purposefully insufferable

Track 5: New York

"Again."

"We are going for....again."

Lestat fakes his death after the shooting, and he's now recording his "posthumous" vampire album. Considers the recording studio his fondest coffin, which is rather telling considering the night terrors. The music truly does break open and then heal something within him. As he said in Episode 3, "music in its purest expression would make me worse. And then make me better. Bring on the muses."

"But I, Amel, digress." — The implications for the later lore. ‼️‼️‼️

"Now-infamous concert and well, we'll come to that later."

His muses are Louis, Nicki, and BabyStat. His hatred for Sam Barclay keeps him "lively." (Again, why does he hate Sam if he willingly participated in the trial?)

Gabs is now his manager. Yeah, parents managing their kids. That's always good. Just look at Joseph Jackson or Kit Culkin. *ahem*

"Guests at my deathbed. We are making an album about my life, which has been a three century trainwreck." — That's putting it mildly. 💔

The band can't hear the music like Lestat wants because they're not vampires. ‼️‼️‼️

We can hear Marius "selling" Lestat to Akasha based on his blue eyes. Akasha "told him" where Lestat was buried. Marius was supposed to kill Gabriella on Akasha's behalf to have Lestat alone. He thrusts the job of "keeper" onto Lestat. She already "chose" Lestat. This rearranges the dynamic. Lestat is no longer the cheeky brat who tried to rouse the Queen for "vanity." He's placed into this role — the keeper — but he does not want the role. Remember when I said choices have been made to make Lestat more of the victim with stolen agency? Yeah. Keep all this in mind.

"Armand said you were destroyed."

"He was wrong. Rotten boy." 💀

Lestat wants to bury Larry's guitar. He's not living up to his potential. He's distracted. This might seem cruel, but Lestat could've just fired him. 🥲

"Pretend I'm Armand. Or the Talamasca. Be the spineless mole once more. You dig a hole in the burrow for Larry's guitar. This is the job, Sam." — Interesting. Almost hinting at Sam being told to write the play back in Paris. That tone from Lestat. 🤔

"I don't want a job. I want to die."

"But you didn't die."

"Do the job. Learn to endure the depths of living. Find yourself, Lestat."

Marius picking Lestat, because that's what Akasha wants. Saying he's worthy and saying Akasha will tell him that herself. Oh, this is likely going to be the angle of the later QOTD arc. Especially given Lestat fully awakens her with a taste of his blood, she force-feeds from him, and then forces her blood upon him. They've rearranged this to make Akasha the true aggressor after Lestat was unwillingly placed into this role. He didn't invite this unlike the books.

"We're all connected through her. She is the seed. And if she burns, we all burn."

And here's Louis doing full vignette plays with "Claudia" and "Madeleine." It's....disturbing. On so many levels. I mean, the secondhand embarrassment because it's sooooo bloody awkward and uncomfortable, but Louis being Louis is dissociating and living in a fantasy. It tracks with him, but this is also so heartbreaking. You can feel the grief emanating from him, and I just want to hug him!

And there's the leaked Devil's Minion dialog. Armand has been following and watching Daniel since San Francisco. Louis knew and didn't care. Past Devil's Minion "the chase" seemingly confirmed. 🔥

Armand says Louis is "calculating to the core. Methodically cruel." Says Lestat is one and the same and Daniel is blind to it.

"He [Lestat] cast you out and still you carry his water. Let me help you finish that job." ‼️‼️‼️

"I knew her as Gabriella. She's Lestat's mother. Lestat lays with his mother." ‼️‼️‼️

"Did you say walk in the sun?" ‼️‼️‼️

And back to Lestat being desperate for Gabriella. 😖

"Why did you leave me?"

"Two months ago?

"No."

In New Orleans? Both times." — The tone. She delights in this.

"I was happy you left both times." —Yes, because he doesn't want this with her.

Flash of Gabriella making him watch the witches burn.

"You were a terrible mother."

"I was." — Again, the tone. She's PROUD of it.

"In Spain, I didn't need you anymore. You don't need around you what does not need you anymore. It breaks the circle."

And Lestat kisses her out of fear of her leaving again. Look at his face. You can literally see the moment the mask of performance comes up. The way he lifts his chin to steel himself. The way the vulnerability totally dissipates. 💔

"You need me now?"

