Carnal Knowledge

Aftercare in the BDSM scene is exceptionally important; like safe words it’s a requirement for a healthy relationship. To ensure a partner’s well-being and safety it should be performed after every scene.

Being such a vague concept it refers to the general support after a scene; the act of giving aftercare is varied based on the scene, its intensity and the partner(s) involved.

Partner(s):

Different partners can require different types of aftercare; assuming that you have experience with one partner doesn’t mean you know the aftercare required for another.

Talking to your partner(s) about their needs and specifics whilst going very in depth as possible will help you learn about them and what they like as aftercare, as well as triggers.

Safety:

You should know your partners state of mind (psychologically) and their medical status. If they are diabetic, make sure you note it as blood sugar can drop during certain types of play. Any past injuries that tend to flare up and what type of treatment should be done for it. Also if your partner has PTSD, you should know and be aware how they are calmed if they are involved in situations where they are triggered. Each partner responds differently so make sure to ask these questions and take notes - write them down if need be!

Scene:

The type of scene you are participating in and facilitating will have a lot to do with the aftercare you will need to perform. Physical scenes are different from mental and will require different kinds of aftercare.

For sessions involving emotional play, aftercare will usually consist of loving support. after a humiliation scene tell your partner how much they mean to you and giving them a cuddle; the point is to bring them back to reality where they are respected and loved. Equally, sessions involving pain-play can require some medical aftercare; cleaning cuts, bandages to open wounds or applying lotion on a freshly spanked bottom.

Additionally, combine the specific needs of your partner(s) with the types of scenes; talk to them about the situations and what should be done. A Submissive who was a victim turned survivor of sexual assault may want to be left alone for a time after a scene, but another might need to be held for a while. Discussion about specifics before is key to the well being and aftercare of your partner(s).

Scene intensity:

Although aftercare is required, you may find that your partner(s) feel fine after participating in a scene, this isn’t unusually and it is perfectly acceptable. You should both still make sure everyone is OK. It isn’t uncommon for one to think the other is okay when they are not. You should make it a requirement that before you leave your partner(s) you get some form of confirmation from them; as this can result in physical or emotional damage to them and constitute as abuse if their needs are not met. Just think of it as another form of consent.

This doesn’t just apply to a Dom(me) after-caring for the Sub, it works both ways. Dom(me)’s need aftercare too! Mutual support and understanding is key to a successful relationship. For a Dominant it isn’t uncommon either to require aftercare. Sadism can trigger the Dominant to feel like a monster, like they abused their partner(s) and other bad thoughts about themselves after a scene.

It doesn’t have to be difficult either; some of the most common forms of aftercare are so simple you wouldn’t recognise them as such:

Cuddling

Kissing

First aid

Massaging

Getting them a drink/ snack to calm them

Talking about the scene, discussing any problems that occurred

Thanking your partner for performing their role of Dominating/ Submitting

Telling your partner you love them/ how much you care.

To give quality aftercare, you need to discuss it before a scene. Understanding what comforts your partner will help make the aftercare much easier and help avoid any discomfort. Remember sub-sets of Kinksters; Littles and Pets for example, have their own forms of aftercare. For example, handing them their favorite stuffed animal and a snack with some juice may be more effective for their mindset after a DDLG scene.

Talk to your partner(s) about the aftercare. You want to know how to be a good partner for them so let them know it. Make a list, if it helps, of things they like to experience after a scene. Have a plan of action in place before any problems appear after a scene. Having your partner going through an anxiety attack or panic attack after a scene when you don’t know how to help can be extremely terrifying. You can help to avoid this when you talk about the aftercare before it is needed.

Wanna find a post?

Write out what you remember into a Google search.

After you write that out, end with site:tumblr.com

Google will search for your text on just tumblr

In my experience, it’s way more effective than searching through Tumblr

and then write a direct quote (could be a fraction of a sentence) into the quotations, I’ve been doing this for years, and it’s so useful, it works like 99% of the time 

Site:domain.com words = search site

link:nytimes.com = all sites that link to that site

Use a hyphen to exclude words in search eg. Mustang -cars will return search results excluding cars

Use quotes to find an exact match

Use an asterix as a wild card "this * search * has two wildcards"

Use related:domain.com for related sites

Use it as a calculator or dictionary

Search multiple terms '"search term 1" or "search term 2"' without the apostrophe

Few more here I cba to post em all https://www.lifehack.org/articles/technology/20-tips-use-google-search-efficiently.html

drum harness cos it’s been too long since i last did rope!

do not self promote or remove my caption

I completed some major changes to the Library For Kinksters. Here is the update…

Aftercare

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Dom Drop

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

Online Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Consent

Consent & BDSM

Guide to Consent

Doms, Daddies & Masters

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Rules for Daddies

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Domme Titles

Aspects Of Control

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Daddy Up!

