvie: Because I don’t, and it’s ‘I have real problems, by the way; I’m fine, thanks for asking’

Sylvie: this is what it always comes back to; you just don’t want me 

Jake: I don’t want you partnered with this me

Jake: We wouldn’t be an equal partnership; the choreography’s off

Sylvie: You could be your old self with me, too

Jake: Nn [NO he says]

Sylvie: You think just because I’ve managed to stop myself from reaching out, that that means I haven’t been thinking about you constantly

Jake: I can’t be around you; you’d trigger me

Sylvie: What about me?

Jake: Your mental health, however wrecked, isn’t landing you in an ambulance

Sylvie: I wasn’t comparing

Sylvie: if you gave me an idea, I could try not to be triggering

Jake: It isn’t up to you

Sylvie: It’s your decision 

Jake: My feelings- I don’t know how to switch off- are the problem

Jake: My problem

Sylvie: I wind you up, I know

Sylvie: I was going to remind you plenty of times that you said we should be friends, to try

Sylvie: but I knew we’d only end up how and where we did again

Jake: I’m not that evolved

Jake: I’m sorry

Sylvie: I won’t say it’s okay

Sylvie: nothing about this is

Jake: Jealousy is one of the feelings left on

Sylvie: I’d rather you didn’t pretend to be happy for me anyway

Sylvie: I’m never going to pretend to be happy for you two, you know my feelings

Jake: Does he make you happy?

Sylvie: I’m not happy, neither is he

Jake: Makes 4 of us

Sylvie: There’s nothing funny about the idea of that double date

Jake: You weren’t laughing when you woke up from that dream, huh?

Sylvie: It seemed a lot more ridiculous then, too

Jake: What tricks did your subconscious even play? You never revealed any details beyond the loft setting

Sylvie: I don’t think we need to get into that now

Sylvie: trust, it was very triggering 

Jake: I bet

Sylvie: How do you do it?

Jake: ???

Sylvie: Pretend you don’t know everything you know about her

Jake: Pretending Mona’s somebody else was before

Jake: We’re on the after side of the line

Sylvie: Then I guess I mean, how can you stand to be with her?

Jake: I can’t stand any part of my life right now

Sylvie: Why not then

Sylvie: I get it, kind of

Jake: I’m letting a ton slide that sucks

Sylvie: At least you’re not lonely

Jake: She’s guaranteed to be full-on

Sylvie: Doesn’t she care about you?

Jake: Obviously not

Sylvie: I don’t understand how that’s possible

Jake: Narcissist seems a legit armchair diagnosis, without the basis of ever taking a psychology class 

Sylvie: Peut-être…

Sylvie: She was really weird with him

Jake: I haven’t forgotten

Sylvie: Not saying it on his behalf, it’s not like that

Sylvie: but he’s told me about it

Jake: Okay

Sylvie: You know you deserve better

Jake: I’m done discussing either of them

Sylvie: Okay

Jake: Vdm clv [fml c’est la vie, which is a throwback to their first convo again, she said this exact thing]

Sylvie: C mal1! [that’s sneaky, stealing my line]

Sylvie: Koi29 [because what’s new]

Jake: Chuis mal [because I am bad/I feel sick/bad/wrong, I’m in a bad place, the double meaning of it all]

Sylvie: NDK VTR V [which I bodged to be drop your location vibes, because oh how we wish we could reach you boy]

Jake: Ché mwa [for chez moi because at home is where he always is atm]

Sylvie: h24 😞 [because this is a tragedy and we must make what was once saucy/happy sad to reflect as much]

Jake: & twa? [because of course he wants to know where she is rn]

Sylvie: Osef? [who cares baby, ouch]

Jake: TGTM [you matter to me]

Sylvie: Cpl [hit it avril]

Jake: T ou? [where are you cos he wants to know and the more she doesn’t say the more he wants to]

Sylvie: Their flat

Jake: Tfk? [what are you doing? Literally, not in a wtf way, because he will be torturing himself asking for those details even though he doesn’t wanna know and can guess]

Sylvie: [send a picture of whatever Bobby is watching on TV and how far apart y’all are sat because clearly not a fun night for you to be sat scrolling to see and get ragebaited by Mona’s post, the boy does plenty angsting of his own, we know]

Jake: … [because nothing needs to be said, let’s just take a moment to reflect on wtf is occuring lads, and we all know he’s no less gutted than if she sent a pic of them making out cos he do want her to not be miserable, he’s very #conflicted and #messy]

Sylvie: Should I have lied?

Sylvie: I could as easily be staring at my screen in my own room; it makes no difference, really

Jake: To who?

Sylvie: That’s what I mean, it seems like I was trying to be provocative, that it has connotations 

Sylvie: I’m just here, existing, so we’re not technically alone  

Jake: It means something that you’re there

Sylvie: I take it Mona’s not with you 

Jake: Mona isn’t alone in updating and sharing her relationship status

Jake: I know you’re with him, that you’ve moved beyond existing in the same room

Sylvie: I don’t see much irony in her posts, unlike his

Jake: Irony goes over most people’s heads

Jake: She’s trying to make a point

Sylvie: That her social cachet is tied up entirely with you, we got it

Jake: That I’m tied down again

Sylvie: You’re not leaving your house, barely, seems a little much

Jake: I’m not her social media manager

Sylvie: You must not have a problem with it anyway

Jake: I’ve got bigger

Sylvie: Likewise

Jake: I’ll leave you to yours then

Jake: And [whatever was on the TV screen]

Sylvie: DDD [we need to talk]

Jake: Why?

Sylvie: [resending his ‘I feel bad’ message, like that is why/me too]

Jake: [her name because the only acceptable response]

Sylvie: Svp [please, her version]

Sylvie: if it doesn’t work, then that’s just another thing to add to the pile

Sylvie: nothing to lose

Jake: If what doesn’t work?

Jake: What do you want?

Sylvie: Talking

Sylvie: what else?

Jake: I’ve got nothing else to say

Sylvie: Where do you miss most in town?

Jake: [tell her, lowkey it’s giving somewhere unexpected cos it’s not the standard record store or shop that sells guitars, it’s giving a good people-watching spot that’s inspiring for song writing and thinking when he doesn’t wanna be alone at the bench, which ofc she’ll get without him needing to elaborate that’s why]

Jake: Are you going to go and rub the sights and sounds I’m missing in my face? 

Sylvie: [tell him somewhere you go for the same reason to show you get what he’s putting down, obvs]

Sylvie: I don’t do that sort of thing in public anymore, tah

Sylvie: is it a no-go just ‘cos everywhere is or a specific reason? 

Jake: You could head towards [her place she said], show me how cool it is

Sylvie: Role reversal, I’m suddenly your tour guide 

Sylvie: I could, though I look very uncool to be going anywhere 

Jake: I doubt that, but it’s okay, you don’t have to

Jake: I’m uncool for asking

Sylvie: I’ll go, just don’t show up

Sylvie: you’re not the only one who’s allowed to preserve their best self

Jake: I have a headache, honestly, even though it sounds like a super convenient excuse

Sylvie: I believe you

Sylvie: we’re at the stage where you would tell me you don’t want to see me; in fact, you’ve never wanted to see me

Jake: I’d love and hate to see you

Jake: Almost identical amounts

Sylvie: That’s how her posts made me feel

Sylvie: that’s how I feel every day at school

Jake: [in French, for the first full French of the convo, ‘we haven’t kissed’ because all those throwback pics were kissing pics and that’s because he won’t kiss her atm IRL, not because it’s a trigger but because he doesn’t want to, the peak intimacy I fear]

Sylvie: Ah

Sylvie: [French] Making a point, I see

Jake: Slightly labouring hers, but I’m not above it, so

Sylvie: I’m glad you’re standing up for yourself

Sylvie: not just for the obvious reason either

Jake: [French, because he’s about to have some audacity lol] Is he a better kisser than me?

Sylvie: [French] Are you going to believe my answer?

Jake: That depends how you answer

Sylvie: Truthfully

Sylvie: Nn pdt [no, not at all]

Jake: Truthfully, I’m selfishly glad

Sylvie: So am I

Jake: [French] You’re my best kiss, you always will be

Sylvie: No take-backs? 

Jake: Jms ok1 [never, none, because we needed the emphasis there]

Sylvie: m6 [thank you because we really needed to hear that]

Jake: xxx [because you’re welcome truly but in the least cunty and most genuine way possible, cos he needed to say it too, it’s a lil bit healing]

Sylvie: What happened between us, it mattered to me

Jake: I know you don’t believe a word I say anymore

Jake: But meeting you changed me for the better before this did for the worse, for what that’s worth

Sylvie: I do; it’s the parts I’m scared are true, that I’m not sure of, or if I’m ever engaging in wishful thinking…

Sylvie: but really, I think I know, for better and worse, and I’ll never be the same again either

Jake: We aren’t meant to be; that’s how we both know it mattered

Sylvie: It happened, and it was real

Jake: I wouldn’t be fighting to keep it as it was if it wasn’t perfect

Sylvie: I know

Sylvie: it’s just really hard not to fight to keep you

Jake: You’re the most meaningful connection I’ve ever found, when I thought my life wasn’t lacking, and I wasn’t looking for somebody to turn it upside down

Jake: We matched, we were totally in sync 

Sylvie: I thought we’d have time

Sylvie: more time to talk and watch all the films we wanted to watch and listen to the music we wanted to listen to, go everywhere we said

Jake: Create the tracks, film each other

Jake: Be the art we wanted to see in the world

Sylvie: And I don’t think I can do it on my own

Sylvie: I know you want me to

Jake: Other people will inspire you, I have to hope

Jake: 12C4 [one of these days]

Jake: (but not the same as I did)

Sylvie: No one can come close

Sylvie: not in [83 years but writing out in French to be dramatic about it]

Jake: [his reform Judaism doesn’t even believe in reincarnation, but that isn’t gonna stop him from writing 83 lifetimes, baby, also in French]

Sylvie: You better find me in the next

Sylvie: don’t think you can get away 

Jake: I’m still looking for you in this one

Jake: However I can, whatever pieces are mine to hold onto

Sylvie: You know the answer to that

Sylvie: even if you know nothing else 

Jake: If I shattered your heart into 95 shards, don’t tell me

Jake: I can’t hear that and keep mine barely beating

Sylvie: I don’t want to hurt you

Sylvie: and it’s safe to say I very much don’t want you to die; the thought keeps waking me up and making me feel so sick and out of my body weird

Jake: I don’t know how to stop reading the horror stories while everyone else sleeps, of how suddenly I could die

Sylvie: Please don’t

Sylvie: sorry, I typed that before I could think and not, what a ridiculous thing to ask

Sylvie: is it common?

Jake: Maybe it’s dumb; it’s human, though, and it’s sometimes all there is

Jake: Praying, I mean, that I don’t die yet

Jake: Or lose major pieces of myself on an operating table, in the hopes of not

Sylvie: Jake

Sylvie: I’m just going to say it, and if you’re insulted, then you can say whatever you wanna say

Sylvie: but if there’s a surgery, or some miracle drug, in America or wherever, if I can give you that by giving you the money to go

Jake: I’m incurable, which would be the solo definite my doctors feel confident giving me…

Jake: Besides that eye-opener, I’ve been managing this shit how they’re telling me to, and the risk of being an unlucky statistic is supposed to be low

Sylvie: Okay

Sylvie: being reminded that it’s never 0 is the hard part

Jake: Knock on wood, my life is as good and bad as it gets, rolled into one, lame limbo for the foreseeable future

Sylvie: Does it feel like good news

Sylvie: or as incomprehensible as it all was before?

Jake: My meds having long-term side effects wasn’t the news I wanted, but my family’s looking on the bright side of viable, easily accessible treatment in the first place, plus my symptoms being gone

Sylvie: So it’s a toss-up of side effects vs symptoms forever, then?

Jake: Basically

Sylvie: That does suck

Sylvie: though I’ll admit I was super relieved as my first instinct too, hearing all that now

Jake: I don’t know why I’m opening up to you today, I lost count how many others I forced myself to swear I wouldn’t

Jake: Anyway, medical trauma dump over

Sylvie: I want to know, I’ve wanted to know

Sylvie: I hope your symptoms stay gone, and the side effects are minimal

Sylvie: and that I stop waking up every night like I’m possessed, that’d be cool

Jake: Moi aussi

Jake: x 3

Jake: (Especially you getting some sleep)

Sylvie: (it’s the most important if I’m ever going to look cool again)

Jake: Your fringe hasn’t gone anywhere; it’s in my prayers too

Sylvie: You’re wearing it all frustratingly well, except in your eyes

Jake: I am?

