Born with missing pieces

wear a smile on my face, but there’s a demon inside

That was quite possibly the lamest thing I have ever heard- and I’ve heard a lot. But I generally don’t even talk to my mother so…

Beef? Beef implies a level of caring I’m not capable of. They have an issue with me and always have. I’m indifferent towards them.

That families were loyal to each other. Fuck if I ever saw any of that from my parents.

Before Rey was in the picture? Usually nothing. But when you have a toddler that can be ill-advised so usually just bottoms of some kind.

Is this a thing people actually think about?

Kind of honestly surprised I’m not dead already so I’m probably the wrong person to ask that.

–

The relationship she had with her brother had always been distant even from her youth. It often felt like he was reluctant to be around her and even possibly found more joy when she wasn’t present. The parental expectations that he seemingly failed to attain where entirely placed on her shoulder. Elina smiled her way through it all knowing fully well that the last thing she wanted was to be a disappointment to her family, specifically her parents. So, she worked her ass of making sure she did everything perfect so as to appease the desires of all those around her. In a sense she had no fucking clue who she was because she continually bent to the needs and opinions of what people thought she ought to do her entire life. Now sitting her, watching her brother interact with guest and pack members, it seemed like he had figured it out. How? 

“I meant somewhere in town. Although if this is easier then sure I guess.” Elina didn’t want to be pulling her brother’s teeth. If he didn’t want more than a cordial relationship with her then that was a tough pill she would have to swallow. Her misguided direction all those years ago had led to this awkwardness far into their adulthood. She’s been a witness to many healthy sibling relationships and was it naive to desire that for them too? “That’s a lot for one person to hold onto you don’t think?” If that was how he truly felt, Elina just felt sad for him. Life was meant to be lived in community, with people who loved and supported you. It didn’t necessarily had to be family, but Elina thought that was a lot for one person to carry. “Look I’m just trying here. Truth be told, I just feel a lot of resentment from you and I don’t know why.” She didn’t want to do this public but she doubt she’d be able to do it anywhere else.  

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“I don’t resent you.” Was he lying to protect her feelings? No. Was it as simple as that? Also no. Sometimes he wished he could say it was simply because then perhaps she would understand. But if he resented anyone in their family it had always been their parents. Not because they loved Elina- who wouldn’t love the child that turned into everything you had hoped for when you had kids? No, it was because of their resentment; it was because of their judgement; it was because for his entire life he had been treated as something other, had been tip-toed around like a landmine all for something he had no control over. It wasn’t as though he chosen to be born with a distinct lack of emotions; he hadn’t chosen to be able to do the terrible things he had done in his old job without feeling a spark of empathy or remorse. It was simply how his genetics decided to make him. And yet from the moment his parents had discovered he wasn’t quite like all the other kids? He put him in a box in their mind labelled ‘caution, stay away’ and only did the bare minimal required to not be considered horrific parents- even going so far as to panic any time he was near Elina as a baby as though they expected him to drown her in the bath or something equally horrific. And they had made it very well-known which child they preferred, which one they actually loved and yet…he couldn’t even say he was mad. Perhaps because he couldn’t feel it but also because, well, who actually wanted a child like him who could never express love towards them? But it didn’t mean he couldn’t resent how they had always acted towards him.

“I’m not like you, Lina. I don’t have feelings to hurt.” That was the easiest way Darren could explain it though he admittedly wasn’t entirely sure how much his sister knew about whatever part of him was missing. Had their parents ever said anything to her? Had she figured out some things on her own along the way? It was always just easier for him not to talk to her about it- or talk to her too much in general lest their mother nearly swallow her tongue waiting for him to snap- as though she never quite figured out that even without the emotional connection to family Darren understood a little thing called loyalty. At least their uncle had seen that side of him. “You do know that, don’t you?” the werewolf questioned. “That I don’t feel things.”

