My heart to paper

Why do I have so much anger towards you?

Why can’t I forgive you?

So much resentment that what ever you say or do always ends up being used against you.

You spent so much of your energy and sacrificed so much to them, you just never knew that one of those sacrifices was your relationship with your own daughter

While you poured your all to them, you failed to nurture the relationship you had with me and this is your reward for it

They are still the way they are and here you are with a daughter who resent you

You do have a big heart and you had to do what you did because of circumstances beyond your control

You grew up in poverty and all you knew what to do was how to survive, you didn’t know what came after that because you weren’t taught it

Now here we are screaming at each other you in a language that only you can understand and me returning it in a language that only I can understand

You are a great sister, a great daughter and you thought you did what was best for me

If you knew that one of my fears right now is making my future daughter feel the way I do towards you, you will be heart broken

You would fail to understand because you have created this bubble and trapped yourself in it. You have spent so much time in this bubble that you no longer know how to act or think beyond it

Do you know how much I hate seeing you cry? It makes me so angry not because I pitty you but because I am sick and tired of seeing you this way. Always playing the victim, always feeling sorry for yourself and always the martyr!

I hate it and I can’t stand this role you have decided to give to yourself

You have no idea how much guilt and how much I hate myself for feeling this way towards the person who carried me into this world

I pray you can forgive me; I pray that God forgives me

But great relationships builds autonomy”

Listening to Robyn’s “With every heartbeat” accoustic

Love is…