Dear Papa...

Day 157 - Dear Papa,

Araw ng mga Tatay, celebrate na! Mahal na mahal kita, Pa! Malas talaga na napasukan yung bahay at nanakawan kayo, pero wag magalala, mga bagay lang 'yon. Ang importante ay di kayo nasaktan ni Aljay. Ngayon, sa mas masaya...

Nagpapasalamat ako na nakilala kita, at ito ang unang Daddy Day na ice-celebrate ko na kasama ka. Hindi naman sa hindi tapat si Lolo at si Tito Benjie, pero syempre.. walang papalit sa tunang ama. Salamat sa lahat ng effort na ginawa mo since na nakilala kita. Sana makapiling kita ulit. Sa pag-uwi ko jan, promise ko sa'yo... celebrate natin lahat ng holidays na hindi tayo kasama, sama Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day! I love you so much, Pa. It really sucks that your house got robbed, but don't worry, those are only temporary things. What's important is that you and Aljay weren't hurt. But on to happier things..

I'm glad I met you and for the first Father's Day ever.. I have my real dad to celebrate it with. Don't get me wrong, Lolo-Daddy and Tito Benjie are great, but of course.. no one can replace you. Thanks for all the effort you put in since we've met. Hopefully I'll see you soon. And as soon as I'm home, I promise you.. we'll celebrate each holiday we've spent apart... including Father's Day 

MALIGAYAAAAAANG BATI! Mahal na mahal kita! As in sooobra! Sa apat na bwan na kasama kita, ang dami ng nangyari, masaya, nakakalungkot at nakakabaliw! Pero basta kasama kita, pwede na! Sobrang masaya ako na nagsama ulit tayo. Sana madami ka pang birthdays na pwede natin i-celebrate! - 'by :)

(Naubusan ng minutes yung phone card and hindi ako naka-goodbye so... hehe.. ginamit ko cell ko)

Papa: Hello?

Me: Oh, naririnig mo ko?

Papa: Huli ka! Ginagamit mo landline nyo!

Me: Uhh.. hindi eh. 

Papa: Ha? Naka-record sa ID ko, number mo.

Me: Cell ko 'to, Pa. 

Papa: Ah ganon b-- hoy! Bakit cell -- ang mahal --

Me: Pa, relax lang, ma-high blood u! Okey lang

Papa: Tataas bill mo, Ne.

Me: Hindi naman.. konteng minutes lang, ilang centavos per min ito.

Papa: Ah, sige..

Me: Plus, hindi ako nag-paalam, so gusto ko goodbye na maayos

Papa: Naiintindihan ko naman kung biglang mawala naman eh, syempre call card lang yan, mauubos rin

Me: Haixt! Basta, gusto maayos na paalam.

Papa: Ahm.. baby?

Me: Po?

Papa: Alam mo, wala akong mahahanap na katulad mo..

Me: Sana hindi nga! Anak mo ko no!

Papa: (Natawa) Hindi naman ganon... Meaning na... hindi ako makakahanap ng katulad mo. Mabait, malambing... at nagmamahal ng lubos katulad ng ginagawa mo.

Me: Exponential naks naman, Pa! :))

Papa: At syempre.. alam ko na ano man sabihin ko, tatawag ka ulit para maayos ang goodbye natin. Kasi.. ganun ka eh.

Me: Yiiieeee. Corny ni Papa.

(FFWD konti..)

Me: Oh, sige ... off muna ko, okey?

Papa: Teka, may kwento ako sayo, bilis lang. Alam mo, tinawanan ako ni Ate.

Me: Oh bakit?

Papa: Kasi ngayon ko lang nalaman na birthday ko 19th..

Me: What the pokya....

Papa: Kasi, akala namin 17th, so palagi celebrated... mali!

Me: OH HO HO... TAMA SI MAMA! (Convo with Ma about Papa's birthday)

Papa: Ha, bakit?

Me: Kasi akala ni Mama 17th birthday mo. Ikaw pala ung nagkamali!

Papa: Oo nga, hindi ko kasi tinignan birth certificate ko until recently. TEKA... naalala pa nya birthday ko?

