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@deadfantasiasbrainrot
Index and Summary:
Hey, Pretty
A human put their soul up on a bet when they were on one hell of a losing streak... And lost. Enter Tenna, who intervenes in the illegal underground auction to save their life, and takes them home with him. There's just one problem... This very lonely television owns them now. Can he keep himself together?
Chapter 1: Rette Mich
Chapter 2: Far Away
Chapter 3: 3's and 7's
Chapter 4: Kinda I Want To
Chapter 5: 5 and ½ Minute Hallway
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i love my wife so much but i really wish she wouldn't say things like "are you gonna be mad at me for this little thing in 5 years" YOU CHEATED. AND I NEEDED TO PROCESS IT.
she tells me she's scared of me over every single mistake ive ever made with her but I cant still be traumatized from an actual cheating incident?? this ain't fucking fair.
someday i will draw a good enough lucien to be my discord pfp
fuck it scummy dyke mobster lucien pfp
someday i will draw a good enough lucien to be my discord pfp
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truth be told, i made lucien just because A. I don't have an OC that translates well to being a lightner, but also
B. i think about all the times my friends (or maybe at this point just. "friends") have been capital W Weird about me trying to explore actual dark flaws in characters/OCs and stories and.
as a consequence ive ended up 'softening' a lot of my OCs just to avoid being at fault for another mental breakdown for having a triggering OC. when the person in question isnt willing to tell me that. because nobody ever communicates.
lucien's a self-insert-ish OC sure, but nobody knows about them but other freaks so i can finally write a genuinely scummy character and have absolutely vile shit happen to them without someone Freaking The Fuck Out and having me be the goddamn evil immoral guy for wanting to write it
kind of want to die right now if i'm being fully honest!!
i am going through the mega episode lucien had in chapter 3 and i want to cry. i would cry if i wasn't already cried out.
i legit hurt so bad. im just left cuddling my daki on the loveseat playing earthbound so i can pretend tenna is with me.
oh wait apparently I'm not cried out. i wish he were here so bad
fighting for my life not to message the person a HEARTY go fuck yourself for how theyve done this
an instance of Drama with the D&D group has occurred. perhaps this is what gets me to nuke and remake under my usual alt name (this one)
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huge fan of ship dynamics where person a does not know how desired they are and person b is about to pop a blood vessel about it
Lucien Doodle Dump
something i want to get across with this next chapter but im having trouble verbalizing is...
Lucien has, correctly, seen Tenna's vaguely fruity demeanor and recognized him as gay (in terms of liking men), but is incorrect in suspecting gay (as in women/femininity are excluded from attraction) out of caution. so they think he's just a friendly roommate and miss his tells, accidentally 'flirting' back.
it's kind of rocky to be non-binary and not 100% socially and physically occupying the extremely narrow third-box of Androgynous. just because they have a masculine part of their gender doesn't mean an automatic availability of gay men.
it's another layer of miscommunications and assumptions.
well that's just kinda the whole thing ain't it. Lucien doesn't act with entitlement towards another's sexuality even though they want to be wanted. Tenna does.
something i want to get across with this next chapter but im having trouble verbalizing is...
Lucien has, correctly, seen Tenna's vaguely fruity demeanor and recognized him as gay (in terms of liking men), but is incorrect in suspecting gay (as in women/femininity are excluded from attraction) out of caution. so they think he's just a friendly roommate and miss his tells, accidentally 'flirting' back.
it's kind of rocky to be non-binary and not 100% socially and physically occupying the extremely narrow third-box of Androgynous. just because they have a masculine part of their gender doesn't mean an automatic availability of gay men.
it's another layer of miscommunications and assumptions.
lucien is sort of in that fun border space between self insert and oc that i like to play in.
they're me if my life went differently at a couple key points.
they're definitely a worse person than i am.
they're definitely a better person than i am.
they see the world a way a specific broken part of me still does, that whispers answers that make too much sense.
they bear a name my wife talked me out of adopting because of her religious parents, and i still resent them for it. ive grown to love my name, but it was a name i settled for.
we are hurt by the light like we weren't meant to walk in it.
we're scared of independence and yet hate to be caged.
we didn't get to live the way our peers did in a way that renders us alien.
we're too sick to function in the world normally, but not sick enough to really be called Disabled.
we'll truly never really escape that fucking childhood house/cage/labyrinth.
so where is the line?
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lucien basically comes off as a born loser and views themself as such. in a way where i think they'd actually get on very well with spamton if he hadnt ended up in kris' inventory.
but it's different in that lightners serve no innate purpose. there are no sales to make, no higher beings to entertain. so there are people like lucien who are generally unwanted and purposeless.
hometown seems nice but to me the idea of moving in is just kind of skin-crawling because it's too homey. it's too tight-knit. it's kind of isolating i guess?
like everyone there has known each other for years EXCEPT sans and papyrus, who are also outsiders. sans seems to have integrated in nicely, papyrus hasn't. i considered actually having sans show up to sort of emphasize the commonality and differences between him and Lucien but just couldn't really think of any good dialogue for him.
anyway that's something i wanted to try and get across in the last chapter. lucien will never really Be a citizen of Hometown. they're an outsider- they aren't in on all the inside jokes and they aren't as easygoing and humorous as sans to be able to forcefully strike out there.
that's why they're so disillusioned by the time they come back to say goodbye to hometown. they never fit in and getting rejected by their crush (alphys. ouch) was just injury to insult. toriel and asgore were always kind, but they're separating and lucien was constantly having the knowledge of this messy family situation forced down their throat. because of Kris
kris just thinks lucien's kind of an awkward weirdo and a reminder of how they aren't a monster. and it hasn't escaped their notice that there was supposedly a lightner shaking things up in Cyber World only to abrupty vanish at the same time Lucien is supposedly leaving town...
