psychologist discussing the dynamic
boy moms are huge on tiktok, and tiktok's idea of a boymom is visibly abusing children or enabling their abuse
what is covert incest (and how does it relate to boymom as an identifier)
i could keep going but i think that's a good enough start. if you look up the words in this post - "boymom incsstusous abuse" - you will see suddenly what everyone is talking about. it's a pretty big discussion going on right now. especially given the visibility that filiming and posting your children on the internet provides.
"boymoms" of course predate tiktok. i remember a lot of boymoms from the 90s and early 00s, where the boys were encouraged to behave however they wanted, and take whatever they wanted, all while the sisters were "mommy's little helper" or worse. lots of these kids i grew up with went on to commit acts of violence, because they were raised with that entitled position in life & genuinely did not understand why they were being punished for this. that is a theme you will see repeated if you study criminal cases with this dynamic.
incest (both overt and covert) create an inability in the victim to emotionally regulate; because the lines familially have been blurred, there is no one to teach them how to process their feelings, and instead they're left in a feedback loop where encouragement from the mother v. resentment from the other siblings & the father create a "black and white" worldview that is complex to detangle & impossible to navigate (because it doesn't translate onto reality at all.)
in many victim/survivor cases, the emphasis / focus on the identity of pride "mother of a boy" for mom, leads to the boy being dehumanized. this might look like being dolled up, or treated like an action hero, or "sonsband" wherein a son is treated as a/the husband. "my angel can do no wrong" or "he eats as much as he needs before the girls tuck in to whatever's left!" or "boys will be boys"/"he's just a boy"/"that is how boys are!" this is abuse. but it's a specific kind of abuse when the abuser takes that identity on as a point of pride - identifying herself through her victim.
it's less "you guys are deeply traumatized" and more "weirdos making this into a point of pride for their identity often reduces or flattens the object of their fetishization in a dehumanizing (traumatic) way". and I mean fetish literally here, not in a sexual slang way - the object or subject of one's fascination.
hope that made sense. i was a criminal law major/philosophy minor, so i have a tendency to talk weirdly, but i just wanted to clarify because it's a genuine gap and we all have those. i don't think this is you don't know slang or these people are traumatized and projecting, i think this is just a classic case of "abuse happens everywhere, yes, even there, yes, even that way, and once you see it you never stop seeing it."