Sylvie: Oue [because it’s serious]

Jake: It’s your fault my eyes are dead, they only come alive when I’m stealing glances at you, and that’s practically never because you’re such a know-it-all

Jake: You feel me with miles between us

Sylvie: Because I’m waiting for you to look at me

Sylvie: I barely exist otherwise

Jake: I exist on a grey flat earth, only moving to orbit you

Jake: You’re so bright it hurts my eyes, a shower of endless sparks

Jake: My shooting star I wish on

Sylvie: Jake

Jake: I’m sorry

Sylvie: Don’t be

Sylvie: not for that

Jake: For hurting you

Sylvie: I’m sorry, for every time I made it harder when that’s the last thing you needed

Jake: You didn’t do anything wrong

Jake: Every time you tried to reach me, it’s like I was in an induced coma

Sylvie: I could feel it, how far you had to go to protect us both

Sylvie: it felt like fighting, but I wasn’t fighting you, just gravity, to stop you going off into orbit permanently 

Jake: [a French ‘I miss you’ because it’s been such a long time]

Sylvie: [hit him with it back, is this real life]

Jake: [I’m stealing ‘deux gouttes d’eau’ from cinema date because they are 2 drops of water, they’re so alike and in sync, and water is even more their thing now with all the rain and the crying and everything, peas in a pod could never, bye]

Jake: 💧💧

Sylvie: Tattoo gun next after piercing

Jake: [Find the latest pic of her, whether that’s one Bobby has posted or one from her socials, and draw a teardrop under her left eye like a tattoo because your left ear was the one you wanted pierced, we all remember]

Sylvie: I didn’t know I could cry like I have for you

Jake: I’ve run out of tears; you’ll have to let me borrow one

Sylvie: [do the same to one of his red hair pics]

Jake: When mermaids' tears hit the ocean floor, that’s how pearls are made

Sylvie: I wear mine every day

Sylvie: and I would grow legs for you

Jake: They symbolize hope

Sylvie: You never asked for them back, that means something too

Jake: No take backs, right?

Sylvie: Ok1 [none baby]

Jake: [French] You’ve looked beautiful every day, my pearl

Sylvie: I was starting to think you’d never speak to me again

Sylvie: never mind speak to me how you did

Jake: I shouldn’t

Jake: (but)

Sylvie: (but you have to)

Jake: Oue [forever never casual]

Sylvie: [French] And we have to talk

Jake: [soz not soz but I fear he simply must bring his OG insta back, but completely private and only following her so only she can see, because what a gesture, send her a single grey heart as a DM so she knows, what a rising from the ashes moment ™ ]

Sylvie: [DM him ‘long time no see’ with your own grey heart because must be ref’d]

Jake: [‘forever’ in French  because it’s more extra + 🫧 because it’s giving surfacing from underwater or being able to breathe underwater with her cos she’s a mermaid, either way iconic vibes, and there’s 3 bubbles which is y’all’s number]

Sylvie: I wonder why Ariel was called Ariel…

Sylvie: it suits you, though ❤️❤️❤️

Jake: In Hebrew, it’s primarily a boy’s name

Sylvie: I do think he was gay, maybe it was meant to be a merman all along

Sylvie: Were you always a Jacob, or were there other contenders? 

Jake: [throw out the few other names that you can’t imagine being at all lol, cos I’m sure your mum had several as options]

Sylvie: [tick and cross them off to register your opinion after the fact lol]

Sylvie: You had to be a Jake

Jake: [tell her what baby names you like, not at all casual, but I know you’ve thought about it cos you mentioned having babies with her before, it’s giving notes app list, I won’t commit us because it doesn’t matter, aside from them all being Jewish and the idea being bittersweet now he’s sick, cos they aren’t having a baby no matter how many times winola gay kicks his lil legs]

Sylvie: [doing the same thing even though it is unspokenly so much more !! because this is his list as it was and not his mother’s, which yes, so uncasual it hurts]

Sylvie: [and tell him some ridiculous things your mother did want to call you, because that’s a detail I can see your father telling you in a, you’re lucky I saved you from that, kind of vibe, even if neither of them remembers how Sylvie was agreed upon]

Jake: [crossing out all those ridiculous names so aggressively it looks like another blackout poem because no thank you ma’am, hates her mum so much lol, leaving unspoken space for her to write her own list of baby names over it even if she does not]

Sylvie: Is it hereditary? Is that what you’re thinking?

Jake: While I didn’t lose the genetic lottery, of course there’s a chance my children could, passed on through me

Sylvie: That’s heavy, all the things you’ve had to think about, that none of our peers will for years, if ever

Jake: I distanced myself for a reason; it’s all heavy

Sylvie: I never doubted that much

Sylvie: I was insulted that you doubted me, but it was never about me

Jake: I never imagined you wouldn’t stick by me; that’s why I had to be the one breaking us up

Sylvie: You’re such a man sometimes

Jake: Who knew toxic masculinity had downsides? 

Sylvie: Shh, don’t let your mam or sister hear you

Jake: They’re tuning me out

Jake: Your anti-Mona stance is far from a unique take

Sylvie: That distance probably feels necessary too now

Sylvie: I can imagine

Jake: We’re each coming at this from different angles, the degrees of which are kinda jarring

Sylvie: Happening to you vs happening to your son and your brother must all hit different

Jake: Calling the ambulance traumatised my sister, her son being brought in as a patient unexpectedly mid-shift traumatised my mother, in the end, everybody is

Sylvie: How could you

Sylvie: everyone ends up feeling guilty whilst you swear no one should

Jake: Not to mention, the dad parallels we’re tripping over ourselves to avoid, Talia’s earliest memories of him sick, mom caring for him for years until she pushed out most of hers

Sylvie: Do you talk about it?

Sylvie: All the good memories are everywhere, but have you been able to say any of that shit out loud

Jake: How can I?

Sylvie: How you just did to me

Jake: They’d just reassure me I won’t die, or promise me, were I terminal, they’d nurse me, put their lives on hold, themselves last

Jake: My wishes fucking last

Sylvie: You can’t tell them that’s not what you want

Sylvie: it sounds like a judgment call on what happened with your dad, before getting into the slap in the face of denying their undying love and support

Sylvie: I wouldn’t want it either, if it were me

Jake: My dad’s final years were messed up, the strain on her, ruin of their relationship

Jake: Who dreams of a lovers to carer and dependent arc?

Sylvie: I take it that isn’t what you’ve ever voiced to her though

Sylvie: or how she sees it

Jake: She sees it as the ultimate act of love, devotion 

Sylvie: And you have to let her keep it like that

Sylvie: but you don’t have to let her or your sister do the same for you, ever, that is your choice

Jake: I don’t get a voice in this; she’s a qualified nurse as well as my mom

Jake: No kidding, she constantly talks over me, doubly thinking she knows best, the woman does, what the hell kinda expert am I?

Sylvie: You know what you want, autonomy 

Sylvie: and you literally never bow down to authority figures over anything, let alone something this important

Jake: I couldn’t even talk to you about what I wanted

Sylvie: It’s not going to be easy

Sylvie: but we are talking a literal matter of life or death in this scenario

Sylvie: and it’s your life, at the end of it

Jake: I’ll write them both letters, multiple drafts

Jake: Edit my passive-aggressiveness out

Sylvie: You’re already showing them some boundaries by being back with Mona if they hate it

Sylvie: that’s something

Jake: You hate it

Sylvie: Well, of course I hate it

Sylvie: and I’m right, she is horrible to you

Jake: She’ll send us straight back into renewed radio silence

Sylvie: It’s not up to her

Jake: I can’t force you to bury your feelings for her or me because I need you; I’d be putting more unfair pressure and expectations onto you

Sylvie: We’ve come to the conclusion the alternative doesn’t work

Jake: You have a bunch of alternatives, I’m not doing this to you again, I won’t 

Sylvie: What do you mean?

Jake: Dragging you into the middle

Sylvie: You’re not; it’s a separate thing

Sylvie: you sort out what you need to with her, what you want to do, me and you are a different matter 

Jake: Are we?

Sylvie: Don’t you think so?

Jake: If I could successfully compartmentalize, there wouldn’t have been an overlap, and I wouldn’t be spilling my guts to you about how badly life sucks lately

Sylvie: That isn’t what she gives you

Jake: I’ve got a nerve asking you to listen to me after what I did

Sylvie: Maybe, but that’s what I like about you

Sylvie: and no one knows how they’re going to handle something like this ‘til they’re in it, who’s to say I wouldn’t be loads worse

Jake: You’d be insufferable

Jake: 😏😏😏

Sylvie: I’ll let that slide, seeing as I’m so gracious and forgiving 

Jake: [French] Will you do something else for me?

Sylvie: [French] Anything

Jake: Smoke during your walk to [her fave place in town he wants her to show him, because leave Bobby’s gaff please], I’m meant to quit

Sylvie: Quelle horreur 

Sylvie: at least no doctor can quiz you on your diet with a straight face

Sylvie: [send him a pic of a lit cigarette like a tribute]

Jake: The real horror is not being able to virtue signal my way out of a diagnosis, agreed

Sylvie: Makes you want a smoke, never mind trying to be even more of an angel

Jake: 🚬🚬🚬

Sylvie: Do you want me to rub your face in it?

Jake: Oue [because YES very uncasually]

Sylvie: [a voicenote of her inhaling and exhaling as dramatically as she can, because feels too much of a mess to show him so he’s got to just listen]

Jake: [give her one back of your breathing exercise type breathing, obvs, because trying to be a health queen diva in contrast, but really just flirting as always]

Sylvie: You wish your lungs were full of my secondhand smoke right now

Sylvie: that nicotine hit would calm you down more than any breathing exercise 

Jake: I wish I could meet you at [this location]

Sylvie: I would really like to see you too

Sylvie: I feel like I’ve not been allowed to look at you properly

Jake: [French, for the audacity, because thinking about how she was just at Bobby’s gaff and what she might look like rn] Are you allowed to steal his clothes now?

Sylvie: No

Sylvie: that would be couply and cringe

Jake: You’re a couple

Sylvie: I told you it’s not like that, it’s more like a bit to pretend to be like that on socials, y’know

Jake: X… [he says sure, sceptical af]

Sylvie: I’m not saying nothing's happened, but 

Sylvie: you know what I mean, the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing

Jake: Sure

Sylvie: You don’t wanna talk about either of them, remember

Jake: I know what I said

Sylvie: It is what it is, you said move on

Sylvie: I had to fill my days somehow

Jake: Why him?

Sylvie: Who should I have picked?

Jake: [bar boy, shoutout, cos we’re clearly not threatened by him or y’all’s vibes together at the party or anything lol]

Sylvie: He’s a nice guy, too nice

Sylvie: I’m not exactly in a place to be a good girlfriend or even friend

Jake: I’ll take us being on similar pages about Bobby not being the good guy

Sylvie: Why do you think that?

Jake: Because

Sylvie: ???

Jake: The vibes were off when his first instinct was to carry you into the loft

Jake: Then your description of how he danced with you

Sylvie: He’s a bit of a misogynist for sure, no surprise with how his dad was

Jake: And I’m the last person willing to fall for Mona reframing herself as the victim of that misogyny, but

Jake: I don’t buy that she’d message him completely out of left field

Sylvie: I never thought either of them was a victim, she obviously got played at her own game

Jake: She took the bait, his

Jake: Which isn’t the narrative he fed me

Sylvie: You wouldn’t have listened otherwise

Sylvie: he spoke your language 

Jake: He lied

Sylvie: How?

Jake: His heavily edited version of events, painting himself as an innocent bystander to her crazy

Sylvie: I mean, it’s calculated, yeah

Sylvie: he knows if he came in with your girlfriend is a hoe btw, you would’ve just discarded it, which is clearly not what he wanted

Jake: The screenshots are the screenshots, Mona said what she said

Sylvie: He didn’t want to be seen egging her on

Jake: He didn’t want me to have the full context

Sylvie: In what context would that be okay…

Jake: It isn’t, but neither is egging someone on and deleting the evidence of your part in that

Sylvie: You should talk to him

Jake: No thanks, I’m good

Sylvie: I don’t know what you want me to do about it?

Jake: You’re defending him, so you’re obviously not planning to do anything

Sylvie: Where’d I defend him

Jake: Read it back without smoke in your eyes

Sylvie: I didn’t

Sylvie: and you’re the first person to fall for her shit every time, so, yeah, I’m not scrambling at this brand-new information 

Jake: Forget it

Sylvie: If it makes you feel better about it, whatever

Sylvie: I know what sort of person he is; I’m under no illusion 

Jake: Makes one of us

Jake: Because he presented himself to me as a completely different person, but yeah, whatever

Sylvie: Maybe he was gonna try to be your friend, I don’t know

Sylvie: not like he’s got a lot of them

Jake: Or maybe he’s a 

Jake: No, I’m not going to go there because you’re not coming with me; it’s old news to you

Sylvie: No, those things aren’t related, at all

Sylvie: you can be fake and an asshole, and not deserve those sort of allegations thrown at you

Sylvie: you know I was there willingly, and took that pill as willingly, so drop it

Jake: Nimp [whatever/never mind because consider it dropped]

Sylvie: You’re not the only one that’s allowed to go out with a shitty person, maybe now you get what it’s like to be on the other side of that

Jake: But you’re allowed to immediately pick back up what you tell me to drop?

Sylvie: You’re not going to drop her, I’m not stupid

Jake: You’re at his place

Sylvie: I’m walking to [the spot]

Jake: Fine, you just left

Sylvie: And it’s still not the same thing, because you know I don’t have feelings for him

Jake: [French for the audacity yet again] How many times have you kissed him?