"I do."

And her sinister, calculating expression. Chills.

He's doing this for her. Keep this in mind.

His delighted whimsy over an ice cream scoop. My baby. 🥹

"Puh. You have to put the puh. Scooo-puh." — This sweet baby.

"Is this what time works on us? Will I bloodlessly bloom into a husk? If you were the first, then who made you? Why do we exist? Why do we endure at all? Why did she leave me? Am I evil? Is my evil sanctioned by nature or divine error?" ‼️‼️‼️

He burns himself (just like Claudia and Nicki burned!) to feel the right intensity of pain to get the high note in Big Boss. This is so Lestat.

"Again!"

"No! No!"

"Moving on." — It's not funny. It's not, but oh my lord. Why is this such a Lestat moment? It's dark, yet funny, yet heartbreaking. Also note this is in relation to Armand when it comes to both Nicki and Claudia. There's more lurking underneath the surface.

Callback to the boat scene with Claudia in S1. Conversation about Lemuel (like the S1 conversation about Lestat), but notice the stark difference. The Lestat conversation was "works like love." With Lemuel, it's just....nothing. No intimacy. Nothing of any significance. Just....fucking. No depth. No meaning. And Louis does not share the truth with him. "I'm good." No, you're not good, Louis.

The vulnerability over the diary.

More of Louis' powers. At least we know he's properly feeding now.

And right into the devastation as Louis holds her hand. Yeah. I feel that. I understand that longing pain to just hold them again. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it. And Jacob is playing this so beautifully.

Lestat listening to Swan Lake (this piece was used as the opening music in Dracula 1931 and I just love that little nod) and putting on plays and little concerts while keeping Akasha. Slow descent into madness and loneliness. New Year's celebration. It's 1900. We overhear the celebrations above.

"Splash of red for the new year. You've been exquisite in your years."

"I ruined your party."

Oh, she's up! She's awake! The footsteps!

"Come to me." — And she takes his blood without his consent.

Lestat helping his child self with the stutter. 🥹😭 Be gentle with yourself, Lestat.

"How is it that they live in such harmony? The billions of stars. When most men can barely go a minute without declaring war in their own minds."

"Why did you take me to the witches' place?"

Thomas Pitt He's A Whore — Louis' contact name in Lestat's phone. Remember this post about the glory hole? Yeah. 😶 Also note that BabyStat told him to check his phone. Lestat subconsciously knew Louis was in trouble!

"Call me. Please call me. I need your help. Please call me, Lestat."

Alex telling Larry to "rest." ‼️‼️‼️

Louis confessing the Claudia plays to Lestat. Yeah, he goes to Lestat when he's really in trouble. Echos of the DreamStat dynamic. He seeks solace in Lestat. He only trusts Lestat. He can only be vulnerable with Lestat. Shaking and crying and confessing his shame.

The pain and concern on Lestat's face.

"I was shot in the streets and you didn't call."

"I'm a selfish bastard. Anybody spends five minutes with me, they know that. I knew you were gonna bring it up. I don't have an answer for it." — At least he's finally being honest. The walls are down.

And of course, Lestat does what Louis asks. He drops everything for Louis. Louis didn't bother to check on him after the shooting, yet here's Lestat dropping everything to go to Louis' side when he cries out for help. And people thought Lestat didn't love him. Ha!

Is this the first *proper* Sam and Delainey one-on-one scene? Excuse me. Let me savor this. 😭

"You know he has been there for an hour. Stop performing."

I had to pause here. The utter anguish on Lestat's face. The tears. The grief. I feel it down into my bones, and I couldn't see the screen any longer for my tears.

"He's bringing you in this now? That's his next thing, is it? We gonna be a family, Uncle Les?"

"Find someone else to swindle."

"He's the one coming around here doing all this with me. I just wait for the bell to ring. Or the blower to buzz. Or the hundred texts a day."

"You're hurting him." — WEAK. IN. THE. KNEES. PROTECTIVE LESTAT! 😭😭😭

"Oh! I'm hurting Louis!"

"I look like her. I look just like her, don't I?"

