Asexual & Demisexual Relatables

You are in a kitchen, opening a pantry door. It contains every brand of cereal in existence.

Libido- How hungry you are

Sexual Attraction- How appealing each cereal is to you

Sex-Repulsed- The mere act of eating cereal disturbs you. You flee the kitchen to watch Netflix instead.

Sex-Indifferent- Someone brings you a bowl of cereal. Even though you don’t crave cereal, you decide to eat some anyway. Maybe because you want the person to feel happy you’re eating something they provided you. Maybe you’re just that hungry. Regardless, you’re fine with eating it since it’s already there. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t care either.

Sex-favorable- Though you don’t particularly crave cereal, the act of eating cereal is enjoyable. So enjoyable, you go through the trouble of picking a brand to eat.

Asexual with low/no libido- You are rarely hungry, and none of the cereal appeals to you.

Asexual with average/high libido- You are often hungry, but none of the cereal appeals to you.

Aegosexual-  Eating cereal sounds fun in theory but not in practice. You certainly have no interest in eating cereal yourself. You’d rather fantasize about other people eating cereal, thankyouverymuch. 

Gray Asexual- You only like Lucky Charms and Apple Jacks. And maybe Fruity Pebbles but you’re not quite sure.

Demisexual- You see a box of Trix. You are familiar with the rabbit on the box, due to the commercials you’ve seen. You always sympathized with the rabbit for never getting any Trix. There are things in life you’ve wanted but have never gotten. You feel a bond with the rabbit. Suddenly that box of Trix looks tasty.

Fraysexual- You see a box of Cocoa Puffs. You have never heard of Cocoa Puffs in your life. But something about it is oh-so-appealing. You pour yourself a bowl. As you start to eat, you catch a commercial for Cocoa Puffs on TV. You now know what the mascot on the box is like. You lose interest in Cocoa Puffs for reasons you cannot explain.

Lithosexual- You notice a box of Fruit Loops. You feel an urge to eat it. Toucan Sam comes to life and asks you to eat them. This makes you uncomfortable, so you leave to watch Netflix with the sex-repulsed ace.

Reciprosexual- You have no interest in any of the cereal. Not even that box of Frosted Flakes. But Tony the Tiger shows up wanting you to eat the Frosted Flakes. Now that he wants you to eat Frosted Flakes, you want to eat Frosted Flakes. 

Cupiosexual- You want to eat cereal, but none of the cereal looks appealing. Maybe if you grab that box of Corn Flakes, it’ll become appealing to you later? It’s happened to other people. You consider grabbing that box of Corn Flakes, just in case.

Orchidsexual- Some of the cereal looks appealing, but you have no interest in eating cereal.

Aceflux- None of the cereal looks good, so you close the pantry. A few days later, you decide to open the pantry again. Now, some of those brands look appetizing. You check the pantry again the next day. None of the cereal looks good anymore.

"Ace people can want and have sex!" directly throws people who actually don't want sex under the bus.

And when I talk about asexuals feeling like they have to sleep with someone, or feeling like they should have sex they aren't interested in, I don't even fuckin believe in asexuality. So I'm not talking about your twitter mutual who is "asexual" but fucks like a rabbit. I'm talking about people who have a low, almost nonexistent, libido for whatever reason who are having sex for others rather than themselves. And I fuckin specified that.

Those people are out there, and all the people who wanna be fuckin special are actively harming them by pushing the idea that it's totally okay to sleep with people you aren't attracted to.

There are people out there who need to be told it's okay to not have sex. Need to be told it's okay to be celibate. Need to be told it's okay to seek out a romantic relationship with someone who is gonna be okay or even happy with never having sex again.

"You can have sex" is not fucking revolutionary. It's not helping anyone. Especially a group that is mostly female; it's not helpful to tell them they can have sex out of obligation to their partner (typically a boyfriend).

Why would their partner want that? I can't think of a reason that you would choose to have sex your partner doesn't want if you love them. I can't think of one.

It's different from "one of us is in the mood, one of us isn't, but we'll both get there" (even though that can be an iffy way of going about things sometimes)

Like, how I feel about asexuality itself is irrelevant here. Let's just follow the logic:

Your partner doesn't like sex

Is not attracted to you

Does not get aroused how the average person does, at the very least

May not get aroused at all

May or may not get any enjoyment out of actual sex

You know all this

You still sleep with them

You still ask for sex

and I was taken off my antidepressants because they may be lowering the libido I never had in the first place (plus various other reasons, but still immediately, cold turkey, which should NEVER happen unless they’re switching you to something else)

(obligatory disclaimer: agreeing or disagreeing with one or more of these does not necessarily make you ace or NOT ace, your experience will vary!)

