Darkest Necessities

A quick booty pic before I finally head off to bed ♡

Submission 9941

Aftercare in the BDSM scene is exceptionally important; like safe words it’s a requirement for a healthy relationship. To ensure a partner’s well-being and safety it should be performed after every scene.

Being such a vague concept it refers to the general support after a scene; the act of giving aftercare is varied based on the scene, its intensity and the partner(s) involved.

Partner(s):

Different partners can require different types of aftercare; assuming that you have experience with one partner doesn’t mean you know the aftercare required for another.

Talking to your partner(s) about their needs and specifics whilst going very in depth as possible will help you learn about them and what they like as aftercare, as well as triggers.

Safety:

You should know your partners state of mind (psychologically) and their medical status. If they are diabetic, make sure you note it as blood sugar can drop during certain types of play. Any past injuries that tend to flare up and what type of treatment should be done for it. Also if your partner has PTSD, you should know and be aware how they are calmed if they are involved in situations where they are triggered. Each partner responds differently so make sure to ask these questions and take notes - write them down if need be!

Scene:

The type of scene you are participating in and facilitating will have a lot to do with the aftercare you will need to perform. Physical scenes are different from mental and will require different kinds of aftercare.

For sessions involving emotional play, aftercare will usually consist of loving support. after a humiliation scene tell your partner how much they mean to you and giving them a cuddle; the point is to bring them back to reality where they are respected and loved. Equally, sessions involving pain-play can require some medical aftercare; cleaning cuts, bandages to open wounds or applying lotion on a freshly spanked bottom.

Additionally, combine the specific needs of your partner(s) with the types of scenes; talk to them about the situations and what should be done. A Submissive who was a victim turned survivor of sexual assault may want to be left alone for a time after a scene, but another might need to be held for a while. Discussion about specifics before is key to the well being and aftercare of your partner(s).

Scene intensity:

Although aftercare is required, you may find that your partner(s) feel fine after participating in a scene, this isn’t unusually and it is perfectly acceptable. You should both still make sure everyone is OK. It isn’t uncommon for one to think the other is okay when they are not. You should make it a requirement that before you leave your partner(s) you get some form of confirmation from them; as this can result in physical or emotional damage to them and constitute as abuse if their needs are not met. Just think of it as another form of consent.

This doesn’t just apply to a Dom(me) after-caring for the Sub, it works both ways. Dom(me)’s need aftercare too! Mutual support and understanding is key to a successful relationship. For a Dominant it isn’t uncommon either to require aftercare. Sadism can trigger the Dominant to feel like a monster, like they abused their partner(s) and other bad thoughts about themselves after a scene.

It doesn’t have to be difficult either; some of the most common forms of aftercare are so simple you wouldn’t recognise them as such:

Cuddling

Kissing

First aid

Massaging

Getting them a drink/ snack to calm them

Talking about the scene, discussing any problems that occurred

Thanking your partner for performing their role of Dominating/ Submitting

Telling your partner you love them/ how much you care.

To give quality aftercare, you need to discuss it before a scene. Understanding what comforts your partner will help make the aftercare much easier and help avoid any discomfort. Remember sub-sets of Kinksters; Littles and Pets for example, have their own forms of aftercare. For example, handing them their favorite stuffed animal and a snack with some juice may be more effective for their mindset after a DDLG scene.

Talk to your partner(s) about the aftercare. You want to know how to be a good partner for them so let them know it. Make a list, if it helps, of things they like to experience after a scene. Have a plan of action in place before any problems appear after a scene. Having your partner going through an anxiety attack or panic attack after a scene when you don’t know how to help can be extremely terrifying. You can help to avoid this when you talk about the aftercare before it is needed.