–

“Well I can tell you that you’ve done a really good job with the place.” She recalled when her uncle used to own the spot and hearing that her brother was taking over, Elina had a lot of faith that Darren would carry it through in memoriam of them. There was a nice crowd flow going on and from what she gathered, the bar had even come a bit more popular with Darren’s ownership. Beyond it becoming a place of camaraderie for the wolf pack, it was just a very chill and mellow vibe. “We should go to lunch sometime? I’d love to hang out with her.” Elina hadn’t seen much of her niece beyond random text here and there over the years, so the opportunity to build a relationship with Rey and her brother was very important to her. “You’re still as reserved as ever Dar.” 

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Darren didn’t say anything at first, simply raised an eyebrow, not entirely sure how to respond to her at first. At the end of the day he didn’t really think about what was different with the bar, what had changed, how he was doing with it. He wouldn’t pretend it was something he was overly passionate about. He took care of it the way he did out of a strange sort of sense of loyalty. Because at the end of the day it was always their uncle who had actually been the one to treat him like a member of the family when their parents should have. So, when their uncle left it to him? How could he not do whatever he could to keep it going? And besides, it kept him in town which was good for Rey at the moment- everything she knew was there. And unlike how they felt about him? His parents adored her. “I’m usually here by lunch but…we’ll see.” Could he technically have an employee take care of things and go in later? Yes. Was that something he tended to do? Not at all. Was it a trust issue? Perhaps but he also wasn’t willing to look into it. He rarely looked into most things when it came to his reactions to people and situations. Why bother? He already knew that there was something off about him. “Reserved isn’t the word I would use, Lina,” the werewolf replied after a moment, cocking his head slightly to the side as he watched her. “I just learned a long time ago there are certain things that it’s best to keep to myself.”

  “oh all psychopaths have a nitch.” waving a hand as he played himself down, did she dare remind him one more time of her family - he obviously knew them but did he really understand psychopaths were like ‘cousin it’ to her. they were odd but normal for a dragoumis, popping out one wouldn’t be that surprising with the families track record. other than him being cute she could see why he said he didn’t have anything special to him, maybe he killed someone and wants people to stay away. “i mean honestly i think one of my sisters could be some type of sociopath but i went down a different medical route so probably diagnosing would be impossible.” her smile was less of a sweet one and a little darker in a playful way with the repeating of her words. indeed the witch was finally finding time to ‘self love’ and ‘heal’ her past.

   “do you think because you know a member of my family or heard the stories you get an inside scoop?” she questioned, as light as her words sounded melanie didn’t enjoy anyone speaking of the twins choice. they had no clue what her siblings went through, kai was a man child and probably because being an adult would mean recognizing the wrongs of the past then jez had everyones weight on her back like she was a rest for them. “and where has the oldest rojas been? mysterious job outside of town - kid now - psychopath. is your nitch some kind of weird kink of being a possible supervillain in the making?”

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Darren raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment at first, never having been all too keen on touching on psychopathy and what that meant. Mostly because it touched too close to home but also because he had a tendency to be rather bored of people trying to understand or to diagnose him. “Psychopathy and sociopathy are a personality disorders, not a form of mental illness,” the werewolf pointed out instead of going into too many details about things- for example who and what he was. From a young age though he was all too aware that there was something different about him, something off, something wrong. He knew that something was wrong inside of him, that he was born without something going on inside of him. As a child he always felt like there was a piece of his own mind missing, whatever piece it was that gave him the ability to care about people, gave him the ability to sympathize with others. It wasn’t until he was older that he was able to understand what that meant he was. But he often thought that at the very least his parents had figured it out long before she did.

“Locals talk, sweetheart. Don’t get me wrong- I don’t care what they did. Clearly they’re free to make their own choices. I was just stating that given what everyone knows about your family? It probably wasn’t a popular choice. But obviously to each their own.” Darren was the last person who had the right to actually judge what other people did. He made choices in his life that most people would look down upon as it was so why would he turn that judgement on other people? As long as their choices didn’t affect him? Then he didn’t give a shit. “Oh, I’ve been just about everywhere. Traveling was a huge part of my life outside of Wolford.” Mostly out of necessity. For work it was necessary to travel from place to place, never to get too comfortable anywhere he may have been. “I don’t think I really have a niche. I just live my life and am the way I am. People can either accept it or not. No skin off my nose either way.”

