?????????

"this is unbecoming of me" is genuinely a useful thing to have in your mental toolbox

Happy Armand’s Pussy Facing the World Wednesday to all who celebrate<3

had a dream i found a tape labelled “sex tape” and when i played it in a vcr it was just two fully clothed guys beating the shit out of each other with metal bats

me as a 14th century knight: this sucks i'm gonna fms (translator's note: fall on my sword)

Alternatively: fuck my squire

[remembers falling on my sword jokes negatively impact my knight's oath] ...fuck my squire

have realized that while i am not a fan necessarily of "people meet and immediately fall in love" i am a fan of "people meet and are immediately obsessed with each other." the love can come later but the absolute fixation should be immediate

knew a guy in college who'd open up his academics page and masturbate furiously to his pristine 4.0 gpa. is what he told me, at any rate. after he started getting big money internships he'd also jack off to the salary offers; i'm sure wherever he is now he's doing the same w his annual bonus or stock options or whatever. hate to say it but i think he has life more or less figured out