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dominants Need Training Also

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Help For New Doms

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

How To Be A Good Dominant

How to Find a Submissive

Knowing when to be a Dom and when to be her Man

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

So you want to be a Dom?

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

The Dom Commandments

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

Littles, Subs & Slaves

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

26 Baby Girl Jobs

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Ask A Million And One Questions

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

Baby girl or little? A brief introduction

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Feminist Submissive

Finding Your Dominant

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Find A Dom

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Novice Submissives

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

What is a Little?

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

Why I call him Daddy

Your Rights As A Submissive

Long Distance Relationships

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

Mental Health

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

Is BDSM normal?

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

On Cutting

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Relationships

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Concept Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationships

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

D/s and Domestication

Factors That Make A Relationship

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

Importance Of Confidence In RelationshipsImportance Of Trust In A Relationship

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Stop Arguments Before They Start

The Rewards of a Submissive

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What Is Real Love?

When He Doesn’t Call

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Safety

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

What is Emotional Abuse?

Self Improvement

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Truths To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

How to be Yourself

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Ignore Haters

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Slut Shaming Explained

Tips for Healing a Broken Heart

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

Sex

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

Basics of Breath Play

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Fetishes Explained

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

Intersection of BDSM and Queer Heterosexuality

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Toys

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

BDSM on a budget

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Training

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

Age Play: A Short Guide

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

Introduction To BDSM

Newbie’s Guide To Vaginal Fisting

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Some Thoughts On Rules

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Need For Rules and Discipline

Okay. So with my post asking if y’all wanted this, a few of you said it’d help you, so even 1-2 people needing it is worth it to me. 

This is going to be very long, and when you do it, it’ll be scary. But in the end you WILL heal. 

So to start off. Ask yourself this: 

1. Do you want the person to get jail time?

If your answer is yes, then that makes things easier. You can proceed onto the next question. 

If your answer is no, then I need to make you aware of something. I will not lie to you alright? They will push for jail time whether you want it or not. unless you’re over 18 (see next question) they will be pushing for jail time and you have no real say in the matter. I know it’s scary, and I know it can be upsetting. But they did a crime and the law needs to punish them for it. Think about it in this sense, Do you want them to hurt somebody else? Jail is likely the place for them, as they did do a crime. 

2. How old are you?

Are you over 18? great! that makes things much easier. You will have complete control. You decide if you want to press charges or if you rather just leave it.

Are you under 18? alright, that’s okay! It will make things a bit more hectic, but in the end, you’ll be okay. Since you’re under 18, you will not get a choice in whether charges are pressed. As I said above, they WILL press for jail time. 

3. How long ago did the assault happen? 

did it happen a year ago? five years ago? ten years? or yesterday? is it ongoing? 

if it happened years ago, then you do not have to worry about this and can move onto the next question. 

If the rape has happened within 3-5 days of you reading this/when you plan to report it. There is a high likelyhood that you will need to have a Sexual Assault Evidence Collection Kit (SAECK, also known as a ‘rape kit’) done to you. There is a lot of stigma and misinformation about what a ‘rape kit’ actually involves. It can be extremely scary, and extremely violating,but in the end, it will help. In some cases, even as a minor, you can refuse to have one done if you wish. It can wield a lot of evidence for a trial, but at times it does not. Do not worry. If there is no evidence via a rape kit,they can still be convicted. To give you an idea of what happens when you get a rape kit, heres a small portion of an article you can find here

“"There’s a lot of myths about there, myths about prostitutes coming in to get free medical care, but this is a very invasive 2-4 hour plus exam,“ says Kim Hurst, director of the Sexual Assault Forensic Examiner program in Detroit. “We’re doing pubic hair pulls or combs, we’re doing swabs of the outside of the genitalia… and then we’re doing a speculum exam [which is internal] and taking swabs that way, and if there was an anal assault we’re doing swabs there. And then we use a colposcope [a specialized medical camera] to take pictures of genital injury.“The exam is usually performed in a hospital before the kit of evidence is turned over to the police for their investigation. The DNA from the kit and potential rapist is entered into CODIS, a national FBI database that helps law enforcement track serial offenders across the country.”

There is also some questions some people want to know the answer too before getting one, you can find a long list of questions answered on an official forensics website here but if you don’t want to read them all, I will put the ones I feel are the most important below:

“ Three days after a sexual assault has occurred, what is the likelihood of finding the DNA of the perpetrator?

The likelihood of finding the DNA of a sexual assault perpetrator three days after an assault varies and can depend on a number of circumstances. In Massachusetts, survivors can have evidence collected at a hospital within 5 days (120 hours) of an assault. A medical provider at the hospital will use a sexual assault evidence collection kit (SAECK), often called a “rape kit,” to conduct an exam and collect any evidence. After the exam is completed, the kit will be sent to the Crime Lab. The presence of biological evidence, such as blood, semen or saliva, depends on a number of factors, including whether or not the survivor showered or changed her/his clothing before the exam, the type of assault, and the amount of time since the assault occurred. It is important to know that not all kits yield DNA evidence and that the absence of DNA does not mean that no crime occurred. DNA evidence may not be found if:The perpetrator did not leave any DNA behind.Too much time passed before the evidence was collected.The evidence was improperly stored or handled.”