 “well that’s certainly a way to describe – that. although i can’t really say if it was a good description or bad i’ve only heard vague tellings of what happened when they were younger. it has to be for the better i’m assuming, the dragoumis family doesn’t seem to sit well with longer time standing wolford residents.” sal had been there years now but beyond the most recent generation he had no clue what the other do or did in the past, he didn’t go prying unless they seemed like they wanted to talk on the topic. jez never gave the impression she was up for chatting on her childhood. “some have those family bars right? like – derrys is an example i suppose.”

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“Yeah, let’s just say the Dragoumis family is absolutely one that people don’t tend to want to cross in this town. They’re not known for being kind or accepting. Dangerous is just the nicest way to describe them.” Except, perhaps, for the twins. Kai was known for being friendly to the point of dim and Jez? Well, she didn’t come across as the violent, cruel type that her family was known to be. As for the rest of the siblings? He couldn’t even pretend to know what they were like. He only knew the few things he had heard in life while it town but didn’t know them very well. “Sure, but for the most part small towns had small town bars, dive bars, neighborhood bars. I’ve seen a shit ton of them in my life. And those tend to be the ones that people flock to.”

Closed: @darrenxrojasx​  Location: ​Red Moon

It was difficult being back in town and so casually moving around like there wasn’t a lingering tension between her and her brother. Elina never had any ill will towards Darren growing up. Always had been a man of few words, but she knew without a doubt that he’d defend and protect her if she ever needed it. However, she was in a position now where she wanted to extend it right back to him. They may not have had the stereotypical brother-sister dynamic growing up, but she did care for him. Plus, with the addition of her niece, it was important to Lina that they mended things. “Thanks for the beer,” she stated as she took a sip coming off of her shift. “How’s everything been with you?” 

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Darren shrugged his shoulders slightly, not really sure how to even answer that. Self-reflection on his own life had never been a skill of his and more often than not he wasn’t one to talk about himself. Even with Alicia, who was his only friend, he rarely talked about himself which was probably why when bits of information would inevitably spill forth she always looked at him like he had grown an extra head. No, Darren was always the type to keep things rather simple and mundane in conversation. In particularly where his younger sister was concerned. Perhaps a big part of that came from how his parents treated him where his younger sister was concerned. It would make sense for that to be the case. But like so many things? He didn’t look too deeply into it. “Things are okay,” he answered after a moment, still not entirely sure how to answer questions like that. “Mostly just working here and looking after Rey.” Although admittedly he normally wouldn’t have been in Wolford for that long. And might not be there still were it not for his daughter.

LOCATION: red moon. WHEN: may 20th, evening. WHO: anyone.

Mirana’s birthday swung around each year with either blinding sunshine or the first summer thunderstorm, she’d sent out texts on the Monday inviting people and their friends out to the Red Moon for some drinks figuring it was better to ask Darren forgiveness than permission. She raised her hand in greeting as someone she knew entered, still brandishing the tiny notepad she’d produced from her ever-present backpack. 

“Hey, do you have any requests for the jukebox? I’m queueing up some songs.” 

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Was Darren overly fond of the idea of there being a birthday celebration at the bar? Not quite. Mostly because that had a tendency to mean some rowdy, annoying people lingering around. Was he about to ask Mirana and her friends to leave? Far from it. After all, he may not have exactly been friends with Mirana? But in some ways she was family and while he didn’t react to people the way most people might? He understood that you had to make some exceptions for family. And giving Mirana a hard time on her birthday? Well, that wasn’t something that he was willing to do.

“I’d ask you to promise not to pay anything annoying, but something tells me that would be pointless to ask,” the werewolf teased dryly.