Me: Yuup. NAKILIG KA NOH. UYYYYYY.

Papa: Hindi noh! Ay nako.. sige na nga. Mahal na phone bill mo!

—

Philippines: Fri. Apr. 15 2011 - 11:40 PM 

Malapit na birthday mo! Nako.. 5 days na lang.. kailangan ko ng tapusin ung surprise ko para sa'yo. Sana magustohan mo... at kung sakaling hindi ko matapos. AMP! Save ko nalang para sa 4-month natin. Yeheyy. Mahal kita! -Baby

Your birthday's coming up! Oh gosh, only five more days.. I really have to finish the surprise that I have for you. I hope you'll like it.. and in the off-chance that I don't finish. MF! I'll just save it for our 4 months. Yay! I love you! - Baby

—

Tinawagan ko si Papa at nag resign na sa trabaho nya. Hindi na daw kaya eh, nahihirapan na daw. Hindi na nga binangit ung bonus na nakalimutan, yung mga raise na hindi nangyari. Ilang taon na sya doon, noh... Naiintindihan ko naman eh, sana lang makahanap sya ng trabaho ulit. Kasi kailangan pa nya'ng isupportahan si Aljay at ang sarili nya. Hay nako, Lord... ano na? Tulongan mo naman si Papa.

I called Papa today and he resigned from his job. He said he can't do it anymore, it's too much for him. He didn't even mention the forgotten bonus, and even the raises that never happened.. he said nothing. And he's been there for years already. I understood him. I just hope that he can find a new job soon cos he needs to support Aljay and himself. My goodness, Lord... what now? Help Papa, please.

--

Ang dami ng nagtanong sa'kin kung okey ako, kasi parang may kulang sa'kin. Ilang tao na... siguro at least tatlong tao na ang nagsabi.

"Parang wala ka sa sarili mo, eh.."

"Iba ka na... anong problema?"

"Physically, nandito ka.. pero nahahalata eh, wala yang isip mo."

Etc etc..

Nahihirapan lang yung tao kasi, isipin mo rin, lumipat ka sa ibang probinsya, bansa & ewan, at ang daming tao doon sa ex-home mo na naiwan. Mga kaibigan mo at syempre, pamilya. 'Di ba, mahirap? Doon ka lumaki, sila yung kasama mo, e di.. syempre, miss mo sila? Kung hindi.. wot ka? -___-"

At iyan, mga binibini at guinoo, ang nangyari sa'kin. Labing-isang taon pagkatapos kong lumipat sa ibang bansa, nakasama ko rin ang mga dati kong kaibigan at nakita ulit ang mga pamilya ko. Mga linggo lang ako doon, bitin na bitin diba. Isang linggo ako sa step-family ko. Sila, pitong taon ko silang hindi nakita. Tapos isa't kalahating linggo sa Manila, kasama ko ang mga kaibigan at tumira sa bahay ng isang lola't lolo de Alabang ko.  

Ang dami ng nag-iba, yung mga landmarks, syempre.. pero mas lalo pa yung tao. Hindi na kami bata, di na kami yung mga bata na naglalaro ng patintero at taguan. Nasa collehio na, meron ng mga extra-cirric sa church, meron ng mga minamahal. Yung bahay ng lola't lolo na tinirahan ko, iba na. Sila, parang hindi tumanda... ang ganda at gwapo pa rin. Mahal na mahal at nilalambing pa rin ako. Sweet noh? Palagi pa rin inaasikaso... parang pitong taon pa rin ako. 

Tapos, nakilala ko pa yung side na tatay ko. Nakilala ko yung tatay ko. Alam mo ba anong nangyayari sa tao'ng nakilala ang tatay nya na kulang sa buhay? Ang daming tanong, daming kwento... ako minahal ko si itay. 

Siguro yan ang bakit nahirapan akong bumalik. Gusto kong makasama ulit and F&F (kaibigan at pamilya), hamak mo, ako lang yung umalis sa ka-barkada ko. Sila, lumaki kasamang isa't-isa.. kasi ung barkada ko, lahat kami kapit bahay. So close lagi. Tapos na-miss ko ung lola't lolo de Alabang, sila ung nagaalaga sa'kin nung pumunta si nanay sa Canada, nasa Hong-Kong ang Mami-Lola at may business si Lolo-Daddy. Ever grateful ako sa kanila, noh. Ang dami nilang tinuro sa'kin.