“How can evidence be collected from someone whose breasts and vagina were touched while the person was unconscious if there was no penile penetration?

It is still possible for evidence, including the survivor’s account of the assault, to be collected using a sexual assault evidence collection kit (SAECK) even if there was no penile penetration during the assault. The doctor or nurse will determine which steps of the SAECK to complete (such as vaginal swabs) based on the survivor’s story. When determining what steps to complete, the nurse or doctor will also take into account that the survivor was unconscious during the assault and may not recall the entire assault.”

“Can a sexual assault case be prosecuted even if DNA evidence is not found?

While only the District Attorney’s office can definitively say whether or not the perpetrator will be prosecuted, once an assault is reported to the police, DNA is just one piece of evidence in a larger investigation. When determining whether or not to prosecute a case, the District Attorney’s office will also consider the survivor’s account of the assault along with any other evidence that may corroborate this account (for example, physical materials that link the two parties at the crime scene, such as carpet fibers or grass stains, or a Toxicology Kit, if one was completed). It is important to note that not all kits yield DNA evidence, and the absence of DNA does not mean that no crime occurred.”

As you can see, a rape kit does involve internals swabbing and other things. Finally, ask 

4 “Am I ready to do this?”

if the answer is yes, then heres what I recommend and the gist of what may happen. This is all assuming you are under the age of 18, and as I am from Canada, I can’t garentee this is what’ll happen to you, but it gives you a good idea. 

First off, Tell somebody you trust that is an adult and an authority figure. I recommend teachers or counselors. As sometimes parents can be cruel and refuse to listen. I recommend teachers the most as they are legally required to report it to the police. 

You can expect that police will come and will talk to you. Do not lie to them. Lying will only make things harder in the long run. 

You WILL need to tell them details you may not be exactly comfortable with. It is hard. There is no “and then they…yaknow”. you need to SPECIFICALLY say exactly what happened. Heres a conversation I remember when I had to give my official report, to give you an idea. I’m okay with sharing this now, but at the time, it felt much too personal to say. M is me and C is the ‘crown’, short for the crown attorney.

C: “So after he bent you over the bed what did he do?”  M: “well he.. um.. yaknow…”  C: “No, I don’t know. Please explain” M: “Well he uh.. “ I proceed to go quiet and fidget as C waits patiently “He pushed the dildo into me”  C: “into where??” M: “Into my butt. And it hurt a lot… I told him to stop and pulled away”  C: “Then what?”

so on and so fourth. As you can see, I had to explain in great detail what he did, how he did it, where he did it etc. I used the good old ‘Who What Where Why When’ to tell them what happened, it helped me, so perhaps it’ll help you. 

After you talk to them, if the person lives with you: you will likely be put in a safe house. This is sometimes a friends house, a hotel with a police officer, etc. You may need to stay there for 1-4 days, so bring essentials with you the day you plan to tell. Including your phone, computer, any comfort items etc. 

if they do not live with you, you may be able to return home. If you are under 18, your parents will be notified. This is unavoidable. It is upsetting, but needs to be done. If you feel your parents will be angry or if they are physically/emotionally abusive to you. This is the time to tell the police. They will likely take extra steps to ensure you’re safety during this time. 

Now is where things more or less depend on circumstances. for example, they may make you go to a forensics lab and get a drug test if you suspect you were drugged, they will likely put a restraining order against the person so they can not go near you until everythings said and done. They may take months or years to get through everything. Court will eventually and you may need to testify against them, It can be scary, but your testimony will help significantly. 

Here are some things to remember when testifying: 

Refer to the judge very respectfully. sir, ma’am, ‘your honor’ etc

Try not to swear. 

Everything you say WILL be recorded. Keep that in mind

Cellphones are not allowed in court. I was lucky and put my notes on my phone so they allowed it, but they may not all do that. 

If you’re like me and tend to forget when scared. Write down what you want to say. It will make you look organized and keep you together. 

Do not be afraid to cry during it. Just make sure you do not get hysterical, as they may tell you not to testify due to it being too stressful. 

Try to speak as clearly as possible. 

If you have mental disorders such as anxiety, ADHD, including things like a stutter, specify that before your testimony. I personally explained I have severe anxiety and that It causes me to stutter and talk fast, so to just tell me gently to slow down if I go to fast. 