"Your gait suggests a hip injury that she never suffered, and she had a heart murmur. You don't."

"But I look like her."

Let me walk away for a minute. Lestat knew she had a heart murmur. He felt her heart. He knew her heart. He was her father. Her maker. Her blood. He KNEW she had a heart murmur. He KNEW her walk. I don't care anymore. I really don't. 😭

"It's not her. It's not anything like her. The eyes..."

"Yeah. The eyes. No spark, right?"

"Don't see this person again. And next time someone tries to murder me, pick up the phone." 🔪🔪🔪

The song for Claudia. It resounds. One of the most beautiful songs of the season, and it cuts like a knife. Truly, Claudia was his daughter.

"The day you were born, I was shaking like a leaf on an old oak tree. Then you stayed like a thorn, red roses raining down til they flooded me. Even when we parted ways, you never turned, never turned your gaze, and I can still, I can still hear you say don't break that stare. I'm burning in your mirror tonight. No don't you dare call it yearning. It's the fear that I'm right. Don't you try to forget all the things you regret. In those stained glass, stained glass eyes."

The memory of her playing the piano with him. Just kill me.

Her song was the catalyst. He's redoing the entire album to match the truth of his feelings. The instruments played like metaphors.

He's going to turn the band so they can "hear" the music the way he wants it to be heard. This is the album from his true heart.

"Let me tell you something about this blood. Let me save you from myself."

"I was on the shores of Spain when my great love left me. I let myself be buried in a stranger's grave until the Queen took pity and summoned me to service." — Pacifying Gabs with the "great love" bestowment. Yeah. Hold that thought.

And Lestat now has the cloud gift as a result of her assault and can't control it. Akasha babbling about all of this being arranged by "Amel." Reminder that this is 1900 — only 10 years before he meets Louis. ‼️‼️‼️

"It is Amel! It is always Amel!"

"She told me to drink!" — Reference to her canonically spellbinding him to make him drink as she did in QOTD.

The power in Akasha's blood. The spirit of Amel. The evil of the blood. The fear on his face.

Sheila is DEVOURING this! I've got chills!

"This is the metal sun inside my veins. This is the hell I unleash on all those near me. It cannot be restrained in the moment or tamed over time. It will drag you into depravity and reward you with regret." — And flashes of the drop are running through Lestat's mind aka Akasha's blood is why the drop happened.

Remember when we said the drop would be used to showcase Amel? Yeah. This is the context. Amel/Akasha/The Blood = The Drop. Akasha forced her blood onto Lestat. Lestat gained the cloud gift as a result and couldn't control it. All of this happened only 30 years before the drop happened. The implication being Lestat still didn't have complete control over it when the incident happened with Louis. If you know the book lore, you'll know that Amel's spirit fused with Akasha in the blood is the reason for the blackout periods of bloodthirsty, violent rages, which are triggered via the negative emotions of the vampires. It's exactly like Sam said it would happen years ago. ⬇️

Also recall the deleted scene from S1 in which Lestat told Louis that he has the blood of Akasha while they were in the sky, but Sam said it was deleted because that wasn't the right time to introduce this lore just yet. ⬇️

And as you can see, this context does not remove Louis' victimhood or make him a liar about this! He was still badly injured, but the initial framing of this incident is now totally recontextualized. That trapdoor we've talked about that Rolin always had up his sleeve when it was time to shift the story to Lestat as the main character.

The ones who said they watched this episode, but had no idea what we were talking about? You might want to pay better attention next time and brush up on your book lore + things that Sam has already confirmed would be happening.

The band is sticking with him, but Larry can't. He says his time with Lestat was the best time of his life, but he just can't. Something so bittersweet about this. So many feelings here.

And here we have Armand pushing Larry into suicide. JAW. ON. THE. FLOOR. What is this?! Is he FINALLY going into full gremlin?!

"Rest." — San Francisco and Dubai callback. He made Louis and Daniel both "rest." Remember Alex telling Larry to rest? ‼️‼️‼️

And there it is! Armand killed Larry. What is he doing?! No idea! But consider this part 1 of the full gremlin unleashed! Stay tuned for part 2! 🫣🫠

Also? The real Armand?

ABOUT! DAMN! TIME!