   “okay chill – i get it you’re multi-talented.” she remarked unable to help the roll of her eyes, it didn’t surprise her that darren would be vaguely talking about ‘all’ his talents he often seemed to love talking about all the things he could do. to be fair she had a range of talents though to some they would seem basic, it certainly mattered to her because it gave her a pay check every week. “sleep does happen to be a big thing - big priority to most, i just think you’re on a different level than the rest of us when it comes to the basic necessities.” pointing out as she took a few sips of the orange juice, sometimes she wondered how that affected darren? could he go longer without certain things because he lacked the emotions to things, surly he felt pain and fatigue. of course she could ask but she held her tongue giving him an gaze over the brim of her cup.

   “oh i get it, you like the mushy stuff so you’ve never told me before so it can keep happening. i see your master plan here.” slowly nodding, as if she was piecing together a puzzle that was in front of her the whole time. of course she still was wondering what she might have said the night before to begin this, there were plenty of time he’s seen her drunk what made this time different? different enough to make him actually find humor in it. “you’re super confident in that statement, didn’t you just make a comment about not making assumptions? i happen to have other friends, also a place of my own.” she pointed out before leaning away from him and back into her seat. “if you think it’s sweet then i know it’s game over for us being drinking buddies.”

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“Jealous, little witch?” the werewolf teased though he knew that wasn’t even remotely the case. It didn’t mean that he couldn’t tease her a little bit on the matter. But, truth be told, he really didn’t consider anything he did as a talent. He just picked up the ability to do many things over the years out of necessity. When one traveled often and was generally alone? You had to learn quite a few things in order to keep yourself well looked after and get the necessary things handled. “I think some people consider sleep a necessary evil. I’ve encountered plenty of people who would rather be awake for as long as they can and only sleep because they have to. The longer they’re up the more that they can get things done. A lot of people function just fine on a few hours of sleep a night. So, perhaps you put too much stock into it, ‘Licia.” Darren was just teasing her, however. The amount of sleep she enjoyed or needed was of no consequence and if she enjoyed sleeping that much? Well, he wasn’t about to judge her for it.

“We both know you’d never stop hanging out with me,” he insisted as he put the bowl down onto the counter, the batter now mixed well enough. He leaned on the counter across from her, both eyebrows raised slightly even as he kept right on teasing her. Reaching out the werewolf took her chin between his thumb and index finger as if trying to keep her attention. “You love me too much.” The words came out teasingly though her drunken words the night before were definitely to that effect. Maybe she had only meant it as a friend; maybe she had just been extremely drunk. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t tease her about it.

For as long as their children have been hanging out, Cassidy has gotten used to Darren’s personality.  At first, there was a bit of tension but as they got to know each other to a certain degree both sides started to understand the other and their way about things.  “Most likely, but I don’t want to deal with them.”  Cassidy commented.  Yes, he loved his siblings but most likely it would just end up being this whole ordeal so he figured he would just ask someone else or figure out something.  Cassidy nodded, “works for me.  I’ll get it figured out by then.  Plus the twins are thirteen, I am sure they can find something in this damn town to preoccupy their time.”

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“Oh, I’m sure there’s plenty of things that a thirteen year-old could do to occupy their time. The question is whether you’d want them to do some of those things.” Darren wasn’t trying to imply anything about the twins. He didn’t really know them well and he wasn’t about to judge a couple of kids. Hell, for all he knew they were perfect angels. But the fact of the matter was when kids hit thirteen? That tended to be when they started to push their boundaries and do things that would give their parent’s gray hairs. He definitely wasn’t looking forward to when Rey hit that age but at the same time? He also knew he had a tendency to be intimidating when he wanted to be so in some ways he was sure Rey wouldn’t get into too many messes- not because she’d be afraid of his reaction but because her friends would be. “Alright, man. If you don’t want to ask your family that’s your prerogative. Just figured it would be easier. But I’ll call you once things are all figured out.”