At ano pang dumagdag dyan ay nakilala ko yung tatay ko at yung kapatid ko. Ang bigat nun, akala mo. Dalawang beses ko lang nakita ung tatay ko. 'Tas nakilala ko rin yung dalawang pinsan ko. Hamak mo, yung isang pinsan ko, nong umalis ako, isang taon lang sya... ngayon dalagita na! 

Tapos tinanong rin ako ng mga kaibigan ko dito sa Canada, "saan mo mas gusto tumira?" Mahirap yan, boys and girls! Alam ko na yung buhay ko dito, mas madali. Group A ang Canada sa terms of kayamanan ng bansa. And Pinas, group C. Nakakagulat ba? Hindi, adurrh... Ang hirap ng buhay sa Pilipinas. Dito, mas mataas ang mga resources. Kung may sakit, doktor! Kailangan ng trabaho, meron! Lahat lahat, meron! Pero masarap sa Pinas, naranasan ko ang buhay doon, kahit bata pa ko nung umalis. Ang Pinoy, masarap kasama eh, gusto lagi good time. At ang lambing nila. Kung kailangan mong umiyak, nandyan... palaging nakikinig. At sarap mag-chika.. at kung may drama, humanda na kayo! Nakita mo na ba yung mga teleserye sa Pinas? REAL LIFE, pwede rin! Iba-iba ang dahilan as to saan ko gustong tumira. Basta kasama ko ang mga tao na mahal ko, masaya ako! (wew, cliche noh?)

So saan ang puso, kasama ng mga taong mahal ko.

[…]

Me: Basta, hindi ako nag-dodota! Gitara lang..

Papa: (tahimik lang…)

Me: Anong balita?

Papa: Ikaw muna magsalita, ako ang makikinig

Me: Ah, ganun..

Papa: Hindi naman na ayaw kitang kausapin, nami-miss ko na yung boses mo..

Me: Oist? Nakalimutan mo na yung boses ko? Isang linggo lang tayo di nagusap!

Papa: Hindi nga, miss lang!

Me: WEH, Pangit nga nong boses ko?

Papa: Ano ka? Ang ganda ganda nga eh..

Me: Sipsip! Okey, sige, para matandaan mo ang boses ko, kakantahan kita!

Papa: Oke, game.

Me: ABC… (tawa) DEF […] XYZ!

Papa: Galing ah!

Me: Ayan! Para maalala mo yung boses ko!

Papa: Salamat anak, ngayon isipin ko lang ung kanta mo, maririnig ko na boses mo!

Me: Pwede! Ganun rin ginagawa ko, replay ko ung mga sinasabi mo sa ulo ko, para maalala ko boses mo!

Papa: Ahm, baby?

Me: Pa?

Papa: Sa tingin mo, kung kakantahin ko sa sarili ko, iisipin nung tao na..

Me: Wag lang masyadong malakas!

Papa: Oo nga, sige, sa mga delivery routes ko nalang, so hindi ako lonely.

/Translation:

[…]

Me: But srs, I don’t play DotA. Just guitar.

Papa: (quiet)

Me: So, what’s up?

Papa: How about you talk first, I’ll listen.

Me: Oh.. okey…Papa: No, don’t think that I don’t want to talk to you, I just miss your voice.

Me: Oh? You forgot what it sounds like already? It’s only been a week since we talked!

Papa: No, I just miss it!

Me: Yeah right, my voice doesn’t sound appealing.

Papa: What are you talking about? It’s so nice!

Me: Suck-up! Okey, fine.. so you can remember my voice, I’ll sing to you!

Papa: K, go!

Me: ABC… (laughs) DEF […] XYZ!

Papa: So good!

Me: There! So you’ll remember my voice!

Papa: Thank you, now I just have to think of that song, and I’ll hear it.

Me: Definitely, that’s what I do. I just replay the things you say to me in my head, so I can remember what you sound like.