Sylvie: He isn’t affectionate

Sylvie: a handful of times, when he’s high

Jake: I don’t have feelings for her

Sylvie: Did you think they’d come back, if you tried again?

Jake: It’s not like that this time

Sylvie: You were using her

Sylvie: and that wasn’t judgment; I’m obviously using him too

Jake: Everybody gets what they want

Sylvie: I wouldn’t go that far

Jake: You’re not going to walk out on him permanently either

Sylvie: Are you joking?

Sylvie: I have always dropped everything for you, the second you asked me to

Jake: I haven’t asked; I can’t

Sylvie: So don’t blame me, act like this is my idea and what I want

Jake: [French] I don’t blame you, I just hate this

Sylvie: [French] It’s unbearable 

Jake: I’d lose the fistfight too; being toxic isn’t even an option

Sylvie: There’s no fight

Sylvie: if you would let me, I would choose you

Jake: I’m fighting the urge to show up next to you

Jake: Kiss you a handful of times

Sylvie: I smiled ‘til I couldn’t when you said you hadn’t kissed her

Jake: I feel like I’m forgetting your smiles one by one

Jake: Soon I won’t remember any of them

Sylvie: I’m not dying either

Sylvie: I’ll send you one every day

Jake: [French, for being feelsy, cos greatest fear unlocked] What if I’m dead inside and kissing me is like kissing a stranger?

Sylvie: [French] I can feel your heart beating from here

Sylvie: If you were dead inside, none of this would matter, it would be easy

Jake: I can feel your head on my chest

Sylvie: I just want my body to be as close to you as my brain is again

Sylvie: to make you feel better even though I can’t make you better

Jake: We can’t trust my body or my brain

Sylvie: What about baby steps?

Jake: To where?

Sylvie: Talking like this, that’s been okay, right?

Sylvie: We can keep doing this, then see about just talking in person later 

Jake: I’ve missed our talks

Sylvie: Moi aussi

Sylvie: (and you)

Jake: I miss hearing your voice, at school, whenever you speak, my heart in my ears drowns you out

Sylvie: My answers to [whatever hard-ass teacher we’re saying here lol]'s questions aren’t much to miss out on

Sylvie: [send him a voicenote ‘hey’ here and now though]

Jake: [send her one back, but a French hi, it’s giving ‘coucou’ very cutesy and playful and familiar because they’re closer than a friendly ‘salut’, gotta be done, and we’ve gotta talk about his voice genuinely sounding like he hasn’t used it for a thousand years because he’s barely been speaking to anyone]  

Sylvie: [okay, we’ll be in voicenotes until said otherwise; let’s just assume, saying ‘you sound sleepy’ because that’s as much as you’re going to ref it, not here to be dramatic but of course we hear that]

Jake: [likewise, thank god she left Bobby’s, I know he’s deaf but he still doesn’t need to hear this lol, ‘you sound like you’ and the RELIEF in his voice cannot be overstated because he feels so different but thank god she’s still the same]

Sylvie: [this is not your business, sir, go away ‘so do you’ not to be argumentative but reassuring him that you recognise him, letting out a big sigh about it ‘I almost feel as calm as if I was on your chest’ making a noise that gives but not quite because that would be better than this obvs, even if this is good]

Jake: [saying, ‘I’m tired’ in French but going harder than our classic fave fatty gay, using ‘je suis cassé’ because it’s the most extra way I know of, like exhausted, wrecked, completely spent, but more than that, it’s like, I’m broken, there’s an element of physical pain with it as well, the chronic pain girlies would use it, I’m seen it with a fibro example, so being the drama but also v honest, as his own sigh]

Sylvie: [the mm sound could be dismissive, but the genuine compassion in her tone makes you know it is not ‘how have you been sleeping?’]

Jake: [letting her know with a sassy noise that he has NOT been lol, you can also hear his hand in his hair in a stressed manner not a flirty hairflip]

Sylvie: [‘you gotta sleep’ but said like we’ve got to get you to sleep again, like it’s a problem you can solve together ‘do your meds fuck with that?’ because we’re assuming it is just the stress but that’s a possibility too]

Jake: [tell her because some make you feel tired and drowsy in the day like a sedative, some give you insomnia or vivid nightmares and some mess with your sleep cycles like your REM or the deep sleep part, all fun and games, so it depends which ones you’re on, but short answer big yes]

Sylvie: [being quiet at the start, thinking ‘are there any good side effects from them or what?’ like come on tablets, give us something]

Jake: [‘the main symptoms stop’ as an added … ‘normally’ like you’ve literally got your fingers crossed for some normality because you can very much still get seizures while medicated and you know and are scared of that happening ‘they’re much worse’]

Sylvie: [‘I’m sorry I never realised you were sick’ quietly ‘I do feel bad about that’]

Jake: [‘I didn’t want you to realise’]

Sylvie: [‘yeah, but I should’ve, I did care, I do’]

Jake: [‘I should’ve kept the secret better’ because very much wish she didn’t even know the small amounts she do, we hate it]

Sylvie: [a no no sound as we shake our head ‘once you’re used to it, we won’t talk about it this much, if ever’ like it isn’t gonna be like this forever ‘once I know where the lines have to be’]

Jake: [‘the line is in front of you like a wall, and I can’t get used to it’ genuinely sounding devastated by this sick kid era cockblock because we all are]

Sylvie: [we truly all are,  no one more than this gal because she doesn’t fully understand it because she still doesn’t have all the context ‘I only want to be good for you’]

Jake: [saying her name with ALL the feeling because he’s typed it with all the feeling a few times but this will really be hitting like a ton of bricks from the metaphorical wall, really illustrating how badly he wants to go to her or tell her to come to him but also knows that he should be good to her and push her away instead, the struggle is real and so evident in this single word]

Sylvie: [say his back like a prayer]

Jake: [a noise of frustration isn’t strong enough to describe what she’s getting back here, it’s closer to a sob or when you wanna scream but aren’t gonna/can’t, just letting her genuinely hear for the first time how hard this is from his POV]

Sylvie: [doing your own noise back that is so close to a lil cry but you’re trying very hard to not ‘if I’m bad for you, I’ll do better to keep my distance, I’ll try harder’]

Jake: [not even letting her finish clearly with how quickly he’s shooting his reply back like NO NO, ‘I’m bad for you’ all the emphasis on it being him and his fault entirely, likewise sounding like he’s doing his best not to scream cry or throw up ‘it’s all so bad’ quietly, sounding younger than he is because lost and sad like a child actually]

Sylvie: [doing the sort of laugh you do when you do not agree/believe that but you aren’t being cunty ‘you’re perfect for me’ as a whisper he might not hear at this point, making soothing sounds ‘it’s shit, it’s really shit, but you’re incredible, and you’re going to do cool shit despite all this bullshit’]

Jake: [asking for a cigarette in French because it’s always gonna sound cooler, as if this is casual and you are just gonna turn up and smoke it because couldn’t disagree more but he meant what he said in the previous convo about not wanting to piss on her parade until she’s got no hope like him, trying to keep it flirty instead of just depressingly sad]

Sylvie: [the sounds of retrieving, lighting and smoking another for him here ‘don’t be a sore loser when time proves me right, like’ trying to have bants, in this trying time, but you also believe it]

Jake: [I don’t actually know it, soz win, but I’m sure there’s a French expression for know-it-all, so calling her it, with SUCH love in his voice it actually hurts and he might as well have said ILY]

Sylvie: [‘you love it’ said smilingly on a shaky exhale, a brief pause, then ‘I know we’re going to end up together’ a confident statement, the tone is not as definite, but we wanna live up to the nickname and speak it into existence anyway]

Jake: [having to physically stop himself from saying ILY in response there, it’s painfully blatant, eventually when he feels confident he isn’t gonna ‘in our 8th life?’ because 8th day ref always]

Sylvie: [‘and that one, and the 13th’ another ref for y’all, being extra in the ways you can to try and make up for the ones you can’t, adding in French ‘I’m your problem now’]

Jake: [adding ‘don’t forget the 70th, 83rd and 95th’ because other y’all numbers, so simply must ‘always find me and a solution’ huge pressure there but he doesn’t know what else to do at this point, we can forgive him]

Sylvie: [‘okay’ said like it’s that easy, it isn’t and you both know that, but you’re also determined that you will regardless]

Jake: [French agree with that okay of your own, doing an exhale like you’re taking a drag on that cig]

Sylvie: [tell him about places in Paris that match their numbers that they could live, having clearly looked this up before now because she isn’t searching as she speaks, just info she already knows]

Jake: [asking her if she’s reached her destination of where she’s meant to be walking yet to change the subject as subtly and least cunty as you can because Paris and genuinely believing he’ll never go is too heartbreaking, she’ll pick up on it though, it’ll never be that subtle and she knows you too well and cares too much]

Sylvie: [‘not yet’ because very much not been walking with purpose, would have had to stop many times in this rollercoaster conversation, not to mention this spot is probably near y’alls houses and she was at Bobby’s, all that to say, you’ve obvs picked up on the vibe shift ‘I’ll get a move on’]

Sylvie: [an artsy shot of the empty corridor, because something very eerie about it, but very aesthetic, also shamelessly thinking/putting it out there that it would be nice if he were here and they were both alone in said corridor, but that isn’t technically being communicated in this picture lol]

Jake: [likewise do one of the view from outside your living room window because everyone’s at work or school and lowkey (highkey) you’re wishing she’d turn up on your doorstep]

Sylvie: Your house is really cool

Sylvie: I get why your mam works so hard to keep it

Sylvie: and why Talia didn’t move out for Uni

Jake: The house was my parents’ passion project, back when they had passion

Sylvie: You can tell

Sylvie: Next time I go back to Belfast, you can come see mine, it’s similar for dad and [Dua Lipa lol]

Jake: [tell her what Mona said about his house giving her the creeps, a reminder if he already told her at the time, focusing on that instead of Belfast because he genuinely thinks he’ll never go]

Sylvie: Earnest expressions of emotion make her uncomfortable 

Sylvie: it says more about her than you and your family, there’s a lot of love there, that’s immediately clear when you walk in

Jake: Pops does hang out in every inch of wall or shelf space, could be considered overkill, mad as you get when she gets the benefit of the doubt from me

Sylvie: I don’t think it’s weird

Sylvie: that’s your dad, what are you meant to do, look for memories with only your mammy in? He was there

Jake: Throw darts at a single photo of him?

Jake: Something like that, with her as the behavioural blueprint

Sylvie: Your dad didn’t willingly leave you

Sylvie: though that implies it was about her when it obviously wasn’t

Jake: Hers didn’t leave her; he left her mother

Sylvie: Precisely

Sylvie: and my mother pretty much did leave me as well as daddy, and I don’t harp on about it

Jake: I could burn her book, I know it’s not my clothes, but 

Sylvie: Maybe you can burn page [not you having the page number where she says something so egregiously mean and awful about you memorised]

Sylvie: but I like the other things you’ve done with it, and you might get struck with random inspiration again

Jake: [do find and tear out the page she said, I’m gonna say that it’s further than you’ve read in this book but you’re not reading it because you know it’s horrific and nonsense and you refuse, burning it (with the lighter from my creation he’s about to bring to school, but that’s out of shot so our secret until she sees him messing with it), sending her all the artsy content of said page turning to ash, grey again divas] 

Sylvie: 🩶🩶🩶

Sylvie: [and send him you securing the bag of this prop, which we should say is a skull for the iconic vibes, so do a dramatic photoshoot with it, like it’s just bants and y’all haven’t not seen each other for 8 days atp]

Jake: [oh absolutely a skull, 10000%]

Jake: 💀 [one because there is only one and it has the impact of being more !! than 3 somehow and he’s very !! about these pics]

Sylvie: Go on, I bet you know the whole speech off by heart

Jake: Yeah, but you’d accuse me of cheating, by reading it off my phone or whatever

Sylvie: I’d see your eyes moving

Jake: Not in a voice note

Sylvie: Oh, I see

Sylvie: another time

Jake: Are you going to let my current state slide?

Sylvie: You think I’m going to judge you for still being in your PJs?

Jake: I’m serious, promise you won’t make your own speech about the fact I’ve barely slept for the past 8 days

Sylvie: Of course I won’t

Jake: [do your reciting off by heart moment, because you can’t resist showing off, even though you’re trying to show yourself as little as possible (so it hits harder when you are back) because you know you look like shit and in my heart he had this time off school not just for the shock of it all but because when he hit the deck for this first full blown seizure he got a visible bruise or small injury on his face somewhere that he was waiting to heal, like a carpet burn or cut or whatever, and now it has enough that nobody will clock it, maybe we can use your slay eyebrows to help hide it lol]

Sylvie: I’ll have to find some roses to leave with your envelope, in lieu of throwing them at your feet, thespian 

Sylvie: thanks for letting me see you

Jake: 🥀🥀🥀

Jake: Thanks for the thorn warning before I bled all over your hair

Sylvie: A novel way to dye it

Jake: A shame to dye it

Sylvie: That’s a no from you on my own breakdown hair then, yeah?