Thats all I can think of for now. Just as extra, here are some resources for rape survivors:

TheSurvivorsTrust

RAINN

AfterSilence

AssaultCare (Canada Specific)

Rape crisis  (Female centered)

Healthyplace.org

WAVAW (Women Against Violence Against Women. Women Centered and Canada Specific)

Specifically for male survivors:

Rape Crisis (Male portion)

After Silence (Male Portion)

Pandys

SurvivorsUK (UK specific)

Specifically for LGBT Survivors

Pandys (LGBT portion)

HRC.org

LGBT.ie

Other

List of helplines all around the world

Imalive.org (for if you have a crisis/are scared/want more help)

Very cheap, online therapy (5$ a day)

I hope this has helped some of you. If you’d like any more help, support, or have any more questions, do not hesitate to message me♥ Stay safe, and remember. It is NOT your fault

Don’t want to attempt all of this (bc of the dismal rape prosecution success rate, fear, etc.?) Go to the doctor regardless. Unless your rapist was a significant other who you know to be clean, you need to make sure you don’t have any sexually transmitted diseases from them. Additionally, if you have a uterus and your rapist assaulted you with a penis, you need to do a pregnancy test. Even if you’re on birth control and even if your rapist used a condom. You do NOT want to risk being pregnant, especially with how stringent abortion laws are becoming (at least in the US). You have to know if you’re pregnant early enough to do something about it. (Which opens up a whole other can of the worms, but for the record, you are NEVER responsible for becoming pregnant if you were raped and it isn’t your fault).

The second thing: if you have bruises or cuts on you from the assault, even if the rape case itself falls through, if you can prove it was your rapist who caused the physical trauma you can probably get them charged and convicted of battery or aggravated assault at the very least. And you can ALWAYS get a restraining order against them.

All of this. If you choose not to go to the police it’s okay. This post is for people who are considering it and want to know how it may go before it happens

Another thing to note: You don’t have to go right away. At least in Canada, there’s no laws on how long after the rape it can’t be charged. I was raped by a girl when I was 8 and I’m 17 now and I could still go to the police and get her charged

If you don’t feel ready, consider doing it at a later date. Perhaps take pictures of any evidence (bruises etc) to use

But once again, If you flat out decide it’s not worth the hassle, that’s okay. You’re not bad for doing that.

19 Men Go Shirtless And Share Their Body Image Struggles

The fruitless quest for a “perfect” body isn’t unique to women,  though based on the body image conversations we tend to hear, it’s easy to think so.

Spoiler alert: Men have body insecurities, too, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I greeted him at the door on 4" heels, a high ponytail, and a satin apron.

He pushed me into my apartment with hungry kisses and desperate gropes.

I peeled back the layers of a long day at work: briefcase with a thud by the door and the friction of his belt through each belt loop. The buckle jingling as it fell to the floor.

He bent me over the table and thrust himself against my back and ass before unzipping and revealing his excitement to me. I ran the stiletto heel up his inseam while using the mental map of his body to guide my hands to revisit my treasure.

His mouth and hands raced to discover every spot that would make me gasp or moan. I cocked my head and squirmed in the shadow of his stature. The high ponytail danced against my skin.

He grasped my long brown tresses at the tip and recalled all the photos and videos in his wank bank of arched backs and bent necks.

He yanked so hard that he herniated C5-6. During the surgery for my artificial disc replacement, my surgeon found a bone shard 3mm from my spinal cord.

The man who whispered in my ear of how i was “marriage material” moved to Toronto 2 weeks after he damn near made me into a quadriplegic. He closed on a house the day of my surgery.

To this day, I jump when someone puts their hands near my head. My ears ring constantly. And every time I see one of you all post a photo of someone having their hair pulled, I think about all the pain one dumb, badly-executed move caused me.

1. Get consent. 2. Give warning. 3. Grab slowly and smoothly at the roots 4. Movement comes from the wrist (minimizes chance of injury to directional force) 5. If need be, let the person with the hair being pulled hold on to your wrist to either limit your movement or as a failsafe. 6. Over time develop trust with your partner to dial up neck extension, force, or speed.

Aftercare in the BDSM scene is exceptionally important; like safe words it’s a requirement for a healthy relationship. To ensure a partner’s well-being and safety it should be performed after every scene.

Being such a vague concept it refers to the general support after a scene; the act of giving aftercare is varied based on the scene, its intensity and the partner(s) involved.

Partner(s):

Different partners can require different types of aftercare; assuming that you have experience with one partner doesn’t mean you know the aftercare required for another.

Talking to your partner(s) about their needs and specifics whilst going very in depth as possible will help you learn about them and what they like as aftercare, as well as triggers.

Safety:

You should know your partners state of mind (psychologically) and their medical status. If they are diabetic, make sure you note it as blood sugar can drop during certain types of play. Any past injuries that tend to flare up and what type of treatment should be done for it. Also if your partner has PTSD, you should know and be aware how they are calmed if they are involved in situations where they are triggered. Each partner responds differently so make sure to ask these questions and take notes - write them down if need be!

