💘 Dork Poopid 💘

Unless, of course, you’d like to join me…

my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this

look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit

you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?

that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?

They fly around and fuck shit up

Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country

Went there.

Parrots tried to take our car.

There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies - carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc - and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started. 

I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool. 

 Swoopin season on Wikipedia

check this link for art requests

FANFICTION GIVEAWAY (oneshot)

Reblog if you want the fanfic request! Contest ends on February 3, 2017! I’ll be choosing the winner through a random picker :)

HERE ARE THE RULES:

You could only participate if you’re following this blog. After all, it’s for the followers!

Only reblogs count!

You’re allowed to reblog as many times as you want, but please take your followers into consideration, yeah?

Giveaway blogs are not allowed! Side blogs, too. 

Have your ask box open! 

Winners will be announce on February 4.

WHAT YOU WILL RECEIVE:

One (1) fanfiction that is at least 1k words

*All fanfictions will only be from the MLB fandom. I am fine with either canonverse or AUs. If you have any questions, feel free to send an ask or PM me through this account! :)

I will not:

write about anything nsfw or, at the very least, mentioning anything mildly nsfw. 

((these are in no particular order btw!!))

the main baes <333

@penguinsaregrt - my adorable tsundere gf i love u so much u have no idea,,, like no words describe. every time i see anything penguin related i immediately think of u bc im like “i must buy this for my bae”. my new years resolution is to be even gayer with u <333

@jadedskylark - the #1 space nerd and squad dad. ur an asshole but ily dude. lots of stuff is going on in ur life rn but ur a tough bara man and u can make it through this and go on to do gr8 things i promise

@kiratheunicornprincess - u’ve been through a lot this year but u are still my precious child and ily nothing will change that bab. also pLS make a proper video for one of ur parody makeup tutorials and upload it everywhere bc holy fuck i die laughing every time u do one of those

@freashcutgrass - perfect memer, calls are never boring when ur in them. we gotta do another 1-on-1 call at some point and make another obscure meme that the world probably isn’t ready for

@ozmav - my amazing child/lil sis. u’ve been through so much this year and u’ve been so strong, i’m so proud of u. and ur always so kind to everyone no matter what ur going through and i think that’s incredible

@kenhinaing - mY SMOL ILY AND I KNOW U LUV US ALL TOO DESPITE WHAT U SAY. im vry glad i got to meet u cuz ur a rly fun person, i love talking to u and ur endless sass gives me life <3

@nyahchatnoir - u were the one who brought me into the Crying But Trying Squad™ so without u i wouldn’t have met any of the amazing people on this list. ur vry lovely and important too and i hope u get all the nice things in 2017

@the-kindest-golden-anon - a literal piece of bread with enough salt to kill a man like damn, remind me not to get on ur bad side lmao. but behind the salt ur vry sweet and a gr8 person who makes perf memes 👌👌👌

@dig-burn - u produce quality memes,, aged like fine wine. i wish u could talk in calls more bc ur voice is gr8 but i know u often want to but just aren’t able to >_<

@icealeen - FELLOW BRIT. ur super chill and a vry coolio person. also a fuCKIN NERD. i loved meeting u irl it was gr8 and we need to do it again.

@chokkun - ROAD CIP ROAD CIP WE’RE GOING ON A ROAD CIP. would 10/10 road cip with u any day ;) jokes aside ur like one of the purest people i’ve ever met??????? so precious. so important. 10/10 aLSO HOT DAMN UR ART, TEACH ME UR WAYS

@eliza-hamspeaks - hOW DOES A BASTARD ORPHAN SON OF A WHORE- lmao jk ur such an unbelievably sweet person and u have gr8 sense of humour i love talking to u bab <3

@angelwithbadluck - first impressions: “aaa they seem adorable bless <3″. now: “this fiLTHY SINNER they still a smol precious bean bUT DAMN” but ye ur gr8 dude i hope ur 2017 is amazing and leads to more tasting christmas. not to mention ur art is beaut and i know it will only get better this year!!

@polyesterfoot-bob - ur literally barry b benson but ur a coolio dude and ur art is goals tbh???????? like damn its so inspired and cool to look at

@shieldmaidenoffandoms - we dont talk much rip, i understand ur usually busy tho >_< but i still consider u a gr8 friendo, ur vry lovely and i hope we can talk more this year!!

@nishinoyaspeaks - i always mean to PM u and talk to u more but i can never think of stuff to talk about aaaa ;-; but i rly do enjoy talking to u and i wanna talk to u more and become a closer friendo to u this year!

@flannelzircon - our timezones are rly incompatible and that makes it hard for us to talk a lot but i still love talking to u and i hope we can talk and stream more in the new year dude!

@artisticembalmer - we dont talk all that much but i still think ur lovely, feel free to PM me for anything dude, if ur having problems im happy to help or just show me a 10/10 meme *finger guns*

@darkcupidspeaks - ur like never online and i cri but its always fun meming with u. i probably still have the link to that weird word document me, u and bruno made collaboratively lmao

@hyenayankari - we haven’t talked in forever cuz ur never online and i cri but ur super gr8 and fun to talk to! also hot damn ur art is amazing i die

@nyo-iggybrows - ur a living, breathing meme. how r u alive all u eat is garlic bread. dont die u dingle rinpa nerd :P

@satanicgandalf - huge nerd in a smol package. also damn that sass like 10/10

people who i’m not super close to??? or I just haven’t spoken to u in a long time but u made an impact all the same <3

@nooroospeaks - u always seemed like the sweetest ray of sunshine ever???? i still have a screenshot of that ooold birthday post u made for me. it really made me so happy <3 not to mention u were the one who suggested i become horrificator back in that first stream i was ever in i think??? i would never have made any of these amazing friendos if not for u so thank u

@polkadotsdesign - i remember we did a couple of streams together aaaages ago and we even played a steam game together with my group chat i think. u were still a ladybug back then lmao. u always seemed super duper nice and i appreciated ur company ^^

@alyacesairespeaks - i always had tons of fun in streams with u, ur a real sweetheart and i always regret not being able to talk to u more ;-;

@puppetchatspeaks - we never rly got to talk all that much and i cri but u always seemed super sweet and i love seeing the memes u make!

@monsieurbutlerspeaks - we haven’t talked in so long aaaaaaaaa but u were always rly nice and it was fun talking and playing viddy games with u

@asilentdragon - we sorta fell out of contact bc u left skype for a while but u always seemed super duper nice and i wish i could’ve gotten to know u better bc we seemed to have common interests with kingdom hearts and stuff. but i’ve seen u interacting with people on tumblr and u seem to be having lots of fun so i hope u continue to be happy with them throughout 2017!!

@wolfieshinigami - we like barely talked lmao but i still think ur a cool dude and u post Quality Content™

@missfortunespeaks -  we used to play viddy games together and u were always rly nice and fun to talk to!

@miraculous-box-speakz - We were never super close but i remember whenever i saw u in the group chat u always seemed rly kind and sweet!

@felix-speaks - i never rly got to know u at all but i saw u in the art chat and u always seemed rly nice. i was meaning to try PMing u at some point and getting to know u better but then the nation sorta died ;-;

@princessfragrancespeaks - i barely talked to u but i remember u gave me a very warm welcome to the nation and i’m rly grateful for that. u always seemed like a sweetheart and i wish i could’ve gotten to talk to u more!