Dearestudies

I am a college student majoring in biology and on the premed pathway! This blog is meant for me to share some of my thoughts on school, studying, books, and sometimes life in general.

₊˚⊹♡

I'm having biweekly fits of crying and intense anxiety and exhaustion over academics and the ever-looming future, this isn't sustainable.

Previously I was okay with being burnt-out and exhausted and anxious because it wouldn't affect my academic performance. But now, the problem is that this wave of burnout is utterly debilitating.

Apple autumn is apple orchards, eating your weight in apples, wiping them on your sweater, standing on your toes to reach a particularly promising fruit, made sweeter by the passing frosts.

Apple autumn is sugar, cinnamon, and apples coming together in a flaky crust, with maybe some ice cream or whipped cream on top of the pie.

Apple autumn.

Instead of everything fall being pumpkin themed, it's apple.

Warm red apple-shaped lights, apple baked goods, apple smells, apple drinks, apple picking.

Yes, I know all of these things exist, and I love all of them.

But it's so hard to find apple autumn things, as opposed to pumpkin fall.

Starbucks got rid of their apple drinks this year, and last year I intentionally went to find an apple light garland at Michael's and couldn't find one. (I found one this year, hooray!)

And on a full shelf of autumn candles, only one or two will be apple scented, while the rest are pumpkin.

I've been earning straight A grades for the past three semesters, without any of these extra services.

What you do need to succeed is to figure out how to study the right way, and use the resources available to you.

Canvas, the platform most American universities use, already has a "to-do" list on the home page. Why do you need to spend at least an hour organizing and decorating some digital calendar with ultra-specific hex codes and anesthetics? Every assignment you need to do is already there, in one place.

So yeah, to do well academically you do not need like five different lists and calendars. I find it a bit ridiculous.

At most, in addition to the Canvas to-do list, I've set alarms on my phone for assignments that are given on another platform.

This year I'll be the person I've always wanted to become. This year I'll work out more. This year I'll eat well. This year I'll start journaling. This year. This week. This Monday. Tomorrow. In an hour.

Why is it always the New Year?

New Year, New me. We know the saying.

But think about it, really. What changed between the person you were at 11:59 on December 31st and the person you are at 12:01 January 1st? Are you suddenly more capable of making those changes than you were two minutes ago? In what way is this different from how you changed from, say, 11:59 on April 15th to 12:01 on April 16th?

Why does the new you have to come in the new year?

I understand certain time-bound reinventions.

This semester I'll be a better student (I can't change how I study with nothing to study.) This week I'll organize my time better (assuming the previous week has just ended, this week is all you've got.)

But why next year? I understand if suddenly the evening of December 31st you are suddenly struck by the realization of change being required. But people make their resolution lists days, if not weeks in advance! What is stopping them from implementing those changes before the clock strikes midnight and one of the numbers on the calendar is changed for the next 365 days?

That is not to say I am not the kind of person to think the same way. A new calendar year feels like a fresh start, something that will wipe away the failures and shortcomings of the year before.

But really, what has changed? What in us has changed?

The answer is: nothing.

So maybe even if it's April 15th, not a particularly special day that I'm aware of (unless, of course, it's someone's birthday), and you think of a life change you'd want to implement, do it. No need to wait for a new day, or week, or month, or even year.

The calendar isn't what changes you.