Scene:

The type of scene you are participating in and facilitating will have a lot to do with the aftercare you will need to perform. Physical scenes are different from mental and will require different kinds of aftercare.

For sessions involving emotional play, aftercare will usually consist of loving support. after a humiliation scene tell your partner how much they mean to you and giving them a cuddle; the point is to bring them back to reality where they are respected and loved. Equally, sessions involving pain-play can require some medical aftercare; cleaning cuts, bandages to open wounds or applying lotion on a freshly spanked bottom.

Additionally, combine the specific needs of your partner(s) with the types of scenes; talk to them about the situations and what should be done. A Submissive who was a victim turned survivor of sexual assault may want to be left alone for a time after a scene, but another might need to be held for a while. Discussion about specifics before is key to the well being and aftercare of your partner(s).

Scene intensity:

Although aftercare is required, you may find that your partner(s) feel fine after participating in a scene, this isn’t unusually and it is perfectly acceptable. You should both still make sure everyone is OK. It isn’t uncommon for one to think the other is okay when they are not. You should make it a requirement that before you leave your partner(s) you get some form of confirmation from them; as this can result in physical or emotional damage to them and constitute as abuse if their needs are not met. Just think of it as another form of consent.

This doesn’t just apply to a Dom(me) after-caring for the Sub, it works both ways. Dom(me)’s need aftercare too! Mutual support and understanding is key to a successful relationship. For a Dominant it isn’t uncommon either to require aftercare. Sadism can trigger the Dominant to feel like a monster, like they abused their partner(s) and other bad thoughts about themselves after a scene.

It doesn’t have to be difficult either; some of the most common forms of aftercare are so simple you wouldn’t recognise them as such:

Cuddling

Kissing

First aid

Massaging

Getting them a drink/ snack to calm them

Talking about the scene, discussing any problems that occurred

Thanking your partner for performing their role of Dominating/ Submitting

Telling your partner you love them/ how much you care.

To give quality aftercare, you need to discuss it before a scene. Understanding what comforts your partner will help make the aftercare much easier and help avoid any discomfort. Remember sub-sets of Kinksters; Littles and Pets for example, have their own forms of aftercare. For example, handing them their favorite stuffed animal and a snack with some juice may be more effective for their mindset after a DDLG scene.

Talk to your partner(s) about the aftercare. You want to know how to be a good partner for them so let them know it. Make a list, if it helps, of things they like to experience after a scene. Have a plan of action in place before any problems appear after a scene. Having your partner going through an anxiety attack or panic attack after a scene when you don’t know how to help can be extremely terrifying. You can help to avoid this when you talk about the aftercare before it is needed.

The Importance of Comprehensive Sexual Education:

“Research has identified highly effective sex education and HIV prevention programs that affect multiple behaviors and/or achieve positive health impacts. Behavioral outcomes have included delaying the initiation of sex as well as reducing the frequency of sex, the number of new partners, and the incidence of unprotected sex, and/or increasing the use of condoms and contraception among sexually active participants. Long-term impacts have included lower STI and/or pregnancy rates.” [x]

We need to equip people with knowledge and resources to maintain a healthy and safe lifestyle. By teaching comprehensive sex education we are allowing people to make informed decisions about their health and and personal lives. - Paige

The Basics (Anatomy and Biological functions):

What is a vagina?

What is a vulva? (Basic Anatomy inside links.)

What is the vagina’s biological function during sexual intercourse (specifically PIV sex)?

What is the uterus and what is it’s biological function?

What is a hymen and what are the different kinds of hymens?

What is the purpose of a hymen?

Which hole does urine come out of and which hole does menstruation come out of?

Menstrual Cycle:

What is a menstrual cycle?

What is menstruation?

Why do we menstruate?

How to use pads, tampons, soft cups, and menstrual cups.

What is ovulation?

Vaginal Hygiene:

The vagina, is in fact, designed to keep itself clean with the help of natural secretions (discharge). But there are ways you can help maintain the cleanliness of your vagina (i.e. avoiding perfumed soaps and gently washing the vulva area, not the actual vagina.) Click the link for more information.

*Vaginal odors and discharge; what’s normal and what’s not?

What is douching?

What are Pap Smears?

“A Pap smear, also called a Pap test, is a procedure to test for cervical cancer in people. A Pap smear involves collecting cells from your cervix — the lower, narrow end of your uterus that’s at the top of your vagina.”

When do I need a pap smear?

What are vaginal orgasms? Clitoral orgasms? G-Spot orgasms? How can you achieve an orgasm?

“A “vaginal orgasm” is the notion that [people] can have an orgasm through stimulation during intercourse or other vaginal penetration, entirely without clitoral stimulation. However, the vagina has few nerve endings, and therefore cannot create an orgasm on its own. Instead of thinking of the vagina and clitoris as separate entities, try thinking about them as a network of nerves and muscles.”

