And that’s when your forehead kisses silently give her the reassurance she needs, even when her mind seems too far to reach. Times where all she wants is to be left alone, but still know you hold her the closest. Residing in a place between demanding you understand and refusing to explain. Within the very same breath she used to push you away, she’ll beg you to hold her and listen. A living contradiction doesn’t even begin to describe her mind that is constantly caving in with thoughts too heavy for her to hold alone. It isn’t love she’s afraid of. It’s the fear that everyone else will destroy her from the inside out like the last. Even after the heaviness lifts, she still feels the weight of heartbreak, she wears it in her eyes. But in it she learned that people change like the seasons and they leave behind lessons. Lessons that taught her that she would keep falling down until she found a reason to believe her worth wasn’t measured by anyone else’s love except her own. While most things take the form of a game with her, this isn’t one of them. If she lets you in, make sure you appreciate the courage it took because the end looms over her neck like a blade and ever since that one night in the basement she has developed a fear of knives. Oh, not for her own safety, really. For yours. Because she loves the way scars document the times she survived, but she can’t bear to see someone broken as she was, especially when her own hands have dealt the blow. Either way, if she stays or not, you both will be better for loving, and allowing yourself to be loved. But if you happen to make it, you will fall asleep to her tucking you in every night and planting soft kisses on any inch of your skin close enough, a tangled mess of sheets and limbs. Wake up every morning to big eyes shining and brown curls threatening to choke you, yet breathing will seem easy. As if the air in your world is lighter with her in it. I’m telling you, she isn’t like everyone else, so don’t break your own heart trying to make her so. Not exactly born a leader, but following has never been her thing either. So don’t try to guide her. She falls somewhere in between getting up and doing something with her life, and that place you reside just before you fail. People think she’s lost, but if you truly love her you’ll know better. A girl like her whose knees have scraped rock bottom before, doesn’t need saving. She already knows how to do it alone. She just doesn’t want to anymore. She isn’t something just anyone can grasp. You have to get it, otherwise you’re just wasting her time. To her, being alone is easier than being with people who don’t understand her. She recognizes the way the walls can close in by the inch. If she has a point to prove, go ahead and accept it. The easiest way to get a girl like her to accomplish something - tell her she couldn’t. If she wanted a cheerleader she’d have confided in her mother. Too much pride and independence rolled into one is what makes her so beautiful, and something that beautiful was never intended to be saved by anyone. You see, her intentions are crystal clear, yet she can’t quite figure out how to wash the cloud from her actions. Waking up every day as if on repeat, barely escaping some days with any sleep at all. But it is then, during the hours when the rest of the word sleeps that she feels most at home and finally alive, alone. Her strength magnifies in the dark when she feels the weakest. You may have fallen for the way she she exudes light, but it is how you choose to survive the dark days that will show her just how much you truly love her.
jacobvanloon
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