Jake: Unless you’re trying to drive me to another one

Sylvie: Was that your first, when Samantha did that to her hair

Jake: I wasn’t emotionally invested in hers; yours is important to me

Sylvie: Did have my suspicions you only ever wanted me for my hair

Jake: Is that baby you speaking?

Jake: Because, you know, she had cute hair then too, right?

Sylvie: Tjs [because it’s always baby her speaking when it’s him]

Jake: More than cute, more than adorable

Sylvie: [throw out some French suggestions, ‘cos they love to be cute with it]?

Jake: [add some obvs, because you want to]

Sylvie: You, with your little bonnet 

Sylvie: I’ll never recover

Jake: You, tjs

Sylvie: We can both be cute

Jake: I don’t know if I can anymore

Sylvie: I do, trust me

Jake: That wouldn’t be fair of me

Sylvie: Why not?

Jake: I pushed you away, I’m not allowed to lean on you

Sylvie: We’re trying to be friends, right

Sylvie: we both need people to lean on

Jake: Dac [because more than just okay, he hard agree]

Sylvie: I still need you

Sylvie: I can adjust to in a different way, probably

Jake: However I can be here for you, in whatever role, I’d like to

Sylvie: Right back at you

Sylvie: and I’ll do better to just listen, if you do better at talking

Jake: Deal

Sylvie: 🤝

Sylvie: You’d be proud of how I just talked my way out of trouble for being in the prop cupboard

Jake: Vazi [cos always, to mean go on then]

Jake: Act it out, I’m listening

Sylvie: [do, as a voicenote, using a really OTT one to be the drama teacher who is clearly a one, idk what but it’s giving entitled/got an answer for everything as to why you had to be in there and it was fine, v him vibes is the point]

Jake: 👏👏👏

Jake: You’re learning

Jake: [nevertheless, some notes/feedback written on what she could’ve/he would’ve said as an even more entitled and cocky bastard lol, just cos she’s into it and the reminders of his old self are nice, if bittersweet]

Sylvie: Were you always like this, or did you work on it?

Jake: When you meet my family, you’ll understand

Sylvie: I forgot that I hadn’t, I feel like I know them already

Jake: It does feel like the spare seat at the table could only be yours

Sylvie: I can still come over for dinner

Jake: [write her name on the chair with your finger in the style of if you had a sharpie to hand you’d do it for real again, thankfully for his mum’s sake you do not]

Sylvie: Mine

Jake: [tell her about how each of these other chairs have something wrong with them like a wobbly leg or a squeak etc, cos everything in his gaff is 2nd hand and then loved to death, but the reasons why hers is perfect, like how the sun comes in re the position of it, those kind of vibes, poetic shit]

Sylvie: What are you going to have for your lunch today?

Sylvie: You can borrow my seat

Jake: What are you?

Sylvie: I packed [whatever you did, a salad of some sort perhaps]

Jake: [ask her a salad ingredient based question because you’re gonna make it rn and you gotta make sure it matches hers exactly]?

Sylvie: [give him a lil tutorial about it, though I’m sure it was not the most slay salad of your life, you’re not in the mood to be taking good care of yourself lol but he’s being cute and you don’t want to tank this]

Jake: [shocking she even brought lunch tbh, but he’ll be following along this tutorial dutifully, picking shit from his garden and he will cheered cos his fave place as a result so, send her a pic when you’ve made it before you bomf it in the fridge, very full circle from a pic of her takeaway before I tanked everything]

Sylvie: I was going to go home to have mine

Sylvie: but I’ll stay, prove I’m trying

Sylvie: if I want anyone here to have fond recollections of me when it’s time to go

Jake: I’m trying not to ask who else matters

Jake: Again

Sylvie: It’s still how I feel

Sylvie: but maybe I can rewire my brain

Jake: GspR b1 [I hope so, because for her sake she should]

Sylvie: I was always like this, you don’t need to feel responsible

Sylvie: closeness is a rarity, I’ve never been good at maintaining it for long

Jake: But I do

Jake: I pressed the destruct button; you didn’t do something to make me, I just panicked 

Sylvie: I shouldn’t have put all my eggs in the you basket

Sylvie: I’ve definitely never done that before, you know

Sylvie: if I’d been more chill, whatever that looks like

Jake: I’ve never done chill

Sylvie: You can take your share of the blame there

Sylvie: I didn’t want to slow down, even if it all led to a crash

Jake: I must’ve jinxed us telling you my mom deals with bigger car wrecks than me

Sylvie: The universe has some sense of humour

Jake: A sick one

Jake: At least the diagnosis wasn’t [what his dad died of, which he’s told her about before, so not shocking her here lol]

Sylvie: I didn’t want to ask

Sylvie: but it had crossed my mind, and then crossed back and camped there

Sylvie: thank fuck

Jake: I can’t believe I left you to imagine all this messed up stuff

Jake: Who does that?

Sylvie: You only just went through it yourself

Sylvie: I sound like I’m actually nuts, I just didn’t have anyone to talk to about it, your mind ends up going to those places when you can’t distract it

Jake: I owed you more explanation, detail, something

Sylvie: Alright, we can agree on that, even fake reassurance I knew to be bullshit would’ve been something

Sylvie: but it’s done now, and this works better than radio silence for me, if it works for you

Jake: Keep score, it’s pretty reassuring we’re still capable of agreeing 

Sylvie: And keeping score has remained a constant 

Jake: Exactly

Sylvie: Blank slate, no IOUs?

Jake: Pay up with your hair first, after that, though

Sylvie: See

Sylvie: Fetish strikes again

Jake: You’re welcome I didn’t demand a piercing session, my true fetish

Sylvie: It would’ve gone so well with your new hair, too

Sylvie: 🤘🤘🤘

Jake: Totally

Sylvie: I’ll try not to be mad, if you go get it done in an actual studio

Jake: I wouldn’t dream of going anywhere or to anybody else, that’d ruin the friendship

Sylvie: Cheers for taking the stance, I would’ve sounded crazy if I demanded it of you, but yeah

Sylvie: I would be devastated 

Jake: Moi aussi

Sylvie: I don’t want to have to review-bomb the piercer

Sylvie: but what else could I do under the circumstances? 

Jake: All [however many piercers there are in Dublin, because I’m guessing a lot, and he has just counted lol] of them

Sylvie: I’d be marginally less furious if it were a man

Sylvie: is that #problematic or #woke of me

Jake: Marginally toxic

Sylvie: Improvement then, considering how toxic we were

Jake: A major improvement on me picking someone to stick a needle in my ear based on how much they remind me of you

Sylvie: That would upset me more than anything

Sylvie: the idea you would even try

Jake: I won’t

Jake: I’d rather have a virgin earlobe for the rest of my life

Sylvie: Too soon

Jake: My bad, but I stand by my OG point

Sylvie: It’s fine, I’m sure I won’t die one

Jake: Fat chance

Sylvie: Sorry, it was weird to take it to that place

Sylvie: it’s just on my mind

Jake: It’s cool

Jake: I went there first, lame choice of words

Sylvie: We’ll remember where the lines are, right

Jake: We’ll do our best

Sylvie: I got used to telling you everything

Sylvie: too fast

Jake: Ditto

Sylvie: You’re a good sounding board, really good

Sylvie: maybe that can be in your future 

Jake: Embrace the American and become a therapist? I doubt I’m cut out for it, how I’ve been handling my own problems lately

Sylvie: Haven’t I shown you other people’s problems are a lot easier to ‘solve’?

Jake: Was that your agenda?

Sylvie: I was aiming for supportive

Sylvie: but I’m aware I missed the mark

Jake: That was me

Jake: The puzzle analogy only works in terms of you being abandoned in pieces, put down unfinished

Sylvie: You thought I didn’t care, that’s how bad at communicating my feelings I am

Jake: I told myself you didn’t, to make it easier to do what I needed to do

Jake: I told myself a bunch of things that aren’t true, yet or maybe ever

Sylvie: You’re scrambling, understandably 

Sylvie: if you could deal with me, it was one less problem, I get it

Sylvie: and I haven’t made that as easy as I should’ve

Jake: It shouldn’t be easy

Sylvie: It should, when this is the worst for you already

Sylvie: I should do anything I can, if I care about you at all

Jake: You are

Sylvie: We both feel like assholes, for different reasons

Jake: I made you feel like one

Sylvie: We were being bad people together

Sylvie: but I don’t have to be one, I think I can be alright, sometimes, like

Jake: You’re not a bad person, Sylvie

Sylvie: Am I convinced by this reassurance? 🤔

Sylvie: it was fun, I’m not lamenting

Sylvie: [French] just that it’s over

Jake: I was lashing out

Sylvie: I forgive you

Sylvie: and I can handle it, whatever my crashout suggests 

Jake: Don’t forgive me, that isn’t what I’m saying it for

Sylvie: So I know, understand

Jake: Everything I said was to back you into a corner

Sylvie: Did I give you the reaction you wanted then?

Jake: I can’t even remember

Sylvie: Fair

Sylvie: I don’t know how you’ve been around your mammy and sister the whole time

Sylvie: just trying to have a call with my daddy fried my brain, fuck knows how I explained my shitty plan well enough to convince him

Jake: My mom and sister are a mess themselves, we’re equally sucking at coping

Sylvie: Of course

Sylvie: all bets are off at yours

Sylvie: I wish there was something I could do for you, but I am not confident my vegan offerings would be up to scratch 

Jake: You could bring your [salad] over and eat lunch with me?

Sylvie: Yeah?

Sylvie: We could do that

Jake: [his mum by her first name]’s around here somewhere to act as chaperone

Jake: No funny business, a strictly platonic date

Sylvie: I wouldn’t dream of it

Sylvie: Am I allowed to hug you?

Jake: Friends hug, we’re good

Sylvie: I’m not sure I will be able to control the impulse when I see you, that’s all

Jake: If it’s too soon or too hard, you don’t have to come

Sylvie: I’ll be fine

Sylvie: just after all the wild shit my head was coming up with, to actually see you will be a trip at first 

Jake: What about okay?

Sylvie: Okay if you hug back

Sylvie: no one armed bullshit

Jake: [swearing on an ingredient in this salad lol, a silly thing to do to pretend he’s not being deadly serious]

Sylvie: Cool

Sylvie: it’s a totally platonic friend date with 0 funny business 

Jake: And no judgment

Sylvie: Duh

Sylvie: you said I’m not a bad person, surely that’s bare minimum 

Jake: It feels like forever since we’ve been around each other

Sylvie: It has been

Sylvie: comparatively 

Jake: A lifetime ago, comparatively

Jake: Shock factor is probably bare minimum

Sylvie: You feel like a new person

Sylvie: when I recognise you, you’ll see you’re still in there too, even if you’ve got to make room for the new as well as the old

Jake: What if you don’t?

Sylvie: I will

Sylvie: Trust me

Jake: We shouldn’t do this

Jake: I’m not ready to completely shatter your illusions

Sylvie: What illusions?

Sylvie: like, we don’t have to if you’re not up for it but

Jake: That the old me exists anywhere outside your memory

Sylvie: Oh Jake

Jake: Forget I suggested meeting up

Sylvie: Alright

Sylvie: forgotten

Sylvie: we’ll just see each other when you’re back

Jake: C rdv [it’s a date]

Sylvie: You can’t avoid me forever

Jake: Eventually, the Band-Aid’s getting ripped off 

Jake: Ready or not

Sylvie: Sometimes it’s easier when you don’t see it coming, you can’t anticipate the pain

Sylvie: maybe I’ll show up, unannounced, be completely tone-deaf about it

Jake: Maybe I’ll pretend to be out

Sylvie: If your mother is in, I can introduce myself

Jake: It’s time she had a face to put to the name

Sylvie: You have time to amend your story

Jake: My story holds up, and I’ve got it straight

Sylvie: You told her we were friends? 

Jake: We weren’t friends when I told her about you

Sylvie: Right, that’s what I was thinking

Sylvie: Obviously you didn’t tell her the whole truth

Jake: We can agree to disagree on what the whole truth is, or was

Sylvie: I’m not disagreeing, I’d just be surprised if you talked to your mam about that sort of stuff

Jake: I wasn’t admitting to spilling every single detail over cups of [insert relevant pretentious herbal tea here]

Sylvie: Thank God

Sylvie: not going to win her over if you had 

Jake: We’re close, but nothing weird, we’ve established a few boundaries

Sylvie: I can’t judge, I don’t know what normal looks like

Jake: I’d be in big trouble with her for what our normal looked like

Sylvie: I’m not planning on telling

Sylvie: but isn’t it my choice, she should be thrilled 

Jake: Yeah, psyched her son fell into every trap he’s meant to avoid

Sylvie: There’s a big difference between what we did and being a real misogynist 

Jake: Rating me kinda acceptable on a sliding scale doesn’t excuse my behaviour

Sylvie: Yes it does

Sylvie: you’re respecting me knowing my own mind and body to know what I want

Sylvie: and you’re not being paranoid I’m going to turn around and say it was something it wasn’t and make false allegations 

Sylvie: We didn’t do anything wrong

Jake: I’ve changed my own mind enough times to treat you like shit

Sylvie: It’s complicated

Jake: No, it’s not

Sylvie: It is

Jake: I haven’t shown you any respect

Sylvie: That’s mutual, we don’t need to respect each other

Sylvie: we’re teenagers

Jake: It’s simple, I should’ve, and I didn’t

Sylvie: You don’t have to rewrite it

Sylvie: you gave me exactly what I wanted

Sylvie: didn’t I give you what you wanted?

