Your Local Loki Stan

Tim: As the only one in a committed relationship- Selina doesn't count after your whole wedding drama- I really feel-

Jason: what do you mean 'thE OnLY oNe', you aren't the only one

Tim: oh yeah, who else is in a serious committed relationship?

Jason: Me? I've literally been married for years?

Bruce: EXCUSE ME???

Dick: who to?

Jason: Roy

Dick: EXCUSE ME??? EWWW YOU AND ROY, GET THIS IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD, MY FRIEND AND MY LITTLE BROTHER GROSSS

Jason: Wait, did none of you know? I literally call him my partner all the time

Tim: To be honest we thought you meant partner in crime, not marriage

Jason: I mean, both but still...

*Later, during the ✨vigilante hours✨ of the night*

Bruce: I hear you are married to my son

Roy, panicking cause Bruce is really protective of his kids: Oh, shit, um, yes- yes sir

Bruce: without my blessing

Roy: uh, yeah, we were on a time crunch, married couples can't testify against each other

Bruce: without inviting me to the wedding

Roy: I uh- you were gone that weekend, business trip

Bruce: I haVE A PRIVATE JET, I WOULD HAVE FLOWN IN! IT WAS MY SONS WEDDING, I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE BEEN THERE

Roy: I'm sorry, sir

Bruce: tell me one more thing

Bruce: was Ollie there?

Roy: No

Bruce: Does Ollie know

Roy: No

Bruce: your recompense is to allow me to be the one to tell him so I can brag to him that I knew first

when Bruce adopts a new child he doesn’t say anything he just puts another sticker on the batmobile

the kids refer to the stickers to see what Bruce has been up to

Bruce: *slaps a new sticker on the window*

Dick: omg dad a new baby boy where is he

loki as brooklyn 99′s gina linetti…

bonus:

oh look

Loki: I… *remembers something the Midgardians wrote about him* …am the father of three monster children who will cause Ragnarok, the End of the Gods and the Worlds?

Thanos: That means?

Loki: I am the father of the Goddess of Death?

Thanos: *remembers his last meeting with Hela where he almost died* Oh… ok. You get your army.