“There’s some disagreement about the size of the G-spot; it may range from a quarter inch to a couple inches along the upper wall of your vagina, about an inch or two past your vaginal opening. Underneath it is highly sensitive tissue that, when touched the right way, triggers feelings of sexual happiness, explains Debby Herbenick, PhD.”

Myths and facts about orgasms.

Tips on how to have an orgasm.

Having trouble reaching an orgasm? No worries, there is help! [x][x]

Female Genital Mutilation Information:

“Female genital mutilation (FGM) includes procedures that intentionally alter or cause injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons.”

“The procedure has no health benefits for girls and women.”

“Procedures can cause severe bleeding and problems urinating, and later cysts, infections, infertility as well as complications in childbirth and increased risk of newborn deaths.”

“FGM is a violation of the human rights of girls and women.”

The Basics (Anatomy and Biological Functions):

What is a penis?

What are testicles? (Basic Anatomy inside links.)

What is the penis’ biological function during sexual intercourse? (Specifically PIV sex.)

Examining your testicles for Testicular Cancer: How to.

Penile Hygiene:

“Gently wash the penis with warm water each day when you’re having a shower or bath. If you have a foreskin, pull it back gently and wash underneath.”

“Gently washing your penis once a day with warm water is sufficient to maintain good hygiene. If you want to use soap, choose a mild or non-perfumed soap to reduce the risk of skin irritation.”

What is an erection and ejaculation?

“An erection begins in the brain. Physical and/or mental stimulation cause nerves in the brain to send chemical messages to nerves in the penis telling the penile blood vessels to relax so that blood can flow freely into the penis. Once in the penis, high pressure traps the blood within both corpora cavernosa. This causes the penis to expand and sustain an erection.”

“Ejaculation, the release of semen at climax, is triggered when a person reaches a critical level of excitement.”

*Overcoming ejaculation problems.

Is ejaculation and having an orgasm the same thing?

What is semen and what does it do?

What is Erectile Dysfunction? Treatments.

What is circumcision & is it medically necessary?

“Circumcision is the removal of a simple fold of skin (the `foreskin’ or `prepuce’) that covers the head (glans) of the un-erect penis.”

While there are benefits of being circumcised, it is not medically necessary.

The Basics:

What is masturbation and how do you do it?

Why do people masturbate?

Is masturbating normal and can it be harmful? (Short answer: Masturbation is normal, and no it is not harmful!)

WebMDs Masturbation FAQ.

The benefits of masturbation: [x] [x]

An Asexual’s Guide to Masturbation.

What is sex?

People define “sex” in different ways. Some people believe that it only counts as sex if a penis goes into a vagina, but this isn’t true for everybody. There are lots of different ideas about what sex can be: Vaginal sex (penis-in-vagina intercourse), Oral sex (mouth-to-genital contact), Anal sex (penis-in-anus intercourse), Dry humping or genital rubbing, Fingering or hand jobs (hand-to-genital contact), and Masturbation.

What is oral sex?

What is anal sex?

Why do people have sex?

How to have safe sex. (STI and pregnancy prevention goes more in depth below!)

What is Consent and is it mandatory?

“Whenever you have sex, you need to make sure that your partner is just as enthusiastic about having sex. In other words, that they give their full consent.” Consent is an enthusiastic, freely-given, uncoerced, sober, “yes”.

Consent is ALWAYS mandatory, whether you’re married, dating or just met.

What is sex without consent? Rape/Sexual Assault.

What is sexual assault? What is rape? (Resources below.)

Sexual assault can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention.

What do I do if I’ve been sexually assaulted?

Sexual assault prevention and awareness.

Resources for sexual assault victims: United States.

Resources for sexual assault victims: Canada.

Resources for sexual assault victims: United Kingdom.

More international resources.

More resources.

Is sex supposed to hurt the first time?

“While it’s common for [some] to feel pain or discomfort with sex, it’s not “normal” in that it has to happen or there isn’t an alternative. Sex is not supposed to hurt: it’s supposed to feel very good.” [Inside the link above, it does explain what to do to make sure sex is not painful.]

Are there benefits to having sex?

10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex.

Top 11 Benefits of Having Sex.

14 Unexpected Benefits of Having Sex.

What does MOGII mean?

Marginalized Orientation, Gender Identity, and Intersex. It’s a synonym for LGBTQIAP+ and is inclusive for people who don’t have or don’t want labels, rejects allies, and uses no reclaimed slurs.

What is a sexual orientation?

"Sexual orientation describes to whom a person is sexually attracted. Some people are attracted to people of a particular gender; others are attracted to more than one gender. Some are not attracted to anyone.”

“Affectional orientation is a term that describes to whom a person is romantically attracted, acknowledging that for many people there are more components to attraction than just sexual desire.”

What is gender identity?

