Dear Sincerity

League is my escape

However, my time has run out

Could we ever be friends again?

I tried to reach out.

Sometime from now I’ll come back to read what I wrote again. I can tell you now that I feel incompetent and unliked. I feel like my personality is ugly. I feel stupid, almost as if the more schooling I do the less I know, like something inside my brain is erasing everything slowly. I analyze everything I do and critic it. Nothing is good enough. 

I miss myself. 

Why did I think I could escape this? Why did I think I had been handed a free pass to love? 

Why was I so naive to open all my wounds to someone I barely knew. Did I think any good would come from it? I’ve created painful memories masked by happiness. 

You were my happiness, my joy. Transformed into someone without compassion and painstakingly cold. 

My heart is breaking. Piece by piece, I weep.  Why can’t you understand 

Why can’t you love me as I love you.

My mind is always racing, overthinking everything.

Be simple they tell me. Be grateful, enjoy everything for what it is. 

I’ve adopted immaturity, irrationality. 

Can’t express myself, can’t explain myself. 

Reverting to the things that made me happiest. Hoping I’ll find the answer there. 

I want to be a better person.

I want to be a better friend.

I want to be a better lover.