HELLO, HUMAN.

I just want to be in a really cute relationship where we can makeout and then talk about aliens and how tHEY EXIST

so you ever just realize that as you grow older you’re slowly loosing your fat and muscle tissue as your skELETON RISES UP FROM YOUR DECAYING FLESH FOR THE WAR

Well that turned out differently than I thought it would

dan howell rapping is going to be the worst thing of my life imma fuckin fold inside myself out of embarrassment but it will be worth it

Y'all can gush about m night shyamalan all you want but the biggest plot twist I’ve ever witnessed is Ben stiller releasing some crusty mummy from a sarcophagus and it ending up being the fine ass Rami Malek

Okay but I really love how gentle the fan is with Phil’s hand, just kind of delicately holding it and then there’s Dan with a fucking death grip on Phil’s arm

i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang “brown eyed girl” to me

I threw up at a frat party and I was crying in the bathroom and a drunk girl went upstairs to get me a shirt and came back with a sweater and a kitten.

At the last party I went to three drunk girls fishtail braided my hair by committee

a drunk girl drew an eye on the back of my hand and then patted it with satisfaction and  whispered “count olaf”

once at a barbecue a drunk girl gave the surgical scar on my shoulder a butterfly kiss and said “you’re cured”

A drunk girl at a bar I was at became worried that I wasn’t getting enough nutrition and proceeded to hold peanuts to my lips and just keep saying “peanut peanut” until I would eat it. And after I allowed her to feed me a peanut she pet my hair and said “Thank you”.

Drunk girls, saving your life one wtf at a time.

Girls are a fucking gift don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

In all fairness shock is a hell of a drug