dashboard cup holder of a '98 plum Saturn

Alpha Atsumu x Omega Shouyou is good, but consider: Alpha Atsumu x Beta Shouyou. Atsumu thinking Shouyou's an omega because of his height and falling hard for him the first time he watches him play and intentionally befriending him afterward, but all the instinctual alpha signals he sends him Shouyou doesn't pick up on bc he's a beta who can't smell pheromones. Atsumu who fantasizes about Shouyou constantly and oblivious Shouyou who thinks they're just good friends and doesn't mind how handsy Atsumu is because Shouyou's handsy with everyone. Atsumu who has to learn to use his words and confess to Shouyou before he finally gets it. Atsumu and Shouyou awkwardly having to figure how how to make male alpha and male beta biology work because they're too in love to let it get in the way.

well, two things about me are I fantasize about mermen fucking me and I hate children

Mandy is short for Mandrew

Say what you like about Americans, but at least we pronounce “guillotine” properly, unlike the British. Attention British: It’s pronounced “ghee-oh-teen”, not “gill-oh-teen”!

Californians fucking seething that anyone would willingly choose to live in New York or Vermont

Freddie is short for Fredwina

I think someone should photoshop Regina Spektor with dreads, and then pass it around the internet while claiming it’s a real photo. I wanna see what the fallout from that would be lmao

brb gonna sit in a darkened room and think impure thoughts for the next 28 minutes

In the name of the fussy, the sussy, and the holy ghussy, amen

at least I’m a better person than I used to be *is a worse person than I used to be*

why can’t I have a boyfriend with glowing red eyes????

I need a guy to tell me he needs me, can’t live without me, loves me body and soul, who gasps my name like an epiphany, who sees me as his religion, is wracked with religious ecstasy. as he destroys my hole

I had a dream I saw a tumblr post where where Person A sent Person B an ask that said “I have a Russian coworker at work who told me a Russian joke that got a little mangled, but it went “Hey, are you from sleep or Sandman? Because you are like dreams to me”” And Person B replied by drawing this as a two-panel comic where the Russian was a giant moon / giant disembodied yellow face in the sky telling the joke to some restaurant workers in black aprons.

when I see the broken ruins of ancient buildings I get so mad... bitch, put them back together again!!

protip: with enough overthinking, you can arrive at conclusions that are common sense for other people. monkeys at typewriters etc etc

the inherent homoeroticism of a man in heat

idea: simlish renditions of joanna newsom’s songs. this would accomplish nothing and please nobody. someone should do it