Jake: You don’t want this

Sylvie: Now is now

Jake: You didn’t want me to leave the party with Mona

Jake: Or answer her call when I did

Jake: That was then

Sylvie: I knew she existed

Jake: Don’t rewrite me to be better than I was

Sylvie: All I was saying was the ways in which we messed around were totally above board, and you don’t need to guilt-trip through them 

Jake: In the eyes of my mom, I’d be headed on a giant guilt trip, one long from start to finish, that’s the discussion we were having

Jake: I didn’t say I was personally torturing myself

Sylvie: Well, I think she’s wrong, that’s all

Jake: You’re biased 

Sylvie: Because it’s half my experience 

Jake: And in hers, she raised me to not be a fuckboy

Sylvie: In the grand scheme of things, does it matter?

Jake: We’re on the topic because of you

Sylvie: I mean, you thought you two were on a break, so then there was miscommunication overlap

Sylvie: she hasn’t failed, you’re not out here making it a hobby

Jake: My dating life is taking a backseat to real life, so no, it doesn’t matter

Sylvie: Exactly

Sylvie: stop being weird about it

Jake: I wasn’t

Sylvie: You want me to think about it differently 

Jake: I can’t control how you think

Sylvie: No, you can’t

Sylvie: not anymore

Jake: C’est la vie

Sylvie: Yeah, not the worst news you’ve received as of late, I get it

Jake: In a world where you got this, we wouldn’t be debating my mother’s moral stances on my cheating

Sylvie: You can give it a rest with that

Sylvie: because if I don’t get it, it’s because you don’t want to talk, pardon me for not forcing you

Jake: Let’s put this whole conversation to bed while we’re at it

Sylvie: Nice

Sylvie: You know what you’re doing now, playing with me and putting me down when you get bored, so well done, prophecy fulfilled 

Jake: Bored?

Jake: I’m exhausted

Sylvie: That’s not what you said

Sylvie: if you think you’ve got free rein to be a dick to everyone now, you’re in for another rude awakening on that front

Jake: From your, I’m a retired fascist dictator, POV I’ve always had free rein

Sylvie: I’m not in the cult

Sylvie: but yeah, that certainly helps with your entitled attitude

Jake: The entitlement I was either born with or strongly encouraged to develop

Jake: We touched on nature vs nurture earlier

Sylvie: Well, precisely, your mammy having a less shining view of you could only help you at this point, let’s be honest

Sylvie: you could try taking some of this out on her

Jake: And you could keep her out of your beef with me

Sylvie: I don’t have beef with you, for Christ’s sake

Jake: You clearly do

Sylvie: I’m just not going to be talked to a certain way

Jake: Je vé [I’m going]

Sylvie: Okay, get some rest

Jake: See you at school

Sylvie: See you there

Sylvie: I’ll keep out of your way

Jake: Same

Sylvie: If that’s what you want

Jake: It’s what has to happen

Sylvie: Same difference, so sure

Jake: Because we can’t communicate properly via text

Sylvie: It could be easier in person, less room for miscommunication 

Sylvie: but I’m not going to force you to try

Jake: More room for heavy silences

Sylvie: I get that everything is on a downer for you right now but 

Sylvie: there’s no reason to assume that

Jake: There’s constantly a but proving you don’t get anything

Sylvie: You want me to agree and say your life is over, and everything is hopeless

Sylvie: I don’t think that’s helpful, even if what I’m trying isn’t either, what does that do?

Jake: I don’t want your help

Sylvie: If you were in my position, you would want to help

Sylvie: one minor thing happened to me, and you were all over it

Jake: I didn’t have your back, I was on it

Sylvie: You were proud of it when you were saying I didn’t try hard enough 5 minutes ago

Sylvie: help is the wrong word; there’s nothing I can do

Sylvie: I’m trying to be there

Jake: You’re pinballing from one extreme to the other

Sylvie: Well, you pushed me away

Sylvie: then we were gonna be friends

Sylvie: I’m trying to keep up

Jake: You should’ve shot me down

Sylvie: ‘Course

Sylvie: ‘cos I always should’ve done what I didn’t

Jake: None of my brainwaves are rational

Sylvie: I’m getting that

Jake: I need you to be the voice of reason or shut up

Sylvie: Charming

Sylvie: but alright, do my best

Jake: Jpp [because his trusty I can’t take it anymore has never been more true or apt, understatement of the century]

Sylvie: JC [I know, feeling like as big of an understatement because you can feel it but have no idea what to do about it]

Sylvie: dsl dsl dsl [because so sorry this is happening]

Jake: Nn chu dsl c ouf [no, I’m sorry, this is crazy, mirroring their first convo]

Sylvie: C… [it is, the dreaded but there unsaid]

Sylvie: It’s happening to you, not me, and you didn’t choose this

Jake: Mais [because this hypocrite is allowed to say but haha]

Sylvie: It’s a good word

Sylvie: I’ll let you borrow it

Jake: To borrow more of yours from before, I’m choosing to fuck with your head

Jake: So much

Sylvie: I think yours is so fucked you can’t control it, actually

Sylvie: or, you have intentions beyond that, even if everything has just ended up messed up, regardless 

Jake: What the hell am I doing?

Sylvie: You’re trying to get your head around this shit

Jake: I’m openly contradicting myself

Sylvie: You’re all over the place

Sylvie: anyone would be

Jake: And you literally only just arrived back in the city

Jake: Reunited for a day, not even in person, and this is where we’re at

Sylvie: It’s just so different

Sylvie: there’s a lot to adjust to

Jake: [French because he’s !! and mad] Fuck the adjustment period

Sylvie: [French] Fuck it

Jake: I miss you

Jake: [French because we’ve gotta be more extra about it for this one] I miss me

Sylvie: I miss not feeling like the school counsellor 

Sylvie: it’s really demoralising to try so hard and be so ineffective, I might have to go in and pretend to be cured, give her an easy win

Jake: [saying you miss whatever lesson you should be in rn but in a more specific way than that, whether it’s a ref to your teacher or the work you should be doing or whatever]

Sylvie: That’s a bonus

Sylvie: I’ll make up some soft balls for her, something fixable with a breathing exercise 

Jake: You fixed me with a breathing exercise, temporarily, but the lack of anxiety attack on top of everything else, I’m counting as a small win

Sylvie: Maybe that’s the key

Sylvie: no talking, no thinking, just breathing

Jake: It’s definitely a bonus, me not talking

Sylvie: You know I’ve always liked talking to you

Jake: Past tense

Sylvie: No

Jake: I’ve never liked hurting you

Sylvie: I’ve never felt like you’ve been having fun, enjoying this

Jake: I wish I had a key

Jake: Or you had a code to break, for real

Jake: Something that made this make sense

Sylvie: I want to get it, so bad

Sylvie: [French] I promise

Jake: I want you to remember me how I was

Sylvie: Are you dying?

Jake: You can’t promise to do that if we’re friends

Jake: I wouldn’t stay him if we stay in touch

Sylvie: What do you mean, you’re you

Sylvie: you’re you if you’re dying

Jake: I’m me under a dark cloud

Jake: The image of me lit up on stage gets dimmed

Jake: Nobody’s favourite part of the night is when the lights switch on, and the venue closes

Sylvie: You’re my favourite 

Jake: I wouldn’t be

Sylvie: Stop saying that

Jake: Stop fighting us going out on a high

Sylvie: You’re leaving me with nothing but memories

Sylvie: but you’re going to still be here, alive

Jake: Awesome untouchable memories

Sylvie: We could have more

Jake: I can’t match them

Sylvie: I just want to be with you

Jake: I refuse to watch you fade to grey

Jake: Lose your spark every minute you’re with me

Sylvie: I only have a spark when I’m with you

Jake: That’s not true

Sylvie: It is

Sylvie: time stood still when I went home, never-ending nothingness 

Jake: You’re full of life, it’s in your name

Sylvie: No I’m not, what does that even mean

Jake: I’ve already lost one Paris, I’d never recover from losing the other, too

Sylvie: What about me?

Jake: It’s for you

Jake: To keep the taste of [whatever fruit they were feral with when] instead of ashes in your mouth

Sylvie: Now you’re the one who really doesn’t get it

Jake: No, I do

Sylvie: You don’t

Sylvie: this taints everything

Jake: Tainted is better than rotten

Sylvie: For you

Sylvie: and if that’s all you have the bandwidth to care about, I suppose I can’t blame you for that

Jake: For us

Sylvie: I’m telling you no

Jake: Moments will become salvageable

Sylvie: Trust me when I say that all I am going to remember is that you left

Jake: While the wounds are raw, you feel that

Sylvie: Because that’s what you did, and it nullifies everything that came before

Jake: It’s too late, I’m gone

Jake: I don’t know how to come back

Sylvie: Yeah, I think it is

Jake: [her name with the most !!! and sadness ever]

Sylvie: I wish I knew how to reach you

Sylvie: but I just don’t, you’ve never been further from me

Jake: [French] The distance is necessary

Sylvie: The distance will kill us

Jake: It’ll be a lifesaver

Jake: For the half of us who can be saved

Sylvie: You can’t tell me how to feel and act and make it the truth just by the telling

Jake: It’s going to become the truth by you living it

Sylvie: Nah

Jake: I have to believe some good can come out of this

Jake: Or my religion’s on the trash heap along with everything else

Sylvie: You don’t get to throw me on it and still try to live vicariously through me

Jake: [French] What’s next then?

Sylvie: You’ve pushed me out of your life, you’re out of mine

Sylvie: what’s next for either of us isn’t the other’s business 

Jake: Okay, fine

Sylvie: Consider yourself lucky

Sylvie: I don’t even know if you’re fucking dying or not, you’re already torturing me with the unanswered yet again

Jake: You could’ve been run over by a car walking to mine for lunch

Jake: The when is an unanswered question for everybody

Sylvie: Difference is you’re shutting me out like it’s imminent 

Sylvie: whereas you assume and go forth like my life is absolutely perfect

Jake: My ego death was

Sylvie: One wasn’t enough for your massive ego

Sylvie: clearly

Jake: Your life’s meaningful, mine isn’t

Jake: Everything that gave it meaning is also gone

Sylvie: That’s the most egocentric thing I’ve heard in my life, Jake

Jake: That’s how I feel

Sylvie: All that gives our life meaning is the people we have

Sylvie: do you know how few people I have

Sylvie: I mean, wow

Jake: I formed connections with people through what I created

Sylvie: Everything you created still exists 

Jake: In a vacuum now, cut off from me

Sylvie: Like everything

Sylvie: like me

Jake: There’s a line, separating before and after

Sylvie: One you’re terrified to reach across 

Jake: One you couldn’t pull me across if you tried, you said so yourself, it’s too far

Sylvie: You should have nothing left to lose

Sylvie: but that’s not where we are

Jake: Everything I love about you isn’t something I’m comfortable gambling with

Sylvie: That’s not fair

Jake: I’m trying to protect you

Jake: And the pieces of the old me I can

Sylvie: That’s so much pressure on me, to be fine, to fucking thrive

Jake: There’s no pressure, no overnight deadline

Sylvie: Right, thanks

Jake: P2k [you’re welcome, but the other way to say it than his usual fave, which he’s written inside of her before, for obvious reasons]

Sylvie: Kdo [to be like what a gift, heavy on the sarcasm rn]

Jake: CPG [because this couldn’t be a bigger deal truly]

Sylvie: TFQ [because we’d all like to know]

Jake: J V P M R [I’m not going to repeat myself, written with the max drama and !! there lol]

Sylvie: TG [then shut up, we say]

Jake: [do, hit her with some radio silence again]

Sylvie: [oh lads, what a time you’re having]

Jake: [we can always do a lil skip here if you like]

Sylvie: [I think we’ll need to, that was productive considering but you’re not getting any further rn, do you have a pref for when you would like to skip to?]

Jake: [when he comes back to school probably makes sense, though we can go further if y’all are hardcore avoiding each other and we therefore need]

Sylvie: [Okay, so this girl coming back on the 8th day, because what other you two number could I reference here, really, and even if she imagines (in her many MANY tortured imaginings) that he’s going to have a few days off for this life altering news, she also knows he tries to be a good boy for his mother and thus she was pretty certain he’d be back before she was and thus here to see her return… so when he is not, she is SHOOK and does enough investigating to confirm he hasn’t been to school this whole time either (and assumedly his friends are freaking because what do y’all do without your fearless leader divas lol), so sending this message on this 8th day (the first since, despite wanting to/drafting many MANY messages in that fun interim she was going crazy in her house alone)]

Sylvie: Your mammy took you up on the online school thing, then

Jake: Negotiations are ongoing 

Sylvie: What’s her against sounding like? 

