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I Have No Chill Haul

Uh . . . Oops??? I’d like to add that this was done at multiple stores in various locations not all at one store.

Grand Total: 2389

💫Department Stores $1297

💫Makeup Stores $526

💫Jewelry Stores $406

this is the story about how these anime pyjama pants saved my fucking ass

(this is a repurposed discord chat log bc i’m lazy lol)

my intention [in dilards] was i was gonna try to get a handbag but a dumb bitch got distracted by the mac counter :,) they dont have shopping baskets so im carrying these things around and considering them and whatnot. its always been super chill for me at dillards so i was complacent i guess :,)

i decided handbags were too risky, so im wandering around looking for the bathroom and concealing as i go along, and dropping decoys as i go along. i legit could not find the bathroom lmao. finally this lady asks me how im doing and im like oh im good, thanks. WAIT ACTUALLY bathroom plz? 

and let me tell ya: these assholes tried to entrap me

first she told me the wrong direction to head in. like straight up she told me to take a left instead of a right. so i took a right where i should have taken a left and encountered another sa, who was like you looking for something? i was like [genuinely relieved] yes maam im a little confused bc this lady told me the bathrooms were to the right but i havent found them yet. so then she takes this nasty tone, points behind me, and says “back there. that wall." and im like [squint] that grey wall with a bathroom sign so small i cant read? ok cool thanks

i turned back to her after i looked where she was pointing bc i make a point "making eye contact” with sas and smiling at them

this bitch was looking into my bath and body works bag

i was like ah, okayyyy i see. yall set up a barricade for this lady to catch me after the other one sent me in the wrong direction lmao

so i nonchalantly (key!) make my way to the bathroom, and i take my pants down and piss lmao. and IMMEDIATELY some other lady follows me and is loudly talking on her phone. no pissing sounds, no water from sink or paper towels, just standing there talking. i was like ah, and theres lp

so i take these pyjama bottoms out of my box lunch bag. yall know how they bound up pyjama bottoms and like, wrap it around this plastic hanger, and theyll put cardboard around it? (see pictures lol.) so i put what i lifted from dillards inside of the pants, and rewrap them around the hanger and put the cardboard on

meanwhile a bitch is humiliating herself grunting acting like shes shitting lmao

so then i wash my hands lah dee dah and exit and IMMEDIATELY the lp chick follows me out, an lp dude is like “maam” and theres the lady who lied to me about where to find the bathrooms

i kept it cool. i was like hi yall sup? whats good? 

“we know you had things in your hand and you entered the bathroom with them”

me: [internally] hmmm i concealed before then so that’s a lie they were “in my hand” but w/e lets see how this plays out

im like nope :) youre mistaken :)

“well wheres the stuff?”

idk :) ive been setting things down around the store :)

“well where is it?”

and this is something I DONT RECOMMEND unless you took a precaution like i did. but ngl it’s a mad power move. i asked them “do you… want to look in my bags…?”

me: [playing dumb/confused/upset] them: well we want to call the police… me: okay, do that then…?  them:  me: go ahead, ive got all night. idk about yall since stores closing in 10… :)

so then i hand over my bags and they look and they dont find shit

they keep asking me wheres the stuff? and i keep saying idk, all i can tell you is you just confirmed with your own eyes and hands i dont have it ┐(◕◡◕)┌ 

them: BUT me: the only other thing i can suggest is you all pat me down…? [turns to the manager that lied to me about bathroom] maam no offense to this gentleman but id prefer for you to pat me since youre a woman her: uhhhhhh me: go for it :) go ahead :)) check for yourself :)))

so finally lp guy tells her “look. we legit searched her bags and didnt find anything…" so then she gets all hmph and is liek YOURE BANNED FROM THIS LOCATION

me: how presumptuous her: what do you mean? ):< me: how presumptuous youre assuming id ever desire to return here after yall have humiliated me publicly like this. are you a manager? her: yes… me: whats your name? her: [name but pointedly does not tell me her last name] me: ok cool thanks. if you dont mind im leaving now

then they follow me but dont do a good job of hiding they are lmao. like i can hear them behind me. manager was like "but i wanna call the pigs  ” and lp was like and what will we do if they come here and dont find anything on her like we didnt, even if they pat her? im not calling them

so then to make a point i purposefully go to where i knew i left a decoy, and strutted my happy ass back to the mac counter like “excuse me maam i took these from this dept and i didnt know that would get me in so much trouble so im sorry, but heres one of your things. im sorry i left various things around the store ):”

then i filed a complaint with mac, and asked who the other managers of the store are, and how to reach a regional manager. i was being foolish not concealing sooner but rip. i knew it was near close thats a magic hour for places but damn if this bitch didnt have a vendetta against me lmao

another note from going over this with someone else: when i complained at the mac counter, and then described this manger and told her her name? mac lady was like oh… that’s the head of the makeup dept

ie, this bitch LEFT HER DEPT and TOOK IT UPON HERSELF to PHYSICALLY FOLLOW ME AROUND THE STORE. her intuition was good but i was more clever, but were it not for thinking fast and having a good hiding spot, i might not be a free woman right now lol. this lady was gunning to take me down. shit felt personal lmao

what i did wrong: had things in my hands too long, was too greedy, was too obvious in taking something away from the dept it came from, was too cocky, took too long to pick up on them following me and what they were up to. under normal circumstances NEVER let someone look through your things, but this was a case of the pro outweighing the con to me, hence my offer, so i won’t say that was something i did wrong here. i think it helped prevent police involvement, so if you find yourself in a sitch like this use your head and determine if it’s better to offer

what lp and the manager did wrong: they didn’t wait until i tried to leave the store. now, technically, this was legal to stop me after the bathroom, but a lot of places have the policy of stopping someone once they go past a point of sale, ie exit the store. they do this bc then it’s easier to prove someone had no intention of paying. they also didn’t search me very well, thankfully, but… they opened themselves up for a defamation lawsuit. i won’t pursue that, but that’s the reality. they thought they were so certain but in the end couldn’t prove it

what lp did right: they backed down once they realized cops would be involved but it might be fruitless, and they didn’t touch me. ie, they avoided getting the pigs pissed at them, and they avoided a possible sexual harassment and/or assault lawsuit from someone touching ,e. they didn’t take me to their office, ie they avoided detaining me, and a false detainment case as well

#nsfw 

tfw you find out the bottles of perfume you grabbed at random from lust cost $400 😳

not picture: starbucks, socks lol

not pictured: sharpie, index cards, cat food, cat litter, a second starbucks palette lol