Paradox

Been dealing crap with life.

I haven’t been checked in for like… FoReVeR…. :v To be honest, I have been busy with life before the lockdown and semi-quitting MMORPG for a year till lockdown happened and I am back on it… Just barely.

I have been major focus on myself in weight loss and I made a  huge progression for myself, I aimed to reach healthy weight for my height and I finally did, I was so proud of myself for put all the effort into this for last 2 years and half, I have nothing to say but proud of myself to push myself to get that far and I did it for medical reason due to my illness, I also had amazing people who been supported me so far but… However… I did have other people who weren't very supportive of it who would make an eating disorder/fat me up jokes and put me down for the work I’ve put myself through. To me, those jokes were very offensive because I survived from eating disorder at 16 years old where I’d starved myself due to depression and personal reason due to traumatic and then I got a lot better where I slowly gain weight eventually, I’ve come to become a binge eater to eating away my depression, I gain lots of weight to the point where my illness and my body cannot take it anymore. I made a major change for myself for a reason but going through all of that actually teaches you one or two things, I learnt that… No matter how far you’ve archived for yourself, there are going to be people who cannot support you or body shaming you which is really sad. I learnt to overlook it and cut all of the toxic people out of my life to focus on well being, happiness and a life where you can enjoy without a bad energy around you.

It's what I’ve been up to so far and now I am in lockdown for…. Almost 9 weeks now, no fun… ; ; but I stay busy to stay sane and doing everything I could for myself, doing home workout and so on but I cannot reconnected with MMORPGs like I used to after all the toxicity experiences I went through to due few people and one person who made Roleplaying become less fun for me and see it as job because you have to be careful what you do, what to say and so on… It also led me to leave the old FC to focus on good energy and so on to carry on with my life and to find a time to be able and enjoy the MMORPGS without feel like it is a “job” to you. 

Now… I am looking at this blog… I did enjoy stuff I posted on here so far but… Same time… I feel like I have no use for this blog now and I am curious if I should create my own personal blogs for myself, my life, shitpost and so on without any MMORPGs related to it.

I havent post much lately nor kept anyone updating whats been going on with me. Things are pretty great but busy and I decided to dye my hair to even more blonder as ever and those are my recent selfie...... Before 2020 came!

Oh, been focusing on losing weight stil, I think I lost so many since 2 years ago and I am really proud how far I’ve come.

Botched my hair.... Pink to Blonde and now I am just a blonde white girl mistaken for danish girl a lot... A L O T.