Cloud

Except she couldn’t be. She’d never go to heaven. If she wasn’t worth this life she sure as hell wasn’t worth the next one. As his lips touched light as silk against her forehead her eyes flickered open and her breath found it’s way back to her lungs.

Her hands rose of their own accord and she watched in slow motion as her fingertips trailed across the soft skin of his collarbone. She could feel his heart beating against the other side of his bone, steady and strong. She trickled her fingers tip his neck, brushing her thumb across his lips and stroking the length of his jaw. He felt real beneath her fingers, he felt familiar, like her Cloud, but it couldn’t be real. The craziness of his words reinforced that. How could he have done something like that to the Casanovas? He was Cloud. He loved them.

She tilted her head forward, pressing her forehead against his chest where a moment ago his lips had been. His heart was louder here and she spread her hands across the bones of his ribs, trying to hold him all. She didn’t want the moment when she’d realise it wasn’t real.

Could it be that partially what he had done was self-sabotage, to lose that very feeling, just a selective blind spot he did not choose to see, for the sake of destroying his weakness. Because he knew very well if he had lost her he would just be a empty void, hollow inside, with fleeing dreams, dead hopes, and life would just pass with each season, while he exist with no reason. Though he could no longer detain himself from believing that it would be worth it. 

“I don’t want you to go. I don’t care if they’re sending me to Hell but I can’t leave you now. I can hold you, there, I can feel your heart beat beneath my fingers. How can they take me away from that? I need you. More than anything.”

Cloud one more word about your outfit and I’ll make you choke on afterbirth. You look great, okay?

By the way this is Brooke. {gestures to Brooke}

Brooke this is Clo-Ca-I don’t even know anymore. {gestures to Cloud}

I’m not a kid, Cal. I’m not insane either, but I refuse to abandon her. 

He wanted her to say something but she had no idea what. She sensed that he wanted to hear the ‘right’ answer but she couldn’t give it because she barely understood the question. What was he talking about?

She did understand one thing, though. The self anger in his voice. The absolute, unstoppable anger at yourself. She held her wrists out to him. “I fucked up too,” she admitted softly, a surrender the only way she knew how. She couldn’t say sorry for it, she wouldn’t, but she could admit that she fucked up.

“I fucked up too,”

He looked down at her wrist, little blotches of red seeped through her bandages. His head was telling him, "You were only gone for a couple days, it was her choice, you couldn't do anything about it, you had to leave." But a wave of guilt hit him like a tornado anyways, twisting knots in his stomach. He hated how she made him feel, whenever she did this to herself, it always felt like it was his fault, even if it wasn't. He should be angry with her, but he just couldn't bring himself to.

“Why did you leave, Clo-Cal? Why did you leave, what have you done wrong, why are you in trouble and why won’t you let me call you Cloud anymore?

"I told you, Mia. I was the one who burned down the Casanovas' base. Sky found out before I could leave town. You can call me anything you want, okay?" He moved to her, gaze never wavering or breaking. His hand softly grazing hers, sending tingles all through his fingertips and finally to his heart, beating so hard that it felt like there were no gaps in-between. 

"Remember the last place we met? Thats where i'll be staying."  He pulled her to her feet, with almost no force at all. They were only objects of a greater force being pulled into each other by an invisible magnetic field. "I'll advice you to come with me, I'm certain the Casanovas will use you for leverage, but it's your choice. I need to keep moving, I'll be back later to see if Fornax is back." He laced his fingers with hers. His other hand barely touching her skin as he brushed her hair away. Breathing was no longer a priority for life, for the simplest of touches would drift him farther into the intoxicating clutches of a dream. A dream no mortal could possibly fabricate had they not been a part of. His eyes flickered with so many unreadable emotion. But they weren’t meant to be understood, like a vast ocean of blues. His thumb caressed her cheek, a touch he did not realize he was craving for. He leaned in closer, their faces so close yet so far. 

He wished to kiss her, to put an end to the blissful suffering. He couldn’t breath anymore, his heart was deafening him. He needed her. And it frightened him, needing someone’s touch like that. He leaned towards her, pressing his lips against her forehead, a sense of desperateness pouring out. The same lingering thought of that one night nagged at the back of his head. I want you.

This wasn’t the situation she had wanted to be in. He wasn’t supposed to be back. Clover wasn’t supposed to care enough to stop her killing herself. Why did everyone only show up in her life at the worst possible times? They were being very inconvenient.

“Cloud, why are you back? Why are you here? Now?”

He paces away from her, and shakes his head when he feels a lump in his throat. He blew it and he knew it, everything was messed up, and it was difficult for him to admit it. He lost his best friend, and now his love ones were in grave danger. As soon as the Casanovas find out he was back, they would be after Mia too. He covers his mouth as he nods slowly, trying his best to contain his emotions before turning back to her. “I fucked up, Mia. I fucked up real bad.”

“I would have taken you with me,” he told her, “but I never wanted to drag you into this.” He went on to explain how he was the one who burned down the Casanovas Base, and how Sky found out just before he was going to leave the city, along with how the Casanovas almost killed his brother in his hometown, and how he was thinking about turning himself in. “I can’t have you like this, Mia. Please.. How could I save you when I can’t even save myself. It’s only a matter of time before I fall apart too.”

Not everyone is cut out for the Undergrounds.

The city freeze before

I just realized I don’t like you

Me and my girl

Are going out for some air

And I will do my best

Just to get under her dress

And catch you out if I can

On the other side of my sofa

Won’t you come on over

At the side of my sofa

Oh won’t you come on over

The city heated it up

It got blurry cause I’d had enough

And he tried to take your soul

Please, just don’t hurt me.