This is going to be a long one
I started posting this a couple of days ago, but he woke up.
1, I realized that I don't have the kind of friends that invite me to spend weekends at the shore or up in the hills with them, and I figure it's because I don't drive and neither does he. 2, They don't like him. 3, Maybe they do want to invite me (and by proxy, him) but they don't because of an ex. It doesn't matter anymore. It just took me years to realize.
2, I dreamt that I was getting married to a guy that I did not want to marry, but I was doing it for him because he wanted to. I was dressed in Cinderella's dress from the end of the movie, light blueish, silver and sparkly. I remember walking through what I could say was a banquet hall, there were a lot of people there that I did not recognize, and I was getting more and more pissed. I kept hearing myself saying, or at least thinking, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this with each step I was taking. I kept looking around for someone, anyone one that I knew. Who are these people? I asked myself. Ther all had darker skin, dark eyes, dark hair. I didn't know any of them.
Just before I was too entire the hall where the ceremony was to take place, I found out that the groom had left me, that he did not want this the same way I did not want to. You would think that information would make me happy. Nope. I flew into a rage. I went looking for him. I was getting more and more pissed, I was angry mostly because there where all these strangers around me and who invited the bikers?!
I kicked open a pair of doors, moved into what looked like the bar set from Terminator and screamed, "where is he!" My face was wild with rage, I was shaking, and I kept growling "where is he" I walked up to the giant blond-haired biker, this guy stood at least two feet taller than me, and the smile and laughter quickly vanished from his face when he looked at me. I stood toe to toe with this person, looking up to him, I growled, "where is he" He looks around nervously, he chuckles and tells me "We were invited." Absolute rage flooded me, I stepped in closer, pulled this guys' gun from his holster and shot him in the foot as my temper exploded.
3, The dream I had this morning. I was at a house that was a house that wasn't. Parts of it looked like a house that I had lived in for a while and other times it did not. Anyway, I was doing laundry, gathering up cloths to be washed. I was going upstairs to my room to fold because that space was my sanctuary, it was the only room where I could find peace. I left to go do something and when I get back to my room, someone had changed it. Once again, rage started to boil up from the deepest parts of me. I knew who had done it, and I turned to go find her.
I'm not sure where I found this person, but when I did, I very calmly asked her if she had been in my room and if she had changed it around. She smirks, smiles, giggles, looks at the other two that are with her, who are all giggling too. That was all the answer I needed. I grabbed her by her shirt, dragged her up close and hissed into her face, "Put. It. Back" I was completely satisfied with seeing the blood drain from her face, the look of complete shock on her face and the fact that the giggles froze in their throats.
It happened a second time. Three or four people had entered my room, rearranged it and took it over as theirs. I was heartbroken, so hurt that these people would not, could not respect my peace. I truly though they had learned their lessons, but, apparently, they did not, and the sadness was replaced with rage. I gave them a chance to put my room back the way it should be the way I had it, and they chose to ignore me. I very calmly beat the living crap out of the closest person, a chick, about twenty-something, who was the leader of the group. I threw her across the room, moved forward to the two young men huddled in the corner who were doing everything they could to avoid my wrath. They were crying that it wasn't their fault. That it was her idea. That she had told them it was all right. All I could think was how disrespectful they all were. I chased them out.
It happened a third time only the youngsters had learned, but an older woman had encroached into my territory, encroached into my peace, had rearranged my room and pointedly brought chaos back into my world when all I want is to be left alone. I remember pressing my hands together, taking a deep breath and asking her why she was trying me. I noticed the youngsters were hiding behind this woman. She coldly told me what I wanted did not matter. I forced myself to wake up