Until The Love Returns

My goal is to create a life I don't need a vacation from!!

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“boys are poisnous 
they tell you they love you 
for 8 months straight
 and convince you that you are the stars in their sky
 they look at you with shining eyes  and say how they love the little things about you 
 and you believe that no one could ever love you like he does
 but at 8 p.m on a school night
 he tells you he’s done with this and ends it over text. “we can still be friends” he says you know you can’t. you’ll just fall harder for him 
you say goodbye  he deletes you from his bio and deletes all evidence of you dating from his social networks 
and instead of crying you are numb
 you try to pretend you never loved him but you break you sit on your bedroom floor mascara running down your eyes  covering your face with a black rush of makeup you don’t care about how you look you go into your moms room tell her what happened  she comforts you and tells you maybe it was meant to be your phone blow up with a rush of texts and phone calls from your friends  telling you you deserve better 
but when the clock hits 10  and you still can’t sleep all the memories come rushing back.  you try to listen to music to escape  but every song has a connection to him you cry for 3 hours until you fall asleep you wake up an hour and a half later and cry and think and remember until it’s already time to wake up  you know you shouldn’t have, but you slept in his hoodie trying to hang on to him  but you already lost him you had less than two hours of sleep and your eyes are all puffy but you try your best to look amazing hoping he regrets breaking up with you in the first place you show up at school and hand him his sweatshirt back, acting like you don’t care but secretly hoping that he realizes it smells like you and how much he misses you  your friends tell you it’s for the best  because what kind of coward breaks up with his girlfriend over text and runs away from their problems by ending it instead of facing them asshole jerk coward dumb stupid  you hear all these but you can only think of the good things about him the memories how sweet he was how he would rub your thighs when you sit next to him him staying up late to text you  watching all the disney movies together  how he called you almost ever day the whole month your phone got taken away or even facetime you every night over Christmas break  you remember those things  not the bad things  the little fights  the big fights  the bickering  the name calling  him hanging out with other girls and not even inviting you but you’re still in love with him right? all his friends look at you  all your friends give him dirty looks you should never talk to him again i mean he broke your heart  and it doesn’t even seem like he cares 
stupidly you go see him anyways 
and you tell him how much you miss him and love him and how much he hurt you and how you don’t even know why you love him anymore after what he did to you you ask him why he did this
 and he tells you,  you ask him if he even loves you he doesn’t reply you end it with “whatever, fuck you” 
and your heart breaks into a million pieces all over again”

love always unfortunately your ex

human- Christina Perri