Dating D.I.D.

I love you. I am proud of you. I am here for you, all you have to do is reach out.

You are valid, valued, and loved.

You are not perfect, you have flaws, but thats okay and that doesn't mean you don't deserve good things or love.

You need to talk with someone who will understand! Who has been through, and preferably who is currently going through, similar things to you!

Having someone to connect with, to be able to talk things through. To be able to speak your worries, frustrations, concerns, and not be judged. But to be listened to, and offered advice that can actually help.

No one. And I mean NO ONE will ever have the exact same experience as you. But, there are plenty of people who can relate.

I am willing to be that person if it is needed. All you have to do is DM or submit an ask. I won't have all the answers, no one will. But that doesn't mean help cannot come from it.

Figured, since it's been a while, I'd give an update.

The partner that I originally had is mostly inside the head now. We are still together, but I see them less often.

I am also now partners with the current host of the system, who went dormant for about 2 years a little after we met.

The system is quite large now (we think they're poly-frag). And I have tons of new friends because of it!

I am no longer studying psychology, as I realize I just mentally cannot handle schooling, and I am not, and I don't think I ever will be, in the right mind to become a therapist for *anyone* let alone my desired clientele of dissociate and personality disorders.

I have been officially diagnosed with BPD and have been given the label of "dysthymia" to explain my depressive symptoms.

Me and my original partner are engaged, as of July 2021 (yep. Had to check my personal insta for that. I'm a great partner 😂). The host and I do not consider ourselves engaged until they propose to me. :)

As of late, my father passed away this July, and my mother has a degenerative disease, so I am currently not working and taking care of her during the nights.

My partner is set to graduate Uni this year, and is looking into grad schools. We are excited to live together.

We are still figuring life out, and we still get into regular disagreements and all that fun stuff.

I may post more about different disagreements that have arisen, but I will be getting the okay from my partner and the entire system to do so.

I am going to try to keep up with this more, as there is still a ton of struggles, but also tons of good times too.

As always, im always open for asks, and love hearing from everyone!

I know this is old as (insert swear of your choice here) and I apologize.

Honestly, I left it in my asks for so long, because I didn't know how to respond. But, I feel I kind of do now.

Not everyone is cut out for dating a system, and that's okay. It's not anyone's fault, just as not everyone can handle polyamory, or anything else of the sort.

There *are* people who CAN handle it, and that should bring hope (which, I hope at this point you have found, but in case not, or in case anyone else needs this).

You are worthy of a relationship. Even if you are in a system. More difficulties may arise, but that just means more communication is necessary (not one of my strong suits) and creating an atmosphere where all parties feel they can bring up issues to see them hopefully get resolved.

i've been struggling..

i'd explain more but the biggest thing is my relationship ended

it's kind of bittersweet, it ended as a result of part of something bigger than us, the system's healing and coming together

my was-bf integrated and fused with two other alters and the person they became is who broke up with me

i get it but it also hurts so much. feels unresolved

also the new person is keeping the name of my was-bf and while having time together now is still nice, it's just a thing that adds to the hurt

i've imagined him and i lasting longer than we got to 🌧🌧🌧🌧🌧🌧 now idk how things will go

This can be super hard.. there's no way around that.

Unfortunately, all I can do is listen. This is one of my biggest fears, and why I want to get a pre-nup before we get married, so if it ever happens, a divorce can be easier and less stressful.

I know it doesn't happen to everyone, but I know that it does happen and it's a concern of mine.

My partner has also expressed concern over it, because it's scary for them too.

did you just post and delete it? :(((( i'm super curious now and i hope you and your loved ones are okay and will be

I have no idea when this is from, but, I don't think so! I tend to leave things up forever, and edit them if necessary (but I include that they have been edited)

Right now, Me and my partner are doing okay, everything else in life is craaaaazy, but, we're managing it together :)

It's been a while. Here's some fun updates:

Me and my partners are doing great. Some turbulence is always to be expected in relationships, esp ones that have more than 2 people in them. We have a bunch of new friends (their head peeps). Life is crazy, as always. But it's good.

Right now I am trying to figure out what dissociative disorder/s I have, so, this is a fun time. Still looking into a lot of different things.

Im not gonna tag this because its not something that I feel deserves it. I'll make a bigger post about it later and use some tags.

I am not doing well, and it is majorly affecting everything. Me and my partner are working through things and ive been talking with other system members and a bunch of super fun stuff /s.

I read a post on Reddit that made me feel the need to bring awareness to this.

JUST BECAUSE ONE ALTER IS IN A RELATIONSHIP DOESN’T AUTOMATICALLY MAKE EVERYONE IN THE SYSTEM IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT PERSON TOO!!

All relationships need communication, but one involving one or more systems need even MORE communication. 