“The ways in which a person identifies and/or expresses their gender, including self-image, appearance, and embodiment of gender roles. One’s sex (e.g., male, female, intersex, etc.) is usually assigned at birth based on one’s physical biology. One’s gender (e.g., man, woman, genderqueer, etc.) is one’s internal sense of self and identity.”

Some gender identities.

Some more gender identities.

Genderqueer and Non Binary Identities.

Resources for most Gender Identities. (Resources for understanding gender identity, figuring out yours, how to come out to parents and friends, transitioning resources, local supports, and more!)

What is asexuality?

"Some people who identify as asexual do not experience sexual attraction to other people, while others experience sexual attraction but no desire to act on these attractions.”

“Asexuality and Celibacy are not the same. Many people who are asexual live a celibate life, meaning that they do not engage in sex with others. But while Celibacy is a choice, asexuality is not.”

“Asexuality is not a dysfunction, and there is no need to find a "cause” or a “cure.”“ [x]

Are all people who identify as asexual sex repulsed? No!

Asexual Visibility and Education Network.

What does transgender mean? (Resources below!)

"Transgender – or trans – is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity is different from those typically associated with the sex assigned to them at birth (e.g., the sex listed on their birth certificate).” [x]

“Transgender may be used to describe someone who was assigned female or male at birth, but later realizes that label doesn’t accurately reflect who they feel they are inside.”

Resources for transgender people.

More resources for transgender people

Coming Out as Trans

All About Gender Therapy

Trans Health Matters: Trans Women

Trans Health Matters: Trans Men

Top 10 Trans-Friendly Colleges

What does intersex mean?

“Intersex” is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.

How common is intersex?

Intersex Society of North America.

Resources for intersex people.

What are STIs, how do you get them, and what are the symptoms?

“A sexually transmissible infection (STI) is any infection or disease that can be passed from one person to another during sexual activity. Sexually transmissible infections include chlamydia, herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital herpes, scabies, pubic lice (crabs), hepatitis and HIV (the virus that causes AIDS).”

Why do we call them STIs now and not STDs?

Everyone is at risk of obtaining an STI, but some are more at risk.

STIs that can be contracted through non-sexual contact.

How do you protect yourself from STIs?

Female / male condoms and dental dams.

Finger cots (finger condoms).

Post-exposure prophylaxis, is a short-term antiretroviral treatment to reduce the likelihood of HIV infection after potential exposure.

Know the signs and symptoms of an STI. If you notice a symptom that worries you, get checked out!

How do I get tested for STIs?

What treatments are out there for STIs?

What is pregnancy? When are you considered to be pregnant? How do you get pregnant?

To be pregnant is to have an embryo/fetus developing in your uterus. “A pregnancy is considered to be established only after implantation is complete.”

"When engaging in unprotected vaginal intercourse during which ejaculation of sperm occurs in the vagina. The sperm can then travel up through the cervix, into the uterus, and, if an egg is present, the sperm may fertilize it.”

“It is also possible — but less likely — for a person to become pregnant through any kind of sex play in which semen, or ejaculate, comes in contact with the vulva. The sperm can travel through the moisture on the vulva into the vagina.”

WebMD’s Online Pregnancy Center.

What to Expect: Pregnancy.

Pregnancy Resources.

What are my options if I get pregnant?

If you’re pregnant you have three options; parenting, adoption, and abortion.

Only you can decide what is right for you, definitely take some time to go over your options, but remember, the sooner you decide the more options you’ll have.

Resources for Decision Making and Low Income Parenting.

Abortion funds and Judicial Bypass.

How do you prevent pregnancy? (Check out birth control masterpost below.)

“Birth control allows us to prevent pregnancy and plan the timing of pregnancy.”

Birth control is not a “one size fit’s all deal” there are all different kinds of birth control out there from hormonal to non hormonal, methods to medicines, and so on. The best way to figure out which birth control works best for you is by doing research and speaking with your doctor.

****Contraceptives Masterpost**** ^^ Lists many birth control options (and links you to more information about these options),  goes over emergency contraceptives and FAQs, birth control FAQs, options for people with allergies or personal preferences, and debunks myths about birth control.

Lubricants that should not be used on condoms.

Where can I obtain birth control/contraceptives?

Guide to getting privacy under parent’s health insurance.

10 Ways to save on Birth Control.

The 5 Steps of a Breast Self Exam: Checking for Breast Cancer.

Sex Ed for physically, emotionally, and mentally disabled youth.

Sex Ed for Youth with disability or chronic illness.

Advocates for Youth.

There are many steps which describe the process about how to make a girl squirt, but all is needed are fingers and oral job. The best advice is to try with exploration in different things, different numbers of fingers, different parts of her pussy and ass. Most important is to be innovative and inventive.

Surely, some of the best fingering comes in conjunction with oral, but there is a little secret that gives to any women best orgasm of her life.

