swagger

Yeah I got it. I reacted with an amount of hype correlating with the amount of funniness.

Is this whole place filled with harsh critics, or was it just my luck?

Sorry, it’s the truth so it’s not that funny.

Harsh. Alright, lets see you do better!

Well then.

Tough crowd.

Get it? Because toilets are dirty. And then like dirty jokes...

OMG Darren. i have been here for like 3 days and I haven’t even said hello to you. How do I even dare right? I’m fine thank you. How are you?

So I've been wandering around here lonely for no reason? You have lots of making up to do, mister. That's good to hear. I'm doing pretty well.

It's definitely a struggle. But the paycheck keeps me in check!

I’m John, and I apparently make orgasm faces when I play guitar.  I also enjoy long walks on the beach, puppies, and sitting at home by the fire in my pj’s.  What’s interesting about you?

I've seen you in concert and I can confirm that! Hey man, I'm Darren. Welcome!

Well, they think I’ve punched a lot of people. It’s all a lie, I won’t punch your precious scruffy face. Nope, it’s because I was taught to never trust a ho. I won’t kick your butt, you have my word.

As long as you don't use me as a human punching bag, we're good. That's pretty good advice though, these hos ain't loyal.

That’s much too tame, the media hates me. They’ll say I’m killing ants directly after I punched a guy in the face. No, I just have no friends so I can invite you. Ha!

And who will this guy be exactly? I can't risk the money maker. No friends? Is it because you punched them in the face? Jheeze Emma, I'm kinda scared hanging out with you means I'll be getting my ass kicked by a girl.

They are, yes. They’re still tiny enough for lil ol’ me to crush them. I’ll just jump around all over them, and get weird looks from the public. I was going to go tomorrow, and since you so smoothly inserted yourself, you can come!

I can see it now."Emma Roberts Goes Hulk on Ants!"  Well, I don't blame you, I'm pretty hard to resist. Alright, I look forward to it. 

I hope all ants break their backs. I’m just as hungry as they are.

Aren't they supposed to be able to carry, like, three times their size? Well I'll bring some sandwiches as well as some bug spray once you invite me to join your picnic.

Nah man, I've been doing that for probably about week straight.

So I may have been drinking,

Without sending invitations out? Sharing is caring!

Oh for real? Congrats, man! Must be pretty sick to have a co-star as your boyfriend too.

I want to have a picnic, but ants. Anyways, hi guys! How has everyone been? Tell me a secret about yourself or something- or just help me have a picnic.

The ants are just trying to have some lunch - life is tough for the little guys, always having to carry large ass pieces of food on their back.

Thank you, I tried my best. It’s going well how’re you mate?

I can see that! Very original. I'm good! What are you up to?