Brave in Love

One of my favorite things to tell him is that I asked God for a little boy just like him. #arloredding https://www.instagram.com/p/BpxTrWFHNZs/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=8at1cfu9c46g

We just got the kid’s school pictures back and Everly can’t understand why I started crying while adding these new ones to our collection. My heart is so wrecked by how quickly the years are passing. I want more time to savor every age. It’s all going too quickly. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bpfx31FHt8q/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=y6pfo52ey9p1

Yesterday was our 11th wedding anniversary. A year ago, we were just coming off of a magical ten day trip together in Hawaii. This year, we canceled our plans go to a concert Friday night, instead scarfing down some dinner at a neighborhood spot before needing to go home to our sick baby (hand foot and mouth- yay! 😩). It occurred to me that there is no better analogy for marriage. Sometimes you are tan and well rested and drinking pineapple juice at sunrise, and some times you are exhausted and barely eking out a few moments to recognize another year passing together. That is marriage. A thousand slow mornings and hurried nights all mashed up together. I love you, Brent Jordan. I love every gray hair that I probably gave you. I love you on top of the hills and in the depths of the valleys. In the very hard and in the super easy. When we fight and when we fight for #teamjordan. You’re it for me boy, all the better and all the worst, forever and ever. https://www.instagram.com/p/BoXDEawAYwR/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=2mhzf3bs8iv7

(Always a little late to the monthly update party) I have always proclaimed month 8 as my favorite of all the first year months and this one with you only reinforces that opinion. It’s just such a lovely time- you, smashing handfuls of any and all foods into your mouth at every meal (favorite foods: any kind of meat, berries of all sorts and pizza crusts) And growing more of that lovely golde. ducky fuzz (Arlo says he’ll miss that the most when your real hair grows in) You’re trying out all kinds of sounds- having mastered dada and nana- now moving on to ma and hey and double sounds like ah-da. This week you’ve started to pull up on to things AND wave bye bye - causing my heart to both ache and sing (slow down but keep on growing!) Most nights you sleep 6-8 hours at a time but love to throw me a curve ball with an up-every-two-hours night thrown in every so often to keep from getting overconfident. Nursing is still going great and you’ve mastered every sippy cup I’ve tried- straws, spouts and those fancy new 360 cups that didn’t even exist when your brother and sister were babies. You’re so fast with crawling that we are constantly chasing you around the house and it’s become evident that I’m going to have take baby proofing seriously pretty soon. Soaking in this sweet sweet time with you, baby Leo. #leonaruth https://www.instagram.com/p/Bn31SvogCME/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=183la34jnsgb8

When mom makes your favorite meal for dinner. 🍝 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnw7dc7lAn6/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1fvbvmf0lecbs

So long summer of 2018. You were a real good one. https://www.instagram.com/p/BnSHdHPATSy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1xizycb42zr6k

Leo meets lime. 😝#leonaruth https://www.instagram.com/p/BnKIN7EgeaY/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ef2x482frd3y

These fleeting days of her babyhood will never go slowly enough for my liking. #leonaruth

This little dream is (more than) seven months old. The days between 6 and 7 months felt packed with milestones for Leo. She started eating solids and loves to feed herself fistfuls of whatever we put on her tray (my favorite thing is to watch her carefully try to pick out her favorite blueberries amongst whatever else is there to eat). She started to get into a consistent nap routine, with 2 hour stretches, twice a day. She's army crawling EVERYWHERE and learned to sit up unassisted. She loves to pat me on the back to get my attention when she's laying next to me in bed and I'm sleeping or if someone else is holding her and my back is turned to her. Leona is a screamer - and has found her voice in a way that we don't remember her older siblings ever doing. It's straight up teradactyl screeching over here. Besides her signature screech, she started making some "da da" sounds but isn't it using it intentionally yet and likes to make a sound like she's rolling her "R" in spansih. She's just started to have a little stranger danger and gets unsure when new people want to hold her (but still loves to flash smiles to anyone who says hello). She's also started to do a little bounce dance when she hears music that makes us all laugh and she's got two little tiny baby teeth that have just poked through on her bottom gums. We love her deeper than the sea.

Good morning!

Sisters in the same little ducky suit. #everlyveda #leonaruth

Summer’s not over till the ice cream truck stops visiting our street.

A week and one year ago, we flew back to NC after six beautiful weeks in the city. It was a time spent in hopeful healing, a secret baby girl growing inside me. I’d spent the six weeks prior to our arrival visiting my OB week every week for “threatened miscarriage” monitoring and it felt more than coincidental that within two weeks of landing, not only did my sub chronic hemmorage heal, but the early genetic testing we’d done to rule out another trisomy loss came back that our baby was healthy. I was laying in the bed at Celia’s House when I listened to the genetic counselor’s voicemail and she said “If you don’t want to know the sex if your baby, stop listening here...” I held my breath and fell into the pillow sobbing as she said, “you’re carrying a little girl.” Those weeks in San Francisco lifted me from a dark place and shone the brightest light on the possibility that we really were going to keep this baby. My growing belly was nurtured by the cold, foggy air. The first time I felt her move was sitting on a MUNI bus. We were both nourished by platefuls of shishito peppers and meatballs around Celia’s table. To be back here with Leona in the flesh is the deepest gift. San Francisco is in her soul, not only because both of her parents love this place with the deepest passion, but because it was here that our luck turned and she went from a whispered plea to a tangible dream. Just further proof that the magic of Golden Gate Avenue is real and ours and always waiting for us. (at San Francisco, California)

@jillianknightphotography met us out at the Dorothea Dix sunflowers last week to capture some photos of our family and I love them so much. Been getting teary eyed all morning looking through them. #oneluckymama #teamjordan (at Raleigh, North Carolina)

There were times when I prayed so hard for God to take the longing for another baby away from me. I was tired of the heartbreak of losses and the emptiness that I couldn’t swallow down no matter what I tried. I begged for that ache to just leave me alone and let me get on with my life. But God’s great big plan was this girl all along. And oh, how she’s filled every empty corner. I know now that the ache was so big, the longing so intense, the willingness to put myself through loss after loss existed because she was out there- waiting for the time and space to be ours. I’d do it all again in an instant. Grateful forever and ever for our little caboose.

Most mornings, Everly comes into my room when she hears the baby stirring and says “Mama, let me take her so you can get some sleep.” Then as she walks out with that sweet babe slung on her hip I’ll call out in a half sleep state “she needs a diaper change.” And Everly will say back “ I know, Mama.” She’s been an amazing little helper since Leo joined our family- more than I could have ever imagined and I love that every time she arrives home from anywhere, she comes blazing in the house and bee lines it for her little sister before any of the rest of us get so much as a hello. It’s really a joy to watch how nurturing and intentionally she is about her role as big sister. Leo is beyond lucky (and so am I).

You & you & you & you too. 😍🌈