Here are step by step instructions how to make a girl squirt:

You can start by performing oral on her inner thighs, clitoris and labia especially, to start getting her relaxed and wet. You must continually suck and lick the clitoris throughout the duration of the whole oral act, because oral increases power, pleasure and increases chances of female ejaculating orgasm.

With the hand you write with, take two fingers closest to your thumb (pointer and middle finger) and make them wet with her pussy juice or with your mouth. The most important thing is to make sure your nails are trimmed and not sharp, because you could hurt her.

Slide those two fingers in, with the fingerprint part of the fingers facing up (nails down), slide them in firmly but slowly, as far as they will go without using too much pressure. If she is really tight you may need to start with one, and if there is a lot of wetness but resistance, you may need to tease and taste her pussy some more. Once you get those fingers in, tease her inner walls slowly with the pads of your fingers, and get her even more juicy. When you think that she is ready to have the orgasm of her life, you may begin:

Now you will maneuver your fingers to find her g-spot. Yes, it exists, and yes, every woman has one. Slide your fingers in about 2 inches, UP, and then BACK towards the front of the pussy (like you’re going up behind her clitty). Her g-spot is actually a patch of her inner walls which is on the FRONT INNER WALL of her pussy, above the hole itself. So, in, up, and back towards the entrance. You should feel, on that wall, a very rough patch of skin rougher than the rest of her smooth inner pussy. You’ve found it. Congratulations.

By making a beckoning motion with your two fingers (a come hither, bending fingers motion), you should be able to pull the fingerprint/pad part of the tips of your two fingers against that spot. Try it. Pull back against it with your two fingers and press a little. Tease it, stimulate it with your fingers. Make her feel good. She should be squirming and breathing very heavily by now.

As you start to rhythmically tap/press/pull your fingertips against the g-spot, she should start getting wetter. If you’re doing it right, and she’s comfortable with it, you’ll start to hear squelching, sponge-like sounds. The g-spot is like a sponge, it contains a lot of liquid, and feels rough. Keep pressing your fingers against it, over and over, rhythmically, with the same kind of rhythm as if you were sliding your cock in and out of her pussy.

As she starts to get wetter, and enjoy it more, start doing it harder. The more she thrashes from side to side, the harder you do it. Eventually, you can replace the tapping/poking of the g-spot with an outright speed-sliding of those two fingers in and out of her hole. Do it faster and faster, maintain the rhythm, but increase the force. Even when you’re slamming them straight in and out of her hole, try and maintain an upward, outward force with the fingertips, so you’re still pressing up against that g-spot even as you’re slamming her with your fingers with reckless abandon.

Through all of this, she should be squelching, squirming and OBVIOUSLY loving it. If she’s not, you should stop. If she says it hurts (especially if she says it more than once, you might want to stop or at LEAST slow down or not do it so hard. Make sure she’s always wet, not dry for any period of time.

Now here’s the crucial part. When she gets close to ejaculation, she will say that she needs to pee. SHE DOES NOT NEED TO PEE. It’s just a temporary sensation that will pass, but you have to make sure she knows about it beforehand, and you have to make sure she does not stop you, and you do not desist in your slamming. Hold her legs apart with the other hand, if you have to. You can even use your head or knees or whatever to hold her legs open, but make sure she stays relatively still (or she might get hurt on your fingers) and that you KEEP GOING. In fact, when she needs to pee, that’s when you should start doing it harder, cause orgasm is around the corner.

10-50 seconds after the pee sensation begins, she will start to cum. When she does, DON’T STOP. Just do it harder and harder and harder, pressuring the g-spot upwards all the while. Now she should start to ejaculate. She’ll scream, and her pussy will start shooting clear (transparent), odorless liquid all over the place. There could be a lot of it, it might soak you completely and soak the sheets and everything around her, so make sure you’re prepared.

I guarantee you, if she’s never had one before, the squirting orgasm will be the best orgasm of her life. In my experience, 97% of women are capable of having them, and in certain circumstances, I think it’s more like 99.9%. If you want her to ejaculate in great volumes, have her drink lots of water before you do it, and stay well hydrated. Once she’s finished squirting, SHE CAN SQUIRT AGAIN. Especially if you didn’t do it too hard, and still got her to cum, you can usually start all over, and between one and ten minutes later, she’ll be squirting again. Usually, you have to do it harder each time. My record is seven. The girl that squirted seven times in 45 minutes passed out for 6 hours afterward (it’s physically exhausting and dehydrating) so be careful if you try more than 2 at once.

Most girls pass out after a couple of them. This can make a girl fall in love and at the very least want to fuck your brains out, so use it wisely rather than to your advantage. Don’t take advantage of people using this. If you do it wrong, or if she’s on her period, she might bleed. That’s usually okay, but just make sure you don’t hurt her, and you stop if she’s screaming with pain, rather than pleasure.