You’re not sure if you’ve ever felt sexual attraction.

You’re not even sure what ‘sexual attraction’ is vs. other types of attraction

You’ve ever had to just pick a person (celebrity or otherwise) that you had a ‘crush’ on in order to fit in with your peers (regardless of gender)

You’ve felt pressured to pursue relationships because “that’s just what everyone does”

You’ve felt pressured to kiss/touch/have sex with someone because “that’s just what everyone does”

Your peers being obsessed with sex makes you feel deeply uncomfortable or excluded

You’ve tried to mimic sex jokes or sexualized behaviors in order to fit in with your peers.

You’ve ever felt like “well, I guess must be bi/pan because my level of attraction towards everyone is the same” (and that sameness feeling isn’t actually, y’know, sexual attraction) (I’m just saying you’d be surprised how many aces start off identifying as bisexual or pansexual and then realize they are bi/pan ace or aro ace)

People having crushes/dating/having sex feels like a joke and you’re pretty sure everyone else is also faking or exaggerating their attractions (but then you realize they’re Not)

There are times when you suddenly remember that other people Fuck in real life, with Each Other, and it’s surreal as hell

The entire topic of sex is repulsive to you, or your just don’t understand why other people care about it so much.

You don’t understand people who complain if they go without sex for X days.

You don’t understand why people cheat (in real life or media), no matter how “hot” the person they cheated with is.

You’re fine thinking about sex as a vague concept, or even other people having sex (especially in fiction and/or on video) but when the topic of sex involves you personally, (or real life people) it’s a big nope.

Sexual jokes, innuendo, or flirting tends to go over your head often.

You have no interest or desire to masturbate and don’t get why other people do.

You enjoy masturbation but you’d be fine going without it.

You enjoy masturbation and can’t understand why some people claim that it isn’t “enough” for them vs having sex.

The idea of the “honeymoon night” (or other implied social sexual contracts, like a date expecting sex in return for dinner/being nice) fills you with dread.

The idea of having sex is strange or upsetting for you.

You enjoy sex but you’d be fine going without it.

You enjoy sex but can’t understand why some people seem addicted to it.

Sex is something you enjoy (or endure) moreso to have intimacy with your partner or because you want them to be pleased.

You’ve ever told someone you don’t want a relationship/don’t want to have sex, and they felt sorry for you or acted like you’re weird even though you’re perfectly happy.

Bonus:

You might be Grey Asexual if:

You’ve definitely felt sexual attraction (maybe) but it’s a rare occurrence

(Not to be confused with having a libido)

You might be Demisexual if:

You’ve definitely felt sexual attraction (maybe) but it was only after getting to know someone really well and only for that person (and even then, it might come and go at times)

If you find many of these things relatable, you might wanna look deeper into asexuality! 

*- Please note that whether or not you have a libido is not a qualifying factor for whether or not you are ace. Some aces have zero desire or need to masturbate, for instance, others do masturbate. Some aces will even have sex to satisfy that drive. Feeling aroused is not the same as sexual attraction. This might sound confusing, but trust me it makes sense when you’re in this situation.

*- Also note that whether you have positive feelings towards sex (for other people or yourself), indifference to sex, or are triggered/repulsed by sex, also has no bearing on whether or not you are asexual. Allosexual people can also be positive, indifferent, or repulsed by sex, especially certain actions.

*- Ultimately, you are ace if you don’t experience sexual attraction, but since it’s a really freaking difficult task to recognize the absence of something you don’t even feel, this list might help some aces figure themselves out! ♥

I’m the asexual who thought they were messed up, and broken, and all alone.

I’m the asexual who was told by people who I thought were my friends that God didn’t approve of my ‘alternative’ lifestyle.

I’m the asexual who felt lost in the clothing isles because I didn’t want to look ‘sexy’.

I’m the asexual that struggles with depression, fear, and inadequacy.

I’m the asexual that is being blocked off from resources. Or that you want out of the LGBTQ+ community.

I’m the asexual who is being negatively affected by the ace discourse.

I’m the asexual facing erasure, invalidation, and hate.

Please consider this.

Aphobia exists.

If you don’t believe it does then you may very well be contributing to it.

Please think of the people you are effecting.

Be kind.

Be compassionate.