Darryl Kee

Whew. This is a tough question, and a frequent one. The answer is very easy, but the implementation is one of the toughest things you’ll do.

First, let me give you a big hug. No, really, I swear, I’m sending you a hug right now, because I have been there. I fight this battle over and over and over again. And it’s a privileged problem, right? You have a job, where a lot of the people asking questions here are desperate for a job, any job, and if you have an art-related job, that’s even more precious! But those of us who have full time jobs know the burnout they can cause. When you’re working all day, it’s really hard to scrape the bottom of the well again when you get home. This can be draining at a job that isn’t fulfilling you with exactly what you want to do—but let me let you in on a little secret—it’s even MORE draining when you have your dream job, because you’re giving all your creativity to it, scraping the bottom of your barrel every day. And you feel even more guilty about complaining about it because everyone knows you have the coolest job ever and how dare you complain?

So technically the solution is easy. You just fucking make art. Any way you can. If you have to set an alarm every day to get up earlier, if you have to use your lunch break, if you keep a sketchbook in the toilet (I’ve seen this, I swear) you just do it. You give up the dream that you’ll squirrel away 4-5 hours at a time to paint. Instead you steal 30min of whatever kind of art you can whenever you can. You get good at taking sips of art instead of gulps. You force yourself to do it, just like any good habit you’re trying to form. 

But you know this. Your question is how to get over the exhaustion. And in my experience the mental inertia is a lot more difficult than the physical exhaustion in being creative. Ready? 

Stop making your personal art just another job. I know, it’s going to help you switch careers or get ahead in your art career. I know personal projects are more often what gets you noticed for commissions. I know you may have dreams of your side project becoming your main moneymaker one day. HOWEVER if that’s the only reason you’re doing it, then you’ve lost the point. You need to rewind back to the love that made you think of the project or the painting in the first place. The only thing that cuts through exhaustion is joy. The joy of a little kid begging to stay up later so they can keep playing. You need to find that place within you that’s free from pressure, free from expectations, free from future plans. You need to remind yourself that making art is way more fun and rewarding—and makes you feel better—than collapsing on the couch and watching TV. 

You’re not making art because you should, or because you have to to achieve a future goal. You’re making art because you’re a goddamn artist and making art is what makes us feel fucking good. If you can’t find that place, and learn to summon it when you need to, then you need a different side project. Or maybe you need to let go of the dream of being an artist in exactly the way you think you want to be. Go back to that sense of play, and see what comes out of it. Forgive yourself for putting aside the future goals for a little while. A few months maybe. Maybe forever. Don’t worry about that now. Right now, you need to play, and find joy in the process again. 

Staying in the moment, enjoying the process over the product, is the hardest lesson to learn in art, if not in life. 

Good luck.

—Agent KillFee

P.S. You might think I was answering your question, but really I’m putting it here as a reminder to myself. Thank you for asking the question.