Dapper Ass Children

Oh, you got a baby brother for Christmas? That's too bad. I got this amazing coat plus everything on my wishlist at Chanel. My parents got it right the first time. That's all.

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals... and a Happy New Year! Now, get away from me.

My reaction to people wearing crop tops in the year 2012... aimirite?

You can go hard or you can wear Gymboree 

Wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy

When I think about the hell that Penelope Scotland Disick wakes up to every single day, it is then that I realize how truly blessed I am to not be a Kardashian. 

I really hope The Sartorialist doesn't snap a picture of me holding hands with a woman wearing stripper boots. I am better than this.

Are my feelings about Justin Bieber written all over my face or something? I don't get my generation.

Come on you guys... we all know Karl Lagerfeld wears those gloves to hide his wrinkly gross hands. As if Coco Chanel herself would EVER be seen wearing fingerless gloves. 

Girl, I been shaking, sticking and moving tryna to get you and that Louis... tryna get to youuu and that Louis.

Do you even understand irony? I hate Shark week so I'm wearing a shark top. Call me when you're less sophomoric.

Cee Lo is just so unoriginal sometimes. I am the original multi-colored bird human. 

So did you read the latest text from Gossip Girl? Can you believe it?! 

Ha! Like I would ever go to Burning Man. Are you on crack? 

Aldo? That place is such a joke. Are they for real with those white square toe Men's "alligator" shoes? I can't run away from this place fast enough. Someone please grant me the speed of Usain Bolt.

Gross... Kim Kardashian and her crop top are heading towards me. Hide me. 

I went to college at age 7. Aside from getting your hand stuck in a Pringles can, what have you done with your life thus far?