On “Teach Me How to Lift”
Make yourself a coffee and have a seat, this is gonna be a long one.I’ve seen a few posts of late from people saying “Stop messaging me regarding ‘teach me to lift!’” and I’ve gotta say this: yeah, guys, don’t do that. (Nothing wrong with asking for tips about specific chains or locations, but “teach me how to do this” is something entirely different.) I started replying on a post about this, but it got long, and I didn’t want to hijack, so here’s why we can’t teach people how to lift.
#1: Because there is no substitute for on-field experience
Probably the hugest part of lifting is knowing how to look for things, and tailoring your body language and behaviour to what you’re doing, and threat recognition. This stuff, no matter what you see, is partially instinctual, and you need to hone these skills for yourselves: you can’t learn this from someone else. We can tell you what to look for, or avoid, but we can’t get inside your brain and make those neurons connect and realise that “holy shit, I was just sussed then,” or “that’s not actually a blind spot” or “there is a sales assistant standing right behind me,” or “there is a vague threat somewhere and I need to get out.” (I have a sneaking suspicion if you have experience in areas like security or the military or in any other field where you’re having to be aware of what’s going on around you, this might be a skill that comes reasonably naturally to you, but honestly, this can take people in those industries *years* to develop.)
Consider it this way: when you learned just about any other skills you have, did you message someone online or did you get out there and practice, finding out what worked for you and how to do it better? Someone can’t teach you to lift online any more than they can teach you how to draw, or ride a bike, or do mental mathematics. You might be able to borrow from techniques and theory that has worked for them, but the actuality of doing it is something you’ve gotta do.
Nearly all of lifting skill is physical and psychological in nature. This is exactly why people say to start slow and to make sure you don’t do it when you’re feeling “off.” Because you’re going to give away little tells that you won’t see yourself.
A huge part of it is confidence, and again, no one can teach you that. It’s something you have to develop for yourself. Hell, I wish I could teach people how to be confident, because I could probably make a lot of awesome people realise how great they are, and I could also probably cash in on something like that, hardcore, but nope: confidence is something developed. (Some advice? Get this shit sorted as early as possible. It sucks living with second-guessing yourself through what are meant to be the best years of your life.)
#2: All of us are different, as are our circumstances.
Also, disgusting and shitty as it is, people are judgemental fucks. What works for me could be downright dangerous if I was younger, if I had a small child with me, if I was a person of colour, if I was male. It would be, frankly, irresponsible of me to say, “Sure, this is my fail-safe MO” (I’m happy to offer generalised tips, but I don’t give away everything in my magician’s bag) with the assumption that everyone else is like me and their environments are like mine. An example? In my country, stores *can* check bags on request as you’re leaving. Most of my US friends would be going, “WTF, they can’t do that!” right now, but oh yes, they can, even if they didn’t see anything suss. So, if, I dunno, I was to ask a US lifter to teach me how to lift, they wouldn’t mention that, and my arse would be grass by now.
Dealing with SAs and LP is different for me, too: if I was caught and started crying, no one would have a lick of sympathy for me, for example, because of my age– but I’ve heard of younger people being able to get seriously reduced consequences for being able to elicit sympathy from the gatekeepers.
#3: Because all of us learn differently and at different speeds.
For better or worse, I seemed to pick it up quickly. But the moment you start comparing yourself to what other people can/’t do is the moment you’re leaving yourself vulnerable. Again, this is why people advise starting slow: no one wakes up one morning and just steals 20 Naked palettes and 400 MK handbags on a whim.
Maybe it will take you two months to progress beyond stealing a pair of socks at a low-security chain. There is nothing wrong with that: hey, you scored free socks, and you didn’t get caught: that’s actually fucking awesome. If you learn at your own pace, and keep in mind that it always pays to err on the side of caution and go slower and more conservative than what you are pretty sure you could feasibly get away with, that’s good. Don’t overestimate yourself, especially in the early days where it’s starting to feel awesome and liberating and like you’ve conned the system: nail that feeling down: you are still only human, and true confidence means being able to accept your strengths and weaknesses, and understand that the laws of physics, odds and thermodynamics still apply to you.
Also, keep in mind that because we’re all fabulously diverse and different, so are our learning styles. You might be one of those people who picks up a new language in a couple of weeks with a bit of work. You might be one of those people who has watched anime for decades and still only knows a couple of Japanese words and can’t pronounce them correctly. Maybe it took you an afternoon to learn how to ride a bike? Maybe you sold the bike after a month of going, “Fuck this, it ain’t gonna happen.” Lifting requires a set of skills that are similarly vague and often based on how someone learns/operates. It doesn’t make people “born lifters” or “impossible lifters,” it just means that you may need more or less time to develop and learn certain things, and there is no set “this is how it goes.” Of course, there are always going to be a few outliers everywhere, from that person who *does* seem born to lift, and that other person who needs months to get a lipstick, (to that person who gets hundreds from Sephora and still feels like it “wasn’t much”) but you don’t need to worry about being one of them or where you “should” be: think about YOU as a person and what’s working for you.
Similarly, I’d argue: don’t compare yourself to other people! Jane Doe Lifter might have gotten into this stealing groceries because her kids were starving. She might have grown up in a way that made her hyper-aware of threats. Conversely, Annie Someone Lifter might have wanted some new shoes that she liked, and might have grown up being an A-grade student who was taught from when she was a tot that “stealing is evil,” (so she may have some “OMFG I am doing something bad” nerves to contend with that Jane has managed to set aside because necessity of her kids not starving of CPS visiting her) and hasn’t noticed threats because she’s not had threats in her immediate vicinity. NEITHER of these women are better than one another, just different. Both will have their own advantages and disadvantages. (Annie might have middleclassness on her side so she isn’t immediately suspected by SAs, Jane might have been able to locate weaknesses in staffing much quicker than Annie did.) I think that’s everything I have to say about this, but honestly, PLEASE, GUYS, relying on someone to teach you how to lift isn’t a great idea, especially if you expect to learn through an online textual conversation. I hope this doesn’t come across as me being mean or trying to sound like I’m some sort of expert: I’m really not, but I get worried when people see it as a simple gag you don’t have to put much thought or effort into.
