Happy Birthday, Dean Winchester! β£
Nightmares are nothing new for Dean Winchester. Theyβre a job hazard really. Blood, death. His. Of those he loves. Loneliness. Rejection andΒ negligence and resentment and lost time and betrayal. Theyβre all there. And death. So much death.
So jerking awake from dying isnβt anything new for him, though the plastic heaven is a new touch. But that morning, as the sun rises outsideΒ the bunker, and his alarm shakes him awake, he doesnβt forget it. That morning, Dean makes a decision. Because he knows. He knows that if he doesnβt get out soon, he never would. Heβd end up like one of those nightmares.
So he goes for a drive. One last ride in his beloved car. He says goodbye to the car thatβs been his home since he was four. And he says goodbyeΒ to the bunker thatβs been as close to a house as heβs ever had. And he packs his bag and looks at the papers on his desk. He packs the polaroid camera heβd found in one of the old rooms and he says goodbye to the only family he has left. Because he knows nowΒ that to go after the life he wants, the things he wants, he has to leave everything and everyone heβs known behind. At least for a little while. And heβs okay with that.
He gets on that motorcycle, and he rides off into the sunset, the road winding and curving.
Dean visits the Grand Canyon, and he visits the winter carnival, where he sees ice sculptures and eats maple syrup on snow. On one of hisΒ days there, he even takes a polar bear plunge. He visits all the places he wanted to, but never got to. At least, not without death and carnage looming. Sometimes, he just drives, enjoying the view and the wind and the freedom.
And eventually, he wants a home. A home of his own, so he finds that too, the little cottage hidden in that quiet valley with its quiet people.Β And he sleeps with a gun under his bed and a devilβs trap in front of his door, but thereβs peace in knowing that it isnβt always his job to fix the world anymore. Doesn't mean he has to be careless about it though, so the gun and the knife and the holy waterΒ and the sigils stay. And then he meets her, and it isnβt enough. He no longer wants to continue looking over his shoulder, waiting for some monster to show up. So he does what heβs always done; he works on the case, except this case is his life. And he looksΒ and he looks, and he finds something that really only Dean Winchester could. It takes longer to find everything he needs though, but he does that too. On midnight on his forty-second birthday, he puts his plan in action and suddenly, he feels born anew. FinallyΒ free. He spends his birthday alone, with a cupcake from the bakery, but he doesnβt mind. Because the day, itβs his, and this time, he isnβt wondering if anyone will remember or care. Because he remembers and he cares. And that is the enough. More than enough.Β Heβs happy.
He knows that one day, heβll be summoned to save the world again, because of course he will. Heβs been told as much. He can shake everythingΒ else, but he canβt shake that. Heβs Dean Winchester and he made a promise, after all. But this time, the responsibility comes of his own volition, so he doesnβt mind. And it doesnβt change that now thereβs safety and contentment and heβs his own.
And he looks at her, and sees her without thinking of all the dangers heβd be putting her in just by that simple interaction. And she seesΒ him too. And when she does, heβs hers too. And sheβs his, and for once, it isnβt a burden to belong. One day, he tells her the truth of his life, and sheβs still there.
When it comes time for spring cleaning, he does that happily, though there isnβt much to clean in the home he hasnβt lived very long in justΒ yet. And he goes to the beach and he realizes that it might be time to put some roots down, that he might finally be safe to, so he buys a car. He calls about that job, and for once, things seem to be going his way, because they call him back and offer himΒ the job. He starts and finally believes that he isnβt just the brawn, isnβt good just for hunting. He can do so much more. And then winter falls, and heβs happy sitting by the fireplace playing his guitar and heβs happy shoveling snow, because heβs never reallyΒ had to do that before. And for the first time at the beginning of a new year, he makes a list of resolutions.
His forty-third birthday is different than the previous. There are people now that he knows, neighbors, coworkers, friends. Family. So they inviteΒ them over for dinner, on the Sunday before, because it is a weeknight, after all. But a weeknight doesnβt mean heβs not going to have pie on his birthday, thank you very much. So after the guests leave, and he should be in bed, he walks downstairs to getΒ the pie heβd been saving just for them, for when the clock signals the start of the next day and heβs officially another year older. That fact now feels like a reassurance, a promise. And he finds it; a pan of cherry pie, right where he had left it, still warm. He picks itΒ up, balances a pint of vanilla ice cream under his arm, two spoons in hand. And just as he reaches out to grab a plate, he sees it. A simple box, tucked in behind other things. His curiosity gets the better of him and he puts down the food in his hands andΒ opens the box.
Inside, thereβs a leather bound album of sorts. He opens it and sees photos, the photos heβs been taking on his polaroid camera. He flips through,Β almost feeling bad for ruining the surprise, but too intrigued by her notes and decorations and comments, too warm from the feeling where his heart is, to stop. And he reaches the page where photos taken just hours before are. She mustβve taken those. And thenΒ he sees the blank page that follows and the ones that follow that. Pages upon blank pages. Just waiting to be filled.
And as he tucks the album back into its hiding place, heading up the stairs with his pie in hand, the clock strikes midnight and he thinks that he couldnβt have asked forΒ a better gift for his birthday.
I've worked on this for so long, it almost feels weird having it out there. But it's worth it, because Dean deserves all the nice stories!
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