Jake: What do you want, Sylvie?

Sylvie: Nothing, I just thought you’d be here

Sylvie: or would have told your friends something for them to spread instead of the speculation that’s going all around 

Jake: I told you I wouldn’t be

Sylvie: I figured your mam would win out

Jake: It’s been a week

Jake: [someone they both know] skipped longer when [a band she likes broke up or something to that effect]

Sylvie: I’m not giving you a verbal warning, like

Sylvie: you usually like school more than [this person], evident in her piss poor excuses

Jake: Well, I warned you I was kinda going through something at home

Sylvie: I know that, Jake

Sylvie: I wasn’t judging; I just noticed

Jake: All you’re doing is pointing out the obvious

Jake: Not to mention what sucks, I’d love to be at school

Jake: For everything to go back to normal

Sylvie: When will you be back?

Jake: I don’t know

Sylvie: You can’t just drop out; there have to be things you can put in place

Jake: I’m not saying that’s my plan

Sylvie: Okay

Sylvie: [one of the band peeps] is saying you got signed, but only you; that’s why you broke up the band

Jake: Wow, the backstabbing was immediate, huh?

Jake: Congrats, you’re a confirmed great judge of character

Sylvie: In fairness, he thinks you started it

Sylvie: like I said, I could push another, more chill, agenda around, if you wanted

Jake: I don’t care what he thinks or the propaganda machine spits out, it’s the least of my fucking worries 

Sylvie: Point taken

Sylvie: propaganda is a little strong, you’re not some radical in exile, but I get the gist 

Jake: Take the hint and leave me alone

Jake: Exile is exile, whatever the cool or lame reason

Sylvie: And you’re super busy being angry

Jake: That too

Sylvie: You’ll get better at it

Sylvie: that f bomb was almost seamless 

Jake: Visible stitches would seem like a pattern of attention-seeking post-ambulance, I guess

Sylvie: I’m not feeling special in my attention being the last thing you’re after, sure it’s universal 

Sylvie: but I put to bed any rumours we’d been doing more of our own attention seeking all week

Jake: I’m sure you haven’t been feeling left out since; the collective psyched male whoop that went up, started by [his friend she danced with] and carried through class after class

Sylvie: Your mystery is more mysterious, sorry to say

Sylvie: I’ve mostly just been asked why I didn’t throw a massive house party 

Jake: Valid question

Sylvie: Is it?

Jake: From the masses

Sylvie: It’s what I’d do if this were a film

Jake: If you weren’t mentally scarred from the last party

Sylvie: I’ve taken the pregnancy test; we’re in the clear

Jake: You’re in the clear, pregnancy scare wasn’t ever my family emergency

Sylvie: Last time we talked, it was your fault

Sylvie: are you rescinding your culpability now?

Jake: My conscience won’t suddenly also be clear 9 months from now either way

Sylvie: It had nothing to do with you; that’s the truth

Sylvie: so, don’t feel bad, then or now

Jake: Don’t tell me how to feel about a situation I was directly involved in

Sylvie: I’m telling you you weren’t, so take the out and focus on your real shit

Jake: Do whatever you want, including rearranging the narrative to suit you best

Sylvie: It doesn’t paint me in the best light

Sylvie: but that doesn’t matter now; we’re not playing games anymore 

Jake: You aren’t my muse anymore; I’ve downed painter’s tools

Sylvie: And they say depressed people make the best art…

Jake: People with nothing else to say love a platitude 

Sylvie: Nothing

Jake: Yeah

Sylvie: Radio silence is your preference 

Jake: Because unsurprisingly, making awkward small talk with you isn’t

Sylvie: Excuse me for caring

Sylvie: where you were and how you’re doing

Jake: You’re meant to stop

Sylvie: I’m meant to be a worse person than I already am, on your say-so 

Jake: You’re supposed to protect yourself

Sylvie: I am

Jake: Not

Sylvie: From you?

Jake: How many times are you going to open up an unnecessary dialogue and yourself to being hurt in the process?

Sylvie: You can’t hurt me

Sylvie: and you don’t have to reply

Jake: And then what?

Sylvie: Shouting into the void will be less confusing without you talking back, probably

Sylvie: Who knows

Jake: Okay

Sylvie: I didn’t realise I wasn’t allowed to be as concerned as everyone else is

Jake: You reaching out when you already know what’s wrong and you can’t do anything to help is just pointless, that’s all

Sylvie: Yeah, I guess

Sylvie: though I’ve only got your word there’s nothing I can do

Jake: Unless you’re planning to reach out to my mother and sister too, get their word for it

Sylvie: As the lines are all drawn once again

Sylvie: don’t think I’m not tempted, still

Jake: If you want to switch from red flags to waving 🏁

Sylvie: I would feel worse having to bother them 

Sylvie: I assume they’re still going to work and Uni

Jake: It’s literally none of your business what my family’s schedules look like right now

Sylvie: You heard me say I’m not going to contact them

Jake: I heard you’re tempted

Sylvie: Doesn’t mean I’ll give in

Jake: First time for everything

Sylvie: That’s rich coming from you

Jake: Which is why I’ve been radio silent for [the exact number, unhinged and uncasual] hours

Sylvie: Could’ve fooled me…

Sylvie: It’ll be more of an achievement when we’re face-to-face again, if you make it back to school

Jake: I’m fooling nobody; you’ve tempted me from the moment we met

Jake: Going no contact is the only solution

Sylvie: A disappointingly biblical take

Sylvie: I’m not dropping any of my subjects

Jake: I’m not asking you to

Jake: School’s my last priority; college is off even the hypothetical table now

Sylvie: My point is, you will probably have to come back, at some point

Sylvie: my old school was insistent there was really no chance of me moving back there this late in the year

Sylvie: are you going to cover your eyes and turn the other way if you see me coming?

Jake: To take the heat off my mom, should she keep vetoing the online stuff

Jake: I don’t need to pass any of my subjects, and we don’t have to interact

Sylvie: Alright, you’ve thought it through

Sylvie: more than most of our peers have

Jake: I’ve had time

Sylvie: [repeat those hours back like mhmm]

Jake: [the amount of those hours approximately you should’ve been sleeping, based off when your mum and sister are, but we know you’re not much]

Sylvie: [doubling it, even if you’re being hyperbolic, because what else is a girl to do when she’s depressed as hell and not allowed to do what she wants to]

Jake: Did you call your dad?

Sylvie: Why does that matter?

Jake: Why does anything?

Jake: I hate thinking of you alone in an empty house

Sylvie: There’s plenty I hate thinking about when it comes to you

Jake: Fingers crossed the habit breaks soon

Sylvie: I don’t get to ask questions

Sylvie: but yeah, I had to ask him if he was cool with me coming back and switching schools, obviously

Jake: I’m not holding a gun to your head demanding answers

Sylvie: I’m not making it that difficult 

Jake: You make everything I have to do that difficult

Sylvie: I’m trying

Sylvie: to not, I mean

Sylvie: really fucking trying

Jake: Me too, my hardest

Sylvie: I was worried

Sylvie: when you weren’t in your seat

Jake: I’m sorry

Sylvie: It’s stupid

Jake: I search for and expect to see you in parts of this place you haven’t gone into before; that’s stupid

Jake: Like you’re dead

Sylvie: I feel like I got the whole tour, on the one hand

Sylvie: on the other, feel like my eyes were closed the entire time I was in your house

Jake: It was just a venue, a backdrop, setting the scene

Jake: I thought you’d get to come back, pick the garden, eat at the table… lots of things

Sylvie: Me too

Sylvie: Like you said, we had lots of dreams

Jake: Day and night

Sylvie: I know it can’t be how it was

Sylvie: that it’s changed for you

Jake: The but you’re trying to push on us, into that gap, can’t exist

Sylvie: Don’t put words into my mouth just to refute them

Jake: I feel each syllable in my chest, whether you speak them out loud or only in your head

Sylvie: I wish you could read my mind

Jake: I could

Sylvie: We wouldn’t be here if we still had that ability

Jake: We’re here because I’ve lost the ability to do basically everything else

Jake: Mind-reading isn’t enough; no single aspect of what we had would be 

Sylvie: That’s bullshit

Sylvie: you’re not dead, don’t act like it

Jake: You don’t get to tell me how to act or what to grieve

Sylvie: You don’t get to give up

Jake: On you I do, I am

Jake: It’s over

Sylvie: That wasn’t what I was saying

Sylvie: but you already knew that

Jake: You’re not my life coach

Jake: I’m running out of roles to use to labour this point

Sylvie: I don’t care if you give up on school, if that’s what you want

Sylvie: if you do fucking anything, or don’t do it

Sylvie: as long as it’s because you want to

Jake: Seriously?

Jake: You’re not that naive either, you’ve got a better grasp of how the world works than most kids our age

Jake: And how it doesn’t, which is spin or stop on an axis of my wants

Sylvie: You seriously think it doesn’t now

Jake: It never did, that’s a dumb fantasy

Sylvie: Your life is going to suck

Sylvie: and now you’ve got this to blame, instead of trying and maybe failing all on your own merit

Jake: My life already sucks, and this is totally to blame

Sylvie: You’re a natural

Jake: Thanks

Sylvie: This is how you want it; I’ll play along

Sylvie: there’s no getting through to you

Jake: There’s no playing pretend

Sylvie: Infantilise me, like you didn’t love it when it suited you

Jake: I have to grow up, scary adult shit is happening, like it or not

Sylvie: And you’re the only one who gets that

Jake: Askip [for a sassy apparently because she doesn’t get him rn clearly he says]

Sylvie: 🥇 for the struggle olympics, congratulations 

Jake: 🖕 you earned it

Sylvie: Back at you, asshole

Jake: [calling her childish in French, with the most derogatory connotations possible here, it’s not fun or silly like gamine he’s being SERIOUS ™ and a meanie, kinda hot though, we know hehe] 

Sylvie: Right, and I’d love to see your mom ever trust you to live on your own

Jake: Your father isn’t doing a trust exercise

Jake: An experiment in parental neglect, maybe

Sylvie: Ha, there we go

Sylvie: I don’t know how she put up with you for so long; you are insufferable 

Jake: I’ll tell her to write a book about it, cash in

Sylvie: I meant Mona

Sylvie: can she?

Jake: Uh, in her case, probably not

Sylvie: but no, you’ll even get a dedication from your mother, for sure

Jake: Are you sure you don’t mean Mona’s mother this time?

Sylvie: At least that one was funny, give you that

Jake: ⭐️⭐️⭐️?

Sylvie: Participation trophy

Jake: C pa 5pa [that’s not nice, the way she wrote it in their first convo]

Sylvie: Cb1 [that’s good, because we’re meant to be being mean]

Jake: GG [because french texters use good game to mean like well done or you’re too good appaz and he’s saying she’s too good at being mean lol]

Sylvie: Tmv [to mean you’re bad, but not specifying whether we mean he’s bad at being mean (we don’t) or he’s bad in general because :( (that one)]

Jake: 🖤 [one for the manly teardrop of it all again, and black to be emo]

Sylvie: 🤍 [to be arguing black from white because how it be feeling]

Jake: 🩶 [to compromise or make a baby lol]

Sylvie: 12c4 [one of these days]

Jake: … [because you should stfu but you don’t want to clearly]

Sylvie: JC [god bless the double meaning forever

Jake: [saying her name again because he yet again wants to tell her everything he isn’t]

Sylvie: N [for haine = hate because hate everything about this]

Jake: [when you were gonna write the no more hate thing and do but delete it before you send it because y’all are supposed to be hating each other but she’ll still know what you were typing cos she knows you]

Sylvie: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Jake: 🩶🩶🩶 [because grey is so moody tbh it’s giving the previously rainy sky, puddles, cigarette smoke, his insane eyebags, all the things]

Sylvie: 🪽🪽🪽 [because we’re picking up what you’re putting down and wholeheartedly agreeing]

Jake: All else fails, I can brainstorm merch for [a local emo band lol because bringing that back from the OG]

Sylvie: Assuming you’re allowed near a merch table ever again

Jake: Assuming I leave the house ever again

Sylvie: You will

Sylvie: when you’re up for it, and don’t think I’m gonna be there waiting for you

Jake: Rock bottom

Jake: Which I think is what their debut album’s unironically titled

Sylvie: Of course it is

Sylvie: I’ll have to give them a listen

Jake: They’d be glad of the groupie

Sylvie: They can join in the Mexican wave, or whatever you said

Jake: When did I say that?

Sylvie: [send him when he was being salty about his friend at the start of this convo and the collective whoop of it all lol]

Jake: Right

Sylvie: Was that meant to be a diss or a compliment anyway?

Jake: Art’s subjective

Sylvie: So I can still be your muse if I piss you off enough

Jake: Is that a question or a statement?

Sylvie: I don’t need permission to be a pain in the ass

Jake: Or practise

Sylvie: Is that what we were doing?

