Inhale & Exhale

I’m sorry I didn’t come visit you more

I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your text sometimes

You were my biggest supporter and cheerleader through everything. I know you loved me so much and I probably didn’t say it enough but I loved you too. I’ve been thinking over and over what to say to help myself get some type of closure since I didn’t get to say goodbye.. I just hope wherever you are there’s not a doubt in your mind that you were wildly loved by so many people and you will always and forever have a place in my heart and you have shaped me the women I am today. I don’t know what to say to our family and I don’t know if I even should.. like no one knew our relationship but us so what’s the point in expressing my sadness to a bunch of strangers. There’s no greater love then a grandmas and I sure felt it everytime id see you it was like you were seeing the ocean for the first time, you’d cry and grab my face and within gasps of air you’d whisper to me “I love you Kristin” and I’d give you a hug and tell you to stop crying. I still don’t understand your love for me and I probably won’t until I become a grandma but I know I felt it and it was strong. Much like you and I hope to make you proud. I have to live with the regret and anger but knowing you left this life loved makes it a little better.. I’m not new to grief... him and I are old friends and is was just a matter of time before all your loved ones pass on but I just wish I had more time.. more time to listen to your stories I’ve heard a million times, more time telling you over and over again what I did over the summer, more time to just see your face and hear your laugh. Things I took for granted and now wish more then anything I had 5 more minutes.. now you are the rose in the garden, the butterfly flying by, the gust of wind on a hot day. I know your everywhere around me and your watching over me. My gaurdian angel in this life and the next.

Forever and always, Kristin