Iâve outgrown my parents. I dream about how our relationship would be so much healthier if I was still away from home. Every time I go to pris apartment for a few days a week, I feel such calm wash over me. The loneliness is there but it feels manageable. When Iâm home, not only do I feel incredibly lonely, but I feel so surveilled, untrustworthy and dehumanized. Iâm on a journey to learn to trust myself and Iâm realizing how my parents never taught me how to do this. They taught me to stay small, let things go, not get in the way, and avoid conflict at any means. This led me to not know boundaries, not know what I deserve, and made me think my desires arenât worthy of being fulfilled. I know myself well enough to know that I can flourish so beautifully, I just wish I had the finances to move out and live life on my own terms. Ugh. :(
Update: I got a job, moved out, have an incredible roommate and learned how to set boundaries, learning how to trust myself, and uncovering so much trauma that needs to be healed. Alhamdulillah. Im still lonely, but Alhamdulillah.
