one month with mulder and scully: [7/30]

So shock horror I actually started writing up my notes for my Beyond the Sea analysis – I have a day with nothing planned and nothing to do today, so figured what the hell!  But when I opened my notes document I found this random chunk of word vomit I wrote after Nothing Lasts Forever aired.  I’d forgotten about it, but I figure it’s a nice way of looking at this scene, and so I decided to share.

While I was initially frustrated that Mulder did not immediately and enthusiastically respond “yes!” to Scully’s, “are we together?”, I now see his reluctance as an even more loving response given their history as revealed later in the conversation. 

Scully was the one who left, and while he was initially somewhat bitter and sarcastic about the situation in the beginning of season 10, he has progressively not only come to respect Scully’s right to be hurt by all that happened to her, but also the role both his presence, and later absence, played in her various traumas. 

As a result, and out of deep love and respect for her, he has chosen to make himself available for whatever she needed with the patience to not presume anything before she is ready.  During season 11, they have obviously become closer and closer, to the point of basically acting like they were together, but without any formal decision.  

When he asks the question about what makes them so good together, it is a loaded question.  He knows that.  Potentially, he is feeling out the waters of whether she is ready to officially make that leap again – but he will not make that leap.  He’s never going to ask anything of her.  It’s all down to Scully to make a move.  When she questions whether they are together, he doesn’t respond affirmatively because he, again, doesn’t want to assume anything, and is maybe slightly taken aback by the fact she is still uncertain about their relationship.  

When she proceeds to explain that her questioning is based on the fact that she views herself as the failure in the relationship because she fled or couldn’t protect their son, he assures her that he doesn’t blame her.  He instead blames himself and thinks often of the better life she might have had without him.  

When she assures him that she doesn’t blame him or begrudge him anything and that is not why she left, he is left to then jump in and assure her that if all that is holding her back is her guilt or self-punishment for her failures, she should put that aside. 

He wants her – has always wanted her, regardless of her choices.  He is standing there at her side for whatever she needs. That is his choice, his faith. 

She then makes her move.

My personal belief is that she told him that she wants to live a normal life, to retire and leave the past behind – put her guilt and regrets behind her.  But what’s most significant is that she tells him that she’d like them to do this together.

Where before she was tentatively asking him if they were together, now she is saying that’s what she wants – for them to move forward together again.

Mulder seems emotional as he nods his agreement.

I believe he is referring to the X-Files… but more specifically their quest together.  The journey they’ve been on for the past 25 years.  What they are agreeing to here is saying goodbye to the past and starting a new chapter of their lives – truly letting go.  Not like before where Mulder, particularly, was torn between the past and the present.  They tried to live that life and it almost tore them apart.  It has to be different this time.

Poignantly, Mulder then lights a candle for Scully’s prayer.

This prayer is something only he can answer for her, not God.  I believe he will do whatever it takes; whatever is within his power to answer it.  Even giving up his quest, the X-Files.

This is made all the more powerful by the fact that Mulder historically has been very dismissive of religion. And yet, here he is, now so committed to Scully that he will go wherever she needs him to go.  He’s matured so much since all those years ago.  To me, it feels like Scully is all Mulder sees now.  She is everything to him.  This Mulder would not allow even the X-Files to get between them… not anymore.  

This scene feels like the message they tried to convey at the end of I Want To Believe but done right.  Well, maybe that’s going a bit far.  It’s at least done better.  

That’s ultimately what I believe this scene is about – their growth.  How they have learned and matured alongside each other.  How they have survived through what would destroy most couples.