Letters To My Little One

22 weeks and 5 days.

Yes, baby. You have a name now. I’m not really writing this because I want to let you know about it but it’s mainly because I want to say sorry. Mommy is already a failure. I’m not confident that I would be able to raise you well. I have mental and emotional issues that I’m sure you’re already being affected.

Right now, I feel so empty. Especially when your Daddy isn’t around. I feel so lost. I started thinking about negative things about myself and my relationship with your father. I feel like he doesn’t deserve me.

Your Mommy’s already so ugly and I already lost the motivation to make myself look good. I’m just surviving everyday—trying my best to get through it. I’m scared about the future.

I want to thank you Marvel coz without you, I might have already killed myself. You’re the only reason I want to continue my life... I’m sorry you would have to feel the misery of living in this world. I am sorry I would have to put you to this. Just know that I’ll love you so much. I’m sure Daddy feels the same way. I wish you’re healthy despite all the stress I experienced these past few months. I wish that you won’t have to experience the burden of lacking something.

18th week.

I kept on thinking of names to call you but I couldn’t seem to find a nice one. Something you would love. So in the mean time, I’ll call you my “little blip”.