danisnotnormal

"you ever sneeze so hard that you get a little funny" -me

"iykwim" -me

"I'm always funny" -ex friend

"Im a comedian" -ex friend

"you ever sneeze so hard you accidentally cum" -me

"NO???" -ex friend

"/j" -me

"unless? /j" -me

Double Feature!!

"Ah shit, I left the vibrator in." -me

"If I had a dick I would fuck a cup of boba." -me

"I won't make out with you... unless you want me to." -ex friend

"Would you have sex with your friends platonically?" -ex friend

"I- I- I- I- I can't grab it, it's too slippery!" -me, in a British accent

"If an elevator was a person, I'd date it. They're pretty good at going up and down." -me

"How would an elevator be in bed?" -me

"I'm gonna eat my Awsten Knight's ball pizza, with a fork." -ex friend

"That cat is a munch." -ex friend

"Bro is emotionally constipated." -ex friend

"You should be Frank Iero with your feelings." -ex friend

"Just use your finger, babe." -ex friend

"So baby lets Ryuk! So baby lets Ryuk! I'm gonna- I'm gonna be Lil Nas X and I'm gonna fuck the Devil." -ex friend

"Everytime someone makes a negative comment about my hair I want to beat the shit out of them." -ex friend

"You remember the hot twink boy and his hot wife?" -ex friend

"I can't be helped, I can only be devoured." -ex friend

"You know I'm biased because I have wide feet and I hate women." -ex friend

"Murdoc is trying to keep Missy Elliot from leaving." -ex friend

"I'm sorry you had to eat ass." -my old high school counselor