Obsession
It was nothing really , it was just a simple thing you did . You smiled and like that I fell and hard but not right a way. It started with a single thought , thought turned to thoughts, many thoughts ,deep thoughts , delusional thoughts. And like moss on a rolling stone my obsession began to gather like my hope for me and you βtogetherβ. I wanted to know you, feel you ,smell you . Be where you are. Be in your skin.Your thoughts, my thoughts , your ways ,my ways . Long days fell into dismal nights where I payload dreaming of you and only you. But itβs all rose color, I lost hope knowing this and knowing the you and me will never be βweβ. And for the next week under false pretense that I lost you to another , I began a spiraling episode as if you had died when in fact you were only entertaining someone that captivated you the way captivated me. In my deepest hearts of heart I donβt think she deserves you or anyone deserves you for that matter - not even me. You are a faraway being and no one deserves to ever stand in your shadow let alone your presence. but i reluctantly move on and my thoughts and my heart dance with my new friends sent to me by grief : denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.
A moment later ,I will smile more . But my heart is far from it and buried in depression like a head in deep sand . the band of despair will continue to play on.. the soundtrack of lost will play like a broken record. itβs hard to accept this . Riddle me this? Can you, will you fix this?
06/09/23 9:42pm friday
