Taylor didnโt look away he couldn't look away right now, not when she wasn't fully yet looking at him, he was like a mouth to a flame trying to urge her to look at him. Not when every protective gene in him got initiated. And especially not when her voice cracked that specific way he knew so damn well in the absolute worst of times, not when he knew all those tears could right now threatening to escape bust the damn, and certainly not when she was uncurling herself form that ball on the bed she had been a moment ago. Every word she spoke felt like a physical weight pressing into his chest, so he was still hesitant even after her words to fully let his hope be out, he didnt want to put more on her, he could easily read the guilt she was still having on the edge there of her mind and tongue. He just kept his fingers woven through hers, anchoring her to the present, to the quiet safety of the room, hopefully to remind her they were here.
But in doing so all he could retreat back into was the hope, that was the single most sure and definable thing with those boxes was left undone. Yeah he did hope. When she told him he didnโt have to pretend, that he was allowed to be disappointed, a tight, achey feeling bloomed behind his ribs. He didn't try to deny it, she'd know to well if he flew off a defensive answer to hide how he really felt and lying to her now would only build further walls, walls that were always threatening to pull them apart after the accident. He let out a long, slow breath, his thumb tracing the back of her hand, feeling the slight tremor in her skin.
"Iโm not pretending, sweetheart," Taylor said, he couldn't help how it bubbled up so soft and sure in him, devoid of any anger or resentment. "There is definitely a part of me thatโs mourning for what might have been. Where we might have welcomed a child in when we are both happy and excited for it, that that could have been now if not for the accident. And it certainly only because I love the life weโve built so much that the idea of more of it, of another piece of us, is beautiful to me. But Dakota, the disappointment can't compete with what my love for you is. ." He closed the small distance between them, leaning into her, closing the huge gap of space despite them now sitting right beside each other.
When she called her brain an asshole, a genuine, albeit soft, smile came upon his lips, His hazel eyes still flickering over her features, kind of small relief in his stomach at her smiling again. He pressed his forehead gently towards the side of her heard for a second, a silent Iโve got you complete with a squeeze to her hand, before pulling back just enough to look attempt to meet her eyes, a little less weight and darkness on his face. "Your brain isn't an asshole, it's just trying to keep you safe," he murmured, his unconditional love sweeping through how he saw her, acknowledging her anxiety and promising he might not smooth them away but he'd be here for her "It remembers the worst day of our lives, and itโs trying to shield you from ever feeling that helpless again. I donโt blame you for being so damn terrified about it. I might have survived it all with only know small ghosts of scars but you had to watch it all happen. It's hard I know to be in your shoes and watch all that powerlessness come to you again"
His eyes followed hers to the boxes. He took note of that subtle shift in her expression, the moment exhaustion lit a fire and turned into resolve. He was infinitely proud of her, in this moment she faced her own fears and decided to stop letting the ghosts dictate her next path. He knew it took a terrifying amount of courage to step off that cliff of uncertainty and he was immensely proud of her for it. She gave him that watery, fragile smile and asked if he would wait with her, Taylorโs inside wished she knew the answer so she didnt even have to ask but he knew why she was reaching out for that lifesaver in this moment.
"Always," he whispered, offering her something of a smile that was soft and kind. He reached up and with his thumb he gently brushed the lingering moisture from her cheek, his thumb lingering against her jawline slightly coming down. A pause where he studied every denoted line and worries crease of her face.. "I will be right in there with you if you need?" He stood up slowly, not letting go of her hand until she was ready to stand with him.
