PRIDE / SACRIFICE.

          she is so happy to be married  !    she is certain she must be ;   finally,  she is able to leave her house,   and her  horrible,  beloved father.  now she may fill the empty space in her heart she  knows  must be waiting for a husband,  a child.    SO HAPPY  !      and yet,   she is all too aware of the twisting dread in her stomach,   anxiety  &  unhappiness  she’s never felt before  -  and for what,  she didn’t know.                 princess feels his fingertips trace down along her back    (  her heart-rate  leaps  &   what went up never comes down  ).    despite her best effort,  she flinches ever so slightly at the contact;  doe eyes have ALREADY gone frightened,  unable to look away from him  -  anatole  -   her husband    (  who spent more time at the wedding looking away from her than towards  ).     as he draws closer,   as he utters  obscenely  into her skin,  as her stomach clenches painfully   -   she gasps into the kiss.  it feels  WRONG  but lights sparks under her skin,  butterflies exploding in her stomach,  nonetheless.      years of indubitable modesty,   years in which she  n e v e r  dreamt of a wedding night with a man.    she doesn’t move away from him,   but her entire body goes  STIFF  as a corpse,   shuddering in a breath as she  goes on  staring  at him.                   “  i   -  ”   it comes out as little more than a SQUEAK,   which clearly embarrasses the poor girl,  cheeks flustering an even darker red than she already was.       “   wait,   please,   wait.     i’m  -  i’m embarrassed.  ”    she decides it’s not a lie  if it’s simply not the  whole truth.

TAGGING: @walkrman @funtocry @dencuement ( for whoever u want ) @dearbewildered @hackedticket

        she braces at the woman’s touch   -    her mind already stimulated by the glittering reflection of jewels wrapped around women’s throats  &  mindless chatter from every corner of the room  ;   she can’t help but flinch,  heart skipping a beat,  as an unexpected touch lands on her arm.     “  i agree,  ”   she nods once,   making her best attempt at normal,  non-anxiety ridden conversation.   “  i’m sorry i won’t be very interesting to you.   i don’t think,  ”    she really would just be more comfortable with the other woman  GONE,   but is far too polite to say so.    “  i. . .  am not very interesting.  ”

mary doesn’t like cuddling, she needs cuddling.  if she didn’t get cuddled after sex  ( ESPECIALLY,  god forbid,  if it were with anyone but her spouse ),  she would feel very alone and inadequate and then also used and Sad. she doesn’t need much else,  doesn’t even need to talk,  she just wants you to stay and hold her.  she wouldn’t ask to be held or say anything if they chose not to,  but she would Probably cry about it later.

NO !  no.   no no no, and No.  she’s never even had the opportunity  -  in modern or canon,  she’s steered clear of any situation where the chance would arise.   but she would also N E V E R do it casually.  you would definitely need to get A LOT of her trust & love first  ( she plans to wait until marriage 100%  but could be swayed if she were to really love / believe she loves someone  [sidenote: ‘cause again,  her whole perspective on love and someone loving her is……… skewed] ).  but she would also stress about it.  just the thought embarrasses her tremendously,  like twisting-pain-in-your-stomach guilty embarrassment so . no. not yet.

          what does she say to that?    it isn’t as if she can  RELATE  to any capacity.  but she knows if she were not to reply,   the silence would stretch  on  &  on  &  they would all be worse off for it.   she reaches for them but   CANNOT  grasp words,   so after a brief  (  uncomfortable,  at least for mary  )  silence,   the princess merely nods her head   -  minute  &  polite  -  sips her tea and looks away.

         “  oh !  ”    mary leaps halfway out of her skin,   retreating a step backwards as a pale hand rises to gently touch fingertips to her lips    (  where hélène’s had met them  ).    she stands back,   shocked & embarrassed  -  frightened  & excited.    SHE KNOWS  this was partially her fault   -   it’s not as if she didn’t know,   as the other women closed distance between them,   that her intentions were anything but  god - fearing.    BUT MARY IS NOT HER !    mary’s heart pounds against her ribs,  demanding to be set free,  and   she fears god.      even in the most proper of circumstances,   a kiss would leave the girl in the same state:   flushed,  nervous,   and  absolutely speechless.

          pious,  devout,   saintly.    all words that followed princess marya wherever she went.     never   VAIN,   LUXURIOUS,    not even  PRETTY.     least of all  p o w e r f u l.     to have a woman who embodies every one of those things,   standing before her with smooth shoulders exposed,   makes mary’s heart seize in her chest.  the woman’s wide eyes follow the other across the room,   even as her body    (  covered to the top button ‘round her neck  )   remain perfectly small  &  still.                    “  oh  -    no !   i couldn’t.  ”    it’s not only a question of modesty.   her eyes land on the lavish gown,   spun towards her.     she can  FEEL  her heart race in her chest   -   as if she’s afraid it will bite her !     “  gowns  such as those  are. . .   for -   well,  for women such as yourself !  ”    it sounds like an insult,   but she means it as a compliment.    she winces,   bites her tongue,  and desperately tries to mend her mistake.     “  more. . .   confident women,     excuse me.             i really. . .   really,  i should not.    though i thank you kindly.  ”