Papa: Ahm.. baby?

Me: Pa?

Papa: Do you think … if I sing that to my myself, people would think that I’m..

Me: Just don’t sing it too loud!

Papa: Oh yeah! I’ll just sing it when I’m delivering stuff, so I’m not lonely.

—

Philippines: Mon. Feb. 21 2011 - 4:47 PM

Szarina Rose Fallorin Cabling

Szarina Rose - First names

Fallorin - Grandmother's side (Middle)

Cabling - Grandfather's side (Given Last)

--

Ito ang pangalan ko. Hindi ko naaalala kelan ko naunang inisip... pero tinanong ko rin sarili ko. Kung ung pangalan mo ay nadadag sa pangalan ko. Tapos, kung ung pangalan ni Tito Benjie nadagdag rin pagkatapos ng kasal nila. Ano sana ung pangalan ko?

This is my name. I don't remember the first time I thought about it, but I always wondered, what would my name be like if your name was allowed to be added onto mine. And then if Tito Benjie's name was included, too... after Mama and him got married. What would it have been?

--

Szarina Rose Cabling Castro 

Szarina Rose Fallorin Cabling Castro 

Or if super tiga-ulo ni Lolo-Dad.. alam mo naman yun.

Szarina Rose Castro Cabling 

Szarina Rose Fallorin Castro Cabling 

Never ever matatangal ung 'Cabling' sa pangalan ko no.. hindi papayagan ever ni Lolo-Daddy. Basta.. imagine mo kung pangalan ko Szarina Rose Fallorin Cabling Castro (insert future husband's last name) .... HABA!

—

Philippines: Thu. Feb. 17 2011 - 11:58 AM

Ayaw ko na dito. Miss na miss na kita, feeling ko lang... outcast ako. Kung pwede lang, lilipat ako uli sa Pilipinas, walang contest, pero obviously hindi naman yon yung best choice. Yung buhay dito, mas maganda.. mas promising.. merong pera. Mas mabuti yung buhay ko dito, in that sense. Pero alam mo, gusto ko lang na kasama ka. Sana mas madali ang bagay, ang buhay.

I don't want to be here anymore. I miss you too much, and I feel like I don't belong here anymore. I'd move back to Philippines in a heartbeat, but it's obviously not the best choice. Life here is obviously more promising economically and I'll get a better life, but I just want to be with you. I wish things were easier.

—

Philippines: Fri. Feb. 11 2011 - 9:29 AM

Hindi ko naisip na papaiyakin mo ako ng ganito. Kanina... ang seryoso ng usap natin, humingi ka ng payo tungkol sa isa mong problema. Malaki, oo... pero nandito naman ako. Tapos tumawa-tawa tayo, nagkwento... tapos... nag iba na. Tinanong mo sa'kin ulit, "O, may plano ka ba today? May lakad ka? Anong ginawa mo kanina?" ... Papa, sinagot ko na un ee... ilang beses na nga. Para lang itong gabi nito... hindi ka nakikinig sakin, at lahat nong sinabi ko sa'yo, kinalimutan mo na. Umiiyak na nga ko, iniisip ko lang kung narinig mo pero hindi mo alam bakit ako umiiyak, so hindi mo na tinanong or talagang kapal ng pader sa mundo mo ngayon na hindi mo nahalata na nasaktan mo ko. Oo nga, sa ibang tao, wala lang yon... drama queen ako, pero.. para lang talaga na hindi ka nakinig sa'kin ngayon. Hindi ka rin nag 'I love you' kanina. Gusto kitang tawagan mamaya, pero alam naman natin, matatapos lang sa 'sorry na anak o.. pasensya na.' Putek. Baka galing lang ito sa kulang sa tulog..

Never thought that you could make me cry like this. A while ago, we were talking about something serious, you even asked me for advice about a problem you had. It's a bit complicated, yes... but I was here for you. Then we were just laughing, telling stories.. and then it just changed. You asked me again, "Hey, any plans today? Are you going out? What did you do a while ago?" ... Papa, I already answered those questions; and more than once! It's as if tonight, you weren't listening to me, and all the things I told you before, you forgot all about them. I was already crying, and I wondered if you heard me, but you didn't know why I was crying, so you just didn't ask. Or if the walls around your world got so thick that you didn't even notice that I was hurt. Yeah, some people might call me a drama queen, but it seriously felt like you didn't care tonight. You didn't even say 'I love you' before you left. I want to call you later, to clear things up. But we all know how it's going to end. 'I'm sorry, baby.. forgive me." Dangit. Maybe this is just from lack of sleep.

