Ur Honor, I was Just Being Silly

so what you're gonna do is you're gonna trim the top off a bulb of garlic, using the knife's edge to take off the tip of every individual clove, that's important. you're gonna place the garlic face-up in a square of tinfoil, drizzle with olive oil, wrap completely in foil, place in baking tray, repeat with a copious amount of garlic bulbs. you're gonna put that baking tray in an oven set to 375-400°F, for 30-50 minutes, until soft and browned. you're gonna toast some good bread, slather generously with butter and honey, maybe a tiny lil bit o' salt. and then. you're gonna SQUEEZE. OUT. THAT. ROASTED GARLIC. onto the butter honey toast. and you're gonna eat it. food stolen directly from the plate of the gods. that's what you're gonna do.

You have a dinner date for seven pm. What time do you arrive?

the greatest thing about having a cat is it just scratches my inherent itch to be annoying. life is just so much better when you can walk through your living room and point at the animal minding her own business on the couch and go “itsababyyyyy” in a really fucking stupid voice

the imaginary audience in my head is not happy with me

At my big age I’m somehow still surprised and appalled and scandalized when I’m faced with realities like when you don’t eat you are hungry, and when you don’t sleep you are tired

oh yeah you're mommy's bad little fruit fly aren't you 😈

im a well behaved beetle.

your post isnt relevant to me

I hope i'm your favorite losing dog to bet on

gets shot to death for experiencing desire