Woemance..

Lying in bed with the love of my life and they just said that they think the Wet Bandits from Home Alone are "an old T4T couple in, y'know, a Bert and Ernie kind of way". Fascinating.

They found Laura Palmer wrapped in plastic, making it entirely possible that they tried to sous vide her corpse.

Law and Order Sous Vide

My spouse poured water into a plastic container of cotton candy and drank the melted cotton candy and said, "Raccoons wish they were me," and I'm gonna throw uppppppppppp. It was cherry berry flavored, too. That's so foul. They did it because they don't like touching cotton candy with their hands. Autistic bitch. I hate you. (I'm also autistic, it's fine.) Oughhh.

my favorite bit of "rich people are Like That" ephemera that I picked up from my Russian literature binge was from a noble character who was complaining about his serfs neglecting their duties, specifically the duty of staying up all night long slapping the pond water in order to prevent the frogs from croaking so that the nobleman could enjoy his sleep at his country estate with its adorable pond. whenever I hear wealthy people's complaints in this day and age the majority of it automatically filters to "the fucking serfs won't slap the pond anymore and it's honestly so destructive and cruel of them to deny me my beauty sleep like this" type statements

My spouse plays these little puzzle games on their phone, and they for some reason also play the ads for other mobile games, and they kept reloading the ad for a game called Bus Station Jam: 3D Parking over and over and over again so they could keep parking buses and when I asked what the fuck they were doing, they just said, "I'm what's known as a gamer."

You know who else is what's known as a gamer?

You know what, Muscle Man? I really wish you'd tell me.

Stop "adding that to your lexicon" when I say something funny online and start absorbing my other traits. Sweet potatoes are your favorite food now. You have asthma. The line between you and I is beginning to blur.

Pretty soon you'll be thinking my thoughts and dreaming my dreams and peeing my pee.

The Marriage Arc has been my favorite arc so far.

Why is my spouse so tired that they just asked me if I dated the shark from Jaws when I was in high school (referred to him as "teenage Jaws").

Well, being married was cool while it lasted, but we just drove by some horses in a field that were wearing clothes and Robin wouldn't turn around so I could take pictures, so.