Jake: You were baiting me, like you always do

Sylvie: Lab 🐀s learn consequences faster

Jake: [ofc have a flirty rant about lab rats and animal testing etc, you’ve gotta get some of your feelings out somehow and getting on your high horse will make you feel normal and like your old self for a sec, even if it makes you feel sadder after because you’re not]

Sylvie: I can’t argue for animal testing, even for the bit

Sylvie: doesn’t cheapen your win

Jake: Debate club’s loss

Sylvie: Sure, I’ve got to find a niche 

Jake: Devil’s advocate

Jake: Proud of you for trying to break into such a male-dominated field

Sylvie: What other field would a real slut want to be in

Jake: Don’t, please

Sylvie: You’ve said it before

Jake: I can’t do this again

Sylvie: Talk, like a person?

Sylvie: You just did

Jake: Listen to you talk like that about yourself

Sylvie: It’s a joke

Jake: Nn [no explanation needed hehe]

Sylvie: Dac [for okay in a genuine way once more]

Jake: I’m relieved you’re back

Sylvie: Thanks

Sylvie: I’m relieved you weren’t in school to know, in hindsight

Jake: I don’t know what I would’ve done

Sylvie: I know that it would’ve been bad, if we’d been around each other

Sylvie: we both made sure that didn’t happen

Jake: If more bad stuff happened to you because of me

Sylvie: I was in bed the whole time; that wasn’t a lie

Sylvie: nothing at risk except my hygiene, promise

Jake: I appreciate the attempt at making the visual sound worse than it was

Sylvie: It was pretty bad

Sylvie: but I’m trying not to add to your guilt trip, so that’s as much info as you need

Jake: You still would’ve looked pretty to me

Sylvie: Nn, ouf [no, crazy]

Jake: Crazy beautiful

Jake: Even if you’d hacked off your fringe in a fit of rage

Sylvie: …

Jake: Did you?

Sylvie: I could be cruel, make you come and find out yourself

Sylvie: but you sounded too genuinely devastated, it’s still intact, and I won’t start sending you locks like ransom 

Jake: You asked how Mona put up with me for so long, with cruel and unusual punishments, devastating would be for you to follow her lead

Sylvie: She could use a fringe

Sylvie: or maybe the hiding draws more attention to it… not the point, her crazy likewise still stands

Jake: My crazy’s fallen to the floor at the idea of a lock of your hair

Jake: Like a baby’s keepsake 

Sylvie: I didn’t mean it, when I said you had to give everything back

Sylvie: I’d like you to keep them

Jake: Really?

Sylvie: If they’ve already been trashed, don’t tell me

Jake: What if they’ve been treasured?

Sylvie: Then a lock of my hair couldn’t hurt

Jake: [telling her how insanely small to make the cut as if it will hurt her, giving only a drop of blood energy]

Sylvie: But it definitely has to be from my fringe for you, or it doesn’t count 

Jake: Of course

Sylvie: I’ll leave the envelope on the bench for you

Jake: [telling her an o clock to make the drop purely because we all remember when he was talking about and suggesting times when they could go there and be alone, and it’s the same time being said] 

Sylvie: 🕐🕐🕐

Jake: [telling her he’ll pick it up however many minutes after that would mean she’s halfway home again]

Sylvie: Better than I expected

Sylvie: and I doubt anyone will get to it before you, unless they think it’s drugs

Jake: What were you expecting, another 8 days of anticipation?

Sylvie: [the number of minutes it would take for her to be home]

Sylvie: and anticipation is not the right word at all, hate to police you again, but

Jake: I know but I was trying to put a vaguely positive spin on it for you 

Sylvie: You’re retroactively romanticising it for me

Sylvie: but that’s the opposite of your goal, you should want it to be as awful as possible

Jake: My goal isn’t to make you miserable, I want you to be happy

Sylvie: That’s nothing to do with you

Jake: Nothing?

Sylvie: How could it be?

Jake: My gesture would be, you weren’t so stubborn

Sylvie: You are delusional if you think I’m going to thank you for this

Jake: Applause was the old me

Sylvie: What does the new you like then?

Jake: Besides your fringe and [this emo band lol]?

Sylvie: If that’s as far as you’ve got, I can’t judge 

Sylvie: my own 8 days were hardly productive 

Jake: I still like you, this isn’t about that

Sylvie: If liking me is irrelevant

Sylvie: then you don’t like me enough 

Jake: I like you too much to sit back and watch you stop liking me in real time

Sylvie: But why do you think that’s going to happen

Sylvie: how have you reached that conclusion 

Jake: I’m a different person

Jake: not new in the way we inspired each other to be before, against my will

Sylvie: In the ways that count, you’re still the same

Sylvie: and don’t try to bullshit me because I can hear it, feel it

Jake: You’re hearing what you want, feeling what you wish was true instead of what actually is

Sylvie: I know what I wanted, it wasn’t anything like this

Jake: A fraction of who I used to be doesn’t mean anything

Jake: I’m still unrecognizable 

Sylvie: You wouldn’t talk about anyone else the way you’re talking about yourself right now

Sylvie: it’s a real cancellable offence 

Jake: Cancel me then

Sylvie: Consider yourself cancelled

Sylvie: we’ll forgo the public shaming, you’re being talked about enough

Jake: Throwing fruit would be a waste, I’m not really in the mood

Sylvie: That’s the old you too, huh

Jake: I get it, I miss him too

Sylvie: Of course the new you can’t be fully humble either

Jake: I fully understand everything I’ve lost

Sylvie: Must be nice

Sylvie: some certainty, amongst all the fear

Jake: Nice is a strong word

Sylvie: No it’s not, it sucks

Sylvie: I haven’t said a single thing strong enough to have any impact this whole time

Jake: Is that what you think, you can talk me out of it?

Sylvie: Talk some sense into you

Sylvie: change how you’re talking, like everything in your life is so definite and final

Sylvie: I keep telling you I don’t mean when it comes to me, so don’t start

Jake: For a split second, I was honestly doubting my decision to shut you out

Jake: But you’ve got no idea what I’m dealing with here, none at all

Sylvie: Because this is what you want

Sylvie: and I can’t be present for it, actually

Jake: Cool, run away

Sylvie: Cool, wallow

Jake: When you spend 8 days wallowing, that’s chill

Jake: It’s chic

Sylvie: Yeah, it was so aesthetic of me

Jake: My life is authentically in the garbage, I don’t have a brave face and soldiering on smile to wear so that you feel like you’ve achieved something

Sylvie: How can you even think that?

Sylvie: Jesus, don’t tell me you liked me, ever, because you don’t even know me

Jake: Because you said it

Jake: You’re determined to talk me down or walk me back into my old shoes for a mile, like that’s the magic solution

Sylvie: No, I fucking didn’t

Sylvie: I’m done though, you got what you wanted

Jake: I got the message

Jake: x 2

Sylvie: I doubt that, you’re on another planet

Sylvie: but it is what it is, your life is over 

Jake: [ofc say something poetic af about the planets here that I simply cannot, it’s giving rogue planets aka lonely planets which don’t have a sunrise or sunset and aren’t tethered to a star and travel in solitary arcs around the core of the milky way, molten at the core but frozen at the surface, very emo, very grey]

Sylvie: You should offer to write lyrics for them, genuinely

Sylvie: better than [quote a lyric of this emo band because trying to listen because can’t focus on whatever lesson you’re in and you need to be distracted from your emotions somehow]

Jake: I’m done writing lyrics

Sylvie: You’re done with everything, I know

Sylvie: I’ll leave you to it

Jake: You take the job, front the band

Sylvie: I’m not committed to that being my new personality, tah

Jake: Nobody’s forcing you to toss out your old one

Sylvie: Right, no one but you is allowed to have an identity crisis 

Jake: I wish that’s the crisis I was having

Sylvie: I’ve already told you I’m not going to talk to you again

Sylvie: you don’t need to hammer it home any harder

Jake: And yet you’re replying

Jake: Making more digs and the holes deeper

Sylvie: Oh, trust me, I’m nowhere close to saying what I want to say

Jake: Go ahead

Jake: You didn’t hold back with the old me

Sylvie: You’re not him

Jake: Hopefully, you’re beginning to believe that

Sylvie: Yep

Sylvie: feel free to bask in it

Jake: Claiming this new me is cold-blooded is taking the emo aesthetics a bit far

Sylvie: I don’t subscribe to any anti-semetic conspiracy theories, wasn’t calling you a lizard person

Jake: Me and the other [ridiculously low number lol] Jews in the city will rest easy

Sylvie: I was never a cult leader

Sylvie: unlikely about to be my pivot

Jake: Neither was I, except in your unsolicited and incorrect opinion

Sylvie: Tell that to your lost little lambs

Jake: They’ll flock to someone else

Sylvie: My money’s on [his friend lmao]

Jake: Yours would be

Sylvie: What about you?

Jake: What about me

Sylvie: Who do you think will replace you?

Jake: Blc [I don’t give a shit]

Sylvie: [French] I know you do

Jake: You don’t know me, I don’t know you

Sylvie: You’re dreaming

Jake: In my dreams, we argue less

Sylvie: But you love arguing

Sylvie: this isn’t arguing, this is a dead-end

Jake: Awake, I haven’t got the energy 

Sylvie: Being conscious is overrated 

Sylvie: another song title

Jake: ⭐️

Sylvie: Rude, where are my other 2

Jake: Waiting to be earned

Sylvie: [putting the name of whatever drug she took with Bobby in brackets, like how could I forget] 

Jake: [make a Fall Out Boy-esque title out of the scenario]

Sylvie: Maybe I’ll finish the job and write the song

Jake: Send it to Bobby and break the ice

Sylvie: Don’t do that

Jake: You should talk to him

Sylvie: I said don’t

Jake: Fine, don’t

Sylvie: I don’t need you to set me up with someone

Sylvie: to try and get me off your back

Jake: I wasn’t volunteering to play Cupid

Jake: But probably ask yourself why you interpreted it as a romantic set-up as your first instinct

Sylvie: Because your motives remain the same

Jake: [replying with ‘because he must work out’ because never over her saying that lol lol]

Sylvie: That’s mature

Jake: I’ll go score some [the drug they took] get both my cool and struggle olympics points up

Sylvie: Maybe you should talk to him, work out how to be strong and silent

Jake: Or stick with weak crybaby, as it’s super flattering, in comparison and by itself

Sylvie: You do wanna be alone, good thinking 

Jake: Great minds

Jake: See you around

Sylvie: I wish I’d never seen you

Jake: This version’s a complete stranger, take comfort in that

Sylvie: I don’t

Sylvie: and until you can wipe my memory, I don’t forgive you, whoever the fuck you are

Jake: Your forgiveness wouldn’t do anything for me, whoever you are and whatever we were

Sylvie: You’ve made it abundantly clear you only have the energy to care about yourself

Sylvie: it’s fine, I’ll be fine

Jake: You don’t care about me, you care why I broke up with you

Sylvie: Yeah, because I know what that means, for you

Sylvie: once exams are done, I’ll go

Sylvie: I tried now but that wasn’t fair on Tess and Fearghal, they don’t deserve that

Jake: In a role-reversal, I would’ve come to the bench and stood in the rain and not taken no for a fucking answer

Jake: Like the pharmacy

Jake: Leaving is what you want, your default

Sylvie: There’s no winning, whatever I do or say, you wanted the opposite

Sylvie: maybe if you’d ever fucking meant what you said, then it wouldn’t be my fault for respecting your wishes on this

Jake: I barely had to push, you were halfway out the door already

Sylvie: This isn’t the first time you’ve called it all off

Sylvie: said disregard everything I just said and did, this is what I mean now, what I want

Jake: You leapt at the chance; that’s how secure our relationship was

Jake: I said your own words back to you, held a mirror up

Sylvie: We weren’t in a relationship

Sylvie: you never asked, but sure, you’d been forced to dump your actual girlfriend not [however long it actually was, not long] ago

Jake: I asked you to be my girlfriend, it was a loud no from you

Sylvie: Good thing I did

Sylvie: You would have to do a lot better job at breaking up with me 

Jake: And I doubt you’d have done any better at finding out what was wrong

Sylvie: Am I meant to push you further into your mental breakdown to get those details

Sylvie: because I’m not stupid, contrary to your idea of me, I have a pretty good idea without doing that

Jake: I’m stupid for thinking, just once, I wouldn’t have to chase you

Jake: Wouldn’t have to hold your hand through the worst thing that’s ever happened to me

Sylvie: I’m sorry, that I didn’t know how to do this

Sylvie: but you pushed me away, and now you’re mad that I’m on the ground

Jake: You didn’t even try to stay standing, but I’m the one who’s given up

Sylvie: On yourself

Jake: The construct collapsed

Sylvie: You think your life is over

Jake: It is

Sylvie: And you want me to convince you of the opposite

Jake: No, I want it not to be, but that’s impossible

Sylvie: You put me in the position where all I can be is patronising or ignorant 

Jake: I put you in the position where you don’t need to waste your time being either

Sylvie: Because that’s the truth

Sylvie: you don’t want me to stay and fight this

Jake: Why would I want your fake solutions to my real problem?