—

Philippines: Sat. Feb. 5 2011 - 11:11 PM

Sza: Papa, I don't know, it's just getting really annoying now.

Papa: It's like that, but if they really love you, they'll stick around. But first.. school.

Sza: Yeah, duh. Besides, that's only IF I get married.

Papa: IF? Anak, you will get married someday, you're still young.

Sza: What makes you so sure that I'll get married?

Papa: Well, because you're not a tomboy.

Sza: (LOLOL4dayz)

Papa: WHAT? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

Sza: I like how that's the FIRST reason you come up with.

Jan 24

Miss na kita. Pinakita ko yung mga pictures natin sa maga kaibigan ko. Kamukha daw kita. Oh, proud ka noh! Haha... alam mo, masaya ako na hindi ka umiyak kanina, pero puro tawa lang. Alam mo, sayang na hindi tayo nag kwentohan nung nandyan pa ako, mas madali.

I miss you! I showed my friends some of the pictures I had of us. They said I look like you. Bet you're proud, huh? Haha... you know, I'm happy that you didn't cry a while ago, but instead just laughs. You know, it's too bad that we didn't get to talk as much when I was there, it would've been so much easier. 

—

Philippines: Fri. Jan. 21 2011 - 3:29 AM

Wala pa akong first dance. Kahit sa mga school dances or sa mga youth events namin. At hindi naman kasama yung mga sayaw ng 18 Roses sa debut ko noh! Kailangan yun... so talaga, hinihintay ko pa. Sana ikaw first dance ko, Pa. Pwede? :P

Mhal-mhal, from baby m0. <3

I haven't had my first dance. Even at school dances or in our youth events. And the 18 Roses at my debut don't count, okey! That was mandatory.. so really, I'm still waiting. Hope you'll be my first dance, Pa. Yes? :P

Love you lots, from your baby. <3

--

Philippines: Thu. Jan. 20 2011 - 10:40 PM

Sabi ko na nga, mahal mo parin si Mama. Kahit doon pa sa Glo3, nakita kita nung tinitignan mo si Mama, nakangiti ka. Hindi medyo halata yung ngiti mo, pero nakita ko sa mata mo, malakas parin ang nararamdaman mo para kay Mama.

Sorry na madami akong pinaalala sa’yo. Umiyak ka na nga eh. Pinagusapin natin yung mga paboritong pagkain natin, tapos bigla mong naalala ung memory na nagluto ka ng adobo [para kay Ma kasi gusto nya. At nung umiyak ka… yun ung kelan na siguradong sigurado na ko… na talagang mahal mo parin.

Mahal kita, Pa.

I knew it! You still love Mama. Even when we were at Glo3, I saw you when you were looking at her, you were smiling. Your smile wasn’t that obvious, but I saw it in your eyes, what you feel towards Mama is still really strong.

I’m sorry that I made you reminisce about things. You even cried. We were just talking about our favourite foods, then suddenly you remembered a memory of when you tried cooking adobo for Mama cos she wanted some. And when you cried.. that’s when I was absolutely certain.. that you still love her.

I love you, Pa.

--

Philippines: Thu. Jan. 20 2011 - 4:51AM

Dalawang araw na 'kong tumatawag at hanggang ngayon, hindi ka pa sumasagot. Nagdasal, at ngayon parin nagdadasal na nagaalala lang ako ng hindi kailagan alalahanin at ligtas ka.

Mahal kita, Papa. Sana makausap na kita.

I've been trying to contact you for the past two days and you haven't been picking up. I prayed, and still am praying, that I'm just worrying over nothing and that you are safe.

I love you, Papa. I hope that I can talk to you soon.

--

Philippines: Sun. Jan. 16 2011 - 2:13 AM