it's all a malenky bit horrowshow

I've started treating myself like I would a dog that's going to chew through the house when it's bored. I walk myself. I seek activities that make my brain feel less like depressed sludge. I ask my body what it needs; I rest, I enjoy rest. I don't see it as a waste or unproductive. I see it as allowing my body to do its job of working better. I lean into appreciating my natural features. I'm a hunk of flesh. I can be ugly. I can decide that ugly is appealing. I can not care. Whatever. I started emphasizing little things that nourish my relationship(s), shelving distractions more, so I can relish the time I have with loved ones. I specifically pursue pleasure--dopamine--not just quick hits from scrolling social media but getting off my ass. Engaging. Cooking myself nice meals and making fucking art, man. Things that make my spirit feel more alive than I have for years. I ask myself what it is I want rather than only doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And it doesn't mean shirk every responsibility, it means recognizing you're one of your fucking responsibilities. It's reordering. I realized I'm going to die happy or unhappy and either way I'm just as dead in a given amount of years, and I choose to die happy and fulfilled.

Everything else can get fucked ad infinitum.

Rio: did you ask Mama?

Nicky: yes...

Rio: and what did she say?

Nicky: no...

Rio: so why would I say yes then?

Nicky: because she's not the boss of you

Rio: *whispers* Nicky, why are there little handprints all over the wall?

Nicky: *whispers* because I have little hands

Do you think Billy gave them two tickets to the museum and Rio look at the bowls in the display and be like hEY THAT IS MINE IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT (and then the description card says: private donation from Ms. Agatha Harkness)

Dare I say

Rio: Oh no, 'Rio' in b-flat.

It's so small that you barely see it. But the look on Agatha's face in the last gif says so much more than any words ever could.

She looks so incredulous. And then this. When Rio actually leaves.

You can see that she never expected that. All these centuries of this run and hide, Rio never really left. Even when she wasn't Agatha knew she was still by her side. So Rio really leaving her totally got her off guard and you can clearly see it.

Because the first person she ever really had, the only one who never turned on her, the one real constant she's always had in her life left her. Only because she asked her to but Agatha still never thought she would really do that.