why am I never anybodies first choice

no matter how many years pass or how many times I start over I always end up back in the same spot amounting to absolutely fucking nothing and going no where in life and I never will amount to anything

I could die right now and nothing would change. Nobody would mourn me. Life would still continue with or without me in it.

Knowing I’ll never be anybody’s first choice breaks me not even my own pets choose me first

How many times are you supposed to restate your boundaries before you admit to yourself that these people don’t love you or care about you the way you do them?

I wish I was loved

I thought I had finally surrounded myself with people who were different and truly cared about me but suddenly there I am again in my teenage hood bedroom wondering why I’m nobody’s first choice and why I’m trying so hard to make friends when it doesn’t seem to make a difference whether I’m around or not

I don’t why I bother trying so hard when all I’ve ever end up being is sad and alone anyways