It is not okay for someone you (or someone in your system) are in a relationship with to act inappropriately to someone else while they are fronting (whether it’s things that should be talked about before they are done or being mean). 

This is going to be a bit controversial; you don’t have to like or care about yourself to get yourself out of a not-okay situation. If you get yourself and your system out of a bad situation because you care about the others or out of spite, THATS FREAKING OKAY! Self-love can come later. It is really hard to learn to love yourself when you are keeping yourself in a bad situation. 

As with everything, please please PLEASE do your best to communicate when possible, whether that’s communicating with the person who is creating the not-good situation, others in your system, or even with someone trusted. 

Just a funny moment I thought I’d share

That is absolutely hilarious!!

I dont often share. But my favorite time that switches happen are when food is involved (obviously I know that it isnt always fun to switch, especially like that. But oh my it is so funny).

Usually someone comes out to chat (and or eat) when we are out, and then whoever was fronting originally comes back and is so unamused. (It mainly happens with burgers) 😂

I am in a lot of pain. So much so that it is making my self-destructive tendencies (ruining all forms of relationships) act up. I am so lucky to have a partner who does their best to understand and help.

I am trying my best and looking into getting into another doc to see if they can diagnose or help it at all. But for now I am mainly staying in bed and being in pain.

My partner is absolutely lovely and has been so supportive and forgiving and I couldn't ask for more. I hate how much I've been hurting them. My coping mechanisms don't work atm.. I want to not, and I've been doing everything I can to not hurt them. I've been communicating my feelings more with them in these past few months that I have with anyone else ever. Its a struggle and I'm still working on being comfortable enough doing it in the moment rather than later on after I've caused them emotional pain.

Please remember that not every relationship (or really any relationship) is going to be even decent 100% of the time. You will accidently (or on-purpose due to mental health issues) hurt each other. So long as that pain that has been caused is acknowledged and there is an ACTUAL attempt at getting better and making it better, its okay (kinda..). It needs to be a constant trying to get better. Not making changes for a few weeks. Don't take my relationship and how it works as a guide. At the end of the day, do what is best for YOU. We have an understanding due to my abandonment issues and how they manifest, and all the ins and outs of DID. I talk with the main protector and they know they have full rights to call me out whenever needed, and they know I am 100% okay with them forcing a breakup if I ever get TOO toxic. I am trying my best, but I recognize that I am not always in the right. Anyway. Boundaries are important and talking about what constitutes breaking one.

I dont know where this is going.

If you're willing, I would love to hear what any systems experience as far as switching. I might even create a master post of different ways people experience their amnesia. I think it might be able to help others.

You can comment/reblog, send a message, or even just an anonymous ask or whateber you feel most comfortable with. I'll start in this post with a quote from my partner.

Me: "Whats it like for you to come back to the front like memory wise. Is it like a blank page or do you have some memories or..?"

Just an update a bit:

Both me and my partner are quarantined (separate places). We are in day 2. Things are difficult, but we are making it work.

This is a letter to the system my partner is apart of.

My Flannels,

I'm really sorry for how I've been lately. I know I am doing really poorly right now. I am in such a bad mental place. I'm sorry that you are having to go through with this.

To my love, I'm sorry for not being what you need, for being too much and not enough. For always needing reassurance and never doing well. I'm sorry that my moods/emotions can change on a dime and ruin an entire day. I am trying. Its just really difficult and sometimes it feels like its pointless. But I refuse to lose you.

To my energetic baby, I love you so so much. I'm never going to leave. I'm not leaving you, I'm not leaving [parent], I am not leaving the system.

To the main protector, I'm sorry that you have been having to deal with me on top of what you are already dealing with. I never mean to make your job harder..

I never mean to make any of your jobs harder..

I love each and one of you, and I know i am difficult to be around and it can be really exhausting, and I'm sorry for that. Thank you.. thank you for staying, for not running even though I know sometimes you want to, for wanting to try to help.

I don't know what I would do without all of you.

I love you,

The alter in the very early posts I have called "my best friend's s.o." I am not going to be referring to exclusively as "the mental protector"

We have bonded so much other the course of the whole Situation.

They now have a spouse and child (with another on the way) in the headspace.

They have really grown a lot. From working on being comfortable as themself, to reuniting with their spouse, to now being a parent. It has been really cool to witness the changes and how much softer they have become. They were pretty unemotional and just kinda like a statue that could talk. THATS NOT A BAD THING I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE ITTTT

They have become so caring and tender and actually wants to be touched (not skin contact) and is a lot more comfortable with giving me hugs and stuff (they don't like touch from pretty much anyone but their spouse and child).

I haven't mentioned them much because its been difficult for all of us reliving trauma and feeling guilt and pain (there's a whole rant post about that somewhere on this blog).

I'm glad to say we are ALL slowly moving forward and working through emotions and mental blocks.