Sylvie: Why would you want to do anything but wait for the inevitable

Sylvie: what a question

Jake: My sister’s got it covered, fighting the inevitable with meditation, supplements and positive vibes, you’ll have to audition somewhere else

Sylvie: You’re wasting whatever time you have left, that was true before this and is only more true now

Sylvie: you can live it or you can wait

Jake: Your privilege is glaring, go live however you want

Sylvie: I will

Jake: 🚪🚪🚪

Jake: Don’t let them hit you on the way out

Sylvie: I hope you find the courage before being this scared becomes a permanent part of your personality 

Jake: I hope you never feel this scared only for someone’s advice to be snap out of it

Sylvie: You’re incapable of taking anything I say in the spirit it was meant

Sylvie: whatever

Jake: I wouldn’t ever tell you to do that

Sylvie: How dare I want you to live a life of quality despite this

Sylvie: yeah, what a horrible thing to wish for

Jake: It’s a messed up thing to hold over my head

Sylvie: Where am I doing that

Jake: Where’s there a despite this?

Sylvie: A nicer person might give you time to process before saying this shit, sure

Sylvie: someone who actually cares about you would point out it isn’t guaranteed

Jake: A full body cast isn’t guaranteed if I get hit by a car, that doesn’t mean I’m walking in traffic

Sylvie: I didn’t tell you to go play in traffic

Jake: Not yet

Sylvie: It’s hard for you to believe, for some reason

Sylvie: but all I want is for you to be happy

Jake: But when I say that I’m pimping you out

Sylvie: You can’t turn it back on me because you’re uncomfortable

Sylvie: this is the worst thing that ever happened to you, not me

Jake: Enough people are telling me what I can and can’t do without you joining in

Sylvie: Even when that’s whatever you want

Sylvie: alright, I hear you

Jake: Obviously, you should do as you’re told and fast-forward to hating me though

Jake: I’m not above using the ‘this is happening to me, do as I say, not as I do’ card as many times as necessary

Sylvie: I had noticed

Sylvie: Don’t you think I already hate you?

Jake: Nn [because no she don’t]

Sylvie: Fo [because do we mean it’s necessary or it’s wrong]

Jake: Do you need me to push you there?

Sylvie: Nn [because no thank you lol]

Jake: Because I will

Sylvie: Why?

Jake: To make your wish come true, and this easier from here on out

Sylvie: I don’t want to hate you

Jake: Stp [please, but HIS version, not hers, importantly]

Sylvie: ⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥

Sylvie: If that’s what you want

Jake: It’s what I know

Jake: About breakups, anyway 

Sylvie: You’re the expert

Sylvie: And all I’m good fors leaving 

Jake: Art [for the double meaning of stop and her being amazing for art as a muse and because she is a piece of]

Sylvie: Why are you allowed to say it and not me

Jake: I don’t mean anything I say

Sylvie: Precisely, that means what you really want me to do is a secret third thing I have to work out myself 

Jake: If I was that calculated, I’d be able to work out a plan for myself

Sylvie: Yeah, you’re a mess

Sylvie: join the club

Jake: Matching jackets would be kinda insensitive, but according to you, far from the worst idea I’ve floated lately

Sylvie: As long as it’s a cool jacket, I’m down

Sylvie: and I can be more insensitive and say at least your excuse is valid and easy to understand

Sylvie: who wants to hear me get into the minutiae of my dysfunctional upbringing just to see why I have no plans and no clue

Jake: I only wear cool jackets

Sylvie: …

Jake: Hey!

Sylvie: Maybe your cool boy days are behind you too

Sylvie: how am I expected to keep up of what’s in and what’s out

Jake: I haven’t set fire to all my clothes, Mona beat me to that insane declaration

Jake: Figures, I’m probably the 13th breakdown this week

Sylvie: I suppose I should thank you for cutting me loose before asking me to do something that humiliating 

Jake: … [sassily as if he’s waiting for the thanks lol]

Sylvie: Aren’t you curious?

Jake: I’m not interested in a final power trip 

Sylvie: I didn’t say I’d do it

Jake: I didn’t ask

Sylvie: Be too much to ask, when I’m stuck in [whatever boring lesson]

Jake: [whenever she next has a lesson in or near the science classrooms with the bunsen burners], it’s a date

Sylvie: It sucks you can’t be here

Sylvie: I miss you

Jake: [writing his ‘I miss you’ in text speak because cannot bring himself to full French it when that’s so their thing but]

Sylvie: Wanna hear something crazy?

Jake: Oue [because never casual and it isn’t rn lol]

Sylvie: I started thinking that maybe you’d been kidnapped

Sylvie: that this was all an elaborate code I had to work out

Sylvie: and I spent an embarrassing amount of my 8 days trying to crack it, because that made more sense to me than the alternative 

Jake: You can’t drop a bombshell like that without offering to show me your work

Sylvie: Alright, Mr Cohen

Sylvie: never beating the nerd allegations, good to know

Sylvie: nn mdr? [no dying of laughing]

Jake: Scout’s honour

Sylvie: [show him, and I dread to think because you are (obviously) pulling all this from absolutely nowhere, but such is the level of delulu when this was not told to you face to face, and you wanna believe so badly that what’s happening isn’t]

Sylvie: I’m not showing you my attempts at drawing you from memory, around the time I started to freak out I was forgetting what your face looked like

Jake: [because you’re OBSESSED with that code nonsense, show her all the !! drawings you’ve done of her for the same reason, in sync 5ever soz not soz, it’s giving a small notebook filled (and the pages literally filled because they are blacked out blackout poem style) with individual artsy body parts (showing through said black like they’ve been SCRATCHED in, with RED, duh because red was the colour of his last social posts and her lipstick) that you’re quickly flipbook style revealing as a little video]

Sylvie: Jake

Sylvie: It looks like you’ve murdered me, or you’re planning to

Sylvie: [do send him yours because of course you’re going to show how in sync and unwell you both are]

Jake: Thoughts of you have been slowly killing me

Sylvie: I never want to hurt you

Sylvie: when I thought someone had, that they’d taken you…

Sylvie: it was bad, as well as just an insane thought to be thinking

Jake: I’m sorry you went through that

Sylvie: Don’t be, how could you foresee that

Jake: I wasn’t waiting for the benefit of hindsight to clue me into how much you’d struggle with my decision, cocky as that sounds

Jake: It was a majorly unforeseen change of heart, out of nowhere

Sylvie: Shaming as it is, yeah

Sylvie: I guess I would’ve seen it coming, too, in your position

Sylvie: I never meant to get attached to you

Jake: I should’ve handled everything differently

Jake: But I didn’t, and here we are

Sylvie: You were a little preoccupied 

Sylvie: but it wasn’t ever all that I cared about

Jake: Going back further too, I mean, the party, that night at [the venue], all of it

Sylvie: I know, but I don’t want to erase it all, even if you do

Sylvie: I know what I said, and yeah, I wouldn’t be in this state now, but

Jake: [make a more specific and profound eternal sunshine of the spotless mind ref than I’m capable of having not seen it for years, but I put in it your secret socials for a reason and I know you’ve watched it recently boy, how could you not, all things considered]

Sylvie: [likewise do because I’ve never seen it, but you, of course, have and can say whatever bit you think is most devastating] 

Jake: [tell her you’re thinking about dying your hair red because 1. The socials and lipstick ref 2. I have the content if I do want to and he be looking ill af and 3. In that film her hair colours represent different stages of their relationship and red is the honeymoon phase and the happiest days of said relationship, which she’ll know so]

Sylvie: Show me if you do

Sylvie: as long as your hair still curls, it’ll suit you

Jake: Unless I cut it short at the same time, the curl’s here to stay

Sylvie: Good

Sylvie: I’ve never properly dyed my hair, the blue was a wash-in-wash-out 

Jake: Maybe I’ll try that, in case I hate the red

Sylvie: You did cut my blue era very short, would’ve been awkward if that was permanent 

Sylvie: you never know what’s coming 

Jake: Talia, around the corner with her vegan and cruelty-free recommendations, because my life would be even less worth living if I accidentally chose a red insects died for

Sylvie: I bet she knows a henna that will barely show up at all in your dark hair

Jake: Cue her cultural appreciation vs appropriation rant first

Sylvie: Good on her if she can keep to her many principles at a time like this

Sylvie: much to your ears’ dismay

Jake: She and my mom will both cling to them tighter than ever

Sylvie: But you?

Jake: What good does it do?

Jake: Being ‘good’ people hasn’t protected us

Sylvie: Nope, and you’re probably not meant to be good for that reason to begin with

Sylvie: —-- more Karma

Jake: I didn’t know better, I’d assume you’ve been studying without me

Sylvie: I don’t want your sister to have to rant at me too

Sylvie: your religion is safe

Jake: She’d be stoked you were joining, she’s forever outnumbered

Sylvie: Do the girls get a ceremony of any kind on their 8th day?

Sylvie: Scalpels put aside, thank God

Jake: [tell her about the naming and welcoming ceremony girls get, which is not official like the boys but your mum would go as big for it, we know]

Sylvie: That’s cute

Sylvie: I didn’t pay any attention to her memories, so I wasn’t sure

Jake: [get any out that relate to this cute moment and show her because you’re at home so you can]

Sylvie: You could be twins, it’s crazy

Sylvie: I thought I looked like my mother

Jake: We get that a lot

Sylvie: She’s prettier, obviously

Jake: She’s newly single, but unfortunately off limits

Sylvie: Oh dear

Jake: Casualties are piling up

Sylvie: Did your mammy have a dating life for you to ruin?

Jake: Not that she shared with me

Sylvie: Was it too soon for that joke

Sylvie: I don’t know what I’m doing at all

Jake: Can it be classed as a joke if neither of us laughed?

Sylvie: Bad jokes exist

Jake: Dad jokes, which is an added risky move

Sylvie: Did you tell him sorry from me, too, or do I need to when I do my drop-off later

Jake: I figured you’d want to

Sylvie: Want is a bit strong

Sylvie: it’s very awkward, even if I don’t have to look him in the eyes

Jake: You don’t have to apologise 

Sylvie: I do

Jake: He can’t hear you

Sylvie: Maybe it’s just the principle of it, then

Sylvie: you did

Jake: And I sat there when I needed comfort the other day, it wasn’t my dad who ended up giving any, that was you

Sylvie: Did I?

Sylvie: I feel like I’ve only got it wrong the entire time

Jake: It felt right to me

Sylvie: Good

Sylvie: I want to be able to do that

Jake: You did, you’ve given me a ton of comfort

Sylvie: I’m sorry for pushing

Sylvie: when you just needed more comfort

Sylvie: I was thinking your family would be going easy on you, and you might need someone to be bad-cop, but I didn’t know that, and it’s not my place

Jake: It’s okay

Jake: I had no clue what I needed, I still don’t

Sylvie: Still need to get jackets

Jake: We’ll still see each other in [however many lessons they share, doing the math on how many lessons total they have left until they’ve done] classes

Sylvie: That puts it into perspective 

Jake: Yeah

Sylvie: It’s not long enough

Jake: It’s going to feel too long when we’re face-to-face 

Sylvie: Yeah

Sylvie: Can’t we just try being friends? 

Jake: I could use some who aren’t picturing me riding a tour instead of struggle bus

Sylvie: They weren’t all being total idiots

Sylvie: and I swear I didn’t feel smug for calling it like I saw it with the rest

Jake: Not even a little?

Sylvie: Snif [like no I am too sad/isn’t that devastating lol]

Jake: [doing his baby speak it only hurts a little that he’s done before, how French parents comfort hurt kids, like there there]

Sylvie: C pa 5pa [her turn to say hey!]

Jake: ???

Sylvie: VC, JC [you know, Jake Cohen]

Jake: Ri1 [cos he knows nothing he says]

Sylvie: X… [for believe or kiss, who can say]

Jake: 🫡🫡🫡

Sylvie: You were never meant to be the know-it-all anyway, that’s my gig

Jake: What’s my new gig?

Sylvie: That’s what we’ve got to work out

Sylvie: how to pivot from your struggles without writing a misery memoir 

Sylvie: or I can’t be your friend, I’m afraid

Jake: Or a misery musical

Sylvie: Even those are still fun

Sylvie: You’d fit right in in Les Mis already

Jake: My sketchy French accent might

Sylvie: I didn’t get to watch your plays

Jake: I’ll let you as a friend

Sylvie: Gracious

Sylvie: I’ll only tease you as a friend 

Jake: Dubious

Jake: You’ll be wowed like a fangirl 

Sylvie: I do not believe in the school’s budget, or [the drama teacher]’s script-writing prowess 

Sylvie: before we even touch on your abilities 

Jake: I rose above the limitations, that’s who I used to be

Sylvie: Still

Sylvie: I think I’ll be able to control myself, I promise, in fact

Jake: Swear on [something in the drama department she has to go and touch, a prop or whatever]

Sylvie: Challenge accepted

Sylvie: I’ve done precisely 0% of this worksheet anyhow, why not pay the theatre kids a visit, bear with