I still believe in heroes.

I’ve never seen anything this funny in my goddamned life

Bold of you to assume that both can’t happen in the same night

I’m a bag of anxiety but also dense as fuck which is a great combo in social situations because when I screw up it plays off as sheer confidence

“Eating a sandwich,” I answer happily, to what seems to be a positive reception. I finish my lunch and leave the cafeteria. Halfway to class I realize that junior kid meant “what’s your major at this institute,” not “what brings you to the cafeteria” when he asked what I was doing here. He laughed at my dry humor, thinking my jape funny. Little does he know, I am but a witless fool. I will now stress binge an entire loaf of pretzel bread and sleep for twelve hours

I LOVE HER

That time of night as an adult where you’re desperately tired and want to sleep but you also don’t want to give up the day yet bc there’s stuff you wanna do. I’m calling it the toddler hour

This post came into my bedroom and punched me in the face

When ur like: “this show is very good.  In fact, it is too good.  I want something I can watch with 30% brain and this is a minimum 60% brain show.”

Volume up to hear him purring

HIS NAME IS PEANUT BUTTER

Do you think the monsters from Monsters Inc have had to start using internet memes to make kids laugh

Sully: Here comes dat boi! Mike: -comes in on a unicycle- oh shoot whaddup

U ever been so tired ur eyelids burn when u blink